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Revenge of the *Official* Relationship Advice Thread

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I don't necessarily think its over-glorified by people today, but rather that its not considered to be all that important by more people today. I mean, back in the day virginity was a big thing. Virginity was especially a big deal for a girl and even outside of religious beliefs, there were still strong feelings for waiting until marriage. But now its not as
big because things aren't looked at in the same way.

I'll admit, being a virgin myself and a bit old-fashioned, when I was in
high school, I was a little put off by girls who I knew weren't virgins and for a while I only wanted a girl who
was one because I believed in that "first one being the One" thing. But as I've gotten older, and have seen more and more people who are sexually active and at younger ages, I know that'll never happen.
But personally, the idea of hooking up with someone who has had a few partners in their life is a bit
daunting because comparisons will be inevitable, at least in my mind. So there's always that self-enforced
pressure.

Let me elaborate a bit on the over glorification part. In general, I feel that virginity is seen almost like its own entity that is a part of you, and when you first have sex it's this huge EVENT where you LOSE it and there's this huge void because you no longer have your v-card. Again, this is coming from a woman who originally wanted to wait until marriage. I just think that it's not as big of a deal as its made out to be. I felt no sense of "omg I'm different now" when I first had sex. I didn't feel like I'd "lost" anything. I've gained a lot more, truth be told. I think that sex is natural, and it might ease some anxiety if people didn't hype up "deflowering" quite so much.
 
LOL, glad to see someone agrees with me. Sometimes I don't know if I have the weird opinion. :funny:

My bf is never the type to dissuade me from anything, especially if involves sex with him. :oldrazz: But he's always been super-sweet in that he never pushed me into anything and if I'm not feeling up for
it, he doesn't whine or otherwise make me feel bad about it.
Exactly, a guy can be polite and sweet about it while still clearly wanting to have sex with you.
 
Let me elaborate a bit on the over glorification part. In general, I feel that virginity is seen almost like its own entity that is a part of you, and when you first have sex it's this huge EVENT where you LOSE it and there's this huge void because you no longer have your v-card. Again, this is coming from a woman who originally wanted to wait until marriage. I just think that it's not as big of a deal as its made out to be. I felt no sense of "omg I'm different now" when I first had sex. I didn't feel like I'd "lost" anything. I've gained a lot more, truth be told. I think that sex is natural, and it might ease some anxiety if people didn't hype up "deflowering" quite so much.
There's definitely a strange dichotomy going on when it comes to virginity. I was actually proud that I waited so long, because I refused to be mired in relationship drama when I was too immature to handle it. (That and I love being weird and different. :oldrazz:) But at the same time, people can think you're weird for being a virgin into your mid-20s, there's your parents being worried about you having sex (though my mom didn't bat an eye when she learned I was having sex, she was already pregnant with me at my age :funny: ), and not to mention the really creepy guys who treat virgin women as a commodity.

But you're absolutely right. I wasn't a different person after I'd had sex. And there's too much glorification of virginity in parenting and in school. The promise rings and abstinence pledges are stupid and don't work - because we're focused on the wrong thing. The point isn't to not have sex until you're married. The point is to not have sex until you're emotionally mature enough not to be taken advantage of by your partner and to be smart enough to handle the possible results. I don't think most teen moms have sex to get pregnant; being a student and a mom is HARD. They just weren't mature enough to consider the consequences.

But of course that's more difficult to teach, even if it's more effective.
 
Let me elaborate a bit on the over glorification part. In general, I feel that virginity is seen almost like its own entity that is a part of you, and when you first have sex it's this huge EVENT where you LOSE it and there's this huge void because you no longer have your v-card. Again, this is coming from a woman who originally wanted to wait until marriage. I just think that it's not as big of a deal as its made out to be. I felt no sense of "omg I'm different now" when I first had sex. I didn't feel like I'd "lost" anything. I've gained a lot more, truth be told. I think that sex is natural, and it might ease some anxiety if people didn't hype up "deflowering" quite so much.
Ah, I get you now. But how much of that is really just self-imposed importance. Like I don't think society makes virginity seem important, but rather as a rarity now. Like even in 40-Year Old Virgin, it was looked at as something to get rid of fast as opposed to holding on to it.

There's definitely a strange dichotomy going on when it comes to virginity. I was actually proud that I waited so long, because I refused to be mired in relationship drama when I was too immature to handle it. (That and I love being weird and different. :oldrazz:) But at the same time, people can think you're weird for being a virgin into your mid-20s, there's your parents being worried about you having sex (though my mom didn't bat an eye when she learned I was having sex, she was already pregnant with me at my age :funny: ), and not to mention the really creepy guys who treat virgin women as a commodity.

But you're absolutely right. I wasn't a different person after I'd had sex. And there's too much glorification of virginity in parenting and in school. The promise rings and abstinence pledges are stupid and don't work - because we're focused on the wrong thing. The point isn't to not have sex until you're married. The point is to not have sex until you're emotionally mature enough not to be taken advantage of by your partner and to be smart enough to handle the possible results. I don't think most teen moms have sex to get pregnant; being a student and a mom is HARD. They just weren't mature enough to consider the consequences.

But of course that's more difficult to teach, even if it's more effective.
Yeah like I remember a lot of my friends were jealous of me because they had sex when they were young but weren't really mature enough and sort of regretted who or why they slept with people back then. But at the same time, some people almost try to make sex look like a bad thing to young people as a way of trying to prevent them from having sex, and not even because of the consequences.
 
It IS nice, but then it's also a little :huh: that he's so hung up on making sure you have the kind of experience he had. Which is a little bit controlling, IMO. :o

And yeah, once I lost my virginity I was like, "Huh, that wasn't such a huge deal" but I didn't wish I had lost it earlier because I'm still picky with guys. :funny:

I don't really see it as controlling because he's not all "You MUST do this".

I've known a few people, myself included who were "reluctant" to be someone's first. And the simple reason was, we were unsure we were going to be around. I guess you can say it was similar to Angel's situation but I'll expand a little.

Personally, we weren't in a committed relationship. I wasn't sure if I wanted to be in a committed relationship. (I was at a time in my life where I wanted just to be single.) Honestly didn't feel it was right to be their first under those circumstances.
 
But you're absolutely right. I wasn't a different person after I'd had sex. And there's too much glorification of virginity in parenting and in school. The promise rings and abstinence pledges are stupid and don't work - because we're focused on the wrong thing. The point isn't to not have sex until you're married. The point is to not have sex until you're emotionally mature enough not to be taken advantage of by your partner and to be smart enough to handle the possible results. I don't think most teen moms have sex to get pregnant; being a student and a mom is HARD. They just weren't mature enough to consider the consequences.

But of course that's more difficult to teach, even if it's more effective.
Any advice I'm going to give is terror. :up:

If you're ready for sex, you're ready for the consequences, gossip, stds, pregnancy. Say goodbye to your future. Buah ha ha.

So yeah at least wear a condom and never trust anyone who says you don't need it.
 
Ah, I get you now. But how much of that is really just self-imposed importance. Like I don't think society makes virginity seem important, but rather as a rarity now. Like even in 40-Year Old Virgin, it was looked at as something to get rid of fast as opposed to holding on to it.

I don't think that it's self imposed at all. Self should simply be able to say, have sex when ready and responsible enough.

Society places two differing types of importance on virginity. Type A is purity - don't have sex when you're young because virginity is a priceless gift. Abstinence is taught over protection, so we get teens who are pregnant and/or STD-ridden.

Type B is virginity is important in the sense that you must be rid of it by a certain age or something is wrong with you. That imposes societal pressure to have sex, and doesn't take into account that age doesn't equate to maturity and responsibility.

So, all of the importance is falling on keeping or losing virginity, when really, I think that the importance should be placed on sex, be it for preventative purposes or learning about how to enjoy it.
 
I've known a few people, myself included who were "reluctant" to be someone's first. And the simple reason was, we were unsure we were going to be around. I guess you can say it was similar to Angel's situation but I'll expand a little.

Personally, we weren't in a committed relationship. I wasn't sure if I wanted to be in a committed relationship. (I was at a time in my life where I wanted just to be single.) Honestly didn't feel it was right to be their first under those circumstances.
I totally get that, but I'm not sure if it makes Angel feel any better. :funny:

Any advice I'm going to give is terror. :up:

If you're ready for sex, you're ready for the consequences, gossip, stds, pregnancy. Say goodbye to your future. Buah ha ha.

So yeah at least wear a condom and never trust anyone who says you don't need it.
:funny: Well, at least it's something over the usual thinking that guys can have sex scot-free because they can't get pregnant. :hehe:
 
Well the guy that Angel is almost treating everything like it's sacred. From sex to the first kiss.

Yeah I had misgivings about sex, but I'm still human and we did other things as well. :huh:
 
I don't think that it's self imposed at all. Self should simply be able to say, have sex when ready and responsible enough.

Society places two differing types of importance on virginity. Type A is purity - don't have sex when you're young because virginity is a priceless gift. Abstinence is taught over protection, so we get teens who are pregnant and/or STD-ridden.

Type B is virginity is important in the sense that you must be rid of it by a certain age or something is wrong with you. That imposes societal pressure to have sex, and doesn't take into account that age doesn't equate to maturity and responsibility.

So, all of the importance is falling on keeping or losing virginity, when really, I think that the importance should be placed on sex, be it for preventative purposes or learning about how to enjoy it.

I think the whole virginity thing has definitely and needs a change in thinking in these modern times. Espcially the whole waiting for marriage thing, a big part of this is people are getting married later in life. It wasn't as hard 25-30+ years ago to wait until marriage, when many people were getting married so young. My parents got married at 19. These days men and women want to get their career off the ground before getting married, women want to go to college for more than an MRS degree. You should definitely wait until you're ready, but that doesn't necessarily mean marriage. Just be safe, wrap it up.
 
I think the whole virginity thing has definitely and needs a change in thinking in these modern times. Espcially the whole waiting for marriage thing, a big part of this is people are getting married later in life. It wasn't as hard 25-30+ years ago to wait until marriage, when many people were getting married so young. My parents got married at 19. These days men and women want to get their career off the ground before getting married, women want to go to college for more than an MRS degree. You should definitely wait until you're ready, but that doesn't necessarily mean marriage. Just be safe, wrap it up.
To add to that, most people don't even want to get married. My brother was with his girlfriend for 15 years before they decided to get married, and even then I'm pretty sure that they wouldn't have lasted as long if they didn't have a couple of kids early on in the relationship.
 
I find it's best to rid yourself of any misgivings you have about sex. There is a difference between being reasonable about whom and what you hook up with and being nervous or anxious about sex in general. Your first time with any new person whether it's the first, second or thirty fourth is going to have some awkwardness. That's why I kind of doubt all this "experience" nonsense he's throwing around. Not only do I doubt his "experience", but I feel he may be telling you this Angel because you are telegraphing anxieties about physical closeness.

First off, there is no reason to pressure yourself. Nobody is a porn star in the bedroom, and no one kisses like they do on TV. I wouldn't go in with any pre-conceived notions, because honestly it's both not a big deal and not that difficult either. If you're all tense though it will be. So relax, because if your relax I promise it will be a lot of fun.

I pity guys and girls who think it has to be treated as sacred, or needs this high degree of professionalism attached to it. It doesn't pay to be stoic while you're riding a rollercoaster. Understanding sex and intimacy for what they are (physical gratification) is different than being a **** (a woman of less than reputable morals - SHH) or not being choosey about whom you do it with. "No" is a perfectly acceptible answer for guys and girls.
 
I find it's best to rid yourself of any misgivings you have about sex. There is a difference between being reasonable about whom and what you hook up with and being nervous or anxious about sex in general. Your first time with any new person whether it's the first, second or thirty fourth is going to have some awkwardness. That's why I kind of doubt all this "experience" nonsense he's throwing around. Not only do I doubt his "experience", but I feel he may be telling you this Angel because you are telegraphing anxieties about physical closeness.

First off, there is no reason to pressure yourself. Nobody is a porn star in the bedroom, and no one kisses like they do on TV. I wouldn't go in with any pre-conceived notions, because honestly it's both not a big deal and not that difficult either. If you're all tense though it will be. So relax, because if your relax I promise it will be a lot of fun.

I pity guys and girls who think it has to be treated as sacred, or needs this high degree of professionalism attached to it. It doesn't pay to be stoic while you're riding a rollercoaster. Understanding sex and intimacy for what they are (physical gratification) is different than being a **** (a woman of less than reput_able morals - SHH) or not being choosey about whom you do it with. "No" is a perfectly acceptible answer for guys and girls.

I am nervous about physical closeness, especially with guys. Because I'm not used to it. Guys usually ignore me or just want to be friends. So I have no idea how to handle physical closeness with a guy like that. Plus, I'm worried that I'll disappoint him in those departments (kissing, etc) because of the fact he's been with other girls and he might compare me to them.
 
I am nervous about physical closeness, especially with guys. Because I'm not used to it. Guys usually ignore me or just want to be friends. So I have no idea how to handle physical closeness with a guy like that. Plus, I'm worried that I'll disappoint him in those departments (kissing, etc) because of the fact he's been with other girls and he might compare me to them.

I know it's tough, but the more you build these things up in your head the worse it is. You've gotta stop waiting for the perfect moment, your next date kiss him hello, don't make a deal about it, just do it. Also, even if it's bad or awkward, you can play it off as, well guess we need to practice that some more and that type of practice is a lot of fun.
 
I am nervous about physical closeness, especially with guys. Because I'm not used to it. Guys usually ignore me or just want to be friends. So I have no idea how to handle physical closeness with a guy like that. Plus, I'm worried that I'll disappoint him in those departments (kissing, etc) because of the fact he's been with other girls and he might compare me to them.

Don't worry about disappointing him - if he really likes you, he wants the physical intimacy. He'll just be happy that it's happening. He knows that you are inexperienced and will take that into account.

Harsh reality - if you spend all of your time worrying about things like kissing without actually doing them, you'll not only never learn, but you'll also put yourself into the friend zone. It is truly not as big of a deal as you're making it out to be in your head. It's natural, and it will come naturally to you when you do it.
 
I am nervous about physical closeness, especially with guys. Because I'm not used to it. Guys usually ignore me or just want to be friends.
This right here is because of the first sentence. If you are nervous, or uptight about it they will just want to be friends because you are telling them you are apprehensive about having a physical contact (whether you're actually saying that out loud or not).

Often times when we're doing the whole 'Nice Guys' discussion we're go on and on about avoiding the dreaded friend zone. The friend zone actually only exists in your mind. 'Nice Guys' and 'Nice Girls' often see the friend zone as defeat because in their mind being friends lacks one specific component: sex. Friendships are not defeats, infact I befriend girls regularly. They are defeats if you can never be direct. It's funny to me that most 'Nice' people deny they want sex in the same way their 'Jerk' and 'Ho-ish' counterparts do, yet they have all these anxieties about it.

I don't have anxieties about things I'm not doing or not planning to do. I don't get nervous about that surgury that is NOT coming up. So clearly you want physical intimacy, so go for it. Otherwise there would be no anxiety.

My roommate does the same thing. NEVER talks about sex, never jokes about it, so most girls just assume he has what he wants.
So I have no idea how to handle physical closeness with a guy like that.
You'll be fine, seriously. I think everyone is getting a little tired of beating this into you to, quite frankly.

You want a primer on it: (WARNING: I'll keep this as PGified as possible but it is a frank description)
Kissing: His lips will touch yours. If you open mouth kiss he'll try to stick his tongue in your mouth, and you'll push against it with yours. It's pretty simple.

Sex: He'll stick his thing in you, repeatedly. Eventually, if he's any good, you'll get this nice feeling sensation which I, being a man, have never felt.

...that's about it. Really. It's not complicated, and takes no skill. Even fat, stupid, lazy people are pretty good at it. The fact that they have kids ought to be proof of this to you.

It's not a f***ing religious experience. It's not the super bowl. Sh**, it's less challenging for me than getting to work in the morning, and I do that 5 days a week for the entirity of my adult existence.
Plus, I'm worried that I'll disappoint him in those departments (kissing, etc) because of the fact he's been with other girls and he might compare me to them.
Yeah, stop worrying so much, geez. He won't care. Case in point: most long term relationships aren't with the person who blew you away the most with their kissing or sexual prowess.
 
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I am nervous about physical closeness, especially with guys. Because I'm not used to it. Guys usually ignore me or just want to be friends. So I have no idea how to handle physical closeness with a guy like that. Plus, I'm worried that I'll disappoint him in those departments (kissing, etc) because of the fact he's been with other girls and he might compare me to them.
Same here. I think I mentioned here a while ago how I find it hard to get close to people in general, in both a physical and emotional sense. So the actual act of sex isn't as nerve-racking as everything leading up to it. I think once you get close to someone, and you start making physical contact like hugs and kisses, then sex won't seem so bad. But I've always said that sex is usually the last thing on my mind when I think about approaching a girl I like because its like their a mental block on me when it comes to crossing the physical barrier.
 
I find it's best to rid yourself of any misgivings you have about sex. There is a difference between being reasonable about whom and what you hook up with and being nervous or anxious about sex in general. Your first time with any new person whether it's the first, second or thirty fourth is going to have some awkwardness. That's why I kind of doubt all this "experience" nonsense he's throwing around. Not only do I doubt his "experience", but I feel he may be telling you this Angel because you are telegraphing anxieties about physical closeness.

First off, there is no reason to pressure yourself. Nobody is a porn star in the bedroom, and no one kisses like they do on TV. I wouldn't go in with any pre-conceived notions, because honestly it's both not a big deal and not that difficult either. If you're all tense though it will be. So relax, because if your relax I promise it will be a lot of fun.

I pity guys and girls who think it has to be treated as sacred, or needs this high degree of professionalism attached to it. It doesn't pay to be stoic while you're riding a rollercoaster. Understanding sex and intimacy for what they are (physical gratification) is different than being a **** (a woman of less than reputable morals - SHH) or not being choosey about whom you do it with. "No" is a perfectly acceptible answer for guys and girls.

Speak for yourself! :o And Angel you are getting some really good advice here. I wish I had had it when I was with my "first". I could have avoided a very bad marriage.
 
Angel. I once bought a book on kissing because I lied and said I was with a few people before I started dating the person I lost my virginity to. In the end as much as I read that book, it didn't really help and it was literally a sink or swim condition. Lastly , she was so into me, that I initiated it and just went with what felt naturally. :o
 
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I know it's tough, but the more you build these things up in your head the worse it is. You've gotta stop waiting for the perfect moment, your next date kiss him hello, don't make a deal about it, just do it. Also, even if it's bad or awkward, you can play it off as, well guess we need to practice that some more and that type of practice is a lot of fun.

I was actually thinking of attempting to be cute/clever by buying some mistletoe and hanging it in my car before I see him next and being all "How did that get in here? :cwink:"

Don't worry about disappointing him - if he really likes you, he wants the physical intimacy. He'll just be happy that it's happening. He knows that you are inexperienced and will take that into account.

Harsh reality - if you spend all of your time worrying about things like kissing without actually doing them, you'll not only never learn, but you'll also put yourself into the friend zone. It is truly not as big of a deal as you're making it out to be in your head. It's natural, and it will come naturally to you when you do it.

I'm a worrywort. I can't help myself. :funny:

This right here is because of the first sentence. If you are nervous, or uptight about it they will just want to be friends because you are telling them you are apprehensive about having a physical contact (whether you're actually saying that out loud or not).

Often times when we're doing the whole 'Nice Guys' discussion we're go on and on about avoiding the dreaded friend zone. The friend zone actually only exists in your mind. 'Nice Guys' and 'Nice Girls' often see the friend zone as defeat because in their mind being friends lacks one specific component: sex. Friendships are not defeats, infact I befriend girls regularly. They are defeats if you can never be direct. It's funny to me that most 'Nice' people deny they want sex in the same way their 'Jerk' and 'Ho-ish' counterparts do, yet they have all these anxieties about it.

I don't have anxieties about things I'm not doing or not planning to do. I don't get nervous about that surgury that is NOT coming up. So clearly you want physical intimacy, so go for it. Otherwise there would be no anxiety.

My roommate does the same thing. NEVER talks about sex, never jokes about it, so most girls just assume he has what he wants.

You'll be fine, seriously. I think everyone is getting a little tired of beating this into you to, quite frankly.

You want a primer on it: (WARNING: I'll keep this as PGified as possible but it is a frank description)
Kissing: His lips will touch yours. If you open mouth kiss he'll try to stick his tongue in your mouth, and you'll push against it with yours. It's pretty simple.

Sex: He'll stick his thing in you, repeatedly. Eventually, if he's any good, you'll get this nice feeling sensation which I, being a man, have never felt.

...that's about it. Really. It's not complicated, and takes no skill. Even fat, stupid, lazy people are pretty good at it. The fact that they have kids ought to be proof of this to you.

It's not a f***ing religious experience. It's not the super bowl. Sh**, it's less challenging for me than getting to work in the morning, and I do that 5 days a week for the entirity of my adult existence.

Yeah, stop worrying so much, geez. He won't care. Case in point: most long term relationships aren't with the person who blew you away the most with their kissing or sexual prowess.

It's not that I don't want to do that stuff, I definitely do, I'm just nervous about it. And I know the basic mechanics of it all. I've seen enough movies and read enough books. I meant handle it emotionally/mentally, not that I don't know the basics.

And that may be my problem, I don't know, I never asked the guys who gave the "just friends" speech why they just wanted to be friends. I just accepted it.

Angel. I once bought a book on kissing because I lied and said I was with a few people before I started dating the person I lost my virginity to. In the end as much as I read that book, it didn't really help and it was literally a sink or swim condition. Lastly , she was so into me, that I initiated it and just went with what felt naturally. :o

I've been actually practicing with apples lately. :lmao:
 
It's not that I don't want to do that stuff, I definitely do, I'm just nervous about it. And I know the basic mechanics of it all. I've seen enough movies and read enough books.
I would not take any of your bearings from books or movies. They are a white-washed, saccharine and overall lousey represention of it. Maybe I'm not as good at writing as I think I am, but I struggle with putting into words what it's like. That's why I keep telling you to relax, because the actual act is fairly unpredictable. I can't tell you, for example, when or how a guy will tongue kiss you. I can't tell you what some individual will or won't try, what positions will be comfortable for any given person because sexual preferences vary. The best kind of lovers are ones who are relaxed in their demeanor, but direct and firm about what they want and don't want. Someone who is very uptight often puts the owness on the other individual to set the pace and tempo, and this is awkward for everyone.

The best way to approach this is to react, don't plan. Never plan. Never ever plan. I think if any analogy worked it would be my rollercoaster analogy. You don't say "okay, in five minutes I'm gonna act scared, then happy, then I'll scream really loud at the top of that hill". You simply ride the ride, and let the experience dictate your emotions.
I meant handle it emotionally/mentally, not that I don't know the basics.
This is assuming. You're already assuming emotions will be present, don't assume. There is nothing, necessarily, to emotionally or mentally handle. In fact when kissing or having sex your brain effectively shuts off and a whole mess of instincts take over. Actually, back up a bit, IF YOU RELAX that's what happens. If you tense up and try to control your emotions, which for the last twenty pages is what you've been trying to do, it will be a mess.

RELAX
RELAX
RELAX!!!!!!

I mean seriously, the way you carry on here (and I don't mean to be mean) I wouldn't be physically intimate with you if you were Jennifer Connolly. You're attitude towards physical intimacy is what prevents you from being attractive in that fashion. I can see the trainwreck coming from a mile away.

Ask yourself, seriously, are these consequences you keep thinking about real or fake? Are they real? No seriously, what do you lose? Your house? Your car? Will your parents disown you? I sincerely doubt it. The only reason you think you're not capable (and until you get a grip, you aren't) is because you've attached all this nonsense to it.

It won't be perfect, it never is. It's just fun, but pressure is never fun, so if you're pressuring the situation, it'll never happen.
And that may be my problem, I don't know, I never asked the guys who gave the "just friends" speech why they just wanted to be friends. I just accepted it.
Then I'd ask them.
 
I would not take any of your bearings from books or movies. They are a white-washed, saccharine and overall lousey represention of it. Maybe I'm not as good at writing as I think I am, but I struggle with putting into words what it's like. That's why I keep telling you to relax, because the actual act is fairly unpredictable. I can't tell you, for example, when or how a guy will tongue kiss you. I can't tell you what some individual will or won't try, what positions will be comfortable for any given person because sexual preferences vary. The best kind of lovers are ones who are relaxed in their demeanor, but direct and firm about what they want and don't want. Someone who is very uptight often puts the owness on the other individual to set the pace and tempo, and this is awkward for everyone.

The best way to approach this is to react, don't plan. Never plan. Never ever plan. I think if any analogy worked it would be my rollercoaster analogy. You don't say "okay, in five minutes I'm gonna act scared, then happy, then I'll scream really loud at the top of that hill". You simply ride the ride, and let the experience dictate your emotions.

This is assuming. You're already assuming emotions will be present, don't assume. There is nothing, necessarily, to emotionally or mentally handle. In fact when kissing or having sex your brain effectively shuts off and a whole mess of instincts take over. Actually, back up a bit, IF YOU RELAX that's what happens. If you tense up and try to control your emotions, which for the last twenty pages is what you've been trying to do, it will be a mess.

RELAX
RELAX
RELAX!!!!!!

I mean seriously, the way you carry on here (and I don't mean to be mean) I wouldn't be physically intimate with you if you were Jennifer Connolly. You're attitude towards physical intimacy is what prevents you from being attractive in that fashion. I can see the trainwreck coming from a mile away.

Ask yourself, seriously, are these consequences you keep thinking about real or fake? Are they real? No seriously, what do you lose? Your house? Your car? Will your parents disown you? I sincerely doubt it. The only reason you think you're not capable (and until you get a grip, you aren't) is because you've attached all this nonsense to it.

It won't be perfect, it never is. It's just fun, but pressure is never fun, so if you're pressuring the situation, it'll never happen.

Then I'd ask them.

I never said movies and books are a completely accurate portrayal. I just meant I know how the mechanics of things works. I mean, you are taught in Health class how it all goes down.

I'm a perfectionist. Especially when it comes to guys. I worry that if I mess up I'll be ditched. That I won't be seen as good enough. I'm also a hopeless romantic deep down. And these two things merged to create the nervousness I feel and pressure for all of that to go just right. As I've gotten older I've accepted that all that (first kiss, first time having sex, etc) won't be completely perfect, but I still want it all to be a good experience that I'm happy with. I mean, no one wants those things to be bad experiences, right?

It's a little late to ask them. I'm no longer in junior high or high school, and pretty much all of those guys are off at college and I don't speak to most of them anymore, but I still talk to a couple.
 
Don't worry about disappointing him - if he really likes you, he wants the physical intimacy. He'll just be happy that it's happening. He knows that you are inexperienced and will take that into account.

Harsh reality - if you spend all of your time worrying about things like kissing without actually doing them, you'll not only never learn, but you'll also put yourself into the friend zone. It is truly not as big of a deal as you're making it out to be in your head. It's natural, and it will come naturally to you when you do it.
Exactly! He already knows you're inexperienced, so you have nothing to worry about!

I'm a perfectionist. Especially when it comes to guys. I worry that if I mess up I'll be ditched. That I won't be seen as good enough. I'm also a hopeless romantic deep down. And these two things merged to create the nervousness I feel and pressure for all of that to go just right. As I've gotten older I've accepted that all that (first kiss, first time having sex, etc) won't be completely perfect, but I still want it all to be a good experience that I'm happy with. I mean, no one wants those things to be bad experiences, right?
Unfortunately it seems like this issue is so pervasive in you, that it might manifest into other things in your life besides romance.

I mean, I'm a perfectionist too, but I'm fairly picky in what I'm perfectionist in because I only have so much energy! :funny:

Guys who really like you (like, really like you for you, not because you're hot and look like a good lay) DON'T DITCH YOU because you had an awkward first kiss. Would you like to be with someone who was that picky about people and never gave them second chances or take personality into account? If they do ditch you despite all your good qualities but just because you had a bad first kiss, good riddance! Frees you up to find a worthy guy who'll stick around! :yay:

Just because you're a perfectionist doesn't mean other people (especially your partners) are. I mean, can one relationship handle two perfectionists? :oldrazz:
 
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