Official Relationship Thread: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

[MoPlaYa]

Have you been engaged for 4 years? That would be a red flag right there for me, if you bough the ring, why not just take the walk down the aisle. Was she dragging her feet or you, either one could be cause for alarm and part of the reason for the break up.

She was wanting to wait until we bought our own house in which we were saving to do.

 

[J'adore]

I got engaged last week!

 

[crounsa810]

I have no idea what I am doing right now. I post things in the wrong thread sometimes

 

[kane9321]

Gotta question...My fiancee and I always go out together ALONE..but in the past few weeks..my soon to be mom in law wants to tag along where ever we go and my fiancee doesnt have a problem with it. What is the best way to say to tell mom..STOP HANGING WITH US and find people ur own age to hang with without sounding like a total *****ebag to my gf and to her mom?

 

[Erzengel]

I've been in that situation.

However, you have to remember it is her mother. You have to talk to your fiance and talk about moderation or specify certain times when your future mother in law can come.

You also have to be a little understanding, and I don't know what the situation is. Is her husband no longer in the picture? Is she home alone a lot?

 

[kane9321]

gotcha Erz...the husband died almost 8 years ago..and yes she home alone from 9am -3pm. But she does go out to play bingo 3xs aweek

 

[amazingfantasy15]

Gotta question...My fiancee and I always go out together ALONE..but in the past few weeks..my soon to be mom in law wants to tag along where ever we go and my fiancee doesnt have a problem with it. What is the best way to say to tell mom..STOP HANGING WITH US and find people ur own age to hang with without sounding like a total *****ebag to my gf and to her mom?

I think it's a discussion to have with your finacee first. Just say it's been bugging you a little and you want some you time. While my wife and I don't currently live near our family. We do have our "date night" every week, where it's just the two of us, no other friends, we don't answer phone calls, it's just about us. Maybe just one night a week like that would help.

 

[TheAQU4M4N]

i got engaged last week!

congrats!

 

[Anubis]

Gotta question...My fiancee and I always go out together ALONE..but in the past few weeks..my soon to be mom in law wants to tag along where ever we go and my fiancee doesnt have a problem with it. What is the best way to say to tell mom..STOP HANGING WITH US and find people ur own age to hang with without sounding like a total *****ebag to my gf and to her mom?

Ask her if she would be willing to have a threeway with her mom.

 

[Cagefighterkip]

My GF's dad moved, three hours away, she was homeless and recently out of work (due to surgery)... so she's living with me. It's driving me up the wall. I live(d) alone. I want my space but if I kick her out she has nowhere to go. Ugh. She used to drive me crazy now she just DRIVES ME CRAZY... if that makes any sense. Ugh.

 

[Anubis]

So basically you don't wanna live with her?

 

[Cagefighterkip]

So basically you don't wanna live with her?

Basically.
But unless I want her homeless I don't have a choice ><

 

[Anita18]

Gotta question...My fiancee and I always go out together ALONE..but in the past few weeks..my soon to be mom in law wants to tag along where ever we go and my fiancee doesnt have a problem with it. What is the best way to say to tell mom..STOP HANGING WITH US and find people ur own age to hang with without sounding like a total *****ebag to my gf and to her mom?

I agree with Erz that it's something you should talk with your fiancee first. You don't want to have an argument in front of her mother.

But it does make a lot of sense, especially if her husband is no longer in the picture. She's just bored. Even if she plays bingo 3x a week, being home alone turns your brain to mush if you don't have anything to do.

First suggest the date night thing. Then see if you can suggest to your fiancee (then her mother) about hobbies she could take up or place she could volunteer at. My mom usually lived alone when she retired since my dad still worked and was often away for business, but she's kept herself quite busy with her multiple hobbies (quilting, gardening, with a side of cross-stitching) and volunteering at the zoo. She often jokes she's busier than ever!

My GF's dad moved, three hours away, she was homeless and recently out of work (due to surgery)... so she's living with me. It's driving me up the wall. I live(d) alone. I want my space but if I kick her out she has nowhere to go. Ugh. She used to drive me crazy now she just DRIVES ME CRAZY... if that makes any sense. Ugh.

"Space" is relative. How much space do you need? My fiance and I are quiet, introverted homebodies and we are able to share a studio apartment together no problem. The trick is that I have to leave him alone when he's working. It is not our jobs to "entertain" each other when it's quiet. He has his own desk in the corner, and we also have different sleep schedules. I sleep late (he's been asleep for a few hours now) and I can work on my stuff without him bothering me. He'll get up at 6am and have a few hours completely to himself before I wake up. And when we're both on our respective computers, we try to minimize noise. That's why headphones were invented.

If your gf is more extroverted and always wants to talk, it may not have been an issue before, but now that you're living together, it's pretty expected that she's driving you crazy. Try having the "boundary" discussion.

And if you're just the kind of person who hates having your stuff touched by anyone anywhere anytime, well, you're going to have to consider whether losing your gf entirely is an acceptable option. Kicking her out and leaving her homeless is probably a dealbreaker in most relationships.

 

[Anita18]

A "Nice Guys of OKCupid" Tumblr was brought to my attention today. I can't stop laughing. Unfortunately I can't link it here because the profile description has cuss words. But I'm sure there's Google...

Yes, this is why I find self-proclamations of "I'm a nice guy" to be completely un-useful...

 

[hopefuldreamer]

 

[terry78]

I got engaged last week!

In battle?

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

A "Nice Guys of OKCupid" Tumblr was brought to my attention today. I can't stop laughing. Unfortunately I can't link it here because the profile description has cuss words. But I'm sure there's Google...

Yes, this is why I find self-proclamations of "I'm a nice guy" to be completely un-useful...

Some of these answers, I don't see how it makes them not a "nice guy"

 

[Godzilla2000]

Here's something interesting that I was told recently. Now I am what you could call quite curvy and I have had a few guys tell me that even though they know I'm not what you could call a coquettish type person that they get turned on by my curves and the way I move that they can't be around me without wanting to give in to their temptations. For me this is especially disconcerting coming from married men. My Question: Can a woman be curvy enough to innocently turn men on even though that's not what she intends?

 

[Anubis]

Of course.

Some of these answers, I don't see how it makes them not a "nice guy"

Then you're not a nice guy.

 

[Erzengel]

Some of these answers, I don't see how it makes them not a "nice guy"

"I literally don't have it in me to be not a nice person..."

"Like if you've ever had an abusive boyfriend, I don't want to say I told you so, but I told you so..."

"Starting to think most of the girls on here are looking for attention...you're all saying you want a "a nice guy for once."

Do you feel there are any circumstances in which a person is obligated to have sex with you?
Yes.

We have discussed this ad nauseam. Ulterior motives, expecting rewards for certain behavior, having almost a condescending attitude about women who date certain guys, or having to repeat "ad nauseam" how much of a nice guy you are etc. doesn't make you a nice guy. And keep going back to the points being nice =/= being a doormat AND being nice means a lot of time they are not attracted to you.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

We have discussed this ad nauseam. Ulterior motives, expecting rewards for certain behavior, having almost a condescending attitude about women who date certain guys, or having to repeat "ad nauseam" how much of a nice guy you are etc. doesn't make you a nice guy. And keep going back to the points being nice =/= being a doormat AND being nice means a lot of time they are not attracted to you.

I didn't say all of them, I said some of them.

I think you're taking my response waaaayy too seriously.

 

[Erzengel]

All of them pretty much fall on the "nice guy" crutch.

And you're talking about 5 pictures in the gawker page, how many do you consider some?

 

[Anita18]

Some of these answers, I don't see how it makes them not a "nice guy"

Some of the earliest ones are okay, but the latest ones are FRIGHTENING. I mean, expecting a woman to shave her legs is one thing (and would merely earn a from me), but thinking that some sex is obligated is downright rapey. I want to punch all those guys in the mouth.

And yes, what Erz said about expecting a girlfriend (especially a hot girlfriend) because you're so nice.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

All of them pretty much fall on the "nice guy" crutch.

And you're talking about 5 pictures in the gawker page, how many do you consider some?

The tumblr I saw had numerous pages. I think I saw 5 pages let alone pictures.

And I don't see what's wrong with expecting a woman to keep her legs shaven. I would expect that a good woman would have certain basic hygienic expectations of me as well.

hmm

 

[Erzengel]

Do you think women shave their legs every day?

I mean especially in the winter?