Revenge of the *Official* Relationship Advice Thread

[Angel_Faerie]

Exactly! He already knows you're inexperienced, so you have nothing to worry about!


Unfortunately it seems like this issue is so pervasive in you, that it might manifest into other things in your life besides romance.

I mean, I'm a perfectionist too, but I'm fairly picky in what I'm perfectionist in because I only have so much energy!

Guys who really like you (like, really like you for you, not because you're hot and look like a good lay) DON'T DITCH YOU because you had an awkward first kiss. Would you like to be with someone who was that picky about people and never gave them second chances or take personality into account? If they do ditch you despite all your good qualities but just because you had a bad first kiss, good riddance! Frees you up to find a worthy guy who'll stick around!

Just because you're a perfectionist doesn't mean other people (especially your partners) are. I mean, can one relationship handle two perfectionists?

Oh, I'm a perfectionist in almost everything. I have a mental breakdown if I get a C. But in other areas I don't give a ****. Like cleaning. I'm an absolute slob.

But in romance it's especially bad. Probably because of my track record. I mean, first I got endless rejection since I started liking boys at 9, then I had online relationships, got dumped 2 years in a row (literally - one dumped me 10 days away from being a year since the previous breakup), so I guess it just made me want to work to make my luck with guys better. It made me think I must have been doing something wrong and that I needed to do everything the best I could so that maybe the guy would think I was enough and wouldn't leave.

You know, I never actually thought it, but I think you're right. I've been assuming that everyone else is the same way I am when it comes to things like this.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Oh, I'm a perfectionist in almost everything. I have a mental breakdown if I get a C. But in other areas I don't give a ****. Like cleaning. I'm an absolute slob.

But in romance it's especially bad. Probably because of my track record. I mean, first I got endless rejection since I started liking boys at 9, then I had online relationships, got dumped 2 years in a row (literally - one dumped me 10 days away from being a year since the previous breakup), so I guess it just made me want to work to make my luck with guys better. It made me think I must have been doing something wrong and that I needed to do everything the best I could so that maybe the guy would think I was enough and wouldn't leave.

You know, I never actually thought it, but I think you're right. I've been assuming that everyone else is the same way I am when it comes to things like this.

Until you get over this whole perfectionist kick you're not going to be intimate with anyone.

 

[Anita18]

Oh, I'm a perfectionist in almost everything. I have a mental breakdown if I get a C. But in other areas I don't give a ****. Like cleaning. I'm an absolute slob.

Dude, I'm having a mental breakdown right now because I got an A- on my art project.

But when it came to college-level chemistry, a C was good! (Yeah, college really did a number on my intellectual self-esteem...)

But in romance it's especially bad. Probably because of my track record. I mean, first I got endless rejection since I started liking boys at 9, then I had online relationships, got dumped 2 years in a row (literally - one dumped me 10 days away from being a year since the previous breakup), so I guess it just made me want to work to make my luck with guys better. It made me think I must have been doing something wrong and that I needed to do everything the best I could so that maybe the guy would think I was enough and wouldn't leave.

You know, I never actually thought it, but I think you're right. I've been assuming that everyone else is the same way I am when it comes to things like this.

You're thinking about this in an unhealthy way. You're thinking you have to change in order to have a guy want to stay with you. Even when I was single for a heck of a long time, I had to go about it believing that I simply hadn't found someone compatible with me. And I'm really weird, so it would take an equally weird person, right? And it turns out I was right. My bf is really weird too, but we're perfect for each other in our weird ways. You just need to find someone who meets you on your own (possibly weird) wavelength.

Not to mention he is one long-suffering bf, because my schedule is so packed this week I can't make it to pick him up at the airport on Friday. I told him to take a SuperShuttle and I don't even think I'll get to see him before he goes to sleep. And we won't really see each other on Saturday until late because we both have things to do. But no complaint on his part, he just told me to take my time and not stress on my work and classes.

You see, even when you do all sorts of things wrong, a guy who really wants you will stay.

I mean, you see all kinds of messed-up relationships where you wonder why the hell they're still together even if one partner is totally messed up. It's not the person - it's the people in the relationship. If someone rejects you, you can't take it personally. Maybe there are some things on your approach that you could improve, but it's never good to think "If I were different, maybe he'd stay." That's completely the wrong rationale for being in a relationship in the first place.

 

[Angel_Faerie]

Dude, I'm having a mental breakdown right now because I got an A- on my art project.

But when it came to college-level chemistry, a C was good! (Yeah, college really did a number on my intellectual self-esteem...)


You're thinking about this in an unhealthy way. You're thinking you have to change in order to have a guy want to stay with you. Even when I was single for a heck of a long time, I had to go about it believing that I simply hadn't found someone compatible with me. And I'm really weird, so it would take an equally weird person, right? And it turns out I was right. My bf is really weird too, but we're perfect for each other in our weird ways. You just need to find someone who meets you on your own (possibly weird) wavelength.

Not to mention he is one long-suffering bf, because my schedule is so packed this week I can't make it to pick him up at the airport on Friday. I told him to take a SuperShuttle and I don't even think I'll get to see him before he goes to sleep. And we won't really see each other on Saturday until late because we both have things to do. But no complaint on his part, he just told me to take my time and not stress on my work and classes.

You see, even when you do all sorts of things wrong, a guy who really wants you will stay.

It's done a number on mine too. I've never felt more stupid than I do now that I'm in college. To the point I've considered dropping out because I don't feel smart enough for college.

I didn't mean change who I am for a guy to stay, I just mean be the best version of me possible. There's no way I'd completely change who I am just to impress another person. But making the effort to be a better version of myself to impress others? That I can live with.

 

[Anita18]

It's done a number on mine too. I've never felt more stupid than I do now that I'm in college. To the point I've considered dropping out because I don't feel smart enough for college.

I didn't mean change who I am for a guy to stay, I just mean be the best version of me possible. There's no way I'd completely change who I am just to impress another person. But making the effort to be a better version of myself to impress others? That I can live with.

What's funny is that apparently EVERYONE who went to my school felt like they weren't smart enough to go there. But were convinced that everyone else was smarter than them.

At the same time, you can't wait for perfection. You will never be perfect, and your guy will have to stick around through some really rough times too, when you are decidedly not perfect through no fault of your own.

 

[Angel_Faerie]

What's funny is that apparently EVERYONE who went to my school felt like they weren't smart enough to go there. But were convinced that everyone else was smarter than them.

At the same time, you can't wait for perfection. You will never be perfect, and your guy will have to stick around through some really rough times too, when you are decidedly not perfect through no fault of your own.

That's kind of funny. It's comforting to know I'm not alone in feeling that way.

You're probably right.

 

[Anita18]

That's kind of funny. It's comforting to know I'm not alone in feeling that way.

You're probably right.

Probably? Believe me, there will be a time where your guy will be holding a barf bucket for you. And I wasn't drunk (unlike my sister ), I had a really bad case of stomach flu that I didn't recover from for a year. We didn't go out at all during that year, because not only could I not eat, I also couldn't do anything physically strenuous or else I'd feel pukey.

Yeah, a guy who sticks by you during a time like that is obviously a keeper. There's nothing I can do that can faze him.

 

[Angel_Faerie]

Probably? Believe me, there will be a time where your guy will be holding a barf bucket for you. And I wasn't drunk (unlike my sister ), I had a really bad case of stomach flu that didn't recover from for a year. We didn't go out at all during that year, because not only could it not eat, I also couldn't do anything physically strenuous or else I'd feel pukey.

Yeah, a guy who sticks by you during a time like that is obviously a keeper. There's nothing I can do that can faze him.

He's been around when I've been sick (well, we texted while I was sick) and he was so sweet. He kept asking "Can I get you anything? Would you like me to bring you some cough drops? How are you feeling?"

 

[Anita18]

He's been around when I've been sick (well, we texted while I was sick) and he was so sweet. He kept asking "Can I get you anything? Would you like me to bring you some cough drops? How are you feeling?"

That's one thing, but it's quite another to be stuck with a sick person 24/7 and actually HOLDING the barf bucket for you.

Anyways, this guy is already proving he'll likely stick around even if you're not perfect. So he's probably the best candidate for getting some experience.

 

[A Necessary Evil]

I posted this in another thread, but figured it goes here as well.

So my ex brokeup with me a week ago...and I was perfectly fine. Surprised I didn't really care, honestly I was fine.Now I'm just angry, but relaxed, not sad, not happy..I'm like a range of muddled emotions.

I dont know If it's hit me yet.

It hasn't hit me yet, has it?

 

[Anita18]

It's done a number on mine too. I've never felt more stupid than I do now that I'm in college. To the point I've considered dropping out because I don't feel smart enough for college

The real world is a great equalizer. Some of the smartest kids in my class are stuck in grad student limbo because their labs lost funding or because they haven't figured out what they can do well beyond school. The real world doesn't care how good you are at test-taking or paper-writing. Knowing how to work with people and navigate options open to you are FAR more important, and it's stuff you don't really learn in school.

I'm back in community college to try and change careers and part of me wishes I was this self-assured during my first go-round. But then it's hard to say whether I'd be the same person to begin with!

That's kind of funny. It's comforting to know I'm not alone in feeling that way.

Oh of course not! Then again when you're me and you're surrounded by relatives who went to Ivy Leagues, it could be different. My alma mater wasn't too shabby, but again, I didn't think I was smart enough to go there. My sister was like, "I felt just as smart as my Stanford classmates!" and I was like, "Gooood for youuuuu! [/balerant]"

I posted this in another thread, but figured it goes here as well.

So my ex brokeup with me a week ago...and I was perfectly fine. Surprised I didn't really care, honestly I was fine.Now I'm just angry, but relaxed, not sad, not happy..I'm like a range of muddled emotions.

I dont know If it's hit me yet.

It hasn't hit me yet, has it?

Everyone handles it differently, might as well take it one day at a time. Don't worry about how you're "supposed" to feel.

 

[A Necessary Evil]

I just want to be over this girl, like It drives me crazy. I even dream about this crap now.

 

[SpideyVille]

I guess it just depends on how emotionally attached you were to her or how long you dated.

 

[A Necessary Evil]

Pretty much about a year, for both.

 

[DoomsdayApex]

I just want to be over this girl, like It drives me crazy. I even dream about this crap now.

Honest and straightforward answer:

It'll be a long time before you're completely over her. It's been nearly three years for me, and I sometimes still dream of 'her'.

It depends on how attached you were to the chick, but it's a long road to recovery, even if you're dating or f**king someone else to pass the time.

Word of advice. Take some alone time. It'll help with the process.

 

[A Necessary Evil]

Honest and straightforward answer:

It'll be a long time before you're completely over her. It's been nearly three years for me, and I sometimes still dream of 'her'.

It depends on how attached you were to the chick, but it's a long road to recovery, even if you're dating or f**king someone else to pass the time.

Word of advice. Take some alone time. It'll help with the process.

Well..here comes the healing process then.

 

[DoomsdayApex]

Well..here comes the healing process then.

What I hated the most were the random 'emotional' triggers. They were like a kick in the crotch.

Good luck.

 

[A Necessary Evil]

That's what's happening now.

Like I'm so upset right now LOL. l:<

thank you.

 

[Anita18]

What I hated the most were the random 'emotional' triggers. They were like a kick in the crotch.

Good luck.

Oh they can be SO random! My first bf used to "knock" on my door by using a pen to scratch the door and use it to knock gently twice, because I had a roommate who went to bed early. Who knew that a clothing hanger scratching and knocking gently on a dressing room wall produces the same sound?

 

[DoomsdayApex]

Oh they can be SO random! My first bf used to "knock" on my door by using a pen to scratch the door and use it to knock gently twice, because I had a roommate who went to bed early. Who knew that a clothing hanger scratching and knocking gently on a dressing room wall produces the same sound?

Jesus, now that's some creepy ass s**t.

Thank Shiva I do not possess any crazy ex-girlfriends.

 

[Anita18]

Jesus, now that's some creepy ass s**t.

Thank Shiva I do not possess any crazy ex-girlfriends.

Oh no, he wasn't crazy. Just too considerate to my roommate who'd be asleep when he'd come and see me which is how he came up with that method of knocking. We'd go hang out outside, it isn't like we were gonna do anything with her there.

It was just a random emotional trigger that happened shortly after I broke up with him.

 

[DoomsdayApex]

Oh no, he wasn't crazy. Just too considerate to my roommate who'd be asleep when he'd come and see me which is how he came up with that method of knocking. We'd go hang out outside, it isn't like we were gonna do anything with her there.

It was just a random emotional trigger that happened shortly after I broke up with him.

I guess.

In all honesty, my considerate levels are probably on the same identical level. Oh, the irony. t:

My emotional triggers resulted in me buying a bunch of candy bars, cupcakes, spicy fries, cookies, chocolate-covered pretzels and ice cream.

 

[Anubis]

That oughta be an interesting trip to the bathroom.

 

[DoomsdayApex]

I didn't buy them all at the same time, and my steel stomach can handle it. Great genetics brah.

 

[Anubis]

Sorry but it's a totally true internet fact that guys that use the term "brah" ruin bathrooms with their horrible dookies.