Revenge of the *Official* Relationship Advice Thread

[Anita18]

Hostility = I've hit a sensitive nerve or else you'd just not reply to my post. Typical...just a suggestion, don't reply to my posts if I anger you with my honesty.

But you're posting on a discussion forum. If you didn't want any replies, post to your own blog on Tumblr or Wordpress and disable comments.

Otherwise you're just gonna have to put up with the heat.

I don't see any hostility in Anita's post.

I'm assuming you mean someone who dresses provactively are more inclined to be promiscuous? That's not always true either. A lot of people are proud of their bodies and put a lot of effort into it. Why shouldn't they show it off as long as it's tasteful?

There was a bit of sarcasm, I admit. But I'm still over how someone who likes their body the way it is and like to show it off at all (even if it's just to their partner) should be automatically labelled as a cheater. Specifically looking for a partner with low self-esteem so they'd be faithful is kind of unhealthy. They could get jealous of you and drive you crazy. Or cheat on you if they happen across another person that sweet-talks them what they want to hear.

But that reminds me, I know a girl from HS and since I've met her, she's gone all uber-fitnessy and works out like, 4 hours a day. Her Facebook pics are all bikini photos and skintight dresses.

 

[Babs Gordon]

If you're not the type of person to be outright rude, than don't be. But I wouldn't make myself emotionally available to her and go out of your way to say hi, or to talk to her.

I'd tell you to start seeing other people, but you're still hung up on her that it'd make any future relationship hard.

Again, do your work, don't find excuses to try and talk to her or spend time with her. If she asks you for a favor, say you can't.

I concur with this. That can be a tricky situation and I feel for you, Darth Dave. You need an ego boost, a way to remember that you are desirable to others and that others will eventually become desirable to you again. I remember a time when I was really into this guy who was likely closeted gay and it just was not going anywhere, and we lived in the same staff house. It was hard until I was outta there and it was a challenge to see the forest for the trees for a while. Nonetheless, a few months later I realized I was starting to wonder who my next boyfriend was, where they were, what they were doing-- that's when I knew I was over it and ready to move on. Putting yourself out there either physically or emotionally might spur this process on. A dating website might work to boost your ego and to remind you of the value of other women.

Personally, I had more success meeting a viable candidate on internet message boards.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

Hostility = I've hit a sensitive nerve or else you'd just not reply to my post. Typical...just a suggestion, don't reply to my posts if I anger you with my honesty.

Anita's post was a polite disagreement with a bit of playful sarcasm added. No offense, but I think you're projecting your feelings on to others.

 

[DarthDaveBanner]

I concur with this. That can be a tricky situation and I feel for you, Darth Dave. You need an ego boost, a way to remember that you are desirable to others and that others will eventually become desirable to you again. I remember a time when I was really into this guy who was likely closeted gay and it just was not going anywhere, and we lived in the same staff house. It was hard until I was outta there and it was a challenge to see the forest for the trees for a while. Nonetheless, a few months later I realized I was starting to wonder who my next boyfriend was, where they were, what they were doing-- that's when I knew I was over it and ready to move on. Putting yourself out there either physically or emotionally might spur this process on. A dating website might work to boost your ego and to remind you of the value of other women.

Personally, I had more success meeting a viable candidate on internet message boards.

Ok, definitely not going to talk to her now....just got a facebook message from one of her friends threatening to kick my ass if I talk to her again. Talk about a drama queen!

But yeah I know I need to look for what else is out there. I've only had bad experiences with dating websites though!

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

I think there's nothing wrong with being an exhibitionist and enjoying being nude.

Enjoying nudity does not equal being a "****" or "pervert."

Those who criticize others for being proud of their God-given bodies, usually have a poor self-image and low confidence in their own looks and are lashing out instead of engaging in thoughtful introspection.

 

[Godzilla2000]

I don't see any hostility in Anita's post.

I'm assuming you mean someone who dresses provactively are more inclined to be promiscuous? That's not always true either. A lot of people are proud of their bodies and put a lot of effort into it. Why shouldn't they show it off as long as it's tasteful?

Oh no, not Anita's posts. Just the guys in here, like JJJ. I stated clearly if certain types of people are your bag then that's fine. I mean what's so unaccomodating about that statement? Seriously some people just baffle me when you state something contrary to what they believe, they get all insulting like you've just killed their favorite potted plant.

Well, posing nude does not equal keeping the other person in your relationship attracted to you. This is what people are failing to realize. Being in a loving relationship is so much more than just how sexy you can look in public. If anything you should keep all the sexy stuff for the bedroom in the privacy of your own home. Whatever happened to being a sexy surprise package by keeping your man guessing as to what sexy little number you'll be wearing when you feel the urge for a little sex or whether or not you'll put on that scintillating little number he bought for you weeks ago? I mean doesn't always being in a state of undress get boring after awhile if you're with a person for so long? Where's the imagination in just letting it all hang out 24/7? To me that's a very lazy, uncreative way of being sexy. It has been my experience with guys that they like a little mysterious Duality. The guys I'd dated loved it when I acted sweet and innocent in public but turned into a vixen when it was just us there alone with each other. Call it being like an onion waiting to have her layers peeled off one by one until you've opened your trust up to a man to see you vulnerable in all your nakedness. On the flip side how about the emotion your man would feel as another surprise package on special occasions when he sees you looking like a beautiful Queen every once in awhile?

Enjoying nudity does not equal being a "****" or "pervert."

I never said the word pervert at all so don't quote a word I never used. I just said that people who enjoy publicly showing off their naked bodies, especially women, tend not to be faithful partners in the long run based on my own personal experiences. I'm not accusing anyone of being perverts. The biggest perverts I've encountered at work were fully clothed and looked like emaciated scarecrows. Mind you these guys were being rather flippant while I'm fully clothed. Where I work, the hours that I do and where I used to live I have encountered many legitimate perverts. Being sexually suggestive towards me when you're not a man I'm attracted to and/or dating in is what I define as being perverted. It has nothing to do with the state of undress. Stop putting words in my typing fingers here. When I meet him and I am in a deep relationship with him there will be only one man in my life that will be allowed to be suggestive and see me all Razzle Dazzled if he proves himself to be a decent, honest man. I'd made a promise decades ago to someone never to falter in this belief, and it has nothing to do with religion.

 

[DBryan]

Dating websites are good for boosting the ego... if you're a woman.

 

[Hound55]

In my own case I was just taking enjoyment from your use of the word "nugget" which (in my country at least) is a common colloquialism for... well... a turd, a dump or s***... call it what you will.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

Oh no, not Anita's posts. Just the guys in here, like JJJ.

Your post about hostility was clearly not directed at me. You had already replied to me and that second thing you posted was about half a page and two hours later. Anyway, I'm done with this. Sorry, mods.

 

[Anita18]

Ok, definitely not going to talk to her now....just got a facebook message from one of her friends threatening to kick my ass if I talk to her again. Talk about a drama queen!

But yeah I know I need to look for what else is out there. I've only had bad experiences with dating websites though!

Yeah, time to run like the wind!

Having a good filter is definitely the way to go. Since I'm a girl on a dating site, I got tons of messages, but I only went out with guys if I felt comfortable chatting with them. This is probably why it still took me years to find my bf, since everyone else gave up on me before then. But like they say, quality trumps quantity.

Dating websites are good for boosting the ego... if you're a woman.

Yeah, it's a great ego boost when it's clear the guy didn't even read your profile before messaging you. Sorry, but the biggest turn-on for me is when a guy likes me for my intelligence and my abilities, not the fact that I put up a pic in my profile.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

I've tried dating websites, but they never really end well. Either the pic looks nothing like the actual person, there's heavy emotional baggage or they're dating about five guys at the same time. Or all.

 

[DBryan]

You should strive to fill that big lonely void with anything but a woman. You fill that with a woman, you're just going to feel even worse when it's over. At best... unhealthy codependent relationship.

I am human and I need to be loved.[/The Smiths]

I am bored of being single. I don't want to be dependent on someone else, but I crave basic human affection. I am tired of always relying on myself for emotional support. I have missed and am missing the prime of my life as far as things are concerned with women.

 

[Babs Gordon]

Well remember what we've been talking about. I think getting into really great shape will certainly give you some of the confidence you need, Dbryan. It will also give you more energy, happy brain chemicals, and health

 

[DBryan]

Yeah, it's a great ego boost when it's clear the guy didn't even read your profile before messaging you. Sorry, but the biggest turn-on for me is when a guy likes me for my intelligence and my abilities, not the fact that I put up a pic in my profile.

Well, when you try pretty hard to show you read the profile, that you like the person for their intelligence and tastes and abilities, they still ignore you.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

The problem with internet dating is you're in constant competition. The ratio of guys to girls is like 5 to 1 and a lot of them will contact just about every single girl they can.

Why don't you just try meeting a girl in your class or at your work?

 

[Babs Gordon]

Then for the people who can't even get off the ground from a dating site, and I understand they can be demoralizing for some, I say work out. Get into great shape. Get active.

My brother spent a number of years living in my parents basement, drinking a sixer of mountain dew every day, gaming gaming gaming. Something turned on for him when he was 23. He moved out. He got a road bike. He joined the Appalachian Mountain Club. He started to meet cool peeps!!! Then he became a roller derby ref. LOLOL. I mean, being a male ref for an all women sport? They were crawling all over him. I have never seen him get so much attention. Plus the women are all pretty alternachic. Poof, 4 months later, girlfriend!

 

[DBryan]

The problem with internet dating is you're in constant competition. The ratio of guys to girls is like 5 to 1 and a lot of them will contact just about every single girl they can.

Why don't you just try meeting a girl in your class or at your work?

I've been rejected by a girl in my class.

And yeah, if anything internet dating for a guy can be demoralizing.

 

[Godzilla2000]

Just be careful of mail order brides and online dating services though!


http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-202_162-57326852/u.s-man-seeks-bride-in-ukraine-ends-up-homeless/

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

I've been rejected by a girl in my class.

Well... forget her and try again.

You've heard the cliche, "no pain, no gain." Well, it applies here. If you give up after one rejection, things will never change for you.

 

[Babs Gordon]

I agree, although were I single, the only instance where I'd be hesitant to make a blatant move is in an environment where I'd need to face them again.

Though I was particularly inspired by this scene from Dead Poet's Society. Watch from 1:16
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I0z7li9RNd0&feature=related

 

[Anita18]

Well, when you try pretty hard to show you read the profile, that you like the person for their intelligence and tastes and abilities, they still ignore you.

Sure, but then it's like with real life - if you message enough women, you'll eventually get a bite. But without that real-life shame of rejection. And it's also super-easy to find another woman to message if you get rejected by one.

I dunno, I'm a hermit in real life so I meet a new person probably once every two months. The fact that I could move down a search result page and message a bunch of guys at once was pretty awesome. And yes, I did that in addition to replying to messages, because I trust my own taste and I read every damn profile before I message the guy. Replying to messages was frankly a waste of my time, because guys don't read!

I still maintain that I messaged my bf first.

I've been rejected by a girl in my class.

And yeah, if anything internet dating for a guy can be demoralizing.

Just one and you're about to give up? No wonder why you think internet dating is not much better! As Erz has said, it's about numbers, but the numbers are MUCH easier to attain if you're online. And nobody has to know if you've been rejected by someone online. Which is the opposite of trying to go out with a bunch of girls at school, depending how big your school is.

Just be careful of mail order brides and online dating services though!

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-202_162-57326852/u.s-man-seeks-bride-in-ukraine-ends-up-homeless/

I think that falls under "don't be stupid" though!

 

[DBryan]

Seriously Anita my romantic life is a string of rejections.

The last girl I really opened up to (earlier this year) turned everything I had said back at me to hurt me.

It's ******* hard.

For a while there I even got suicidal over it.

 

[Erzengel]

I know it sucks, and it hurts and it's demoralizing but dating is a numbers game. Just think of it like getting a job. Do you give up after an employer doesn't call you back?

It's rough but that's what you have to do.

 

[Anita18]

Seriously Anita my romantic life is a string of rejections.

The last girl I really opened up to (earlier this year) turned everything I had said back at me to hurt me.

It's ******* hard.

For a while there I even got suicidal over it.

Damn DBryan I dunno what to say, aside from perhaps you should actually be more picky?

I dunno, as a girl I've been propositioned a ton of times by guys on online dating websites. Seriously, I'm talking upwards of a thousand. But I probably went on 10 dates, and two of those actually led to second dates (a few of them were outright rejections) and one of those was with my bf and that's where I am now. Yes, I'm THAT picky, but I had fun on all those dates and I have no complaints with how I did things. Although yeah, I went 6 years of being single, which I think is a long time for most people.

Perhaps you need to take things slower too? Spilling your guts to a girl you just met isn't the best of ideas. I don't put up walls, but I also don't spill my innermost secrets to someone until I know I can trust them.

But again, you can only find that person if you put yourself out there, and I still maintain that it's 1000x easier to do it online (and yes, to take rejection) than in real life.

 

[DBryan]

I hadn't just met her, we'd known each other for months and spent a lot of time together, never in a romantic way though.

I told her lots of stuff, and we had an argument in which she turned a lot of it on me.

I haven't been on an actual, actual date in years.