A New "Official" Relationship Advice Thread

[Optimus_Prime_]

- to me. Heh.



Yeah, Erzengel's list is much more clear than mine. I'll (try to) explain: I meant 'emotional character' as the kind of feelings you normally have, attitude, behavioral pattern, your dominant emotions as a person; by 'intellectual equal' I mean, obviously, as someone who is on the same level of intellect as you are. I can't imagine dating someone who is either so immature than I am that I cannot connect with her, or someone who is so much 'more mature' that it makes every conversation feel pedantic or patronizing. It can happen between people of the same age as well.

What's clear about Erzengel's list is it's simple and straightforward. Very to the point.

First of all you really won't know enough about whatever the next girl is before it's too late. The purpose of dating and intimacy is kind of to establish these things. I very confused and annoyed by most girls who like me, at first at least, but I make an attempt to get to know them. You should try to dissect people, or try to figure them out before they're ready to let you in. In other words it's okay to date or be in a relationship with someone before you know they're life story.

Yes. Got it. No contacting. I'm good at that!

Language serves a purpose. So don't just talk to them to talk to them.

 

[bullets]

Sorry to hear that bro. That sucks.

My brother told me he was cutting me out of his life via text message. Some people are just too big of cowards to face their situations face to face.

Whenever I read about the situation with your brother it always surprises me. I don't know what you've done but it's probably not on the level of crap my brother put our family through. I still wouldn't cut him off entirely and we've had physical confrontations. Luckily he's changed a lot in the past couple years though.

 

[Boy Scout]

She, of course, probably picked up on it and chose not to respond... for a week. So I wrote her back. This time without any of that poetic boredom. I never got a response. I sent her a message on FB, knowing that maybe her phone's off or something (it tends to happen, she recently moved in with her older brother and her nephew's really fond of her phone ? :S ) But again, no response. I saw her online last night but didn't try to talk. I fear I might have offended her in some way and I don't want that. I don't want to lose... another good friend... I don't want to lose the mutual bond we had, platonic or otherwise. I've had already lost a really good friend in the girl I had loved after I told her this. It's wrong. Maybe I'm not MEANT to be conscious about my feelings towards women, at least not when they're in any way romantic. Maybe all that un-uttered attraction was some crazy fiction I cooked up to humour myself. Because at the end of the day, I value her more as an individual than anything else.

Should I move on? Should I just wait and let her decide? Should I really just tell myself to stop trying to love when what is expected is friendship.

Thanks for reading guys.

Unfortunately...I can realte.

I think you should just go with your gut on this one. If it tells you to leave it alone, then leave it alone. Bu if you feel that the best thing to do would be to tell her how you feel, then do that. But before you make a decision, think about it long and hard, and consider everything everyone has told you up to now.

What you really need to consider is if you're prepared/willing to sacrifice a great frienship on the slim chance that you her feelings are mutual. I would suggest making a list of all the Pros and Cons of telling her.

I had two very similar experiences in college.

I was very good friends with two different girls. Hung out all the time, was each other's confidants, that whole drill, much like you described. Over time, I realized I developed feelings for Girl A, and felt like she did, too. But, out of the fear of ruining the friendship, I tried to ignore it. Flash forward quite some time and I realize that it will never happen, but I feel like I needed to admit to her there had been feelings so that I could move on. This ended up ruining our friendship.

Cut to Girl B. She and I had been friends for quite some time, and throughout the Girl A issue, we became even closer emotionally and physically (not sexually, but friendly cuddling, head massages, etc). Over time, I started to see Girl B in a romantic light, but due to the out come of Girl A, I definitely didn't want to mess anything up, which was a shame because we were so close that any new person who hung out with us always thought we were a couple. Cut to a year later, she and I both have had bfs/gfs come and go, and throughout it all, I can't help shake the feelings for Girl B. I eventually tell her the truth, and she freaks out. She has loved me for ever, but was terrified of ruining our friendship and never told me. 3 years worth of pent up sexual attraction = weekend long sex bender. We start dating and two years later we were engaged. She ended up leaving me for someone else a month before our wedding, but that's neither here nor there.

That's awful!

The point is, you never know how things will happen, and you shouldn't waste time bemoaning your situation when you're too worried/afraid to do anything about it.

This...

If you like someone, make a move. Otherwise you'll either just be wasting time with someone who isn't that good a friend (Girl A), or missing out on something good - while it lasts, anyway (Girl B). And if you encounter Girl A, then you need to just walk away. If she can't appreciate your honesty and friendship, than she doesn't deserve your time and emotional energy.

...and this!

Sorry that it happened to you, but sometimes we need to make the wrong decisions so we can learn how important the right ones are.

The cards are on her table. Any more attempts to call/email/text coming from you will just push her further away. If you really like her, respect her need to have some space and think. You'll be more likely to still have a friend after this if you don't smother her.

Agreed.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Whenever I read about the situation with your brother it always surprises me. I don't know what you've done but it's probably not on the level of crap my brother put our family through. I still wouldn't cut him off entirely and we've had physical confrontations. Luckily he's changed a lot in the past couple years though.

My brother would tell you I've been unappreciative and inconsiderate of others. I feel like that's crap. I dont know how he can say I only think of myself, and no others, when I've devoted plenty of time the past few years towards coaching his sons' little league teams with him the past few years, or volunteering any time I could give them to help out when his wife was having brain surgery for a tumor, or even when im 100% **** broke I always make sure to get some kind of gift for his kids and his family for holidays and birthdays.

My brother had a very different relationship with my dad growing up than I did (were 10 years apart - him older - and have different mothers). Our relationships with our father has caused issues. My brothers values system vs. mine has caused issues. My brothers religion vs. mine has caused issues. Its not really just 1 thing, and its not all as petty as just differing religions (but I do believe that to be -part- of it).

Its not like I've been some deadbeat bum who brings trouble to his family. Though he would tell you that I've been insulting towards him and his family thru some things I've said and done, most of which I was either unaware of doing, weren't directed towards him and his family (or anyone particular for that matter) or me just flat out being confused on what he wants from me because it literally turns into a damned if I do, damned if I dont situation.

I dont claim to be innocent. I know what buttons I am capable of pushing, and I often times aim to push those buttons, even if subconsciously. I can understand a sense of anger or frustration from my brother towards some things I've done, but i cannot understand his level of reaction.

But then i piece it together with the way I've watched my brother treat others and im no longer shocked or surprised.

 

[Hound55]

Every day I come in here in hope that I'll see Ghostrider87 pop up in here once again, and every day I'm disappointed.

One day I'm sure I'll move on, but that day has not come yet...

 

[SpideyVille]

I kind of feel bad for missing out on all of the GR87 stuff.

 

[bullets]

Its not like I've been some deadbeat bum who brings trouble to his family. Though he would tell you that I've been insulting towards him and his family thru some things I've said and done, most of which I was either unaware of doing, weren't directed towards him and his family (or anyone particular for that matter) or me just flat out being confused on what he wants from me because it literally turns into a damned if I do, damned if I don't situation.

I don't claim to be innocent. I know what buttons I am capable of pushing, and I often times aim to push those buttons, even if subconsciously. I can understand a sense of anger or frustration from my brother towards some things I've done, but i cannot understand his level of reaction.

But then i piece it together with the way I've watched my brother treat others and I'm no longer shocked or surprised.

That sounds like an impossible situation but at least you know there's some deep rooted issues on his side that he needs to work on. Maybe someday he'll realize this and come around.

 

[Anita18]

Every day I come in here in hope that I'll see Ghostrider87 pop up in here once again, and every day I'm disappointed.

One day I'm sure I'll move on, but that day has not come yet...

I just Googled for some Ghostrider87 info and....damn. I missed some epicness. I'm truly experiencing regret.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Wait, you can google him? Lol...

So im a bit nervous about tonight. There's a big time theatre department party tonight for New Years. I also invited a girl that I work with, that I like, to go. Annndddd, shes actually coming. So hopefully I dont do anything dumb tonight.

If something happens, great, if nothing happens, great, im going to the party to have a great time with or without her, im just hoping I dont get to that point I often get to where I either overdo it or underdo it because I put too much pressure on myself to -make- something happen.

 

[Erzengel]

^
Hope something happens but don't be afraid to make something happen.

 

[Erzengel]

 

[Anita18]

Wait, you can google him? Lol...

So im a bit nervous about tonight. There's a big time theatre department party tonight for New Years. I also invited a girl that I work with, that I like, to go. Annndddd, shes actually coming. So hopefully I dont do anything dumb tonight.

If something happens, great, if nothing happens, great, im going to the party to have a great time with or without her, im just hoping I dont get to that point I often get to where I either overdo it or underdo it because I put too much pressure on myself to -make- something happen.

You can do a site-specific search. I figured it would be faster than slogging through all of his posts.

And I found this gem: http://forums.superherohype.com/showthread.php?t=315015

Hopefully GR87 is hitting on some Hooters waitresses, where he is. -toasts-

That's a good attitude to have. Good luck at the party Nell!

 

[Anita18]

OMG I just discovered this gem by Ghostrider87: http://forums.superherohype.com/showthread.php?t=257874

Yes, this is how I'm spending my New Year's Eve. I do not regret this.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

^
Hope something happens but don't be afraid to make something happen.

And that's exactly where I struggle, finding that balance between confidently taking initiative and making something happen, and awkwardly trying too hard.

But like they say, you miss all the shots you dont take.

 

[SpideyVille]

OMG I just discovered this gem by Ghostrider87: http://forums.superherohype.com/showthread.php?t=257874

Yes, this is how I'm spending my New Year's Eve. I do not regret this.

Wow, I forgot how many other posters used to frequent this thread.

 

[HisMagicTrick]

my girlfriend broke up with me today via text message

is it just me or is that tremendously f***ed up

Could be worse, you could always be broken up with via a post-it (yes, that was a Sex and the City reference).

 

[Anubis]

Lets all make a new years resolution. A resolution to not be such p***ies.

 

[Hound55]

We're through!


Also... we're out of milk.

...

 

[SpideyVille]

My friend bet against me that I'd get a girlfriend this year.

 

[Anubis]

Your friend is gonna lose.

 

[terry78]

[YT]G8xp8BQxftE[/YT]

Duckman breaks down what every guy in this thread ultimately is saying to himself.

 

[Dark Sentinel]

**** relationships. They don't exist and love is a dead emotion as is. Happy 2012, the end can't come soon enough

 

[Frodo]

Lets all make a new years resolution. A resolution to not be such p***ies.

Lol. Well my resolution was to curb my ****ty ways given that its complicated my life ...but something tells me 2012 is gonna be complicated anyway so , why bother?

 

[Nave 'Torment']

I think you should just go with your gut on this one. If it tells you to leave it alone, then leave it alone. Bu if you feel that the best thing to do would be to tell her how you feel, then do that. But before you make a decision, think about it long and hard, and consider everything everyone has told you up to now.

What you really need to consider is if you're prepared/willing to sacrifice a great frienship on the slim chance that you her feelings are mutual. I would suggest making a list of all the Pros and Cons of telling her.

Thanks... I'll try to be patient and see where it all goes. Nowhere probably. I'll contact her again before registration starts in a couple of weeks, like I do with most of my friends, and just... try to NOT GO there anymore.

I dunno, it's... it's just not what I planned on. Damn the feelings.

But then i piece it together with the way I've watched my brother treat others and im no longer shocked or surprised.

That sounds intentionally messed up on his end. But yeah, there's your consolation right there: he seems to have much deeper issues to deal with.

So im a bit nervous about tonight. There's a big time theatre department party tonight for New Years. I also invited a girl that I work with, that I like, to go. Annndddd, shes actually coming. So hopefully I dont do anything dumb tonight.

Enjoy the party bub. Just, y'know, ENJOY it. Don't pressurize yourself or anything. That way, you'll both have a good time. I think that's what matters in the end.

I CAN'T be the only one who finds this ironically true. I simply CAN'T.

**** relationships. They don't exist and love is a dead emotion as is. Happy 2012, the end can't come soon enough

Emotions are dead. Human interaction is digitized. The world is in an alienated, post-modern crisis of disconnection. Welcome to the future of mankind: every man has become an island, entirely of himself.

 

[WillardNation]

So this girl lives in New York, works out at our gym whenever she's in town. We've been friends on facebook since the first time she came in in like May. She's not exceptionally hot but bangin' body and the fact that she works out and cares about her health is sexy to me. Anyway, I've been talking to her for a few months, knowing that she was coming back, working on having sex with her. The other day, after class, she stayed late to coach and motivate me through a workout. Afterward I told her she should become a coach. That night, we were out for drinks and she told me that she was seriously thinking about moving back here and that she had her level 1 CrossFit certification. So the next day I talked to the other manager at the gym and, long story short, she's gonna start our training program as soon as she moves back in like 3 weeks.

So we had planned on both of us throwing a new years party at her house tonight. At the end, it was just the two of us and as I was leaving, we started making out. I was ****ing golden until she says, "Wait, we can't do this. Don't **** where you eat."

So basically, by me hooking her up with a job, I cockblocked myself. Dammit.