Yeah I missed that part of Nave's post. Lucky for him too, or else I would have brought out the
big time!
Supportive doesn't mean "physically taking care of me," although he is better at killing spiders than I am. I'm more comfortable walking around at night by myself than he is, for one.
It's not really a traditional role.
I think everyone's goal for a relationship is to form a partnership such that the whole of it is greater than the sum of its parts. I'd be fine without him, but I acknowledge that he makes me a better person. And vice versa.
And I dunno, I don't have much respect for the whole "filling traditional roles" thing. Like my coworker has a fairly traditional marriage, but she's career-ambitious too! So she ends up doing both her work stuff and all the home-stuff, and resents her husband for bossing her around like she doesn't have enough to do! He's holding her back, he won't let her fulfill her potential, and for that reason alone, I don't think they should be together. Your partner should not hold you back from your dreams.
No no no! I was saying how "fulfilling traditional roles" is being used by people around me as a way to
justify their dating habits.
my
stance on traditional role division is anything BUT traditional.
What do you mean by 100%? Cause I assure you, it's a very very rare relationship that starts at 100%. They can certainly progress very quickly (I do know people who got married within a year of meeting), but I don't know anyone who met their partners and was immediately committed to marrying them. That's just like....incredibly unrealistic.
It all starts with getting to know them first. You can't go 100% in without getting to know the person.
I know what you mean by that, and that's exactly what I'm saying: you start by getting to know the person. By 100% I mean how, in the past, I've tried to make it to a 100% but people seem to want to back away from it. And it's not just about romantic relationships either, I'm talking friends, family, all around. So yeah, to say that I'm a bit skeptical about people after all that wouldn't be an understatement.
It's like... you
want to make new friends, be
better friends, a more involved son or brother or whatever, but they don't want you to be. They shrink away when you're starting to open up, they get uncomfortable. For years I thought this was some sort of social problem on
my part, that maybe I wasn't reading "traditional roles" right (y'know, keep your distance, don't talk about your romantic problems with your sister, etc.) and hell, maybe it's better if I
do think it's my fault coz that way I'd probably try to be better in the future, blaming others isn't exactly going to do anyone any good. So I restrain.
Right now I'm convinced that unless I don't learn to mature up a bit I'm not ready for a relationship. And then pot-head girl phones me up and says if I heard about the new poetry reading gig this weekend, and that she'd go if she could find someone who's going and can keep her entertained. Then when I ignore that, she says how that lunch we had last week was a "great" time for her and that we ought to do it again sometime.
(I actually feel mean, I do find her attractive, I do love the attention she's giving me, I just don't think I'm in a good enough place to start dating right now).
okay.
i'm finally getting to the point where i am realizing that i need to slow down and quit working myself into the grave (being sent from work to the ER saturday helped emphasize that point)
but for the first time in a long time i actually feel like i'd be ok dating, but the only guys hitting on me are engaged, married, 10+ years older than me and i'm not interested in pursuing that at all. the guys i do like, i start to feel... inadequate and then i kinda just let it sit on the back burner.
i don't want to settle for less than i deserve or want, but sometimes that debbie downer voice in the back of my head tries to tell me that that might be all i'm gonna get :/
Okay first off--ER!? seriously? What'd you do to yourself? I can relate a little to this only mine wasn't as serious as getting into the emergency room (that last post about stress-induced tumours and ulcers). I'd lost so much weight in the past 6 months that now if I don't eat every 2-3 hours I get these *****ing stomach cramps that don't go away until I eat something. Doc thinks its ulcers and wants to run some of those zany new-age probing tests that I'm
not convinced I want to do.
As for being a workaholic, like I said before -- I think we're prone to keep relationships and people at arm's length for a reason, but maybe an emotionally fulfilling relationship would only make the workaholic be better at work? Even if he or she's quite stable emotionally without a partner,
with a partner might significantly boost morale or some *****.
Just don't ask Bruce Wayne.
The going out thing does kinda get old for me. Fiance and I have the most fun when we're lazying around doing random stuff. Usually going out means a good conversation, but it's still always just the two of us sharing a quiet meal.
Are you doing okay?
Is there really no way to space out your jobs so you aren't working for 20 hours straight and then spending the next two days crashing? That's the part that's not healthy, IMO. Only ER doctors should have shifts like that....
