The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - Part 30

[Golgo-13]

So I've noticed this guy at Walmart who keeps sneaking glances at me when we're near each other. I thought he was looking at his coworkers, but I've caught him doing it when they're not around. I tried testing him, but when I get too close he stops. Then when I turn around to leave and then quickly turn my head I catch him again. He always avert his gaze right before, though. I decided fine he's interested, but too shy to do anything. Then I overheard him openly talking about his game with women to his coworkers, and what he described is definitely not introvert behavior (I figure he's talking up his game). So last night I was looking for office supplies, and he happened to be there. I caught him looking as I was in the freezer section before, though. He didn't even attempt to look at me when I was nearby, but then he asked if he was in the way. When I said no we both looked at each other and smiled for a bit. He got real close, but then receded. So I ask for his help and he lit up and tried extremely hard to assist me. So I say he likes me, but we're both too shy to ask each other out.

Why don't you make the first move? Ask him what's the last movie he's seen, get a convo going with that; it should lead into one of you suggesting going to the movies.

Movie talk are great neutral ice breakers.

 

[Lily Adler]

We both tried. I tried asking his help trying to steer the conversation, but I'm not good at it. I'm very hesitant in my approach when communicating with people. I'll try your movie idea, though and see if that will work.

 

[Erzengel]

You could just give him your number and ask him to text you.

 

[Anita18]

Making eyes at each other does not progress relationships. Ask him for his number, or give him yours.

 

[Dark Raven]

I've been thinking if I had a cat I might be able to do without romantic relationships. Cats aren't difficult to understand. You can tell when they care for you and they don't hide how they feel. It's easy to read the signs and there is often more to talk about with them than some humans.

 

[NotSoLongAgo]

I've been thinking if I had a cat I might be able to do without romantic relationships. Cats aren't difficult to understand. You can tell when they care for you and they don't hide how they feel. It's easy to read the signs and there is often more to talk about with them than some humans.

This is sad. Don't do this. Or do, but don't abandon relationships because of it

 

[Lily Adler]

You could just give him your number and ask him to text you.

Making eyes at each other does not progress relationships. Ask him for his number, or give him yours.

You monsters and your peer pressure.

Fine I'll do it.

 

[Anita18]

I've been thinking if I had a cat I might be able to do without romantic relationships. Cats aren't difficult to understand. You can tell when they care for you and they don't hide how they feel. It's easy to read the signs and there is often more to talk about with them than some humans.

Um....you want a dog dude. You KNOW when a dog doesn't like you, or wants you to go away. Cats will be super-happy being petted one second, then the next second they can decide they want you to GO AWAY RIGHT NOW and out come the teeth and claws.

And don't let your guard down when a cat shows you its belly. It's a trap, more often than not!

I haven't gotten nipped by my cat in years because I know him so well. And he's actually quite an affectionate cat, he loves being held like a toddler. But sometimes he just wants you to go away. And I LOVE cats. But they require more patience than dogs.

Also, it really depends on the person. My husband is very easy to read, and he has simple needs. But people think he's complicated just because he's not very gregarious, and he's highly sensitive. But really, he's quite simple. If he's upset, which you can read on his face, it's probably because there's something noxious about his environment (loud noises, major setbacks, too crowded, high-strung energy). If you aren't contributing to the loud noises or high-strung energy, he's not mad at you. If he has a problem, he'll let you know. If he doesn't say anything and his face is relaxed, he's perfectly content and you shouldn't worry.

There, I've just described the entirety of my marriage. It really does sound too simple to be true, and I did have to tell myself in the very beginning, that if he had an issue with the relationship, I should trust him to tell me. But I'm glad I did that, because if I second-guessed myself, I wouldn't have what I have now. And I've learned to do the same for him - he's direct with me, so I'm direct with him. You have to reflect what you want to see in other people too.

 

[Hobgoblin]

Ok, so my wedding is two weeks away. When we sent out invitations, we made it very clear to the guests that it was an adults only celebration. Kids were to stay home. Everyone has complied....except my aunt and uncle. Their son and grandkids live in England and are coming for the wedding. The girls are about 10 to 12 years in age so they arent little but are still kids. My fiance's mom heard about it and is mad that dad and his sister blatantly ignored the request. Dad is very excited to see his nephew and his kids, so I'm not sure what to tell him. I Pm'ed my brother to get his opinion and it was basically "the no kids rule is dumb, but its done. the other family can deal with it."

So, yeah.

 

[warhorse78]

Last night, was out and about with a bunch of friends from work, from all walks of ages and races, and the topic became that they are all sick of this new society where all people want to do is just play around and don't want to commit. And I have seen this myself when hanging out with some of the guys, where all they want to do is screw as many women as they can, and some of the women that I know can be married and have no problem having boyfriends on the side, or some single women will deliberately target men who are married or have steady girlfriends. Has this always been the case, or is this something that's like, the in thing to do now?

I have a guy friend I know is a player, and I want to ask why he's doing this, hurting women like this, and he simply wont answer me. Are these people messed up in the head, or just don't care????

 

[Dark Raven]

Um....you want a dog dude. You KNOW when a dog doesn't like you, or wants you to go away. Cats will be super-happy being petted one second, then the next second they can decide they want you to GO AWAY RIGHT NOW and out come the teeth and claws.

And don't let your guard down when a cat shows you its belly. It's a trap, more often than not!

I haven't gotten nipped by my cat in years because I know him so well. And he's actually quite an affectionate cat, he loves being held like a toddler. But sometimes he just wants you to go away. And I LOVE cats. But they require more patience than dogs.

Also, it really depends on the person. My husband is very easy to read, and he has simple needs. But people think he's complicated just because he's not very gregarious, and he's highly sensitive. But really, he's quite simple. If he's upset, which you can read on his face, it's probably because there's something noxious about his environment (loud noises, major setbacks, too crowded, high-strung energy). If you aren't contributing to the loud noises or high-strung energy, he's not mad at you. If he has a problem, he'll let you know. If he doesn't say anything and his face is relaxed, he's perfectly content and you shouldn't worry.

There, I've just described the entirety of my marriage. It really does sound too simple to be true, and I did have to tell myself in the very beginning, that if he had an issue with the relationship, I should trust him to tell me. But I'm glad I did that, because if I second-guessed myself, I wouldn't have what I have now. And I've learned to do the same for him - he's direct with me, so I'm direct with him. You have to reflect what you want to see in other people too.

Sorry, but I've always been a cat person not a dog person. I was watching a documentary on kittens in their first year of life at the time when I posted late a night and they looked cute as always. Sure, puppies can be cute too, but they'll never take the place of a cat, and if I got a dog I'd always be wishing I had a cat instead.

 

[DA_Champion]

Ok, so my wedding is two weeks away. When we sent out invitations, we made it very clear to the guests that it was an adults only celebration. Kids were to stay home. Everyone has complied....except my aunt and uncle. Their son and grandkids live in England and are coming for the wedding. The girls are about 10 to 12 years in age so they arent little but are still kids. My fiance's mom heard about it and is mad that dad and his sister blatantly ignored the request. Dad is very excited to see his nephew and his kids, so I'm not sure what to tell him. I Pm'ed my brother to get his opinion and it was basically "the no kids rule is dumb, but its done. the other family can deal with it."

So, yeah.

WTF at people making up their own rules.

 

[DA_Champion]

Dogs are superior to cats.

 

[Erzengel]

Ok, so my wedding is two weeks away. When we sent out invitations, we made it very clear to the guests that it was an adults only celebration. Kids were to stay home. Everyone has complied....except my aunt and uncle. Their son and grandkids live in England and are coming for the wedding. The girls are about 10 to 12 years in age so they arent little but are still kids. My fiance's mom heard about it and is mad that dad and his sister blatantly ignored the request. Dad is very excited to see his nephew and his kids, so I'm not sure what to tell him. I Pm'ed my brother to get his opinion and it was basically "the no kids rule is dumb, but its done. the other family can deal with it."

So, yeah.

We had family who wanted to invite their adult kids. We put our foot down. It caused a little bit of bad feelings but we stuck with out guns.

Last night, was out and about with a bunch of friends from work, from all walks of ages and races, and the topic became that they are all sick of this new society where all people want to do is just play around and don't want to commit. And I have seen this myself when hanging out with some of the guys, where all they want to do is screw as many women as they can, and some of the women that I know can be married and have no problem having boyfriends on the side, or some single women will deliberately target men who are married or have steady girlfriends. Has this always been the case, or is this something that's like, the in thing to do now?

I have a guy friend I know is a player, and I want to ask why he's doing this, hurting women like this, and he simply wont answer me. Are these people messed up in the head, or just don't care????

You'll always have people who aren't meant to be in relationship however, maybe the group/area you hang around with are just more susceptible or resigned to that type of behavior.

I've known cheaters but for the most part, single people don't chase after attached people.

 

[Golgo-13]

You monsters and your peer pressure.

Fine I'll do it.

The key is to be clear about your intentions, so there's no mis-communication. I personally wouldn't just hand someone my number, because if they don't call, there's going to be that arkward vibe between the two of you at work. It's okay if you seldmonly see one another but you can't escape someone who you have to work with.

I say the movie ice-breaker is the best bet. 90% of dates i've gotten have been through talking about movies. Just about everybody likes movies and can talk about some aspect of movies they like. Once you two get a bit more comfortable talking, asking what's the last one you've seen, and hinting you want to see a particluar one, should lead into one of you guys bringing up the idea that you should see that particular movie together.

 

[Anita18]

Sorry, but I've always been a cat person not a dog person. I was watching a documentary on kittens in their first year of life at the time when I posted late a night and they looked cute as always. Sure, puppies can be cute too, but they'll never take the place of a cat, and if I got a dog I'd always be wishing I had a cat instead.

Have you had both to really compare? My parents have had dogs, I have a cat and my former roommate had cats.

I prefer owning a cat, since they're more my speed (i.e. really lazy ), and they feel comfortable around me because I'm very calm. But they do require patience and understanding, because they're not as outwardly expressive as dogs. I've had to learn to read my cat, whereas dogs are easier to read. Cats don't like high-strung, anxious people - my roommate's old pissy cat really warmed up to me because I'm so calm and patient.

It's really not about which one's the cutest.

Ok, so my wedding is two weeks away. When we sent out invitations, we made it very clear to the guests that it was an adults only celebration. Kids were to stay home. Everyone has complied....except my aunt and uncle. Their son and grandkids live in England and are coming for the wedding. The girls are about 10 to 12 years in age so they arent little but are still kids. My fiance's mom heard about it and is mad that dad and his sister blatantly ignored the request. Dad is very excited to see his nephew and his kids, so I'm not sure what to tell him. I Pm'ed my brother to get his opinion and it was basically "the no kids rule is dumb, but its done. the other family can deal with it."

So, yeah.

Every wedding has something like that happen. Mine was REALLY low-stress but one of my mom's distant cousins told my mom she was coming (without a formal invitation) and it was so close to the wedding, that I was like, "Ugh, fine, whatever." At least it was from my (Chinese) side of the family, and they paid their own way in red envelopes (i.e. cash gifts). That made it better.

You'll always have people who aren't meant to be in relationship however, maybe the group/area you hang around with are just more susceptible or resigned to that type of behavior.

I've known cheaters but for the most part, single people don't chase after attached people.

Yeah, I come from a super-nerdy peer group (not comic book geeks, but like hardcore science/engineering nerds), and from what I've seen, most of us don't bother with the drama of cheating. People are just happy to have a partner.

 

[Six]

Ok so this girl texted me last week to complain about her ex that she's still "friends" with. I really don't care if they're ****ing or not, but I can't stand hearing about this tool. He's threatened to harm himself if they didn't hang out before and he flips out at her for small things like being too quiet. I don't want to ignore her if she feels upset, but she's the one that continuously decides to hang out with him still. If she brings him up again what do I do?

 

[NotSoLongAgo]

Ok so this girl texted me last week to complain about her ex that she's still "friends" with. I really don't care if they're ****ing or not, but I can't stand hearing about this tool. He's threatened to harm himself if they didn't hang out before and he flips out at her for small things like being too quiet. I don't want to ignore her if she feels upset, but she's the one that continuously decides to hang out with him still. If she brings him up again what do I do?

Just be straight up with her and remind her she's the one making the choice to keep hanging out with him. He sounds toxic and saying something about it imo is more helpful than just letting her rant about him.

 

[Dark Raven]

Have you had both to really compare? My parents have had dogs, I have a cat and my former roommate had cats.

I prefer owning a cat, since they're more my speed (i.e. really lazy ), and they feel comfortable around me because I'm very calm. But they do require patience and understanding, because they're not as outwardly expressive as dogs. I've had to learn to read my cat, whereas dogs are easier to read. Cats don't like high-strung, anxious people - my roommate's old pissy cat really warmed up to me because I'm so calm and patient.

It's really not about which one's the cutest.

I've never been a dog person though. I'm not fond of the barking. And even when other people have had dogs, I haven't really warmed to them, whereas I always warm to cats, and they seem to warm to me. Dogs are too much maintenance to have to take for walks each day as well. I don't really like dogs trying to cosy up to me or climbing on me, whereas I'm fine with cats doing that. And I find cats perfectly easy to read.

 

[Anita18]

Just be straight up with her and remind her she's the one making the choice to keep hanging out with him. He sounds toxic and saying something about it imo is more helpful than just letting her rant about him.

Pretty much.

I have a friend who rants to me all the time, and has suicidal episodes. She's like a sister to me now, but she's never put me down personally. I have a hard line about that kind of toxic behavior.

 

[Anita18]

I've never been a dog person though. I'm not fond of the barking. And even when other people have had dogs, I haven't really warmed to them, whereas I always warm to cats, and they seem to warm to me. Dogs are too much maintenance to have to take for walks each day as well. I don't really like dogs trying to cosy up to me or climbing on me, whereas I'm fine with cats doing that. And I find cats perfectly easy to read.

Okay, then what to stop you from getting a cat? There always seems to be someone on Facebook feed trying to give away cats, and there's always tons of them at the shelters here.

 

[SpideyVille]

So there's this girl at my job that lives by me. I've seen her a few times waiting for the train in the morning, but I never tried to speak to her. About a month ago, I had to start taking a daily training class at work, and noticed she was also in the class. Still, never spoke to her and she never spoke to me outside of class. But earlier today, she asked me where I live because she had finally recognized me. We chatted a bit before class in the morning, and then later in the day, she sent me an IM asking if I were going to some vendor event. I told her I hadn't even heard of it and had other plans, and she said she was just asking so that if I wanted to ride home together, we could since it would be late and we live closeby.

Now, normally I'd think if a girl asked said this, it was because she was trying to flirt. But for some reason, my first thought was not to get too excited because she was probably just trying to use me or something as a way to make sure she gets home safe. Realizing that that was my thought process, it showed me that while I'm completely over my ex, I still don't feel like I've fully healed. Granted, there's absolutely nothing that says that this girl is interested in a relationship or anything, but just the thought of being in the "getting to know" phase with someone really scares me. It's almost like, even if I'm interested in a girl, I back out when they're interested in me, which is why I've stopped putting myself out there altogether.

I thought the conversation was over at that point, but then she started IM'ing me again, asking about where I went to school and what I work on and stuff. Maybe she is interested, maybe she's not. But all I know is, as someone who used to be a diehard hopeless romantic, and couldn't wait to be in a relationship, in the past 8 months, as much as I have wished I could be with someone, there's a stronger part of me that doesn't want to be with anyone, and that really scares me.

 

[SuperSanchez]

Thought I'd just put a status update if anyone is wanting to hear lol
So like, a few months back I was pretty desperate to get a girlfriend, still kind of am but not as much, I've realised I should probably focus more on building myself up first, for example I'm gonna try to get really good at guitar and drums, hopefully get an album out soon, and also make more videos and stuff like that. This will make me a more interesting person I think and will make people admire me more, I'm not saying that in a cocky "oh look at me I'm so good" way, I mean in a way where I'm just not as boring as I am now. Is this a good idea?

 

[SuperSanchez]

So there's this girl at my job that lives by me. I've seen her a few times waiting for the train in the morning, but I never tried to speak to her. About a month ago, I had to start taking a daily training class at work, and noticed she was also in the class. Still, never spoke to her and she never spoke to me outside of class. But earlier today, she asked me where I live because she had finally recognized me. We chatted a bit before class in the morning, and then later in the day, she sent me an IM asking if I were going to some vendor event. I told her I hadn't even heard of it and had other plans, and she said she was just asking so that if I wanted to ride home together, we could since it would be late and we live closeby.

Now, normally I'd think if a girl asked said this, it was because she was trying to flirt. But for some reason, my first thought was not to get too excited because she was probably just trying to use me or something as a way to make sure she gets home safe. Realizing that that was my thought process, it showed me that while I'm completely over my ex, I still don't feel like I've fully healed. Granted, there's absolutely nothing that says that this girl is interested in a relationship or anything, but just the thought of being in the "getting to know" phase with someone really scares me. It's almost like, even if I'm interested in a girl, I back out when they're interested in me, which is why I've stopped putting myself out there altogether.

I thought the conversation was over at that point, but then she started IM'ing me again, asking about where I went to school and what I work on and stuff. Maybe she is interested, maybe she's not. But all I know is, as someone who used to be a diehard hopeless romantic, and couldn't wait to be in a relationship, in the past 8 months, as much as I have wished I could be with someone, there's a stronger part of me that doesn't want to be with anyone, and that really scares me.

I think I know how you feel man, I'm also a hopeless romantic, but man, you have something here, so hold it tight and don't let it go. Chase after her man, go out with her sometime. Find out if she's really interested. You have nothing to lose.

 

[Erzengel]

I thought the conversation was over at that point, but then she started IM'ing me again, asking about where I went to school and what I work on and stuff. Maybe she is interested, maybe she's not. But all I know is, as someone who used to be a diehard hopeless romantic, and couldn't wait to be in a relationship, in the past 8 months, as much as I have wished I could be with someone, there's a stronger part of me that doesn't want to be with anyone, and that really scares me.

Slow down.

You barely know this girl. Even going on a date =/= being in a relationship. Who knows you might not even connect with this girl.

And you kinda had an effed up first relationship. It's left it's mark on you. Some people can move past it alone, others need to get back out there.

Just don't put the cart before the horse.