Official Relationship Thread: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

[Hawkingbird]

Depends on the girl.

If she's a tree hugging, PETA supporting, vegetarian, she may not enjoy it.

However, circuses, it's been a while since I've been to one, I don't remember if there's a lot of "lulls" in the action? I'm thinking of Barnum and Bailey.

So if you are on a first date, doing a get to know you might not be possible if there's constant action in front of you. Unless, it's a smaller circus and not as loud?
I'm kinda comparing it to movies as a first date, which I never think is a good idea.

Well, I disagree with animal circuses; I think animals should not be used for entertainment, especially under the conditions that most animal circuses put them in.
But, if it's just a regular circus, I think it's cute t:

 

[terry78]

[YT]FMauGc2oy7w[/YT]

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Well by any messier i mean don't keep doing it, don't brag about it, try to avoid it spreading especially to her b/f etc.

Again, I dont foresee it getting "messy"

 

[Darthphere]

So I think I officially lost my "good guy" card...

That girl from like 2 months ago that has a boyfriend?

Yea, we finally fooled around. I can say that sex didn't happen, but everything up until that point did.

I'm a jackass for fooling around with a girl who was taken.

So you held hands?


Either way, she's fair game. He doesn't own her.

 

[katie_girl09]

So I think I officially lost my "good guy" card...

And gained a "desperate" card instead! Good job!

I'm a jackass for fooling around with a girl who was taken.

Well, at least you know.

 

[Anita18]

So I think I officially lost my "good guy" card...

That girl from like 2 months ago that has a boyfriend?

Yea, we finally fooled around. I can say that sex didn't happen, but everything up until that point did.

I'm a jackass for fooling around with a girl who was taken.

What's done is done. I agree with hopeful that you should concentrate on what to do next.

I mean, if you really do want a girlfriend and not just to lose your v-card, this is kind of the messiest way to go about it. And once a cheater, always a cheater. If she ends up with you, she'll likely do the same to you, and you'd have to be okay with that.

OMG this work crush has me so spun! I've never been this physically attracted to someone. Usually it's something in their personality that makes me swoon, but this guy is nothing like my usual type as far as i can tell, but i can't stop lusting after him!

He smiles at me, my heart flutters. He leans in to help me with something and i hold my breath. The other day, he leaned over and his shirt lifted a bit... Just enough to see a bit of skin... And i swear i nearly had an orgasm right there in the office!

This has never happened to me before. And the thing is, i assumed he was way out of my league cause i think he's so good looking... But after talking to a few female workmates today, they were kind of like 'meh' and said he's been single for ages like me.

Trouble is, he commutes and doesn't actually live here so i can't bump into him on a night out or anything.

But we are both working christmas eve and boxing day alone together. So i just have to try and get to know him a bit better

Go hopeful!

 

[TinkTonks]

I'm curious girls, how would you feel with the circus as a first date?

I am terrified of clowns, so I would have to say a big flaming 'hell no!'

 

[Godzilla2000]

Oh my God...I am pretty pissed off today, not for myself but for a friend of mine. Here's the story...he has had some gay encounters which is not what is the issue. I'm pretty much sticking by his side no matter what because I made a promise I'd be his only true friend if it came to that because...well...I like him, maybe not in a romantic sense but it's a feeling just as strong as romantic love. It's not that one dimensional version of love so many people grasp nowadays. The problem comes from others who either are jealous of the attention he gets or from gay men who want a piece of him. Both sides seem to be aggressively saying that he can't date women now that he has been having gay feelings. I think he's conflicted because gay men that want to date him have been trying to persuade him from listening to the tuggings in his heart for a heterosexual woman because God forbid he falls in love with women too. I mean he can choose to be bisexual if he wants to, yeesh! I've never known any gay guys that were this militant about forcing other guys to be gay until now. I know with these gay men it's about control, not love anyways and that they are the exception not the rule because I have met many very sweet gay men at work. My advice that I gave him is that he has to follow his heart not what other people are telling him because they always have ulterior motives whether out of jealousy they want to wreck his life or out of possession because they want to own him. I am just so so angry with a lot of people right now for making this poor guy so confused that he can't think straight. My assessment is that he has to stop acting like a prince letting everyone else dictate things for him, get brave, stand up for himself and be a king. I swear in a past life I must have been the man and he must have been the woman in our friendship...or love relationship. It would explain why I'm so strongly protective of him with such a masculine sort of loyalty. lol

 

[bullets]

Well , he needs to make his own choices instead of letting people influence his decisions. It sounds like he's bisexual.

 

[Anita18]

Are you surrounded by incredibly weak men? My fiance is a magnet for gay guys, but he's not confused at all about his orientation. And he doesn't have to be militant about it either - he just ignores people.

 

[Erzengel]

So I think I officially lost my "good guy" card...

That girl from like 2 months ago that has a boyfriend?

Yea, we finally fooled around. I can say that sex didn't happen, but everything up until that point did.

I'm a jackass for fooling around with a girl who was taken.

Why didn't sex happen?

 

[Godzilla2000]

Well , he needs to make his own choices instead of letting people influence his decisions. It sounds like he's bisexual.

You know, that's exactly what I have been thinking for awhile now because he has had relationships with a few women as well. I think what's confusing him is that these aggressive gay men are trying to convince him that he is all gay and not bisexual. But like you said and I have told him this he can't let other people dictate his life for him. He has to search within himself for answers and just listen to his heart rather than please everyone all the time.

Are you surrounded by incredibly weak men? My fiance is a magnet for gay guys, but he's not confused at all about his orientation. And he doesn't have to be militant about it either - he just ignores people.

Well, like I said my friend is most likely bisexual and that leads to confusion when you're trying to sort out who you are, especially when the aggressive, greedy, manipulative gays are being so pervasive in his life. It's not that he's weak, he's just a nice guy that hates negativity because it makes him unhappy. He's usually a happy go lucky type that loves having a bit of fun, hence why we're friends because I'm the same way.

I think conflict really scares him in a way too because he tends to avoid it a lot. What really bothers me is that I know he's unhappy about something despite his ability to make everything look normal. I catch this unhappiness when he lets his guard down in all too brief moments and I just hate knowing that he's sad about something and is hiding it. I don't know what to do to help him out. I just keep thinking of how the funniest, goofiest people are the ones that everybody doesn't expect to kill themselves. I'm always left with the fear that he might e capable of doing this despite his reassurances that he won't. People have been excessively tough on him lately and he's been bearing a lot of pressure on his shoulders. He's been taught to be so emotionally restrained, unlike me who can be a parade of publicly expressed emotions. This is terrible but I just keep having these thoughts of his funeral in my head because of my fears for him.

 

[Anita18]

Well, like I said my friend is most likely bisexual and that leads to confusion when you're trying to sort out who you are, especially when the aggressive, greedy, manipulative gays are being so pervasive in his life. It's not that he's weak, he's just a nice guy that hates negativity because it makes him unhappy. He's usually a happy go lucky type that loves having a bit of fun, hence why we're friends because I'm the same way.

I think conflict really scares him in a way too because he tends to avoid it a lot. What really bothers me is that I know he's unhappy about something despite his ability to make everything look normal. I catch this unhappiness when he lets his guard down in all too brief moments and I just hate knowing that he's sad about something and is hiding it. I don't know what to do to help him out. I just keep thinking of how the funniest, goofiest people are the ones that everybody doesn't expect to kill themselves. I'm always left with the fear that he might e capable of doing this despite his reassurances that he won't. People have been excessively tough on him lately and he's been bearing a lot of pressure on his shoulders. He's been taught to be so emotionally restrained, unlike me who can be a parade of publicly expressed emotions. This is terrible but I just keep having these thoughts of his funeral in my head because of my fears for him.

Um, everybody is unhappy every once in a while. Doesn't mean they're going to commit suicide. Has he actually said he's thinking about suicide?

And I think it would take much more than being confused about his sexual orientation for someone to make that decision. Confusion about one's sexual orientation WITH intense family pressure or disownment could do it. But not just one of those.

As a friend, you should be there to support him, but you can't solve his problems for him. He has to do that himself.

 

[Godzilla2000]

Um, everybody is unhappy every once in a while. Doesn't mean they're going to commit suicide. Has he actually said he's thinking about suicide?

No, he's never really come out and stated he wants to die. He's not the sort to do that, but like I said sometimes it's the ones you don't suspect of killing themselves who do.

And I think it would take much more than being confused about his sexual orientation for someone to make that decision. Confusion about one's sexual orientation WITH intense family pressure or disownment could do it. But not just one of those.

I don't know, sometimes feelings create confusion. Well, like when you get used to having gay relationships and then you meet a woman you have developed strong romantic feelings for that go against the surety of being 100% gay.

As a friend, you should be there to support him, but you can't solve his problems for him. He has to do that himself.

I have made it known to him that I am on his side when he needs me to be. But I'm pretty protective of him so I worry about him constantly.

 

[Anita18]

No, he's never really come out and stated he wants to die. He's not the sort to do that, but like I said sometimes it's the ones you don't suspect of killing themselves who do.

That is sometimes true - my sister's friend committed suicide in high school, and NOBODY saw it coming. He was always bubbly, friendly, easy-going. She was aware that he had some problems with his family, but that was IT. At the same time, you just can't assume that everyone who expresses even a little bit of unhappiness is going to kill themselves. That's just assuming too much.

For my sister, it took a lot of time to acknowledge that she couldn't have helped him, because he didn't let her in. It's not her (or any of his friends') fault that he put up walls. They have to take responsibility for their predicament too, that involves more than the final decision to end their life.

I don't know, sometimes feelings create confusion. Well, like when you get used to having gay relationships and then you meet a woman you have developed strong romantic feelings for that go against the surety of being 100% gay.

Maybe. But if you plan on being monogamous, it doesn't really matter whether you call yourself "straight" or "gay." A former coworker was confused by his sexual orientation too. He dated women but was also attracted to some men. (To be fair, who wouldn't say no to David Beckham? ) He recently married a very nice girl, and I hope he's found some happiness and stability.

I don't think anyone should label themselves so strictly. It oversimplifies the complexities inside every one of us.

 

[knowsbleed]

Does a Donkey show count as a circus?

Does a banana show count as dinner and entertainment?

 

[amazingfantasy15]

This is not so much a call for advice but more of an observation I've been making to myself that I thought I'd share so you can get a good chuckle about it. You know, I have to stop being so psychically bonded with a close male friend of mine. It's really starting to get me in trouble with women that are interested in him. Now I confess I have an attraction for him but seriously I am not trying to look like I'm acting possessive of him when I get that knowing look in my eye after meeting a girl I believe he's shacked up with. (It's a case of me knowing I'm just not his type. I wish I biologically could be as tall and skinny as that girl tonight really.) I wish he'd tell them the truth that he's not looking for a serious relationship from the get go because I'm starting to get girls shooting daggers of ice my way because of the close bond I and my male friend seem to have. The veiled hatred I can feel as their mouths willfully crease in a forced smile is unnerving when I've been quite polite and cordial with them. I'd be floored if he told me he was telling them that he really does have feelings for me and that he told these girls this before breaking up with them, but I never get my hopes up that high. I suppose I'm a realist in that respect. Hanging out with him is starting to get quite awkward lately. Well, time to go crank the Metallica in my headphones to wash away the most current of awkward situations I've had tonight.

Oh my God...I am pretty pissed off today, not for myself but for a friend of mine. Here's the story...he has had some gay encounters which is not what is the issue. I'm pretty much sticking by his side no matter what because I made a promise I'd be his only true friend if it came to that because...well...I like him, maybe not in a romantic sense but it's a feeling just as strong as romantic love. It's not that one dimensional version of love so many people grasp nowadays. The problem comes from others who either are jealous of the attention he gets or from gay men who want a piece of him. Both sides seem to be aggressively saying that he can't date women now that he has been having gay feelings. I think he's conflicted because gay men that want to date him have been trying to persuade him from listening to the tuggings in his heart for a heterosexual woman because God forbid he falls in love with women too. I mean he can choose to be bisexual if he wants to, yeesh! I've never known any gay guys that were this militant about forcing other guys to be gay until now. I know with these gay men it's about control, not love anyways and that they are the exception not the rule because I have met many very sweet gay men at work. My advice that I gave him is that he has to follow his heart not what other people are telling him because they always have ulterior motives whether out of jealousy they want to wreck his life or out of possession because they want to own him. I am just so so angry with a lot of people right now for making this poor guy so confused that he can't think straight. My assessment is that he has to stop acting like a prince letting everyone else dictate things for him, get brave, stand up for himself and be a king. I swear in a past life I must have been the man and he must have been the woman in our friendship...or love relationship. It would explain why I'm so strongly protective of him with such a masculine sort of loyalty. lol

You seem to have a very high opinion of yourself. In your eyes everything revolves around you, when it probably doesn't. You're looking for drama, that's the big problem, you bounce between wanting to save the man from evil women and the man to save you from those same evil women. Now there's evil men trying to hurt your gay friend and you've got to save him. However, I bet you barely even talk to these people you just see these things playing out from afar and interject yourself into the story and write it around you as being the great heroine or damsel in distress.

 

[Anubis]

Does a banana show count as dinner and entertainment?

So that's a yes.

 

[MoPlaYa]

My Fiance of 4 years just recently broke up with me. We have a 2yr old daughter together. Its very hard for me because I wasnt expecting it. I had no clue it was coming at all... She wants to be single and see if she is missing out I guess. So she moved out and into her uncle`s house. Im stuck in our apartment where everything reminds me of her. The good thing is we are being civil and sharing our little girl each getting her for a few days a week.

 

[Erzengel]

It's not uncommon but it sucks nonetheless.

A lot of people don't realize what they are getting themselves into, or realize things aren't like they are on TV or in the movies, or search for that 20% they think they are missing when you already have 80% which is probably the best you are ever going to do.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

My Fiance of 4 years just recently broke up with me. We have a 2yr old daughter together. Its very hard for me because I wasnt expecting it. I had no clue it was coming at all... She wants to be single and see if she is missing out I guess. So she moved out and into her uncle`s house. Im stuck in our apartment where everything reminds me of her. The good thing is we are being civil and sharing our little girl each getting her for a few days a week.

Have you been engaged for 4 years? That would be a red flag right there for me, if you bough the ring, why not just take the walk down the aisle. Was she dragging her feet or you, either one could be cause for alarm and part of the reason for the break up.

 

[Anita18]

It's not uncommon but it sucks nonetheless.

A lot of people don't realize what they are getting themselves into, or realize things aren't like they are on TV or in the movies, or search for that 20% they think they are missing when you already have 80% which is probably the best you are ever going to do.

It is a sign of immaturity, yes. But it really depends on the expectations too. If you're expecting someone to be romantic and buy you flowers, it isn't the end of the world if you find someone who doesn't do that automatically. Just tell him you like flowers and you love it when you receive them. It's not that hard.

But sometimes people really do find out that they are completely incompatible. My friend wants to go med school. Her husband wants her to stay at home with the kids. There's no reconciling that.

I do hope you'll find a way to make it work with your daughter. My fiance's parents divorced when he was very young, but they always let him know that they loved and supported him and you wouldn't guess at all that he grew up in two separate households. There's certainly no relationship baggage he's carrying around.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

So you held hands?


Either way, she's fair game. He doesn't own her.

Yea... no, we didn't hold hands.

Why didn't sex happen?

Outside reasons that stopped us. I'd rather not go into it.

 

[SpideyVille]

So I just had this 2 hour long argument with a friend of mine on facebook. I mentioned during the summer how she broke up with her boyfriend and how I pretty much spent the summer as their mediator. Now, 5 months later, not much has changed. The guy has changed and thanks me for being a positive influence on him, but she still doesn't know whether she loves or hates him.

But the argument started with a status she put up about how guys have an image of the ideal woman, but then treat girls like crap and stuff. I took offense because I feel like she's still blaming him for something that already happened, not to mention I've tried to tell her that judging all men based on how two guys treated her isn't right. But there's just been so much miscommunication with her that I understand more now why arguing with woman is just pointless. And seeing how our friendship as soured since the summer, I also can't help but wonder if this is a sign of why it's been hard for me to get in a relationship in the past.

I'm not looking for a girlfriend at the moment because I have other facets of my life as a priority, but this reminded me of how I always get upset when I don't feel like I'm being treated the way that I expect to be treated. Normally, I'd be upset that I was in the friend zone or having a girl not show any interest in me at this point, but since I only see this girl as a friend, I realized that I'm more upset by the fact that we seemed close in the summer, but now I feel like we're not, despite the fact that I was there for both of them at her request. It also makes me wonder if I just have issues with women in general, and wanting to be liked or accepted by all emotionally.

 

[Erzengel]

A few points:

You talk a lot of theoretical situations but you know it's VERY different to be in a relationship then on the outside looking in.

You criticize her for basing her judgement of men based on 2 bad experiences, yet you just made a huge brush stroke of how arguing with women is pointless.

I'm also curious if you only have platonic feelings for this girl. Especially if she is/was the closest girl in your life.

Lastly part of me wonders, if you're just telling yourself you don't want to be in a relationship because, you're single. You really mean to tell you if the right girl came around you'd reject her because your life isn't set yet? Hate to tell you, life doesn't work that way. I met someone when I thought that I didn't want to have anything serious.