Well, I live in a small town in Upstate New York. I just seem to fall for guys that have money. It might make me sound shallow to always seek guys that have decent jobs, but I want someone who can take care of me. I just don't think Joe Everyman with a part time job could sufficiently provide for me adequately where the basic needs are concerned I've lived from check to check all my life since graduating High School. When I get married in the future at some date I want to make sure i have a man that has enough money for me to feel safe and secure. It's just horrible to think all the time about not having enough money to live on.
Oh, I understand that. It's just maybe upstate NY, maybe there's not the culture where you can find people who make money AND are pretty minimalist. Whereas, you can find lots of guys like that in the California Bay Area. We
invented Casual Fridays, or pretty much Casual Everyday.
The thing is, you may be doing yourself a disservice if you're looking for guys that outright look like they have money. The kinds of guys who have a nice car, who dress nice...of course they'd expect the same from their woman. They want somebody they can show off.
My bf makes good money and he looks like your typical teenage skateboarding bum.
My parents are the richest people on their block (my mom retired at 45) and they don't show it off, so nobody ever suspects that they have money.
But again, we're from California where the culture is most definitely there. (Even then you have to look under the surface - minimalists don't show off, after all!) I'm not sure how it is in upstate NY, maybe you can't afford to be that picky to where you insist on finding someone who has money AND is a minimalist. It frankly sounds like you're looking for what programmers consider "a unicorn" - someone who has all these impossible qualities.
There's nothing wrong with that. I think it goes the other way too. If I was single, I'd try and date some sort of professional. Not a girl who waits tables or bar.
For me, it's ambition
and being a realist. I have a friend here who has dead end kind of day jobs because she aspires to be a TV writer. In Hollywood, that's pretty much a crapshoot, but she's still working hard and isn't just sitting at home playing video games and pretending she's working on her dream. She's been single for a long while but a relationship is currently developing...with a fellow writer.
They know each other's worlds.
My bf actually
quit his well-paying job to work on his own iPhone games. He saved up enough money where he wouldn't have to work for a year and had a go at it. It wasn't exactly successful (I mean, if he was expected to come up with the next Angry Birds, then of course no
), but successful enough that when he needed to have a job again, he found one quickly with the skills he picked up in that year. He was realistic about it, so I was perfectly fine with him dropping one career completely and picking up another.
But Erz has a good point. Intelligent guys who have good jobs unfortunately aren't usually into older women who work at a laundromat. More often than not, couples are intellectual and financial equals. Well, it doesn't have to work quite that way, since my bf probably makes twice as much as I do, but a scientist and a programmer together sounds pretty intellectually equal.
I've had friends who dumped potential SOs because they weren't "good enough." If someone works as a manager at a drugstore, they usually aren't up to the intellectual capability or the ambition of an aspiring vet.
There's just too much of a culture clash.
The Cinderella story doesn't really exist, unless you're willing to be a trophy wife. Even for couples who are intellectual equals, if one of them likes to show off their money, that becomes the default for the couple. My parents are both minimalists, but my aunt and uncle are decidedly NOT. My uncle makes a ton of money and while my aunt could support herself, she also spends a lot of his money on clothes and shoes.
I just have no body fat up top so any muscle shows very readily.
