Confession is good for the Hype. - - - - - - Part 15

I wouldn't worry too much about the money at this point, but, dude, stay away from the deli.

 

@ComicChick is the S***!

 

you don’t sound whiny. Your boss just doesn’t sound like she knows how to treat people

 

Does it ever actually get any better?

I'm starting to believe I have my answer to this question already. I remember posting in here a while back & it helped to not feel so alone. I didn't think it was possible to feel more alone than I did at that point but somehow I do.

Every day is the same. I wake up, I do my work & try to go through the motions hoping that I'll find some semblance of the happiness I used to have. But it never gets any closer. I never seem any closer to having that magical moment where I can breathe a sigh of relief & be happy I hung in there.

I'm tired. I have no more energy left and I don't even feel like the things I do day to day have any real purpose anymore.

So now any time I interact with people it's a fake smile & pretending everything's fine so hopefully if they need me I can help them & let them know they aren't useless like me.

 

We are here to help but have you considered seeing a specialist?

 

Listen my friend, you are not useless. You have value and worth. Loneliness can fool you into thinking otherwise, but people are fickle and rejection is not a reflection on your worth.
Like @Hobgoblin said, go see a professional. There are people trained to listen and there are people trained to help with supplemental help, be it dietary supplements or medications. But when you are this run down, you probably need some help rejuvenating. But the exhaustion that leads to thoughts of uselessness or worthlessness shouldn’t go unchecked because those thoughts are lies.
You aren’t useless.

 

I'll be sure to do that again, the last time offered a lot of insight and allowed me to figure out certain things. I appreciate the kind words from all of you, I do even despite my inner struggles as of late.

Needless to say, some days are harder than others and often times the loneliness you mentioned can be extremely demotivating.

 

Do you want to be more social? Maybe join some clubs, find groups with similar interests?

 

May I ask why? Why did you lose your happiness? Or it is no longer there?

I've been told in several occasions that if you can point out what's the problem, you've 50% of the work done. Of course, you'll then have to work on the solution.

Further to @Erzengel 's question: what would you like or feel that you need?

 

I moved into a place of my own on Tuesday and I’m glad I did. Yes, the shower doesn’t have hot water and the door locks and unlocks after you fight it but I’m happy. It’s affordable and I have room to breathe. I don’t have to move in with the old man after all.

Things do work out, guys. I was at my wits end in early December but here I am. Now I just need to adjust to the guy downstairs that gives sermons at 3AM.

 

Congrats. Glad things are working out for you.

 

Good for you. Tell the landlord to fix the water LOL.

I can only sleep for about 5 hours. It's just the way I'm wired. Any little noise wakes me up. I've found that some sort of white noise generator (fan works for me) tends to blot out the noise and allows me to keep sleeping. If he's making enough noise that you can't block it, I don't think it would be rude to politely ask to keep it down at 3AM in the morning. Who you ask (person or the caretaker of the property) would be something you would have to judge.

Did you get the job situation straightened out?

 

I talked to someone that filled out a work order and he even marked it as an emergency. They still haven’t shown up, so I’ve showered at my dad’s and brothers places. I talked to the boss again yesterday and he didn’t say much.

I ran into the loud guy the other day. I didn’t say anything about the noise, he did all the talking. He must have lived here for a while, he knew a lot about what goes on. He basically said the maintenance guys show up when they want. He also said the pipe above him burst last year, so the one right below me. I was so glad to hear it. At least he’s been quiet lately.

The job has been better. Boss lady has been focusing on the new guy instead of me. He’s just…not good. She seems to have lightened up on me since I’ve stayed later to help close after a bunch of night people got fired or quit.

 

It's somewhat of a long story that involves a lot of mistakes on my part. It's all relationship based whether I'm referring to how abruptly my father got ill a few years ago, then dying shortly thereafter or others that have soured over the years, be it platonic or otherwise. It's just been a hell of a lot I've had to unpack the last few years & I haven't always dealt with turmoil, stress, etc. in the healthiest of ways.

Getting back to what I said regarding my dad, the thick of it is there was a person who was there for me before then, during that time and for years afterward that isn't "there" in the same way now. As I know many can relate, it's a complicated situation that's still lingering.

That's the gist of it, anyway.

 

So, technically I never had a problem with the shower. It’s just that turning the dial all the way was for cold water. Giving it a quarter turn was for hot. It’s just the opposite of every shower I’ve taken.

Work has been ok. I went over to a coworker’s place and had a few beers. He was sure that Hitler was alive in South America and had kids. I told him that Hitler would be 130 years old if he were alive and if he were alive, the Israelis would have hunted him down like they had with Eichmann. He wasn’t convinced and said the government might have covered up his escape from Europe to prevent embarrassment.

I just needed to share that with someone.

 

The hot and cold lines are probably switched???

Hitler is alive and is shacked up with George Washington. George was embarrassed because he really did chop down that stupid cherry tree and bailed to Argentina.

 

Ummmm.......Uruguay???

 

Sounds logical.

 

The hot and cold water being switched or Hitler and Washington in.......Uruguay?

These days ya gotta ask.

 

Legend says that Hitler did came to Argentina, tho' - not sure about the other dude.

 

Ain’t that the truth? Make’s about as much sense as anything.

 

I thought about this after posting in the Like/Dislike thread: I confess that I love Pepto Bismol. Like I really love it. I think the texture and flavor are delicious and I seek out pink chicklets because they taste like it to me.

 

I don’t know if I like it that much but I never hated it either.