A New "Official" Relationship Advice Thread

[Boy Scout]

The whole point of that movie was just to be yourself.

I watched it because I wanted to get a general idea of how I should approach and talk to women. The plan was to take the stuff that works and mold it to fit my personality, if necessary. I didn't need it to tell me to be myself.

 

[Anita18]

Hmm, I think that they are all pretty except for the emerald one lol

Type of cut is wholly personal reference - it's the grade of cut that's most "important" since it determines how much the diamond will sparkle. If you get a low-quality diamond that forces you into a cut depth that's too shallow or too deep, it won't sparkle as much.

Even I know that much. Not really too picky about anything else...

Someone on that other thread made a really good point about using nontraditional rings as engagement rings - quality obviously differs among jewelers, but on the whole, rings classed as "engagement rings" are showy but built to last even with daily wear. The OP's cocktail ring made of diamond chips and pearl in a butterfly shape with wings that stick out is NOT going to last long at all if she wears it every day, and especially if it always bumps on things. It certainly won't be worth the cost of a custom wedding band made especially to fit (which will probably cost 4x as much as the engagement ring itself did), let alone the numerous repairs it will require in the future. So as unromantic as it may be, getting an entirely new ring is probably be the best choice.

Let that be a lesson to any guys out there hoping to get married someday.

 

[Erzengel]

^
I wanna say that should also be a lesson to most women out there. I'm sure there are plenty women out there who want some sort of elaborate setting.

I didn't keep the first stone that I bought. She wanted a cushion cut but it was more rectangular and you needed it be square to be able to look right in the setting. But, I just saw, the 4 C's and it didn't occur to me to look at the dimensions of the stone.

Lastly, she's usually very careful with her ring and as a nurse it's not a good idea to have it on, with wearing and removing rubber gloves. She told me a story of a fellow nurse who took off her gloves and the ring came off and she didn't realize.

 

[SpideyVille]

Indeed, it proved that conventional methods don't apply to everyone. I *did* really enjoy a lot of the quotes from that film, though It was a cute movie.

Same here. I liked the movie because they had some little nuggets of truth and guidance sprinkled in between all of the Hollywood stuff.

I watched it because I wanted to get a general idea of how I should approach and talk to women. The plan was to take the stuff that works and mold it to fit my personality, if necessary. I didn't need it to tell me to be myself.

But you see, that's just the key. It's not just about being yourself, but also believing in yourself. So many people think that there's this way you have to act to make someone like you but it doesn't work like that. Just look at how Hitch couldn't get his stuff together with Eva Mendes' character and she actually fell for him despite all of the ways things went wrong. Too many people believe in this "formula" and forget that its all about chemistry. You either have it or you don't. But you can't manufacture it and have a long lasting relationship if you don't have chemistry. So just go and give it a shot and believe in yourself.

And seriously, how would you know what works and what doesn't if you base its success from a movie. I mean in order to do that you have to try it out.

 

[SuperMike335!!]

Well, I don't know if it is the anonimity of the internet, and the fact that these people feel they will have no repercussions, but your definition of low level sociopaths pretty much describes most of the people I have encountered on messageboards.
They're like swarming termites, trying to manipulate you through undermining your confidence.
I guess they would do that kind of thing in real life if they felt they could get away with it.

I have not had such bad experiences on message boards, or at least I don’t perceive it as such.

One thing to keep in mind is that human communication is FAR deeper that objective information. In person body language, tone, volume, and inflection carry often more weight than the objective content.

There are probably a dozen people on the boards where after reading a few posts I would like nothing more than to punch them in the face, but in person I would get along with them just fine, where normal human social dynamics can take place. So, try not to take message boards too seriously.

Some people believe that their "internet personality" has some bearing on their real life. It has little to do with it at all in fact. They will try silly stuff like resorting to things that are intellectually dishonest and logical flaws like using Strawmen and Ad-Hominem. This is often an attempt to stroke their own ego, but again it does not do anything for them once they log off. Their girl treats them the same way, they have no more or less money, they are just as fat or fit etc... But they none the less want to climb the pack order of internet personality, even though it benefits them in no way.

The key to staying out of that is two fold. One, don’t spend so much time on message boards. Two, don’t get ******** either. Realize that even if you give them good information some will make assumptions and disagree, some may make strawman arguments, assumptions, and generalizations and resort to personal attacks. On the other hand, some people will carefully read what you write, they might not respond but you may have actually given someone something that really helped them out, but they will be in the minority. That IS human nature, you cannot reach them all, and likely will only reach a small few.

While we are here I’ll just throw in my 0.02$ to plug a website http://yourmomlied.com it has some strong insights on human behavior. While I don’t agree with everything, most of it is correct. It will give you some insights into human behavior however, and how most are guided by ignorance, fear, and ego.

You wont change that about people you deal with in person, or on the internet, but having some insight on the commonality of ignorance fear and ego might allow you too be less "********" when someone you never met grabs onto one thing you say and tries to hurt your self-esteem.

 

[SuperMike335!!]

Let that be a lesson to any guys out there hoping to get married someday.

I think getting a Pre-nup is a much more important idea for them in that case, with a zero alimony agreement signed.

That and paternity testing, being that paternity fraud (read cuckoldry) is rampant. http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2009/11/19/meet-the-real-biggest-losers/

Let THAT be a lesson out there to any guys hoping to get married someday! t:

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

How accurate is the movie Hitch when it comes to advice?

Very, I think. Particularly the stuff about confidence, being yourself, etc. Obviously all the gimmicks Will Smith employs, like 'saving' the dog are just for entertainment. Don't try them at home!

 

[SpideyVille]

Very, I think. Particularly the stuff about confidence, being yourself, etc. Obviously all the gimmicks Will Smith employs, like 'saving' the dog are just for entertainment. Don't try them at home!

Yeah, those kinds of things are part of that "trying to plan/stage romance" kind of idea that only works in movies, unless its in the script for it not to work. But 9 times out of 10, a girl isn't going to go out on a date with you just because you saved her dog, and if she does, its because she feels she owes you something and not because she thinks you're the greatest guy in the world.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Yeah, those kinds of things are part of that "trying to plan/stage romance" kind of idea that only works in movies, unless its in the script for it not to work. But 9 times out of 10, a girl isn't going to go out on a date with you just because you saved her dog, and if she does, its because she feels she owes you something and not because she thinks you're the greatest guy in the world.

It's the same as Gotham constantly employing like only 6 police officers so Batman has something to do.

Movies just do it so you'll have an excuse for this character to meet that character. Although whereas the dog thing is kind of stupid, some of the stuff he tells Albert has truth to it. It's a romantic comedy though so you know going into it that everything is going to be a little over the top.

 

[DBryan]

I hated Hitch. I found it very misandrist.

She's the one that made wrong assumptions about him, she's the one who believed gossiping, she's the one who basically ruined his life and career...

And yet he's the one that goes to her at the end of the movie, apologizing and begging?

What?!?

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

I hated Hitch. I found it very misandrist.

She's the one that made wrong assumptions about him, she's the one who believed gossiping, she's the one who basically ruined his life and career...

And yet he's the one that goes to her at the end of the movie, apologizing and begging?

What?!?

Well, yeah, it's a romantic comedy

 

[Erzengel]

And how is believing in oneself or self confidence some sort of earth shattering revelation?

 

[SuperMike335!!]

Very, I think. Particularly the stuff about confidence, being yourself, etc. Obviously all the gimmicks Will Smith employs, like 'saving' the dog are just for entertainment. Don't try them at home!

They should define "being yourself" better. That is vague.

Some guys natural behavior is to text and call a girl 2x as often as she does him, send her long essay like e-mails and texts on why she is so perfect, and with her in person they are always asking her if everything is ok, or "you seem mad at me" etc.., because they naturally lean toward insecurity and low self-esteem, and being themselves means being a suck-up.

If that's the case before they start attempting to date they should work on "themselves", so that being themselves actually is a better version of what it used to be.

If "ones self" happens to be in a grinding dry spell caused by bad habits then they need to break those bad habits.

Once they break those bad habits and adapt to better ones, the results will give them more self-confidence, and be self re-enforcing too.

 

[LOBO3315a]

I hated Hitch. I found it very misandrist.

She's the one that made wrong assumptions about him, she's the one who believed gossiping, she's the one who basically ruined his life and career...

And yet he's the one that goes to her at the end of the movie, apologizing and begging?

What?!?

Well yeah, otherwise why would women go and watch it? t:

 

[Boy Scout]

But you see, that's just the key. It's not just about being yourself, but also believing in yourself. So many people think that there's this way you have to act to make someone like you but it doesn't work like that.

Like I said, I watched the film to get a general idea of how to approach women, which isn't something I'm good at. The plan was to take all the helpful tidbits and adjust them a little to fit my personality, if necessary. Changing who I am was never an option.

Just look at how Hitch couldn't get his stuff together with Eva Mendes' character and she actually fell for him despite all of the ways things went wrong. Too many people believe in this "formula" and forget that its all about chemistry.

And I'm not one of them.

And seriously, how would you know what works and what doesn't if you base its success from a movie. I mean in order to do that you have to try it out.

Of course I'd try them out. Why wouldn't I?

Very, I think. Particularly the stuff about confidence, being yourself, etc. Obviously all the gimmicks Will Smith employs, like 'saving' the dog are just for entertainment. Don't try them at home!

Yeah, it was pretty easy to distinguish what would only work in a movie and what could actually work in real life.

I hated Hitch. I found it very misandrist.

She's the one that made wrong assumptions about him, she's the one who believed gossiping, she's the one who basically ruined his life and career...

And yet he's the one that goes to her at the end of the movie, apologizing and begging?

What?!?

I would've liked it better if it had ended with Hitch single, but hopeful that he'd find love eventually.

 

[WillardNation]

And how is believing in oneself or self confidence some sort of earth shattering revelation?

Well, ya know, you are talking to a bunch of dudes on a super hero message board, so......

 

[Boy Scout]

And how is believing in oneself or self confidence some sort of earth shattering revelation?

Well, ya know, you are talking to a bunch of dudes on a super hero message board, so......

I think it's just common sense.

 

[SpideyVille]

Well, ya know, you are talking to a bunch of dudes on a super hero message board, so......

Oh, Oh, I got this one.

So it's like I explained to a friend of mine recently. A lot of guys who lack that self confidence may feel like Clark Kent around a girl who they believe is expecting them to be some perfect guy like Superman. The problem is that most guys don't realize that Clark Kent is Superman and that CK is an act. Instead, they think Superman is the disguise and try to act like they are something that they are not by trying to pretend to be what they think the girl wants, since they are not confident in themselves to get her without some kind of effort. But since they don't realize that Clark and Superman are the same, they forget that they are exactly what the girl wants since the problem is how they view themselves.

So most people don't believe the whole "be yourself" thing early on because they don't even believe in themselves and feel like who they are is inadequate. So they look for something extra outside of themselves, not realizing that everything they need is already inside them. They just need to find a way to express it properly.

 

[Spider-Who?]

I'm kind of worried I'm a bad kisser. He hasn't complained or anything (but I doubt he would were I bad at kissing anyway - too much of a gentleman), the thought has just crossed my mind. I mean, I have no real way to know if I'm bad or not, seeing as I'm new at it. At least I know I can't be as bad as that infamous couple on that "Virgin Diaries" show.

Not to sound mean, but you worry WAY too much. People kiss differently. If you're unsure, take note of how he kisses and try to copy him. And if you're really worried, I'm sure there are THOUSANDS of articles and videos on the net about how to kiss. Don't think so hard about it. Kissing is supposed to be fun, so enjoy it.

 

[AndThePickles]

I do hope that she can get over the worry, because if it's this bad over kissing, second base should be quite the stressful adventure...

 

[SpideyVille]

Can't wait to see the next ten pages devoted to that dilemma.

But I can understand her worry. I'd be the same way. In fact one of my friends told me I should get someone to help me learn how to kiss. Of course, she wasn't talking about herself.

 

[AndThePickles]

Honestly, it will come so naturally that later you'll feel silly for getting nervous about it. I can still remember the days of being worried, too.

 

[SpideyVille]

Yeah I've noticed that I've come a long way with how I am with girls than I was 5 years ago, so much that 95% of my friends are girls. So sometimes I wonder what if I had been this way back then. But at the same time, I still have to find a way around the whole being physical issue of mine. Like its hard to make my intentions known with a girl when part of me is scared of acting on those intentions because I've never been close in any way with anyone else in general. So just the whole thought seems weird unless I start to make some changes.

 

[DBryan]

I can't even TALK to women, and I'm 27.

Sure, I have kissing experience and a bunch of sexual experience.

But I actually think my ability to talk to the opposite sex and gain their interest is decreasing with age.

I've had sex with 2 women, and the last woman was, oh, maybe 3 years ago now.

I don't think I've been on a decent date in years.

 

[Boy Scout]

I've never been on a date...period. None of my girlfriends ever seemed to care, and not a lot of people I know have been on legit dates either, but I'd like to get a couple in before college.