The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - - - - - - - - Part 28

[Black Narcissus]

A little advice needed...

Long story short. I was out last night having a pretty good time. A group of girls that we befriended a few months ago tagged along with us. Within this group is a girl that I've been getting on with (simply, we bonded over our efforts to get into teaching) and we were having a small chat about trivial things.

Later on in the evening I was talking to another female friend of mine and out of no where the other girls' friends come up to me, complaining that I never treat their friend right. That shes crying in the bathroom right now because I can never give her more than five minutes of my attention.

Apparently, she has fancied me these past few months and has been trying to get me to reciprocate those feelings...

1.) I had NO idea she liked me. You'd seriously have to drop a house on me to notice.
2.) Sadly, I don't like her, but I'd be more than happy to talk to her about it. However apparently she has ''had enough'' and refuses to speak to me. Now, I'm ''an *******''.

Please explain... why am I the bad guy in all this?

You lost me here...I thought you were a gal?

 

[Pfeiffer-Pfan]

You lost me here...I thought you were a gal?

Nope... guy.

Does the avatar throw you off?

 

[hopefuldreamer]

It really, really depends on the relationship. And you often won't know until you do it, haha.

Living together cemented ours because I treasure the little "boring" things we do every day instead of big special dates. But you may want something different. You may want the special outings, in which case you either have to make lots of effort while living together, or live apart and make seeing each other be special.

For you guys, there's also the consideration that he didn't seem to be the most responsive of people. (My husband's the same.) If you don't live together, you might not hear from him for days. Maybe that non-responsiveness will feel different now that you HAVE lived together.

That's exactly what I am afraid of.

The things that have made me like him more are all acts of service and little thoughtful things that only happen because we live together.

Even the texting is probably going to lesson when it's less important to let someone know your on your way home or ask them if they want anything from the shop.

I have really really liked living with him, especially the last few weeks where he's been working and it just feels... comfortable.

But oh well... will just have to see where the cards fall I guess!

 

[Black Narcissus]

Nope... guy.

Does the avatar throw you off?

It wasn't Michelle Pfeiffer who made out with me? Not again.

 

[Godzilla2000]

I really should be feeling horrible about being so amused by a little chaos from some insecure young girl who's thinking I'm trying to steal her husband from her but I'm not. It's all a huge misunderstanding as I'm interested in someone else but I guess she's mistaken because of how he feels about me, maybe a residual crush? She's whipped herself into such a misguided frenzy that I can't help but laugh to myself at how unnecessary her jealous rage is. There may be some feelings there but I'm not budging because he's married to her. I'm just biding my time and seeing how things work themselves out without external forces gumming everything up. Only question I'm asking myself is why she's so bothered by my having a crush on some other guys that are not her husband? I guess this is why I'm laughing so much, because she's getting herself worked up on other people's behalf. She should just be taking care of her husband and not harassing me at work all the time...unless her hubby is giving her grief because he's just checking me out every now and again. If that's the case then she needs to talk with him, of course me, I think it's normal for guys to just look at an attractive girl when he sees one. No real harm done there if he's just looking and that makes the outrageously jealous reaction of hers even more childish.

 

[Black Narcissus]

I really should be feeling horrible about being so amused by a little chaos from some insecure young girl who's thinking I'm trying to steal her husband from her but I'm not. It's all a huge misunderstanding as I'm interested in someone else but I guess she's mistaken because of how he feels about me, maybe a residual crush? She's whipped herself into such a misguided frenzy that I can't help but laugh to myself at how unnecessary her jealous rage is. There may be some feelings there but I'm not budging because he's married to her. I'm just biding my time and seeing how things work themselves out without external forces gumming everything up. Only question I'm asking myself is why she's so bothered by my having a crush on some other guys that are not her husband? I guess this is why I'm laughing so much, because she's getting herself worked up on other people's behalf. She should just be taking care of her husband and not harassing me at work all the time...unless her hubby is giving her grief because he's just checking me out every now and again. If that's the case then she needs to talk with him, of course me, I think it's normal for guys to just look at an attractive girl when he sees one. No real harm done there if he's just looking and that makes the outrageously jealous reaction of hers even more childish.

I read this as Catherine Zeta Jones saying this.

 

[Godzilla2000]

I read this as Catherine Zeta Jones saying this.

I approve.

 

[DeadPresident]

I read this as Catherine Zeta Jones saying this.

CZJ in Intolerable Cruelty?

 

[Feenix]

I really should be feeling horrible about being so amused by a little chaos from some insecure young girl who's thinking I'm trying to steal her husband from her but I'm not. It's all a huge misunderstanding as I'm interested in someone else but I guess she's mistaken because of how he feels about me, maybe a residual crush? She's whipped herself into such a misguided frenzy that I can't help but laugh to myself at how unnecessary her jealous rage is. There may be some feelings there but I'm not budging because he's married to her. I'm just biding my time and seeing how things work themselves out without external forces gumming everything up. Only question I'm asking myself is why she's so bothered by my having a crush on some other guys that are not her husband? I guess this is why I'm laughing so much, because she's getting herself worked up on other people's behalf. She should just be taking care of her husband and not harassing me at work all the time...unless her hubby is giving her grief because he's just checking me out every now and again. If that's the case then she needs to talk with him, of course me, I think it's normal for guys to just look at an attractive girl when he sees one. No real harm done there if he's just looking and that makes the outrageously jealous reaction of hers even more childish.

You think quite highly of yourself, don't you?

 

[the last son]

Second date went bowling. Played two games split them. End of playing walked her to her car and she said goodnight. Gave me a hug I grabbed her hand and tried to pull her in for kiss, she pulled away. I went home. Pretty weird ending. She text was something wrong. I said no. She says she wanted to keep hanging out. I explained what happened and she says it didn't happen that way. I said miscommunication, I suppose. We're planning to see one another tomorrow. I want to do something nice and show her I really like her. I'm thinking of showing up with flowers.

 

[Hyde]

So I went ahead and told her yesterday, since I figured that me prolonging just saying it and all her friends constantly going on about it was having more of a negative effect than I thought and might have been the reason why she was being so off with me. I messaged her asking if we could talk and wrote a long paragraph explaining how I feel and why I took so long - I don't like saying this stuff over Facebook but we haven't been alone together for weeks, so I didn't really have any other option.

She said it was really sweet and that she does really like me too, but wanted to stay friends. This kinda confused me because surely if you're single and like a guy who likes you then you should just go for it? I brushed it off and a huge weight had finally been lifted off my shoulders, however I was speaking to one of her friends later that night who told me that that day at school she confirmed that she did like me but "wasn't attracted to me," which is why she doesn't want a relationship. She tried to explain it as there being a difference between someone being attractive and actually being attracted to them but I saw it as pretty shallow it and made me feel fairly crap about my appearance to be honest.

I spoke to a few friends today and they too echoed that statement. After that I don't think a relationship would have worked out, and already I'm starting to lose the feelings. Was for the best really.

 

[the last son]

I haven't been following your story, but I just read your last post and I have to say thats life man. Just the way it goes. Some people are going to be attracted to you who you aren't attracted to and vice versa. Just have to pucker up and move on. At least you went for it.it's not her fault if she isn't attracted to you. Just like yesterday with me, just because it was our second date she didn't owe me any physical interaction. It's just the way it goes

 

[Hyde]

Yeah, it's not a really big loss. Onwards and upwards and so forth.

 

[Anita18]

I still think y'alls were moving ahead of yourselves, but hey, as long as it works out the way it's gonna work out, I guess it doesn't matter, haha.

 

[Erzengel]

Attractiveness is not always merely physicalness. Personality can also be determining factor. I wouldn't let her not being attracted to you get to you. There will be others and I'm sure there will be something you'll find yourself attracted to.

 

[CoolHandLuke]

I find being yourself usually works. I'm not trying to be a jerk. But, just be yourself.

I guess you also need a different mindset.

See, most guys (and I assume gals,) tend to think of dating and relationships as a win/lose situation. I never did. It's a win/tie. Or, a win/stay the same.

I mean, what do you want? You want sex? That's easy. Go get some sex. You want a relationship? Be yourself. That is who the other person is going to meet eventually anyway. If he/she doesn't want to bang you because you were being yourself...then yeah you might miss out on some sex but you've saved yourself a lot of time and pain in the long run.

 

[the last son]

three dates and no kiss. The second day I went for a kiss as she rejected and after this third date even though we had a good time I just wasn't feeling it and didn't even go in for one.

 

[the last son]

it someone all the part of my plan. She is very hot and very successful and after she denied me on the second date of a kiss I told myself that I wouldn't go for another kiss. I'm trying to build something that will sustain and I think we do that over building a trust in a friendship then move towards any towards of intimacy

 

[the last son]

Think I blew it. Lost her number and she hasn't contacted me since date. Probably figured I'm not interested with the lack of physical interaction. Hopefully she'll text me back one day.

 

[Anita18]

Well there's always just the compatibility thing.

I'm also wondering if there's anything interesting and special you found about her. The way that you talked about her, it was just like the way you talked about your previous women. How rich and well-educated she is, but literally nothing else. It's not even obvious that you liked them as people all that much.

 

[the last son]

I just feel really insecure around successful people. She has a lot of qualities i like? Do you think she'll text me? Is she that disappointed i didn't make a move on third date?

 

[Anita18]

I just feel really insecure around successful people. She has a lot of qualities i like? Do you think she'll text me? Is she that disappointed i didn't make a move on third date?

Well a lot of people feel that way. It certainly isn't unusual. But from what you've posted here in the past, it mostly seems like you want to please such people (in this case, the women you're dating) but there's nothing very special personality-wise about any of them individually that makes you want to be around them.

It reads like you're only with them because you can't believe a successful woman would ever want to be with you. But awe doesn't make for a healthy relationship. You mostly come off here like a people-pleaser, without really considering what would make YOU happy deep-down.

 

[the last son]

Appreciate it. What about those last two questions i asked?

 

[Erzengel]

You've been on 3 dates, for a lot of people that's enough time to discern if they like you enough to want to see where it's going.

 

[the last son]

Yea our third date was Saturday. No kiss or nothing. Good time though. I lost her number and she hasn't contacted me since then. Oh well guess it wasn't meant to be. Guess we both figure no one is interested in one another since we haven't spoken since Saturday