The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - - - - - - - Part 27

[the last son]

You all got on me last week for not giving relationships a chance. Ill take you all advice and tell these women I'm not emotionally ready

 

[Anita18]

You all got on me last week for not giving relationships a chance. Ill take you all advice and tell these women I'm not emotionally ready

That's before you made it clear that you're not emotionally ready for one.

There was the thing you said after your last gf had the abortion, that you'd appreciate your next gf better. So we took that to heart. Well, it's clear by now that you're just NOT ready for one at the moment. Before, you lasted a little while before hitting the alcohol and self-sabotaging. Now, it's not even two weeks in, you're not serious with any of the women, and you're already doing all that.

Take a break, dude.

 

[the last son]

god I'm a terrible person

 

[Erzengel]

Are you drinking now?

 

[the last son]

No. Just thinking about things. I think it might be best to keep my personal life off here.

 

[Anita18]

No. Just thinking about things. I think it might be best to keep my personal life off here.

It's mostly frustrating for us because you keep slipping, and you don't even seem to even try otherwise.

You aren't a terrible person. You can make terrible decisions, but it's not the same as being a terrible person. You can decide to change, but only you can do that. The world or your circumstance doesn't make you do that.

 

[Feenix]

god I'm a terrible person

Yup.

 

[Mr.M]

All I can think about after reading TLS posts is the scene in Flight with Denzel's character the night in the hotel before the court hearing with the FAA. Classic performance and all too real.

 

[the last son]

no lie the movie flight is how I sobered up for a year straight. I saw that movie and then it made me look in the mirror of how a bottle was controlling my life and I became a slave to the bottle. Maybe I need to watch that movie again. It was a sad movie for me to help me realize how much my life has spun out of control. I recently deleted my profile off the dating website. I have a lot of soul searching to do.

 

[Mr.M]

"But then you CHOOSE TO DRINK!!! Embrace that ****." Best line in the film.

 

[Reek]

Yup.

Die for that comment.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

It's not "wrong." It's just something you want to change. There's no "wrong"...unless you're hurting people on purpose or kicking puppies.

Well, tbh... sometimes I do know in the back of my head that they are getting the wrong impression, and I still allow it to go on.

I mean, when he put his arm around me the other night, I should stopped it there... but I allowed the cuddling to be closer than friend cuddling.

Given that I haven't met you in person and from what you've written here, I'd say that it's a mix of the social scene and your overall touchy feely nature. Guys feel comfortable being physical with you because you feel comfortable being physical with them. (I bet a lot of guys simply chicken out when they want to get physical with a non-touchy-feely woman like me!) I don't think it's necessarily one or the other, but the fact that you're touchy feely and tipsy AND around other tipsy people...that's kind of the combination that would attract guys who just want to have a good time but nothing more.

I'm actually not that touchy feely

I mean, i'll hug people hello and goodbye. But compared to some of my friends, i'm no where near as flirty or touchy.

But yeah, I guess it's all context dependant. I'm probably VERY touchy feely compared to other people.

Dude, why are you even wasting your own time like this? You aren't ready for a relationship. You admit yourself, you sabotage everything. Like you said, what's the point?

Well you have to figure that out yourself, WITHOUT dragging another person into it.

This is exactly why I did online dating, because I was an introverted hermit, and I don't drink.

Most of my peers met their SOs at school or swing dancing (no lie!). One geek friend met her long-term geek bf at a mixer held at a comic book store. It doesn't have to be a bar where you get physically tipsy and everyone's shamelessly flirting. You could at least put yourself in a situation where people might have something in common with you, and where the drinking is to make it a little easier to be social, but not be a crutch.

Yeah but... like what?

I mean, really... what?

What am I doing that's so wrong?

Lying.

It would be one thing if he were just looking for one-night stands and nobody got hurt emotionally, because everyone agreed it wasn't serious. But no, he's dating them and pretending he wants a serious relationship with them when he doesn't or is aware he isn't capable of one.

That's the part that's sliding into wrongness for me.

Exactly why I think if all he wants is sex but not a relationship, he's better off exploring 'my scene' as in bars, pubs and clubs... cause like everyone keeps saying, that's where people find casual encounters with no commitment!

No. Just thinking about things. I think it might be best to keep my personal life off here.

Why?

no lie the movie flight is how I sobered up for a year straight. I saw that movie and then it made me look in the mirror of how a bottle was controlling my life and I became a slave to the bottle. Maybe I need to watch that movie again. It was a sad movie for me to help me realize how much my life has spun out of control. I recently deleted my profile off the dating website. I have a lot of soul searching to do.

Some people think it's a bit lame, but I loved the movie 28 days for that.

Also liked 2012's 'Smashed' with Aaron Paul and Mary Elizabeth Winstead.

 

[Anita18]

I'm actually not that touchy feely

I mean, i'll hug people hello and goodbye. But compared to some of my friends, i'm no where near as flirty or touchy.

But yeah, I guess it's all context dependant. I'm probably VERY touchy feely compared to other people.

Everything's context-dependent.

I have seriously NEVER cuddled with anyone who wasn't my bf. Or my pet.

Yeah but... like what?

I mean, really... what?

Well if you still want to drink....what are you interested in? Chances are there's a mixer about that, depending on how big your city is.

I mean, seriously. My friend met her bf at a mixer at a comic book store. The mixer was about comics. Probably about writing too, given that both my friend and her bf are writers. So, a mixer for writers at a comic book store. Such things exist!

But we're in Los Angeles where if you want to find a meetup about something...it probably exists. Depends on where you are. Join Meetup.com and see what's out there.

Or if you're completely at a loss...there's also online dating.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Everything's context-dependent.

I have seriously NEVER cuddled with anyone who wasn't my bf. Or my pet.

Well if you still want to drink....what are you interested in? Chances are there's a mixer about that, depending on how big your city is.

I mean, seriously. My friend met her bf at a mixer at a comic book store. The mixer was about comics. Probably about writing too, given that both my friend and her bf are writers. So, a mixer for writers at a comic book store. Such things exist!

But we're in Los Angeles where if you want to find a meetup about something...it probably exists. Depends on where you are. Join Meetup.com and see what's out there.

Or if you're completely at a loss...there's also online dating.

Yeah, we don't really have 'mixers' over here.

I mean, there probably are clubs for some things, but I think the majority of people that go to those things alone are a bit socially awkward or weird... and none of my friends are interested in the same things as me so i'd feel a bit socially awkward and weird going alone (i.e. films, comics etc).

It's weird enough being at Slimming World meetings alone. I mean, they've gotten used to me now and seem to like me, but I still sit by myself and don't speak to them much because they all have their own little crews... cause a lot of the time people come together or are there because someone else told them to come along.

I would definitely make the effort though if there was an abundance of cool sounding film or comic related events, clubs or meetups... but personally i've not found that.

Hey, you're good at internet research? Can you see anything like that in Bristol, UK?

 

[PacificBoy]

You aren't a terrible person. You can make terrible decisions, but it's not the same as being a terrible person. You can decide to change, but only you can do that. The world or your circumstance doesn't make you do that.

I'm with you. He doesn't strike me as a terrible person; a terrible person wouldn't feel this terrible about his actions. But he has to commit to do something about it. Else it'd be the same revolving door of alcohol, messed-up relationships and self-pity.

 

[Anita18]

Yeah, we don't really have 'mixers' over here.

I mean, there probably are clubs for some things, but I think the majority of people that go to those things alone are a bit socially awkward or weird... and none of my friends are interested in the same things as me so i'd feel a bit socially awkward and weird going alone (i.e. films, comics etc).

It's weird enough being at Slimming World meetings alone. I mean, they've gotten used to me now and seem to like me, but I still sit by myself and don't speak to them much because they all have their own little crews... cause a lot of the time people come together or are there because someone else told them to come along.

I would definitely make the effort though if there was an abundance of cool sounding film or comic related events, clubs or meetups... but personally i've not found that.

Hey, you're good at internet research? Can you see anything like that in Bristol, UK?

Sorry, Meetup.com is entirely dependent on what you're interested in. I searched for Bristol and got a lot of tech stuff, because I go to Meetup.com for networking about tech stuff.

Here's a start for you. You can filter by your own interests.

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

It's official boys and girls... I seriously suck at relationships. My second long term relationship has now bit the dust.

On the plus side, as least when I find somewhere to live it will be a hell of a lot quieter and tidier!

 

[the last son]

My profile said relationship, but once we go on a few dates I've never said I wanted relationship

 

[Erzengel]

So again you are starting off dating women with not being fully honest.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

It's official boys and girls... I seriously suck at relationships. My second long term relationship has now bit the dust.

On the plus side, as least when I find somewhere to live it will be a hell of a lot quieter and tidier!

What happened?

Sorry, Meetup.com is entirely dependent on what you're interested in. I searched for Bristol and got a lot of tech stuff, because I go to Meetup.com for networking about tech stuff.

Here's a start for you. You can filter by your own interests.

My profile said relationship, but once we go on a few dates I've never said I wanted relationship

Yes... but your profile saying relationship is a lie.

Women are literally filtering the guys they browse by whether or not they are actually interested in a relationship... and then they get you, who eventually after a few dates, reveals you don't... making the whole thing a waste of time that will probably end with negative emotion because they might have been getting invested in you.

If you had the correct information on your profile, you might get girls who are actually SEARCHING for something not so serious, just like you are right now.

 

[Feenix]

Die for that comment.

Are you telling me to die for the comment I made?

 

[the last son]

Dreamer you ever see Flight?

 

[Anita18]

My profile said relationship, but once we go on a few dates I've never said I wanted relationship

Why do you lie to them then? You are hurting them on purpose if you do that, and causing yourself drama in the process. That is all kinds of wrong.

Just...I don't get why you are making everything harder for yourself. Did you learn a single thing from the abortion drama?

 

[the last son]

Also it doesn't matter anymore. My profile is deleted and I won't message those women again

 

[Anita18]

Also it doesn't matter anymore. My profile is deleted and I won't message those women again

Can you at least acknowledge WHY you did that though? If you don't acknowledge it and figure out the reasoning, you might very well slip into the same habits when you start again.

You don't have to explain it to us. Just know for yourself.

Unless you need to start watching Flight every week just to remind yourself not to slip.