Raiders of the Official Relationship Thread

[Godzilla2000]

Well, I was reading this article over at Yahoo and I thought I'd share it with you guys.

http://yahoo.match.com/y/article.aspx?articleid=12680&TrackingID=526103&BannerID=926100

 

[SuperSoldier985]

These big ol' girls are stalking the hell out of me on POF right now...

 

[Anubis]

Fat chicks need love too man.

 

[bullets]

These big ol' girls are stalking the hell out of me on POF right now...

haha , me too. Doesn't really boost my confidence.

 

[SuperSoldier985]

Hey, I'm just making an observation...I'm not turning anything away right now.

Nah, I'll be honest---even for me, some of these are hard to look at...

 

[Godzilla2000]

Fat chicks need love too man.

Yeah, and these alleged "fat" girls will kick your butt, including me. I can't believe I get attacked for just speaking my mind but things like this that are pretty demeaning to people who don't look like ScarJo are acceptable.

 

[Anita18]

These big ol' girls are stalking the hell out of me on POF right now...

Then block 'em.

You should be doing more browsing on POF and less snarking about it here.

 

[SuperSoldier985]

Oh, I've done more than my share of POF and OkCupid browsing...

The thing is, the cuter ones either never respond or they take forever to get back to you...

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

So what do you say in an opening message to someone on one of those sites?

 

[Anita18]

Oh, I've done more than my share of POF and OkCupid browsing...

The thing is, the cuter ones either never respond or they take forever to get back to you...

Patience, grasshopper!

So what do you say in an opening message to someone on one of those sites?

Just joke about something that struck you in their profile. Means you actually read it, so automatic bonus points for you.

 

[Hound55]

Yeah, and these alleged "fat" girls will kick your butt, including me. I can't believe I get attacked for just speaking my mind but things like this that are pretty demeaning to people who don't look like ScarJo are acceptable.

It's not demeaning.

The term "fat" was never defined.

What kind of bulls*** politically correct society do you think we live in when you can't even allow someone to call fat people fat when leaving it in conceptual terms of the word 'fat'?

Meanwhile, you came on-board and dropped a post that could easily be interpreted as racist... So yeah, people are going to get after you for that.

 

[Hound55]

And it's still bollocks because even though I tested well in the physical part of the test, I've only slept with one guy in my life. The only guy who seriously propositioned me.

But that test probably is null and void for people who don't frequent the bar scene...

You give Willard too little credit... I'm sure his proposition was serious...

 

[bullets]

So what do you say in an opening message to someone on one of those sites?

I try to mention something in their profile. Also i keep it really short, four or five sentences. Also I read stuff like "hey your really hot" is something you should avoid. Unless she's looking for casual encounters.

 

[SuperSoldier985]

It's not demeaning.

The term "fat" was never defined.

What kind of bulls*** politically correct society do you think we live in when you can't even allow someone to call fat people fat when leaving it in conceptual terms of the word 'fat'?

 

[SuperSoldier985]

So what do you say in an opening message to someone on one of those sites?

"I know where you live. Don't even think about falling asleep tonight"

Or I might as well use something close to that--as much as I get avoided anyway...

 

[Hound55]

How can it be demeaning if the term is not defined? Particularly when there's nothing negative being said about these fat people.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I try to mention something in their profile. Also i keep it really short, four or five sentences. Also I read stuff like "hey your really hot" is something you should avoid. Unless she's looking for casual encounters.

I dunno. You don't have to be up for casual encounters in order to appreciate a guy being forward and blunt.

I certainly don't mind being told I look hot in my pics. In fact, if there's no indication that the guy thinks I'm hot, then I kind of assume he's messaging me cause I'm 'okay' looking

I'd suggest something classy, but that makes your appreciation of the girls looks apparant.

Like ending a message with 'P.S. You look gorgeous in your photos '

 

[Erzengel]

You cannot tell it was designed to Pre-screen women?

Why would I want to be with a sour puss?

So you're on here to argue over advice, and give advice too? You advice based on how much success?

Do you have anything else to add, as in advice that actually will work with these guys without ad-hominem, and strawman arguments?

If I just tell them to "go and do whatever you feel you should do", or the old "be yourself" (which is about as vague well wishing as you can get)then that helps them in NO WAY AT ALL.

Are you giving them something, for FREE? Something most guys would have to pay for? What I gave them to copy/paste is still different than 99% of the stuff women will see on the site. What advice do you offer them that will stand out so much?

These guys are about to go on to try internet dating, and that puts them in a suasage fest where their e-mail is competing with hundreds of other guys, every day, to the point where most girls will not even give them two seconds unless he says something that grabs her attention and makes him stand out. What do YOU suggest they write? Instead of just saying what I give them will not work, what do you suggest as an alternative?

I like pre-screeners. I myself wouldn't want to be with someone who was prudish AND would prefer someone who is playful and has a fun even a twisted sense of humor as I do.

That being said, not all guys could send something like that and pull it off especially guys who are timid, shy and quiet.

Even if they did send something like that and was able to get past the phone calls and actually go on a date. How can they explain off their "fun" e-mails when they themselves are staring at their hands unsure what to say because they are nervous and don't have a script in front of them.

If this is meant to be able to bag a girl, in and out like a Special Ops, that's fine, but like I said, if that outgoing type of e-mails is not really who that guy is, he may have a hard time keeping up a charade.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Um Weeeeeeell it can be good for you too, if anyone is willing experiemnt with my openers and info I'm willing to give on setting up a profile that makes you look fun and interesting.

I had the thing down to the point it was systemized. Now if I'm willing to give gems away for FREE, is that just good for me?

Try these openers:

Go ahead and try them out.

I do not know much about the online dating scene. Most of my openers occur in real life, and typically I keep them short, little cocky, and I do a lot with body language and eye contact. A lot of that doesn't apply online.

Your openers, they just sound too cleverly written. They also sound like you give a sh**. Again, though all this read aloud sounds strange to me. I'm not an e-dater. Usually one thing I do that always works is to pick on them about something I find amusing. Make them the ones on the defensive. Again though I'm struggling to put what I do in online terms.

My sense of humor kind of goes between the cerebral Louis Ck and Ryan Reynolds' one liners. So maybe I'd try some message that may poke fun at them for being on the site: "Wow, you're on a dating website?!? You must have some real issues". You can attach an lol if you think that's too strong. She'll definitely respond to it, just because it may make her mad, but whatever because then I'd simply explain it was a joke. It also, of course, pokes fun at the sender who is also on the same site.

Don't respond to anything right away. It's a good idea to proofread proofread proofread proofread any texts, e-mails, and messages you send. Take as much time as you need to respond.

 

[SuperMike335!!]

I like pre-screeners. I myself wouldn't want to be with someone who was prudish AND would prefer someone who is playful and has a fun even a twisted sense of humor as I do.

That being said, not all guys could send something like that and pull it off especially guys who are timid, shy and quiet.

Even if they did send something like that and was able to get past the phone calls and actually go on a date. How can they explain off their "fun" e-mails when they themselves are staring at their hands unsure what to say because they are nervous and don't have a script in front of them.

If this is meant to be able to bag a girl, in and out like a Special Ops, that's fine, but like I said, if that outgoing type of e-mails is not really who that guy is, he may have a hard time keeping up a charade.

Well, if they are going to just drop the ball in person, then they are wasting their time online dating, and should be working on in person social skills.

Now if they need women to practice on, then online can give them an revolving door for trial and error, especially if they live in a high population area.

What's th worse that can happen (besides horror movie stuff) if a girl figures he's lame in person, and he has another girl lined of for the next night? He goes and plays a video game, and tries again. Knowing he has more options alone should help his inner self esteem, and that could even translate to better social skills in person.

I do not know much about the online dating scene. Most of my openers occur in real life, and typically I keep them short, little cocky, and I do a lot with body language and eye contact. A lot of that doesn't apply online.

Your openers, they just sound too cleverly written. They also sound like you give a sh**. Again, though all this read aloud sounds strange to me. I'm not an e-dater. Usually one thing I do that always works is to pick on them about something I find amusing. Make them the ones on the defensive. Again though I'm struggling to put what I do in online terms.

My sense of humor kind of goes between the cerebral Louis Ck and Ryan Reynolds' one liners. So maybe I'd try some message that may poke fun at them for being on the site: "Wow, you're on a dating website?!? You must have some real issues". You can attach an lol if you think that's too strong. She'll definitely respond to it, just because it may make her mad, but whatever because then I'd simply explain it was a joke. It also, of course, pokes fun at the sender who is also on the same site.

Don't respond to anything right away. It's a good idea to proofread proofread proofread proofread any texts, e-mails, and messages you send. Take as much time as you need to respond.

That kind of humor, the Ck and Reynolds time falls into the category of teasting, and girls eat that stuff up in person. Never stop doing it, even if you are married for 10 years, don't ever forget to teaste her a bit. I think most of the guys here would do well to do so thelselves. If you have the ability to do that then you are naturally ahead of the vast majority of men.

As for online dating, its a whole new ballgame. I didn't even bother to start learning until I was in a situation where 50% of my time, when I was not already working, I did not have time to go out much looking for girls in person. Still happened by accident sometimes, but online was really convenient.

Some stuff is the same, but other stuff is very different, and the same quick openers that are great in person do very little when 100 other guys have sent the same girl a very similar one. At first I tried a lot of the stuff I knew worked to start a conversation in person. After reading a girls profile there is a ton of material for a traditional opener, but no
appreciable effect. That is when I realized it had to be different, as my normal in person approach never had to be standing among hundreds of other guys, saying the same sounding stuff.

The

"Wow, you're on a dating website?!? You must have some real issues".

might be really good, but the only way to tell is trial and error. If it gets at least a 25% positive response, its a good one.

 

[Erzengel]

Well, if they are going to just drop the ball in person, then they are wasting their time online dating, and should be working on in person social skills.

Now if they need women to practice on, then online can give them an revolving door for trial and error, especially if they live in a high population area.

What's th worse that can happen (besides horror movie stuff) if a girl figures he's lame in person, and he has another girl lined of for the next night? He goes and plays a video game, and tries again. Knowing he has more options alone should help his inner self esteem, and that could even translate to better social skills in person.

I always advocate ACT confident, you don't have to BE confident. And most times, they start believing in themselves after a while being with someone allows them to be in a more comfortable situation that allows them to improve their self confidence.

But my point was, if you are going to put forward questions or an "attitude" that is not really you, why bother? I almost liken it to people who put 10 year old pictures or different angled shots of themselves in their profile.

Don't say you love outdoor sports but you're sitting on your ass in front of the TV.

I understand you really want to make yourself stand out in a inbox full of guys, then yes stand out BUT if you are portraying someone who's almost a 180 degree turn from who you really are, unless you are just looking for a quick one nighter, than you are just wasting everybody's time and your money.

 

[LOBO3315a]

"Wow, you're on a dating website?!? You must have some real issues".

I would probably change that to read:

"Isn't it funny that we both are on an online dating site? We must have issues, or something."

 

[bullets]

I dunno. You don't have to be up for casual encounters in order to appreciate a guy being forward and blunt.

I certainly don't mind being told I look hot in my pics. In fact, if there's no indication that the guy thinks I'm hot, then I kind of assume he's messaging me cause I'm 'okay' looking

I'd suggest something classy, but that makes your appreciation of the girls looks apparent.

Like ending a message with 'P.S. You look gorgeous in your photos '

I thought so. It's probably not a good thing but I like to keep them guessing until I meet them in person. Unless we mention profile pics before then.

If this is meant to be able to bag a girl, in and out like a Special Ops, that's fine, but like I said, if that outgoing type of e-mails is not really who that guy is, he may have a hard time keeping up a charade.

I think another issue is the girl might assume you don't like her so your just messing around or mocking her in some way. The girl I sent the questions answered them and then logged off. I got a message this morning saying she fell asleep. Not really sure where to go from there except be myself so if a conversation ever heads back towards the questions I'll have to make up some b.s.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

I would probably change that to read:

"Isn't it funny that we both are on an online dating site? We must have issues, or something."

Personally, naw The bluntness and impact is part of it's power. Read once it almost comes off as insulting, read twice, some of the irony sinks in. Also, never intentionally rag on yourself. Ever. It comes off as trying to knock yourself down before others do.

I'll even break this down.

"Isn't it funny..."

Okay, but what if it isn't funny to her. Your "isn't it funny" will have no effect. Furthermore you're starting off weak here.

"we both are on an online dating site"

Obviously...

"We must have issues, or something"

First of all, don't inform someone you have issues. Second, again, keep it about her.

 

[SuperMike335!!]

Depends on how you define success. If one defines romantic success as getting 90% response rate from online dating sites and banging one new person a week, then yes, I'm an utter complete failure.

But if you define romantic success as getting yourself a long-term committed relationship with someone, then we're about at the same level. You just took a much more roundabout way than I did.

Don't get me wrong, I fully believe my bf would be jealous of a guy like you, a guy who can bed any woman he wants. Hell, anyone would be jealous of anyone else who had the ability to attract anyone of their preferred sex. But my bf looks at me and he can hold my hand and we can read quietly in a cafe while other women are yakking on their phones with loud ditzy voices and he's probably satisfied with the way things turned out.


I think I have some advice to give, because I met my bf on an online dating site. Not sure if you met yours online, but obviously from what you've describe, you certainly didn't need to.

I have been giving these guys advice, and it's been the same kind of advice Erzengel has been giving - dating is about NUMBERS. It's not about pretending to be a cooler pickup-artist version of yourself. It's about meeting lots of people however you can (in real life, online, whatever) in order to find someone who likes you for you.

Everyone will find their partner if they are themselves, but they have to meet them first. That's the rub. It's about numbers. Every time I went on POF to browse profiles, I messaged about 5 new guys at a time, every time. It wasn't like, "Oh, this profile sounds pretty good, maaaybe I'll message them." No, you have to go for it. As you said, there are thousands of people from all sorts of places on these sites, there's bound to be someone for you but only if you go out and try to meet them first.

What I like about online dating is that you can "meet" so many people at one time and determine if they sound interesting enough to contact. In real life that's a lot more difficult logistically, especially if one's a weird introverted hermit.

That is the correct paradigm. Online allows for someone to send out large amounts of messages, and make more approaches in minutes than they ever would have time to do for a week in person. Things that sound silly just happen to get a much higher response rate from women than the regular stuff, even if 1/4th of the women a guy sends a text to respond, he now has options.

Numbers even give a guy better confidence in person, as he will not get too serious about any one of them too fast, which is good, less likely fail from being too careful or too needy/desperate. He can actually lighten up and have a good time if he is not overly invested in her. Obviously if he thinks she is right for a long term relationship he needs to show her some investment.

BTW, I’m no fan of the bar scene either believe it or not. I think most guys don’t realize that in person it is just fine to get numbers from women while doing their day to day business out of the house, weather they are at a grocery store, a book store, or even bringing something to they dry cleaner. In these environments women will be more themselves than the sideshow version of themselves that hits the bar.

See, we are allowed to agree on even more things?