The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - - - - - - - Part 27

[Ajendo]

so just thinking about how my date said possibly get a second date, that's not so good in my opinion.I mean its better than a No.

Mate, if she's not that fussed, why should you be? Be up front, tell her what you want and if she's not reciprocating any positive signals then dismiss the whole thing and move on. Don't pressure you're heart into worrying about someone who you don't matter to.

 

[the last son]

OK, how do I go about it? Tell her I'd like to get to known one another better or just not contact her and see if she contacts me

 

[PacificBoy]

Just go ahead and try fixing a second date with her. If she waffles and doesn't show interest, you can move along.

 

[the last son]

Simple enough. Thanks people.

 

[Mee]

If she makes you waffles, sweet.

 

[PacificBoy]

You don't have trouble getting dates anyway, so unless you really felt something with this lady, I wouldn't bother that much.

If she makes you waffles, sweet.

That's the dream. t:

 

[Ajendo]

OK, how do I go about it? Tell her I'd like to get to known one another better or just not contact her and see if she contacts me

Precisely! Tell her what you want and what your intentions are. Don't subscribe to the silly schoolboy mistake of playing time wasting and immature games of not calling or calling first or what ever bullcrap Hollywood teen movies convey. Be a man, take charge, take ownership of your emotions and actions and be decisive.At the very least she'll appreciate your boldness but don't be arrogant or a jerk when doing so. Be clear, upfront and firm. Hopefully it will go your way if she's not interested, find out why and if you can't persuade her within reason to go out with you then walk away from her as a prospect and move on.

 

[the last son]

My plan. She's going out of town this weekend. I'll contact her Monday and ask if she would like to do something this week. If she's hesitant I move on.

 

[Ajendo]

My plan. She's going out of town this weekend. I'll contact her Monday and ask if she would like to do something this week. If she's hesitant I move on.

Remember, don't be too hasty if she doesn't instantly tell you what you want to hear. If she hesitates find out the cause of what her hesitation is, assure her being with you is a positive and beneficial thing with whatever reason you have and without sounding desperate and if she still resists THEN shrug your shoulders and leave it but don't walk away after one objection. Relationships are like business deals, it's all features and benefits but even more so when you know what the objection towards you are.

 

[the last son]

Only disagreement is in asking why. Who cares why? Just be yourself and take it as their loss

 

[Ajendo]

Only disagreement is in asking why. Who cares why? Just be yourself and take it as their loss

It's not about necessarily caring why but more out of curiosity as, you may not appeal to her due to something oblivious to you. That doesn't mean you should stop being yourself but sometimes it pays to know what and why certain people you want to have a vested interest in think of you but again you don't have to care why if it means compromising who you are.

 

[Anita18]

Of course he'd be proud. He just pimped out his left overs to his friend. And his friend will always know that his wife got porked by his buddy.

That would work...but SHE broke up with HIM and they never slept together.

In general, relationships are delicate and I've been through a lot in my 29 years but I learned a long time ago that I love myself waaaaaaaay too much. I love women, wining and dining and sex is great but I'm accountable to myself only and I refuse to ever EVER have my heart broken again. I'm out for a good time, I do things a bit unsavory but I keep my mouth shut because all that honesty crap will only ruin you. I'm a nice guy, I keep girls happy but I protect myself because only I can live the life I've been given.

Women are ridiculously powerful creatures. It's absurd at how powerful they are but I'll never let my emotions and penis compromise my overall emotional disposition. Never again. Right now, I'm in love with a beautiful woman but if things were to end right now, it will hurt, I wont deny that but I wont let it consume me and I'll move on instantly. Life's too short and there's too many women out there to feel emotionally fractured. Not to mention the money you'll save and spend on more self-gratifying things. That may sound shallow but that's the cold hard reality of life. Care, show love, be affectionate but keep yourself secure. I.m not getting high bp, gray hairs and stressed out for no rhyme, reason or woman.

Dude, we're just people. It's you crazy men that insist on giving us the "power" we wield.

Relationships involve trust. Trust implies vulnerability. That's kind of the way it goes. If you insist on never being vulnerable, long-term relationships aren't for you.

But I agree that you can only live your life. Being in a relationship or not being in a relationship doesn't make or break that.

It's not about necessarily caring why but more out of curiosity as, you may not appeal to her due to something oblivious to you. That doesn't mean you should stop being yourself but sometimes it pays to know what and why certain people you want to have a vested interest in think of you but again you don't have to care why if it means compromising who you are.

That's a dumb question. Different things appeal to different people. If she isn't attracted to you, just move on.

If I asked 100 guys, 90 of them would probably say I'm not feminine enough for them. Or that I'm too smart for them. So how does that help me exactly? To appeal to most men, I would have to be someone not myself. I don't think it pays to hear that.

 

[Ajendo]

That would work...but SHE broke up with HIM and they never slept together.

Well if they never slept together, that's too bad for the guy but oh well.

Dude, we're just people. It's you crazy men that insist on giving us the "power" we wield.

Well, because women own a vagina, many of them feel to exploit their SHEmotions by playing stupid mind games. Half the time women don't even know what the hell they want so how the hell is the average joe-I-want-a-woman supposed to even begin trying to make sense of anything? For guys such as myself who love beautiful women and just want to have a jolly good time, the kitty cat, for the sake of being conservative is a very alluring vice, worth going after at any given opportunity and fortunately there's no need to despair should things go pear-shaped as there's so much of it to go around. Hell, it can be paid for if one is truly desperate or if that's just what some people prefer. But I'll sY this, if a guy wants to put a kitty-cat on a pedestal be sure to make sure to prioritise more than one kitty-cat because should a guy stick to one, wether it's today, tomorrow, next week or next year, it nay drop and when it does, the lamentation is going to be aggressively devastating.

Relationships involve trust. Trust implies vulnerability. That's kind of the way it goes. If you insist on never being vulnerable, long-term relationships aren't for you.

I'm cynical to the world and I believe if you can get away with something why not. Society overall has list it's sense of honour when it comes to romance. Everything is just so artificial. We live in the damn, social media age in which both conscious and subconscious shallow self promotion and narcissism is standard practise. I don't trust anyone not even my own family, which is obviously sad and essentially pathetic but as an individual I have to watch my own back. I'll take what I can get from anyone, I'll give what I need to give but I'll never be brain washed into this idealistic joke of trust and then what? You get married, have kids, the wife exercises her right to the prerogative of "changing her mind" only to then end up screwing you left, right, up, down, forwards, backwards, sideways, inside and out? No thanks!
I've been in long term relationships and I keep things exciting but I keep my options open, which I keep to myself of course so when or if things do end I'm not that bothered by it. I refuse to let another human being's actions distort and adversely affect this one life that I have. Life's too short for petty worries and trivial bs like relationship issues, which can be costly emotionally, physically and financially.

But I agree that you can only live your life. Being in a relationship or not being in a relationship doesn't make or break that.

But you'll be surprised how many people push themselves to the edge or flat out kill themselves because of relationship issues. That, I have sworn will never be my portion.

That's a dumb question. Different things appeal to different people. If she isn't attracted to you, just move on.

If I asked 100 guys, 90 of them would probably say I'm not feminine enough for them. Or that I'm too smart for them. So how does that help me exactly? To appeal to most men, I would have to be someone not myself. I don't think it pays to hear that.

It's not dumb at all, not if you enquirer with the appropriate strategy. This is why there are so many, not by choice, single people out there or people in crappy relationships because they're ignorant. If a woman isn't interested in dating me after I've approached her, I'll confront her as to why in an appropriate way whilst simultaneously making her feel like she's making a mistake with her rejection but again, if you're going to walk away at the first instance of being told no then there was no desire to acquire in the first place or you simply lack confidence. Handling rejection isn't just about walking away and moving on, it can be putting a spin on the undesired out one for a favourable one. It's about approach, technique and execution. If you see an attractive woman and she says no and then you just walk off, leaving it then you never should have approached her in the first place. Having the balls to handle a situation by at the very least tackling an adverse situation actually goes a long way.

My methods may appear to be unorthodox. Disgusting or what ever negative adjective one can think if but it works for be, it keeps me happy, sane, relaxed and I'm not haemorrhaging cash. It's a win-win, unless a woman seeks to emotionally cripple me, in which she would have sorely lost.

 

[spiderman2]

So I was at a church group with other collage age people last night for the first time in a city that is about 40 mintues form my house has I have been going to one in my town that has about 30 people. This one had like 300 people so a lot more people. I wish I knew how to talk to people has that is a lot of people to meat and try to talk to and there where quit a few really cute girls there. I need to try to talk to some of them next time heck I need to talk to more people there not just girls has I need more friends and just need to get more social and try to get out of my shell. Social anxentiy is a *****.

 

[Anita18]

Well, because women own a vagina, many of them feel to exploit their SHEmotions by playing stupid mind games. Half the time women don't even know what the hell they want so how the hell is the average joe-I-want-a-woman supposed to even begin trying to make sense of anything?

And again, women only affect men that badly if men LET them. It's not like we have a magic vagina magnet.

I've been in long term relationships and I keep things exciting but I keep my options open, which I keep to myself of course so when or if things do end I'm not that bothered by it. I refuse to let another human being's actions distort and adversely affect this one life that I have. Life's too short for petty worries and trivial bs like relationship issues, which can be costly emotionally, physically and financially.

Sure, but it's also naive to think that life will be a good time all the time. People will hurt you, even if they don't mean to.

And if you refuse to let another human being's actions affect you, do you not want to ever have a family? Kids will do that to you.

Also, if you expect to have petty drama when you're in a relationship, that's probably what you'll end up getting. -shrug- I can't say I've ever dated a man who treated me like a piece of meat. I just don't tolerate them in my life at all.

My methods may appear to be unorthodox. Disgusting or what ever negative adjective one can think if but it works for be, it keeps me happy, sane, relaxed and I'm not haemorrhaging cash. It's a win-win, unless a woman seeks to emotionally cripple me, in which she would have sorely lost.

Are you the male version of Godzilla2000? Most of your post, but especially that, could have come right out of her mouth.

So I was at a church group with other collage age people last night for the first time in a city that is about 40 mintues form my house has I have been going to one in my town that has about 30 people. This one had like 300 people so a lot more people. I wish I knew how to talk to people has that is a lot of people to meat and try to talk to and there where quit a few really cute girls there. I need to try to talk to some of them next time heck I need to talk to more people there not just girls has I need more friends and just need to get more social and try to get out of my shell. Social anxentiy is a *****.

300 people is quite a lot for someone shy like you. I find a smaller group is much less intimidating.

I've actually gotten better at meeting people at events. You just ask them what they do or what they're interested in, and they'll open up to you. Not that hard once you take yourself and your ego out of the equation.

 

[spiderman2]

300 people is quite a lot for someone shy like you. I find a smaller group is much less intimidating.

I've actually gotten better at meeting people at events. You just ask them what they do or what they're interested in, and they'll open up to you. Not that hard once you take yourself and your ego out of the equation.[/QUOTE]

Yeah I am just not use to being in big crowds I don't really go to places where you see big crowds much and yeah with smaller groups you are more likely to see the same people over and over again witch makes it eaiser to then get to no the person and get more conftable around them. It just takes me a while to get conftable around people. Back when I started working 7 years ago I didn't talk to like any one at work and now I do. I think I have gotten better then I was back when I was in like highschool and middle school because I work with customers severics grocery story so I am around people all the time. At the same time with a bigger crowd it is more likely that there is someone there that you would click with then in a small group.

 

[Anita18]

At the same time with a bigger crowd it is more likely that there is someone there that you would click with then in a small group.

Right, but first you have to find them, and that involves talking.

 

[PacificBoy]

While it might seem contrary, it's probably easier for spiderman2 to chat up people in a crowd of 300 than a small intimate group. There's no focus on you; everybody sees a crowd of 300. In a small group you'll always stand out, one way or another.

 

[Anita18]

While it might seem contrary, it's probably easier for spiderman2 to chat up people in a crowd of 300 than a small intimate group. There's no focus on you; everybody sees a crowd of 300. In a small group you'll always stand out, one way or another.

But he didn't say he talked to anyone in that group of 300....

 

[PacificBoy]

But he didn't say he talked to anyone in that group of 300....

Oh, well, he needs to get round to that, eventually!

 

[spiderman2]

Right, but first you have to find them, and that involves talking.

I know I know one step at a time lol. But yeah I said high to like 3 people its a start lol. But hopefully the more I go the easier it will get to try to talk to people and the more coftable I will get around people. I am getting out a little bit more then I use to so that is a good thing at least. Cant meat someone just siting at home playing video games lol.

 

[Anita18]

I know I know one step at a time lol. But yeah I said high to like 3 people its a start lol. But hopefully the more I go the easier it will get to try to talk to people and the more coftable I will get around people. I am getting out a little bit more then I use to so that is a good thing at least. Cant meat someone just siting at home playing video games lol.

Yeah, hold on to every bit of progress.

 

[PacificBoy]

Yup. And in taking the effort to meet new people, practice is its own reward anyhow.

 

[the last son]

sometimes it just doesn't work out. I had a phone conversation with a lady I met on the internet and it went for about 40 minutes and I thought it went okay and we were supposed to meet today and I called her and then she sent me a text saying that "you're great guy but I think we're just friends". I said OK, good luck to you and deleted her number. Huh, no one said finding someone would be easy.

 

[Brem]

I've had some fun with this myself this year. Unfortunately, that was sarcasm.

The gist is that six years ago, I flew over to Florida for a girl who claimed she liked me, wanted to go on a date and do so many things we had planned for several months. I get there, she doesn't seem to be interested without telling me as much, and she was flirting and making plans with another guy on the forum we met on. After years of rejection before then, I decided to pack it in.

But I met a great girl this year. She really is wonderful. We kind of met two years ago, but we didn't speak to each other, and I didn't hear anything from her after that. Then she's back in my life asking me if I'd like to do this bit in a show with her. So we went through the rehearsals, it was going well and I didn't feel anything until one day, at dress rehearsal when we went early on to check on something, she did something that made it click.

And it annoyed me then. But people we convinced, by little things she did, that she liked me. I didn't believe it, so I never said anything. We went for coffee a few times with her friends, nothing ever really came up. Then came a point where I did decide to tell her, only to find out she had just started seeing someone. I waited four months to tell her, and while I'm not sure if it would have been different had I said something sooner, I regret not telling her early April.

It irritates me even now though. Not that she didn't/doesn't seem to like me back, but the fact I do like her. I don't really want to, but at the same time I'd love it if by some miracle she turned around and said oh, go on then. I have no idea why this one bugs me as much as it does. I've liked girls before, they've rejected me, and within a month or two of that rejection I'm over it. She rejected me in May, but early May. So I've had plenty of time to get past it, but it isn't going away. It's not that it hurts, or that I'm upset. It's just lingering, constantly. People keep telling me to go for online dating, or pointing out other girls saying hey, what about her? But there's just nothing there. Then I see this girl and there it is.

Maybe it isn't helping that we still stay in contact, and we did have coffee a couple of weeks ago. I don't know. Some people claim I fell in love with her, but I don't believe that from the short time we've known each other. It annoys me I believed the people who did seem convinced she liked me though (simply based on - she laughed at what I said, and still did at coffee the other week, she touched my arm a couple of times and at a party she had she ruffled my hair, rubbed my hand etc., except shortly after that party I find out she's seeing someone, so..)

Don't get me wrong, overall, I am ok. I'm not hurt, I'm not upset. For some reason though, it's not going away like the other girls.

Anyway, we'll see what happens. Last we spoke, I said to her we should go see some Minions in town (every Saturday these chaps dressed as Minions walk around collecting money for charity, £1 gets a photo with them) and I said, seeing as she hadn't seen them yet, we should pop up sometime and hunt them down. She seemed open to the idea. She didn't say no. Whether she meant it, I don't know, but I doubt she'd have turned up for coffee that day if she weren't giving me an honest response.

What bothers me most, though, is that I am 26 and I have never been on a date. I have never kissed nor have I hugged a girl. No date, no girlfriend, no kiss or hug. I'm growing a little weary of it, and I'm especially weary of people saying "it'll happen someday", when they're already with someone and I'm left to think "well, when?".

Anyway, glad that's off my chest. Any comments welcome, but don't be surprised if I dismiss them. Not out of rudeness, I hope you understand, but I'm not going to go out of my way, now, to meet someone else or go to an online dating site. I'll admit I am lonely, I would love to meet a nice girl to have coffee with (I go twice weekly alone), but it just isn't worth the stress right now haha.