Raiders of the Official Relationship Thread

[SpideyVille]

It's funny how everyone keeps referring to it as a cult. Like thinking back to my time there, I never felt like I was being controlled to believe in something or that I was brain-washed. But after stepping away from it and looking at it from the outside, and also seeing some of the tricks used on me once I was gone long enough, I still wouldn't say it was a cult. But I will say that being in there blinds you to some extent and sometimes you end up hurting someone by insisting on "helping" them so much.

I will say the thing I hated the most was when someone would answer, and after they realized it was the church, they would hang up on me. But then again, I never really cared about anyone or their well-being, so I wasn't offended.

 

[SpideyVille]

Yeah, they um...may take offensive to my Neo-Pagan beliefs. I was Christian not long ago. Nothing against Christ, but in the end being Christian wasn't me.

Yeah, same thing with me. I mean I was very passionate about it when I started going, and it wasn't just for a girl like most people think. Yeah I went for a girl, but I didn't stay for her. But after a few years there, I realized that I wasn't happy being in a church. The only reason why I felt happy being there was because I knew no one was going to force me to do things that I didn't want to do like alcohol or drugs. And we did find ways to have fun that had nothing to do with church or religion or anything. I enjoyed the social aspect of it, but once it started interfering with what I discovered that I wanted to do with my life, that's when the whole lifestyle became a problem.

 

[SpideyInATree]

It's funny how everyone keeps referring to it as a cult. Like thinking back to my time there, I never felt like I was being controlled to believe in something or that I was brain-washed. But after stepping away from it and looking at it from the outside, and also seeing some of the tricks used on me once I was gone long enough, I still wouldn't say it was a cult. But I will say that being in there blinds you to some extent and sometimes you end up hurting someone by insisting on "helping" them so much.

I will say the thing I hated the most was when someone would answer, and after they realized it was the church, they would hang up on me. But then again, I never really cared about anyone or their well-being, so I wasn't offended.

I know what you mean. Sometimes people just don't need church or religion to make them be the best person that they can be. I certainly was never one for church and not having religion in my life makes me a much better person.

Now for someone else it may be different and if having faith in some type of God is what makes them a better person...I say go for it. However, sometimes Christians, and other various religions, can come off as cults.

A girl I dated back in the early 2000's was super Christian and tried dragging me to church and all her church events and it just wasn't worth it for me. Plus she was never going to put out until we were married and I just didn't have the patience.

 

[SpideyVille]

I know what you mean. Sometimes people just don't need church or religion to make them be the best person that they can be. I certainly was never one for church and not having religion in my life makes me a much better person.

Now for someone else it may be different and if having faith in some type of God is what makes them a better person...I say go for it. However, sometimes Christians, and other various religions, can come off as cults.

A girl I dated back in the early 2000's was super Christian and tried dragging me to church and all her church events and it just wasn't worth it for me. Plus she was never going to put out until we were married and I just didn't have the patience.

Yeah the thing that sort of bothers me now looking back at how I was back then is that I really pushed certain people away. Like if I liked a girl who wasn't Christian, either I didn't bother with her, or I tried to convince her to come to church with me. It never ended well and I feel like I wasted a lot of good opportunities because of that. Heck, there was this one girl who was going to the church, but I tried to get her more involved and that ended up making her stop going altogether.

I don't like making it sound like a complete waste of time because I did grow as a person and it definitely opened me up to the world a lot more. But at the end of the day, I think it held me back in some cases like with relationships and meeting new people who didn't share my "strong" beliefs at the time.

 

[bullets]

My dad is a preacher now and he used to talk me into going to church. When I had to come down to Pensacola I tried to live the lifestyle and involve myself. It was mainly out of guilt for messing up my life. So it felt like they where brainwashing but at the same time the door was only a few feet away. I could compare it to a cult but wouldn't outright dismiss it as one.
It really wasn't for me but I tried to force it. That was a miserable time in my life. I worried too much about living up to expectations. It became overbearing and I just got sick of it. Now I'm more understanding of Christians but glad I freed myself from religion.

Also It did cause some relationship issues. My ex who was still talking to me when I came down here thought I was being phony. Another girl I started dating was a member of a different church. We got into ridiculous arguments about religion that never would of happened otherwise.

 

[enterthemadness]

Yeah, I can already see my Neo-Paganism somewhat holding me back...here in the South. I'm honestly afraid to come out in real life as a Pagan. Still..we still get labled as worshipping false gods or demons.

 

[SpideyVille]

Yeah PK's (pastor's kids) are always said to have it the worst because not only are they supposed to be a representation of being a good Christian (since most of them are born and raised into it), but also they are supposed to be a good example of how well their parents can guide and influence people. Like they always said a man who can't lead his family can't lead a congregation. And I always thought it was unfair because that eliminates the whole idea of free will and choice since you're looked at as a bad person if you choose not to follow Christianity completely. And most of the time, bad things happen to these kids not because they are bad people, but because there is a conflict of interest at home and the parents are driving them away when they try to impose their will over their kids.

And I've mentioned the story here before about the girl I liked who wanted to eskimo kiss with me, but I denied her because I was scared of doing anything that might eventually lead to sex, especially since I was trying to bring her to church and I didn't want either one of us to do something forbidden. And I think some of that has still stuck with me afterward. Like I still wouldn't want to sleep or make out with a girl right away unless there was some kind of foundation or commitment between us. Like random hook-ups and one night stands have just never been my thing, and that's what made it easier for me to accept the whole "no sex until marriage" ideals that they had. An of course, I was angry when the other girl I liked ended up getting pregnant after she told me God said she couldn't get into another relationship for 4 years, since she got out of one relationship and got engaged immediately when she joined the church.

 

[ComicChick]

You and I have talked a lot about this, and I definitely think that you're making a first good step. You recognize what you want to change and why you want to change it. It CAN be done. Im happy to force you to come out with me and compliment you until you give me the response I want

Pickles is the best

 

[ComicChick]

But I suppose not everyone is like that. It seems like SpideyVille has always lived with his mom though, likely the same with CC. So maybe they've never had to go away and do their own growing up, and their parents have always seen them as the baby because they've never been able to prove themselves otherwise.

i'm the youngest but i'm the most mature and responsible by far. my siblings are 47,46, and 40 and I am 26. my sisters were having kids when i was a baby myself and they were really wild and troublesome as kids, and pretty much still are. my oldest sister kinda has her stuff together. my middle siblings do not.

all of them do drugs, party a lot, can't keep a job, don't take care of their kids. i love my family, but i don't like them all the time.
i never wanted to go down that route from seeing the way they were growing up, and my parents had their share of problems too. i never wanted that life and i've tried to stay way from it as much as possible.

i actually feel like i didn't get much of a childhood/early teens because i had to grow up early. a lot of junk went down in my home growing up.
i fully feel like i live up to the quote "everything I'm not made me everything I am"

 

[SpideyVille]

i'm the youngest but i'm the most mature and responsible by far. my siblings are 47,46, and 40 and I am 26. my sisters were having kids when i was a baby myself and they were really wild and troublesome as kids, and pretty much still are. my oldest sister kinda has her stuff together. my middle siblings do not.

all of them do drugs, party a lot, can't keep a job, don't take care of their kids. i love my family, but i don't like them all the time.
i never wanted to go down that route from seeing the way they were growing up, and my parents had their share of problems too. i never wanted that life and i've tried to stay way from it as much as possible.

i actually feel like i didn't get much of a childhood/early teens because i had to grow up early. a lot of junk went down in my home growing up.
i fully feel like i live up to the quote "everything I'm not made me everything I am"

That's a big age difference. I'm 22 and my brother is 32, my sister is 31. Both have two kids of their own. My sister has been married twice and divorced twice in the span of 6 years, whereas my brother just got married to his longtime girlfriend. I looked at both of their paths because they were so different. My brother stood home like me and went to the same college as me, but never finished because he had a kid and a fulltime job and his grades were horrible. My sister went to another college in the city but dropped out to join the Marines. She eventually moved out to California with some guy she met in the Marines.

I was the opposite though. Since I was so young, I was babied and my mom got extra strict. I couldn't have friends, leave the house and I wasn't even allowed to stay home by myself until I turned 18. I went away to college but withdrew after a day because it was so hard to adjust to completely being on my own, not to mention trying to find a way to afford books and supplies, since my financial aid wasn't enough. My mom never taught me how to do anything on my own and that's why its so hard trying to be independent now, and why it gets really frustrating when she pressures me to go out and be like my siblings. they had it easier because the high school they went to had a program that set them up with temporary jobs and internships and they both ended up making good money by the time they graduated. But I didn't have that same opportunity.

That's pretty much why I've always felt a little behind everyone else, since there's people doing things at 15 and 16 that I've yet to even do like get a car or a driver's license. I think that's why I've always looked down on myself a bit.

 

[terry78]

Your dad was never in the picture?

 

[SpideyVille]

Nope. I actually have a different father than my siblings, and both of our dads split after we were born. My dad only showed up a couple of times throughout my life, mostly to ask my mom for favors. My mom started dating a guy when I was 4 and they were together up until two years ago, but we only went to his house on the weekends and vacations and he was more of a friend than a father figure. Plus there was a language barrier, so we never really spoke much.

 

[Anita18]

i'm the youngest but i'm the most mature and responsible by far. my siblings are 47,46, and 40 and I am 26. my sisters were having kids when i was a baby myself and they were really wild and troublesome as kids, and pretty much still are. my oldest sister kinda has her stuff together. my middle siblings do not.

all of them do drugs, party a lot, can't keep a job, don't take care of their kids. i love my family, but i don't like them all the time.
i never wanted to go down that route from seeing the way they were growing up, and my parents had their share of problems too. i never wanted that life and i've tried to stay way from it as much as possible.

i actually feel like i didn't get much of a childhood/early teens because i had to grow up early. a lot of junk went down in my home growing up.
i fully feel like i live up to the quote "everything I'm not made me everything I am"

Ah, so maybe since you're so different from your siblings, nobody knows what to do with you. Hmm.

I was the opposite though. Since I was so young, I was babied and my mom got extra strict. I couldn't have friends, leave the house and I wasn't even allowed to stay home by myself until I turned 18. I went away to college but withdrew after a day because it was so hard to adjust to completely being on my own, not to mention trying to find a way to afford books and supplies, since my financial aid wasn't enough. My mom never taught me how to do anything on my own and that's why its so hard trying to be independent now, and why it gets really frustrating when she pressures me to go out and be like my siblings. they had it easier because the high school they went to had a program that set them up with temporary jobs and internships and they both ended up making good money by the time they graduated. But I didn't have that same opportunity.

That's pretty much why I've always felt a little behind everyone else, since there's people doing things at 15 and 16 that I've yet to even do like get a car or a driver's license. I think that's why I've always looked down on myself a bit.

Do you think you have to feel 100% ready to be independent before actually taking the plunge?

My freshman year roommate in college was useless. It's harsh, but it's true. She was an exceptional student (ended up graduating as our valedictorian) but had nooo idea how to handle any real-life stuff. I'm amazed she even figured out how to use a washing machine. I overheard a phone conversation she was having with her mom - she had run out of body wash and her mom offered to ship her some. From NYC. To LA. Dove body wash. I was so that I uncharacteristically jumped in and was like, "I'm going on the bus tomorrow to Target, I can pick up some body wash for you."

When she broke her cell phone, her mom FedExed her another one the next day. Unfortunately it was already done by the time I got wind of it. I would have walked her to an AT&T store myself otherwise.

She was like that for the entire year. I don't think she really got the hang of being any way resourceful until junior year. In her case, not only was she an only child, but she was an only grandchild of grandparents who lived pretty close by. So they basically gave her everything she ever needed. But like most people, she eventually got the hang of it, even though it definitely took her a while.

With you, it seems like there's a degree of self-sabotage going on too. And I'm here to say, you won't know what you can handle until you've gone through the wringer and don't quit. And sometimes, like with my boss picking up the pieces after Katrina, you have no choice but to soldier on.

 

[SpideyVille]

Do you think you have to feel 100% ready to be independent before actually taking the plunge?

My freshman year roommate in college was useless. It's harsh, but it's true. She was an exceptional student (ended up graduating as our valedictorian) but had nooo idea how to handle any real-life stuff. I'm amazed she even figured out how to use a washing machine. I overheard a phone conversation she was having with her mom - she had run out of body wash and her mom offered to ship her some. From NYC. To LA. Dove body wash. I was so that I uncharacteristically jumped in and was like, "I'm going on the bus tomorrow to Target, I can pick up some body wash for you."

When she broke her cell phone, her mom FedExed her another one the next day. Unfortunately it was already done by the time I got wind of it. I would have walked her to an AT&T store myself otherwise.

She was like that for the entire year. I don't think she really got the hang of being any way resourceful until junior year. In her case, not only was she an only child, but she was an only grandchild of grandparents who lived pretty close by. So they basically gave her everything she ever needed. But like most people, she eventually got the hang of it, even though it definitely took her a while.

With you, it seems like there's a degree of self-sabotage going on too. And I'm here to say, you won't know what you can handle until you've gone through the wringer and don't quit. And sometimes, like with my boss picking up the pieces after Katrina, you have no choice but to soldier on.

Well the story behind the whole college thing was that me and my best friend got accepted to a out of state college early on in our senior year. We planned on dorming together and doing everything together so I was excited because I knew I had someone that I could trust to be there for me. I didn't bother applying to any other school so that was my only option. But then after me and him had a falling out and stopped talking a few months later I was starting to reconsider. I spent the entire summer trying to figure out what to do because it was too late to apply to any good schools, and part of my pride would allow me to apply somewhere like the college next to my house. I decided I wasn't going to go, so I went to go withdraw on moving day, but they said I had to wait a until after the weekend, and they convinced me to give it a shot.

Me and my friend slowly started talking again at this point, but I saw the environment an how much partying and drinking people were doing just on the first night, and it didn't feel like a right fit. Even my friend was drinking and he was always like me, so I knew some things were going to happen that I wasn't going to like had I stood. But that wasn't the only issue. there were money problems and they overbooked the rooms so it was three of us in a small room.

I know leaving was probably a bad thing because it would have taught me how to be more independent in a more real world environment. But at the same time, I don't regret it because the college I ended up going to was a much better fit in terms of figuring out what I want to do with my life. I don't think I would've been able to do art and writing had I not had the same advisors or professors because the months I took off from school really helped me find myself and who I was when I wasn't being influenced by others.

 

[Boy Scout]

I'm very happy to report that I didn't let nervousness stop me from getting what I wanted. I just set my shoulders and just went for what I wanted, and by doing so, I got the results I wanted. It feels nice to have a pair.

 

[WillardNation]

Congrats

 

[Boy Scout]

Thanks man. I've learned that things don't happen if you don't make an attempt to make them happen. And even if things hadn't gone the way I wanted, I still would've been proud, because at least I had the balls to try.

 

[SpideyInATree]

I'm very happy to report that I didn't let nervousness stop me from getting what I wanted. I just set my shoulders and just went for what I wanted, and by doing so, I got the results I wanted. It feels nice to have a pair.

A pair of balls AND you get a pair of boobs, right?

 

[AndThePickles]

Spidey, your story still makes me sad, even though it sounds like you're fine with it. Pretty much all freshman dorms end up squeezing 3 or even 4 to a room these days that was only meant for two. And you can choose to party or not. I think that trying out a party or two would've been a good growing experience for you. I learned so much being away from home for college! And my mom was always strict, too. Hell, I didn't get my drivers license until I was 21, and even then, I had to be the one to make it happen.

My family didn't teach me how to be independent, it was just a necessity that I figure it out. Your peers can help you, and so can the Internet.

 

[Boy Scout]

A pair of balls AND you get a pair of boobs, right?

You have no idea. t:

 

[Anita18]

Spidey, your story still makes me sad, even though it sounds like you're fine with it. Pretty much all freshman dorms end up squeezing 3 or even 4 to a room these days that was only meant for two. And you can choose to party or not. I think that trying out a party or two would've been a good growing experience for you. I learned so much being away from home for college! And my mom was always strict, too. Hell, I didn't get my drivers license until I was 21, and even then, I had to be the one to make it happen.

My family didn't teach my how to be independent, it was just a necessity that I figure it out. Your peers can help you, and so can the Internet.

My bf went to a huuuuge school, lived in the dorms in a tiny triple in his freshman year with partiers. He sleeps early so he just put curtains around his bed and made the best of it. I was actually quite shocked that he stayed for 5 years to earn his degree. Granted, he moved off-campus later on so i was less hectic, but I'm still talking like, 100-student classes sort of huge. He wouldn't be caught dead in a crowd larger than 50 now. Sometimes you just have to soldier on with your goal in mind.

But of course, no regrets. What's past is past, and what you can do now is completely up to you. But I really want to stop hearing about the rationale you use to explain your current behavior SpideyVille, I want you to talk about the strides you've been making instead!

 

[SpideyVille]

I'm very happy to report that I didn't let nervousness stop me from getting what I wanted. I just set my shoulders and just went for what I wanted, and by doing so, I got the results I wanted. It feels nice to have a pair.

Nice.

But what exactly did you want/get?

Spidey, your story still makes me sad, even though it sounds like you're fine with it. Pretty much all freshman dorms end up squeezing 3 or even 4 to a room these days that was only meant for two. And you can choose to party or not. I think that trying out a party or two would've been a good growing experience for you. I learned so much being away from home for college! And my mom was always strict, too. Hell, I didn't get my drivers license until I was 21, and even then, I had to be the one to make it happen.

My family didn't teach my how to be independent, it was just a necessity that I figure it out. Your peers can help you, and so can the Internet.

Well looking back on it all and the decisions I made, I have to remember what my mentality was at the time. I was very much like my mom and truly believed everything she had raised me to believe, like drinking and partying were bad and dangerous and stuff like that. And I knew myself, that even if I didn't want to do anything like that, I would've ended up doing it just for the sake of peer pressure. But I think the fact that knowing that all of my friends that went there ended up doing really bad in school, whereas I was able to do very well where I ended up makes me feel like I made the better decision overall. But I think one of my biggest mistakes was not being able to make decisions while accounting for their impact on my future. I've never planned ahead of time, thinking about what's going to happen to me in 5-10 years from now.

Also, I realize now that I used to have a high opinion of myself and I would judge others sub consciously. That's actually something I learned after my church days. I was so used to being in an environment where I could say I was better than someone because I didn't do things like party and do drugs, and in some way that made me better than them. But after having that one girl say she expected better than me, that caused me to look back at myself and I realized I wasn't as "perfect" as I thought. And then after meeting these two girls in college and becoming good friends with them, I realized that I had it all wrong. And a lot of what I know now came from just talking to them and finding out what life is really like, as opposed to that vision of the world that I had that I thought was so correct.

I really had to take a hit to my ego. I was so closed out from the world that I wasn't really learning anything and I had the wrong mentality about a lot of things. Even though that hit put me into a bit of depression, it was mostly caused by the fact that I was getting frustrated because I finally saw the the way I viewed the world and people wasn't right. Like I remember my friend telling me that i would never get a girl if I don't go out to a bar/club and start drinking, and that really put me down because I figured I either had to become someone I wasn't or I had to look for a needle in a haystack and find a girl who didn't want to go out and party, which is very hard to come by these days. That's not the case now because I'm willing to tolerate more than I would've before, but I will admit that there's still a bit of frustration overall because I don't feel like I've become the kind of person I need to be to get the things that I want in life. But at least now I know what needs to be worked on and where my priorities need to be.

 

[Boy Scout]

Nice.

But what exactly did you want/get?

Sex, for the moment.

Well looking back on it all and the decisions I made, I have to remember what my mentality was at the time. I was very much like my mom and truly believed everything she had raised me to believe, like drinking and partying were bad and dangerous and stuff like that. And I knew myself, that even if I didn't want to do anything like that, I would've ended up doing it just for the sake of peer pressure. But I think the fact that knowing that all of my friends that went there ended up doing really bad in school, whereas I was able to do very well where I ended up makes me feel like I made the better decision overall. But I think one of my biggest mistakes was not being able to make decisions while accounting for their impact on my future. I've never planned ahead of time, thinking about what's going to happen to me in 5-10 years from now.

Also, I realize now that I used to have a high opinion of myself and I would judge others sub consciously. That's actually something I learned after my church days. I was so used to being in an environment where I could say I was better than someone because I didn't do things like party and do drugs, and in some way that made me better than them. But after having that one girl say she expected better than me, that caused me to look back at myself and I realized I wasn't as "perfect" as I thought. And then after meeting these two girls in college and becoming good friends with them, I realized that I had it all wrong. And a lot of what I know now came from just talking to them and finding out what life is really like, as opposed to that vision of the world that I had that I thought was so correct.

I really had to take a hit to my ego. I was so closed out from the world that I wasn't really learning anything and I had the wrong mentality about a lot of things. Even though that hit put me into a bit of depression, it was mostly caused by the fact that I was getting frustrated because I finally saw the the way I viewed the world and people wasn't right. Like I remember my friend telling me that i would never get a girl if I don't go out to a bar/club and start drinking, and that really put me down because I figured I either had to become someone I wasn't or I had to look for a needle in a haystack and find a girl who didn't want to go out and party, which is very hard to come by these days. That's not the case now because I'm willing to tolerate more than I would've before, but I will admit that there's still a bit of frustration overall because I don't feel like I've become the kind of person I need to be to get the things that I want in life. But at least now I know what needs to be worked on and where my priorities need to be.

I really hope that everything works out for you in the end. Because you definitely deserve it. You're such a nice, cool guy. I have no doubt that you'll eventually move out of your mom's house, find a nice lady friend, a good job, and basically just live the dream.

 

[WillardNation]

So, Spidey, you're totally cool with me taking you out to party if I ever come to NY, right? No peer pressure, but I really want you to have that experience. I know some really cool and fun people in NY so even though I've never been there myself, I still guarantee the time of your life.

 

[SpideyVille]

Sex, for the moment.

I really hope that everything works out for you in the end. Because you definitely deserve it. You're such a nice, cool guy. I have no doubt that you'll eventually move out of your mom's house, find a nice lady friend, a good job, and basically just live the dream.

Nice. Way to go

Thanks. I know it will happen eventually, I just hope its on my own terms and not because I'm being forced to.

So, Spidey, you're totally cool with me taking you out to party if I ever come to NY, right? No peer pressure, but I really want you to have that experience. I know some really cool and fun people in NY so even though I've never been there myself, I still guarantee the time of your life.

Haha we'll see. I'm still trying to prepare myself for if/when my friend takes me out for my birthday in a few weeks. She really plans on getting me messed up, so let's see just how much I enjoy that afterward.