Revenge of the *Official* Relationship Advice Thread

[Scarlet spidey]

Guess I don't have a dad.

Join the club.

 

[Bruce Banner]

So lately I have been dealing with drama from the girl I dated. As well as my friend who I always had feelings for. She felt the same way, but we never seemed to line up at the right time. Her interest returned when I dated someone else which made life more confusing. After the other girl left the scene, I finally told my friend everything and she said she has moved on. We get along fine because of our mutual friends, but she thinks I'm being distant to her and seems always concerned about me.

Any of you guys had a situation like this? What happened? What should I do?

 

[SpideyVille]

Never really been in that situation, but it seems like she was/is a little jealous and still hurt that you dated someone else, which makes it seem like your feelings for her weren't too strong. So now she's trying to make you think that she's moved on too as a way of getting back at you, while also saying she's concerned to make it sound like you have a problem.

The closest I've been to this was talking to some girl that I kinda liked, but since I didn't think it would work out between us, I started liking some other girl. When she found out, we sort of drifted apart and it wasn't until months later that I found out that she liked me and was mad because I liked some other girl. We weren't really too close at that point so I didn't bother bringing it up, but I think if its such a big problem for you, maybe you should trying talking to this girl and try to see what's really going on.

 

[Angel_Faerie]

So I think I've come to part of the root of the whole issue he's having with him being more experienced than me. He has only slept with one virgin, and it was the girl he lost his virginity to. All the other girls he's been with weren't virgins. I explained what you guys said in here, and I think he sort of saw the point but he still worries he'd be depriving me of something if we sleep together at some point. I told him that it's not like we're going to hop into bed together right this minute, I'm not the kind of girl who would give it up after only a month. So we have time to discuss it more as time goes by.

 

[Erzengel]

I think what he's failing to grasp here, is IF you guys progress in your relationship, then you will develop more of a deeper connection with each other and isn't that the type of person you would want to experience your first sexual encounter with?

Honestly, I don't know why he's so hung up on. Virgins don't need to sleep with other virgins.

 

[Angel_Faerie]

I don't think he feels they NEED to, I think he's worried that if we do get closer and end up going that far and if things don't work out, that I might meet some guy that is one and I'll regret it and wish I had waited to make it "more special" with said guy.

 

[Erzengel]

Life is all about chances and risks. If we never took risks or attempted things, then we'd never experience anything.

I didn't want to have sex in high school because I wanted to wait til I met a older responsible person in college.

I didn't want to have sex in college because I wanted to wait til I met a older responsible person in the real world.

I didn't want to have sex with my bf because I wanted to wait til I was married.

You keep waiting, and waiting, and eventually time will pass you by.

You can't live your life anticipating things are not working out. Sometimes they will. But in the end they'll be learning experiences regardless.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

So I think I've come to part of the root of the whole issue he's having with him being more experienced than me. He has only slept with one virgin, and it was the girl he lost his virginity to. All the other girls he's been with weren't virgins. I explained what you guys said in here, and I think he sort of saw the point but he still worries he'd be depriving me of something if we sleep together at some point. I told him that it's not like we're going to hop into bed together right this minute, I'm not the kind of girl who would give it up after only a month. So we have time to discuss it more as time goes by.

Here's what you need to do, just replace girl with boy;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9QrKiod8rXM

 

[Angel_Faerie]

Here's what you need to do, just replace girl with boy;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9QrKiod8rXM

I was going to last night, but my mom clam jammed me. We were in my car in front of his house talking. I was mentally preparing to do it when I heard a faint humming noise. Somehow I recognized it as my phone vibrating. I had forgotten I had set it to silent while we ate dinner so my phone wouldn't bother us. I checked it and there were 5, count em, 5 texts from my mother frantically worrying about me because I hadn't replied to her messages after almost an hour. I thought "Oh, ****. My mom sent me 5 texts. She's freaking out." Apparently I noted this aloud too because he got out of the car, said goodbye and that he'd see me later, and left. Cue another Ryan Reynolds moment.

 

[LOBO3315a]

Clam jam?

I have learned a new term!

 

[Angel_Faerie]

And as an added bonus she tried to have "The Talk" with me this morning because she thought we were having sex last night and that's why I didn't reply.

 

[Anita18]

I don't think he feels they NEED to, I think he's worried that if we do get closer and end up going that far and if things don't work out, that I might meet some guy that is one and I'll regret it and wish I had waited to make it "more special" with said guy.

Hindsight is always 20/20. If you lose your virginity to him and he's not "the one" that you'll stay with for the rest of your life, who cares? I think the best you can do is to have your first time with someone you trust and are comfortable with.

Sex is something special shared between two people (at least for a good portion of us, it is ), but it's really not the be-all end-all. Keep in mind it's supposed to be fun too.

And as I keep mentioning, even if it's not his first time ever, it's still his first time with you! I don't really understand why "THE FIRST TIME" is really such a big deal. And this is coming from someone who lost her virginity at fricking 26. All in all, I'm glad I waited until I was mature enough to speak up for myself and find someone who I felt comfortable with and who would respect me, but the first actually time really isn't a big deal. Trust me.

 

[AndThePickles]

I completely agree with Erz on this one. Angel, to be blunt - sex is GREAT. Trust me, once you've popped that cherry, you will wish you had done it sooner. I would express that to him. Frankly, I think that virginity is beyond over glorified. And trust me, I used to be a "virginity is sacred, blah blah" person hardcore. But it's really not a big deal, unless your guy has some sort of weird religious guilt going on? Maybe if he literally
thinks about the fact that virginity is a lack of having a penis in you or putting a penis in a vagina, he'll realize how silly it is to worry about virgins sleeping together.

Sounds like he's being selfish. Just because he lost HIS virginity to another virgin, why should you? Clearly, he's not still with his first.

 

[Angel_Faerie]

I tried telling him the first sentence of your last paragraph Anita. Not sure if it got through to him, but I did say it.

 

[SpideyVille]

I completely agree with Erz on this one. Angel, to be blunt - sex is GREAT. Trust me, once you've popped that cherry, you will wish you had done it sooner. I would express that to him. Frankly, I think that virginity is beyond over glorified. And trust me, I used to be a "virginity is sacred, blah blah" person hardcore. But it's really not a big deal, unless your guy has some sort of weird religious guilt going on? Maybe if he literally thinks about the fact that virginity is a lack of having a penis in you or putting a penis in a vagina, he'll realize how silly it is to worry about virgins sleeping together.

I don't necessarily think its over-glorified by people today, but rather that its not considered to be all that important by more people today. I mean, back in the day virginity was a big thing. Virginity was especially a big deal for a girl and even outside of religious beliefs, there were still strong feelings for waiting until marriage. But now its not as big because things aren't looked at in the same way.

I'll admit, being a virgin myself and a bit old-fashioned, when I was in high school, I was a little put off by girls who I knew weren't virgins and for a while I only wanted a girl who was one because I believed in that "first one being the One" thing. But as I've gotten older, and have seen more and more people who are sexually active and at younger ages, I know that'll never happen. But personally, the idea of hooking up with someone who has had a few partners in their life is a bit daunting because comparisons will be inevitable, at least in my mind. So there's always that self-enforced pressure.

 

[Angel_Faerie]

I completely agree with Erz on this one. Angel, to be blunt - sex is GREAT. Trust me, once you've popped that cherry, you will wish you had done it sooner. I would express that to him. Frankly, I think that virginity is beyond over glorified. And trust me, I used to be a "virginity is sacred, blah blah" person hardcore. But it's really not a big deal, unless your guy has some sort of weird religious guilt going on? Maybe if he literally
thinks about the fact that virginity is a lack of having a penis in you or putting a penis in a vagina, he'll realize how silly it is to worry about virgins sleeping together.

Sounds like he's being selfish. Just because he lost HIS virginity to another virgin, why should you? Clearly, he's not still with his first.

'

I already do kind of wish it had happened already. Not specifically with the guy I'm with now, at this stage in our dating relationship, just in general. Doesn't mean I wish I would've lost it years ago with a stranger, I just mean I wish I had been in this type of situation earlier, rather than having mere daydreams about it with the 3 online boyfriends I've had.

I actually think it's kind of unselfish of him. If he were selfish he would have begged to do it from our first date on. I find it kind of sweet that he's concerned about my feelings about this rather than not caring at all. He hasn't demanded that I sleep with a fellow virgin, he's just worried that if we have sex at some point he'll be robbing me of my chance to have that experience with someone who is at the same level I am. Is it kind of silly? A little bit. But it's nice that he isn't completely the opposite.

 

[Anita18]

I'll admit, being a virgin myself and a bit old-fashioned, when I was in high school, I was a little put off by girls who I knew weren't virgins and for a while I only wanted a girl who was one because I believed in that "first one being the One" thing. But as I've gotten older, and have seen more and more people who are sexually active and at younger ages, I know that'll never happen. But personally, the idea of hooking up with someone who has had a few partners in their life is a bit daunting because comparisons will be inevitable, at least in my mind. So there's always that self-enforced pressure.

Spoken like someone who's never had the experience.

There's more to sex than "performance." And if someone's gonna judge you on it, she isn't a good-enough person to be with anyway. Everyone's different, and sex is different with different people.

LOL, and this is still coming from someone who's only had sex with one person. But just because you've had a few partners doesn't mean you're automatically Don Juan. My bf was nervous the first few times and he'd had a few partners. But it was still his first time with me, which is why he was nervous. Apparently I was that much more of a catch than his previous girlfriends.

 

[Anita18]

'

I already do kind of wish it had happened already. Not specifically with the guy I'm with now, at this stage in our dating relationship, just in general. Doesn't mean I wish I would've lost it years ago with a stranger, I just mean I wish I had been in this type of situation earlier, rather than having mere daydreams about it with the 3 online boyfriends I've had.

I actually think it's kind of unselfish of him. If he were selfish he would have begged to do it from our first date on. I find it kind of sweet that he's concerned about my feelings about this rather than not caring at all. He hasn't demanded that I sleep with a fellow virgin, he's just worried that if we have sex at some point he'll be robbing me of my chance to have that experience with someone who is at the same level I am. Is it kind of silly? A little bit. But it's nice that he isn't completely the opposite.

It IS nice, but then it's also a little that he's so hung up on making sure you have the kind of experience he had. Which is a little bit controlling, IMO.

And yeah, once I lost my virginity I was like, "Huh, that wasn't such a huge deal" but I didn't wish I had lost it earlier because I'm still picky with guys.

 

[Angel_Faerie]

It IS nice, but then it's also a little that he's so hung up on making sure you have the kind of experience he had. Which is a little bit controlling, IMO.

And yeah, once I lost my virginity I was like, "Huh, that wasn't such a huge deal" but I didn't wish I had lost it earlier because I'm still picky with guys.

I don't really see it as controlling because he's not all "You MUST do this".

 

[SuperFerret]

Clam jam?

I have learned a new term!

 

[Anita18]

I don't really see it as controlling because he's not all "You MUST do this".

It's still weird that he's trying to convince you of it though. It's not really "controlling," but he's on the spectrum. You're right, it's definitely an issue.

 

[AndThePickles]

Heh, Anita and I are on the same page on this one. I think that it's strange, but if you think that it's sweet, no way will I try to change that perception lol. As long as you're happy!

 

[Angel_Faerie]

I am happy. Happier than I've been in a while (and not just because of this, I was pretty happy before this came along).

Now if only my mom would calm down a little and not be so paranoid. I swear I wanted to crawl in a hole and disappear this morning

 

[Anita18]

Heh, Anita and I are on the same page on this one. I think that it's strange, but if you think that it's sweet, no way will I try to change that perception lol. As long as you're happy!

LOL, glad to see someone agrees with me. Sometimes I don't know if I have the weird opinion.

My bf is never the type to dissuade me from anything, especially if involves sex with him. But he's always been super-sweet in that he never pushed me into anything and if I'm not feeling up for it, he doesn't whine or otherwise make me feel bad about it.

 

[SpideyVille]

Spoken like someone who's never had the experience.

There's more to sex than "performance." And if someone's gonna judge you on it, she isn't a good-enough person to be with anyway. Everyone's different, and sex is different with different people.

LOL, and this is still coming from someone who's only had sex with one person. But just because you've had a few partners doesn't mean you're automatically Don Juan. My bf was nervous the first few times and he'd had a few partners. But it was still his first time with me, which is why he was nervous. Apparently I was that much more of a catch than his previous girlfriends.

But you're right. I mean I've heard of guys who were very experienced but had trouble with a certain girl just because she was more of a catch than the girls they were with. So I guess experience doesn't mean a whole lot with a new person.

But I still feel like its like what I'm doing with acting now, where I'm anxious to get my first time being on stage over with already on Thursday because I know it won't be a big deal when I do my next show in February. Its like you just want to get that first time over with already, but you still kinda want to make it great.