Raiders of the Official Relationship Thread

[Anita18]

That sounds about right. I just really hope things go well for them, partially because my butt's on the fire with this. If this goes bad, I might be blamed because this entire thing was my idea

Well as long as everyone's nice to each other and has a good time, I don't see how you could be blamed for anything.

I don't see Anita as dominant at all. The guy she's with now, they both seem to have the same type of personality. Quiet and shy. She's mentioned there's silence in their relationships and it's not awkward.

It's just a type of relationship where 2 similar people have found each other.

I'm really to gather that a very open, and in your face type of girl would probably be a turn off for him.

Well, as always, it's complicated. He's not "dominant," but usually he's the more decisive of us. But when I want to do something, he usually goes along with it. I have what I call an inertia problem, and his decisiveness (at least relative to mine) gives me the push I need to get going on something.

And we've always been very honest with each other, but a loud yakky girl who tells him every single detail of everything that happens in her life...yeah, a definite turn off for him.

It's never always one way or the other, although I guess people try to figure out relationships (and other people) by trying to put them into categories. That's the beef I have with most of SuperMike's advice. Sorry if I come off hostile dude, but it just rubs me the wrong way, saying "Here's what you have to do to attract women." As if all women were the same. Even if you get some women that way, who knows if you'll ever get the right woman for you if you change your behavior from what comes naturally to you. I mean, aside from the whole being more confident and putting yourself out there stuff.

 

[SuperMike335!!]

We're going on a double date tonight, setting up one of my friends and one of his on a blind date. Any advice to help them get along? I mean, I know if they clash there's not much to be done, but neither party are supremely confident and both of them could use a nice date as a morale boost. And, of course, I want my friend to have a good time. She's had some bad luck with guys and I'd hate for this to be no exception and for her to get pissed at me for setting her up on an awful date.

Also, talk to your own date, and you two can both be on a little secret, like a game. Pretend the guy who you are trying to get hooked up is the leader. Both of you socially defer to him.

In any group situation there is a leader, to at least some degree people look for to make decisions. Let him know in advance that its good for him to know what he wants, and he should show it by being charge of where you all go this evening, and when it is time to leave where ever you are at.

If done right it will make him look like a million bucks, and when/if he makes a move on her she will be excited.

 

[SuperMike335!!]

Well as long as everyone's nice to each other and has a good time, I don't see how you could be blamed for anything.


Well, as always, it's complicated. He's not "dominant," but usually he's the more decisive of us. But when I want to do something, he usually goes along with it. I have what I call an inertia problem, and his decisiveness (at least relative to mine) gives me the push I need to get going on something.

And we've always been very honest with each other, but a loud yakky girl who tells him every single detail of everything that happens in her life...yeah, a definite turn off for him.

It's never always one way or the other, although I guess people try to figure out relationships (and other people) by trying to put them into categories. That's the beef I have with most of SuperMike's advice. Sorry if I come off hostile dude, but it just rubs me the wrong way, saying "Here's what you have to do to attract women." As if all women were the same. Even if you get some women that way, who knows if you'll ever get the right woman for you if you change your behavior from what comes naturally to you. I mean, aside from the whole being more confident and putting yourself out there stuff.

So it makes you ******** that I dare say there are consistent pattern in female bahavior and mate selection?

Just because a minority does not fit with the pattern does not mean such pattern does not exist.

 

[Anita18]

So it makes you ******** that I dare say there are consistent pattern in female bahavior and mate selection?

Just because a minority does not fit with the pattern does not mean such pattern does not exist.

There's patterns of likely human behavior to everything. (Note I did say "likely".) I'm an aspiring information designer, of course I know about that stuff. We call 'em user flows. If you have a bad experience trying to do something on a website, that's cause the people behind it didn't predict their visitor's behavior well enough.

But when it comes to something as complicated and personal as a relationship, I think predicting the user flow of a prospective partner isn't very prudent. In fact, it could backfire.

Most importantly, you HAVE to keep in mind that user flows directly depend on your audience. Determine what kind of woman you want to attract and then act accordingly. Writing up a user flow without determining who your main audience is is probably the biggest waste of time ever.

So will your advice work for some guys? Of course. Depends on what they want. But you're painting it as if it will work for everybody, and I'm pointing out that it won't necessarily work universally. It all depends on what you want.

 

[Erzengel]

I never paint in broad strokes. I always use "most" or "more often times than not". It's just when I seem make a comment that touches on shyness, introvert, or non confidence that Anita seems to come running.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

I think confidence is universally attractive. At all times. In fact I think those who become famous all seem to be exceptionally confident at least in one field. Economic security is often seen as attractive and that must breed confidence. I can tell you being, ahem equipped is a source of confidence. Proficiency in a skill breeds confidence. I think it may be temporary, but I believe that is what ultimately acts as the catalyst to attraction. Just because someone is attracted to you doesn't mean you ca
n or will have sex with them. Not everything goes as planned. The more confident you are and the more often you're confident will attract more people. If you can do it perpetually, I suppose in theory this would mean you would be universally attractive. I think about the confidence a man like Jesus would have to have to claim, or make people believe he was God. It had to be absolute. In fact it almost seems like a very subtle common thread in the Bible.

I think in some sense confident people seem like they don't need anything. I think this is what drives people to give them so much. People inherently want to figure them out and so they give them more opportunities. I think this is kind of common to people. We're all relatively the same capacity wise. We're pretty much clones genetically, and that program causes us to prop up certain people over others. I've always felt there's some bold risk taking and confidence that follows these people around. It can be completely due to environment and maybe some is genetics. I also think that anybody could capture that feeling. Make it the norm.

Perhaps I'm wrong because I feel I am very good looking, have a few other good qualities that weren't entirely up to me (you can work out the body, not the face *shrug*). So yeah.
I also feel there is a slight tinge of d*** that is highly attractive. Superheroes are pretty much all d***s. Go around telling people how its gonna be. Leaders and bosses tend to be almost parodies of d***ish behavior. So I think there is probably a broad appeal there.

 

[SuperFerret]

Confidence is a broad term though, and many things can convey confidence.

 

[Anita18]

I never paint in broad strokes. I always use "most" or "more often times than not". It's just when I seem make a comment that touches on shyness, introvert, or non confidence that Anita seems to come running.

Someone needs to stick up for the ones that won't speak up!

 

[SuperMike335!!]

I think confidence is universally attractive. At all times. In fact I think those who become famous all seem to be exceptionally confident at least in one field. Economic security is often seen as attractive and that must breed confidence. I can tell you being, ahem equipped is a source of confidence. Proficiency in a skill breeds confidence. I think it may be temporary, but I believe that is what ultimately acts as the catalyst to attraction. Just because someone is attracted to you doesn't mean you ca
n or will have sex with them. Not everything goes as planned. The more confident you are and the more often you're confident will attract more people. If you can do it perpetually, I suppose in theory this would mean you would be universally attractive. I think about the confidence a man like Jesus would have to have to claim, or make people believe he was God. It had to be absolute. In fact it almost seems like a very subtle common thread in the Bible.

I think in some sense confident people seem like they don't need anything. I think this is what drives people to give them so much. People inherently want to figure them out and so they give them more opportunities. I think this is kind of common to people. We're all relatively the same capacity wise. We're pretty much clones genetically, and that program causes us to prop up certain people over others. I've always felt there's some bold risk taking and confidence that follows these people around. It can be completely due to environment and maybe some is genetics. I also think that anybody could capture that feeling. Make it the norm.

Perhaps I'm wrong because I feel I am very good looking, have a few other good qualities that weren't entirely up to me (you can work out the body, not the face *shrug*). So yeah.
I also feel there is a slight tinge of d*** that is highly attractive. Superheroes are pretty much all d***s. Go around telling people how its gonna be. Leaders and bosses tend to be almost parodies of d***ish behavior. So I think there is probably a broad appeal there.

Carefull with truth speak around here. You see Prime, you as a Cybertronian don't have a full grasp on how much emotional anger that something like saying "universal attractive traits" cause in some organic life, even if it is true. t:

I consider something universal if it fits the vast majority.

 

[bullets]

BTW, I’m no fan of the bar scene either believe it or not. I think most guys don’t realize that in person it is just fine to get numbers from women while doing their day to day business out of the house, weather they are at a grocery store, a book store, or even bringing something to they dry cleaner. In these environments women will be more themselves than the sideshow version of themselves that hits the bar.

My friends like to play the numbers game wherever we go. They basically ask out any girl we'd happen to come across. It was more of a player routine but it worked. I'm shy without some kind of buzz going. So the club has always been an easy bet. However , I tried randomly asking out girls for numbers but had more success after striking up conversations in places like the laundromat.


I think confidence is a necessity , you should at least fake it . Also don't try to come of as conceited in the process.

 

[SuperMike335!!]

My friends like to play the numbers game wherever we go. They basically ask out any girl we'd happen to come across. It was more of a player routine but it worked. I'm shy without some kind of buzz going. So the club has always been an easy bet. However , I tried randomly asking out girls for numbers but had more success after striking up conversations in places like the laundromat.


I think confidence is a necessity , you should at least fake it . Also don't try to come of as conceited in the process.

Fake confidence can become real confidence. You know that saying how facing fear is what makes a hero, not simply not being afraid. Once enough danger has been stared down they become fearless.

I hate to say to fake something but confidence comes from success. If they have to fake confidence, sure that will be putting them out there, such as expecting them to playfully teaste the girl a bit. Don't say deeply hurting things, better to keep it light and in play, Prime used Ryan Renolds type teasing humor, it is a good example.

Being willing to make a first move, and never do anything in a fear based manner. In other words don't be afraid to say where you want to go, to say what you want, to pull her in close to you and kiss her. Not being afriad to say NO to her.

That is a tall order for a guy who has little experience, but if they can grasp confident speach, body language etc...Then the behavior can quickly become natural, as the success it gives them can make them truly confident.

 

[SuperSoldier985]

Ummm, faking confidence takes confidence...otherwise you couldn't fake it.

Trust me, I've tried--it doesn't really work. It's soo easy to see through and you come off being someone who you're not. Sure, there can be a time and a place for it, but still this is "faking" thing one of my least favorite of these kinds of advice, especially if you're looking for some kind of commitment or semi-long term..

 

[terry78]

Some men just are not confident. If they try and make like they are when they're not it can be a very easy tell. I know we say to guys be confident, but honestly some just ain't. And some chicks like that. And we know the type that do.

 

[SuperMike335!!]

Ummm, faking confidence takes confidence...otherwise you couldn't fake it.

Trust me, I've tried--it doesn't really work. It's soo easy to see through and you come off being someone who you're not. It's one of my least favorite of these kinds of advice.

Then you need to work on making yourself more confident, and that will in turn help every aspect of your life, let alone dating. If you suffer from a lack of confidence that is truly suffering.

You can do it. Its as simple as facing down your fear. Once you have beaten it, by not acting a matter that is fear motivated you will learn there was nothing to fear at all, and you will have more confidence.
You can call it fake confidence, others call it bravery, how ever you define not behaving in a fear motivated behavior. If you avoid those you will improve.

Sometimes we do little things that are fear motivated too, it can be as simple as emotionally needy behavior, calling someone too much, approval seeking, apologizing when there is no real reason too etc... These are motivated by fear of something, weather it be fear of rejection or someone’s anger.

You can go a long way by simply asking yourself throughout the day, anytime you can remind yourself by pausing before you take action, and then asking yourself is what you are doing based on fear? If it is then stop yourself from doing it.

That also means not being afriad to fail. Successful people often have many failures on the way to success.

 

[SuperSoldier985]

At this point in my life, nothing is really going to change... at least not by that much.

Trust me, I've been battling "this" for a very long time (and by "this" I mean "making myself more confident"). I feel like I've already reached the top of the bell curve...it's just not that simple for some guys. terry is right.

 

[SpideyVille]

At this point in my life, nothing is really going to change... at least not by that much.

Trust me, I've been battling "this" for a very long time (and by "this" I mean "making myself more confident"). I feel like I've already reached the top of the bell curve...it's just not that simple for some guys. terry is right.

What would you say keeps you from being or feeling confident?

 

[SuperMike335!!]

At this point in my life, nothing is really going to change... at least not by that much.

Trust me, I've been battling "this" for a very long time (and by "this" I mean "making myself more confident"). I feel like I've already reached the top of the bell curve...it's just not that simple for some guys. terry is right.

Hmmmm... This may sound like an odd question, (if you are under 21 mention it as it relates to the info) but how well does your facial hair and body hair grow in?

Voice on the deeper end of the scale, or higher end?

What kind of build do you have? Muscular? Thin? Heavy set?

Some of the stuff you write reminds me of a specific medical condition. One that is fairly easy to treat with a doctors care, that you may consider getting tested for.

 

[bullets]

Asking a girl out does take a bit of courage. I just think you can fake the confidence in the initial interaction to a certain degree. It's easier for me in a causal conversation because I can let my guard down. If I'm really concentrating on what not to say , it makes it so much harder to the point where I might goof up.

 

[ComicChick]

You arrange for an exorcism...

<<< Ravens and Panthers fan

 

[The Original Bamfer]

It really sucks when you have feelings for someone and can't tell them because you're sure those feelings aren't mutual.

 

[munchie64]

It really sucks when you have feelings for someone and can't tell them because you're sure those feelings aren't mutual.

Oh man that's been true for like 90% of my love life so far.

 

[HisMagicTrick]

I'm pretty sure it's true for 90% of the people who are in this thread.

 

[SpideyVille]

It's so much that you can't tell them, but rather that you're better off not telling them in most cases.

LOL, and yeah I'd say the percentage would be high here.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Asking a girl out does take a bit of courage. I just think you can fake the confidence in the initial interaction to a certain degree. It's easier for me in a causal conversation because I can let my guard down. If I'm really concentrating on what not to say , it makes it so much harder to the point where I might goof up.

I am real up or down with the confidence to ask out girls.

There are times when I totally have the confidence, and I just do it, and I don't really worry about the outcome, and then there are other times where I just can't bring myself to do it, and I lock up, and even if I do ask her out, it's usually done fairly awkwardly with no projection of confidence.

The girl from the New Year's Party, I just saw her at work the day before New Year's Eve, and as she was leaving, just asked her what she was getting into for New Year's, and told her I had a party going on that she should come out to.

Before the semester ended, there was a girl that I had done a production with that I was attracted to and wanted to take out, so I asked her about her plans for Christmas Break, and told her that we should get together after her and I both get back into town. Unfortunately, her answer was "Well I'm probably going to be busy", but hey.

And then there's times where I literally turn into the "Hey um... I was thinking... um... would you... I don't know... would you like to go out sometime? I mean... it's cool if you don't... but I mean... if you're not doing anything, or whatever..."

Although I do have one question when it comes to asking a woman out... What's everyone's take on "giving her an out"?

I've had certain people tell me in the past that they think it's best to give the girl an out when asking her out, so she doesn't feel pressure or whatever. With a "it's cool if not" type deal.

 

[munchie64]

Well at least the other 10% have been awesome...