Attack of the *Official* Relationship Advice Thread

[terry78]

Depends. Of course, in this economy, if you HAVE a nontemp job, that's definitely a plus.

As for the details, it really depends on the lifestyle of both partners. I couldn't stand living with someone who earned six-figures and showed it off by buying nice cars and generally throwing it around like it was toilet paper. That's really not my style. I would not last an hour with someone like this.

Unfortunately, someone having gone to college doesn't mean squat in the job market anymore. But I'd still prefer it because that usually means they had to work for something. Unless it was someone who didn't go to college because he started his own company. I think a reasonable amount of ambition is the most important thing for me. Trust fund babies who do nothing with their lives, that's not cool with me either. But neither is the doctor who works 100-hr weeks.


I am more than 10 years younger than you and I've always been focused on stability. Most of my friends are either living paycheck to paycheck or they are trust fund babies who don't have to worry about money. I've got one rich uncle who sends me money every Christmas but otherwise I'm a mad saver.


Um, I really think you should try to temper down your expectations. You will NEVER come across a dream man who magically does all the things you want him to. Unless you tell him outright.

But it wouldn't hoit.

 

[Anita18]

But it wouldn't hoit.

If I didn't kill him for his *****ebagginess first.

 

[Erzengel]

Anyways, I suppose this falls under the Love and Relationship category but I've been thinking about how I'd like a man to propose to me. Now I'm a unique type personality in that the normal methods of proposing do not apply. I have to stress the more imaginative the setting, the more memorable the experience would be for me. For example: I'd been thinking that this would be so me but I'd imagine a guy, any guy who's free and ready to marry me, proposing to me after we've frolicked in one of those large, outdoor fountains in one of those public places in those big cities. Well, it would obviously have to be a Summertime proposal though because any other season it would kind of get too cold. I mean how cool would it be absolutely drenching our formal wear (Effectively ruining them I might add.) after a nice dinner standing there in that pool of water with the fountain dumping artificial rain upon us? This is the sort of thing I'd find a creative and memorable way to propose to someone.

I proposed after taking her to her favorite Opera, then took her to the first "nice" restaurant we ever went to.

In the end, while the setup is nice, and I heard, skywriting, flash mobs, etc., it's about the meaning behind the actual proposal and the sentiment of what that represents.

I was more worried she was going to ruin just me asking. I'm kinda tired, let's just go home or why do you want to eat here? Luckily things worked out.

The way you envision it just sounds like you've watched one too many TV sitcoms or romantic movies.

 

[Anubis]

It's usually just,

"Wanna get married?"

"Eh,I guess so."

 

[ComicChick]

I am a woman of 38, almost 39 and I can attest to this statement as being true. As we women get older our priorities start to shift from casual things to things with more stability. Of course stability doesn't mean we should get boring though! I've always been a very creative person and I just love to figure out ways of making things fun. I've had mostly male friends in my life and they've all told me the most boring chores, like grocery shopping, are fun experiences because of my silliness. Not to toot my own horn but I'd think I'd make a very interesting partner for any man willing to stand beside me.

and why aren't you dating any of them?

 

[Polaris23]

I just got back and as always, when you plan things, they never go as planned. When I got there, my friend couldn't find her friend, so I was walking around pretending to look for stuff. Then I didn't know her friend was there talking to her, so I almost missed that opportunity completely. We didn't formally get introduced to each other, but my friend did tell her to help me find some books, so I used the nephew plan. I tried to hint that I liked comics, and she showed some knowledge like when the Avengers film was coming out and how they started a new series of children's books for that, but she didn't bite like I had hoped, so the topic of Comic Con never came up. In retrospect, I probably missed my chance to ask her if she was a fan. That was pretty much it. She asked if I needed help with anything else, but I couldn't think of anything, so she left me there. I stood around for a while longer, pretending to browse some more, but I couldn't think of anything else to do so I paid for the books and left without seeing her again.

I ended up going back an hour later to get a job application, and I saw her, but the store was about to close so I didn't think there was anything else she could help me with then. So now I wait and see what the word is from my friend. I kinda want to go back on Sunday to return my application and to say I need help with books for my niece since she'll be jealous if she sees my nephew get things and not her. But I don't want to tread on the line of stalker or creep, so I don't know about that.

But I feel like I sort of pressured myself too much with the comic con thing and trying to rush things to happen. She definitely seemed like my type of girl physically and I'd definitely like to get to know her, but now its just a matter of trying to find a good way of going about that. I really don't want to go to comic-con and spend all 3 days hoping to run into her.

It's good that you know what you want and you're going after it, but with something like this it's better, much better to go about it super casual and along with the flow. Or else, unless you're incredibly good at improv, it will seem forced to other people. You definitely don't want to give her the impression that you're trying too hard the first time you meet. Just go, check her out and the place, feel the space and let it come to you. If you see something, ask about it with her, and let and slowly make the conversation go wherever you want. This whole "I was going to do this, but then this happened, and this, so now I can't do that" sounds silly. It's really not that big a deal, just go on your own without any connections/friends. If she ends up finding out you know mutual people, then it'll be a pleasant surprise at best. Just goooooooo with it! Keep it cool!

 

[Polaris23]

If I didn't kill him for his *****ebagginess first.

That does sound like a *****ebag move, lol, Anita would your bf actually do something like that?

 

[WillardNation]

Went out on a date last night with a girl I met through a friend. She's really cool, funny and pretty ****ing gorgeous. I was actually kind of shocked when she told me she's seen me at a bunch of different places and was too shy to come up to me. Anyway, we had a lot of fun and I'm thinking she might just be the one to help me get over my whole only being attracted to unavailable women thing.

 

[Polaris23]

Went out on a date last night with a girl I met through a friend. She's really cool, funny and pretty ****ing gorgeous. I was actually kind of shocked when she told me she's seen me at a bunch of different places and was too shy to come up to me. Anyway, we had a lot of fun and I'm thinking she might just be the one to help me get over my whole only being attracted to unavailable women thing.

That's awesome! Congrats

 

[SpideyVille]

It's good that you know what you want and you're going after it, but with something like this it's better, much better to go about it super casual and along with the flow. Or else, unless you're incredibly good at improv, it will seem forced to other people. You definitely don't want to give her the impression that you're trying too hard the first time you meet. Just go, check her out and the place, feel the space and let it come to you. If you see something, ask about it with her, and let and slowly make the conversation go wherever you want. This whole "I was going to do this, but then this happened, and this, so now I can't do that" sounds silly. It's really not that big a deal, just go on your own without any connections/friends. If she ends up finding out you know mutual people, then it'll be a pleasant surprise at best. Just goooooooo with it! Keep it cool!

It's funny you mention improv because I just started taking an acting class this past semester and I feel like it has really been helping become more comfortable people in terms of how I speak to them and how much eye contact I give, so I've been able to feel more confident. But I still seem to have that problem where I can't get my stuff straight around a girl that I may possibly be interested in. But at least I know my problem now is that its something mental, and not as much as something physical like I always used to fear.

But right now, I feel like going back tomorrow after I drop off the job application to see if I can try to chat her up again. I'm just worried about falling into creeper/stalker territory.

 

[Anita18]

That does sound like a *****ebag move, lol, Anita would your bf actually do something like that?

Nah, he makes pretty good money but his only financial weakness is Whole Foods. He saved as much money working for a year as I'd do in 10. Now it's even more since he's living at home and not paying SF rent. Which means it's his responsibility to come down and visit me.

Went out on a date last night with a girl I met through a friend. She's really cool, funny and pretty ****ing gorgeous. I was actually kind of shocked when she told me she's seen me at a bunch of different places and was too shy to come up to me. Anyway, we had a lot of fun and I'm thinking she might just be the one to help me get over my whole only being attracted to unavailable women thing.

Yay!

and why aren't you dating any of them?

 

[bullets]

I
But right now, I feel like going back tomorrow after I drop off the job application to see if I can try to chat her up again. I'm just worried about falling into creeper/stalker territory.

I used to have crush on a waitress at a restaurant my family always went to. I finally said the hell with it and decided to ask her out. She was hosting that night. While I was walking up got nervous and completely blew it. I asked for an application instead. She went from smiling to giving me a weird look. I felt embarrassed because of that and never went back. In retrospect I wish I had just gone for it. So should you.

 

[steintym]

It's funny you mention improv because I just started taking an acting class this past semester and I feel like it has really been helping become more comfortable people in terms of how I speak to them and how much eye contact I give, so I've been able to feel more confident. But I still seem to have that problem where I can't get my stuff straight around a girl that I may possibly be interested in. But at least I know my problem now is that its something mental, and not as much as something physical like I always used to fear.

But right now, I feel like going back tomorrow after I drop off the job application to see if I can try to chat her up again. I'm just worried about falling into creeper/stalker territory.

Might be time to have your friend step up and throw you an assist. You've seen the girl, briefly chatted and are obviously interested at this point. Have your friend put in a good word, mention that you're her friend, anything to help things along.

 

[SpideyVille]

Might be time to have your friend step up and throw you an assist. You've seen the girl, briefly chatted and are obviously interested at this point. Have your friend put in a good word, mention that you're her friend, anything to help things along.

Well that's sorta where I am now. I'm waiting for her to get a chance to talk me up. But I told her don't try too hard to make me sound like some awesome guy where the expectations are much higher than I can deliver, but rather to at least try to convince her friend to give me a chance to at least get to know me.

But I will admit, I am sort of putting more pressure on myself to make this happen now because I wanted to do the comic-con thing next week with her and whoever she's going with, and I think that added pressure is what is making me mess up more.

I used to have crush on a waitress at a restaurant my family always went to. I finally said the hell with it and decided to ask her out. She was hosting that night. While I was walking up got nervous and completely blew it. I asked for an application instead. She went from smiling to giving me a weird look. I felt embarrassed because of that and never went back. In retrospect I wish I had just gone for it. So should you.

Like I said above, I want to wait to see if there's even a chance first by hearing what my friend says, but at the same time, now that I have at least had some contact with her, I'm more confident to approach her on my own than to ask my friend to be a mediator of sorts. I just don't know if going back 2 days later is a smart idea even though I have a pretty legitimate reason for going.

 

[Godzilla2000]

The way you envision it just sounds like you've watched one too many TV sitcoms or romantic movies.

I don't watch either on a regular basis. I prefer straight up action movies or Sci Fi and Fantasy. To understand my reasonings you really do have to get to know me. If the guy I'm with gets me into one of my wacky moods I actually would just hop right into a fountain and frolic, especially on a very hot day in the Summertime, in a formal dress. It would start with sitting on the edge of the fountain and giving the guy a splash of water. I've done this sort of thing before when I was with a group of friends a long time ago when I was in my 20's. In my city there is a large, area with several fountains lining a little walkway. Well at the time it was just being built so there were absolutely no railings. Well, my friends and I decided to pass by there on the way home at around midnight. Mind you I was hopped up on a 2 liter bottle of Cola and a bag of Hershey's Kisses so the sugar and caffeine were coursing through my veins with a vengeance. We first decided to bow to the City Hall nearby as the clock was striking midnight and then we proceeded to dunk each other into the pool of one of the fountains. Not too soon afterwards they installed the railings. This is kind of why I'd love to be proposed to by the man I was meant to be with after a nice frolic in a fountain because of the fond memories I have when I was a young adult associated with that bit of uninhibited fun I'd had with my friends. It has absolutely nothing to do with what you said. That's a bit insensitive a thing to say to me you know.

and why aren't you dating any of them?

It's hard to date something that does not exist in the little town I live in. They're for the most part all Qurupecos trying to mimic a Rathalos to use my Monster Hunter analogy I'm so fond of.

 

[ComicChick]

where do they live then? you said yall go grocery shopping.

 

[Godzilla2000]

where do they live then? you said yall go grocery shopping.

I was referring to friends, not lovers. I never date guys I just have friendly affections for. I'm either attracted to a guy or I'm not. Dating a friend for me is like dating one of my siblings, which is even creepier to me because all my siblings are sisters. Those were friends I haven't seen in ages. They've all moved away and I haven't been able to get in touch with them. I've just been so wrapped up in other, very stressful things lately that need to be done.

 

[Anita18]

I was referring to friends, not lovers. I never date guys I just have friendly affections for. I'm either attracted to a guy or I'm not. Dating a friend for me is like dating one of my siblings, which is even creepier to me because all my siblings are sisters. Those were friends I haven't seen in ages. They've all moved away and I haven't been able to get in touch with them. I've just been so wrapped up in other, very stressful things lately that need to be done.

One of my coworkers ended up dating an old friend from across the country. Didn't last unfortunately - he was one of those free-loving hippie types and didn't want to be tied down.

 

[SpideyVille]

I'm at the point where if a girl just wants to friends, I know I have no reason to stick around. I have enough friends who are girls, but none of them have been girlfriends and that's what I'm looking for.

 

[HisMagicTrick]

I'm at the point where if a girl just wants to friends, I know I have no reason to stick around. I have enough friends who are girls, but none of them have been girlfriends and that's what I'm looking for.

Perhaps you could work on turning one of those friends into a girlfriend? I've heard the best relationships start out of friendships.

 

[SpideyVille]

Perhaps you could work on turning one of those friends into a girlfriend? I've heard the best relationships start out of friendships.

Well I've mentioned how I have an easier time talking to girls that I already know have a boyfriend or am just not attracted to. There's no pressure and they end up being the people I run to first for advice about girls, so I immediately remove any possibility of a relationship.

But even if I'm trying to be just friends with a girl that I like, I either put myself in the friend zone or I have trouble really being a friend because deep down I'm thinking of how to hook up with them, so I put the pressure back on myself.

 

[SuperSoldier985]

I would ask for relationship advice...if I were in one...

 

[HisMagicTrick]

Well I've mentioned how I have an easier time talking to girls that I already know have a boyfriend or am just not attracted to. There's no pressure and they end up being the people I run to first for advice about girls, so I immediately remove any possibility of a relationship.

But even if I'm trying to be just friends with a girl that I like, I either put myself in the friend zone or I have trouble really being a friend because deep down I'm thinking of how to hook up with them, so I put the pressure back on myself.

Well then I guess the best advice I can give you would be to just relax when talking to girls that you like, so as to not embarrass or stress yourself, and try to make your intentions straightforward right from the start. Try playfully flirting with them or something.

Easier said then done, I suppose…

 

[SpideyVille]

I would ask for relationship advice...if I were in one...

You could also ask for advice on how to get in one.

Well then I guess the best advice I can give you would be to just relax when talking to girls that you like, so as to not embarrass or stress yourself, and try to make your intentions straightforward right from the start. Try playfully flirting with them or something.

Easier said then done, I suppose…

Yeah, people keep telling me my brother was the same way until he met his girlfriend in college and they've been together for 14 years. And now he's more comfortable around girls to the point where he could easily get another one if he wasn't already married. Of course that maturity, confidence and comfort comes with age and experience, but for some reason, probably because I think too much and really want to be in a relationship, I tend to mess myself up when the opportunities are there.

But ironically enough, with every girl that I've liked, I've gotten one step closer with each one. So if the trend continues, I should be able to get a date with this new girl that I like. But then of course, I still have to find a way to make that opportunity happen.

 

[SuperSoldier985]

God has pulled a cruel joke on me, making me fall for the ones who are married or have boyfriends and having the ones I can't stand gravitate toward me..