Revenge of the *Official* Relationship Advice Thread

[Anita18]

So the girl I started seeing turned out to be pretty crazy. If I acted really into her, she would act like she didn't want me; if I was a dick to her and ignored her, she would be all about me. Also, we've kissed some but haven't so much as made out yet. It got kinda weird on Thurs/Fri so yesterday I just called it off. She acted surprised and said the reasons I gave were me misinterpreting things but put on an act like she didn't care.

I go out last night and who is the first person I see as soon as I get to the club? Her. She walks right up to me with a smile and says hi. There was some awkward silence. The rest of the night she keeps coming up and talking to me. When the club closed, I was going to go to another club with some friends so I went up to her to say bye and she says she wants to come too. I have no self control when it comes to hot girls so I'm like ok. I end up going with her to a party with her friends, we're making out in the car, after the party me and her go to her house and.... yeah.

I can't even begin to pretend to understand women.

I have no idea where it's going to go from here.

Well it's more like, you'll never be able to understand THIS particular woman.

So me and my friend were having a debate today. If you don't ***, do you still consider it sex? I say yes. Penetration = sex. He said no, because you never finished.

You're correct.

And yeah, I've had sex without orgasming. It doesn't negate the act nor make the experience terrible or "not fun" - sometimes my body just doesn't feel up to it. And no, a guy can't "make" a woman orgasm. She has to be into it too.

Being unable to orgasm at all sounds terrible though.

 

[Thebumwhowalks]

Being unable to orgasm at all sounds terrible though.

haha, using that smiley makes it look like that sentence is having an orgasm.

and as for the subject...eh, those kinds of things can be worked on in folk's sex lives, it would worry me if there were not any kind of unusual corcumstances, in fact, I would be shocked and surprised if there were any under such unusual circumstances, whether that be ill health on the part of one half of the relationship, long distance relationships etc etc.

That kind of thing can be sorted out, easily, as long as the emotion and attraction is there in the first place. The kind of thing I would worry about would be the amount of emotional passion in a relationship, that kind of thing is either there or it isn't, there are levels of emotional passion that are just out of reach of some people, y'know, so some folk can get jealous of other people's relationships, it's either there naturally or it isn't. I would hate to be in some kind of half assed mundane type of relationship, I would always be looking at other couples and wishing I had that kind of passion in mine.
It's like anything worthwhile in life, I'm only interested in the real thing.

 

[ComicChick]

I have an aversion to the word "love". I find it to be overused in modern society and, as such, find myself hardly ever wanting to use it. This is difficult as I am in a relationship.

Anyone else have something similar?

i don't ever say it unless i mean it, so i rarely say it. when i write it, i write it as l*ve, always have

 

[ComicChick]

I always do bring God into it because it's natural for me or anyone else to look the way that they do. Why should we have to cause ourselves so much mental duress over things that are genetic in nature? I'll never be a Size 0 nor will I ever be a single digit dress size. But I'm not falling all over myself in dark depression and despair because my body can't fit the constraints of egocentric people. If they can't accept the fact I will always be a size 14-16 dress size then I don't know what to tell them. My goal in life is to make ladies and girls just like me who are average sized and healthy feel good about themselves. .

but you don't have to be if you don't want to. if you do want to, more power to you

 

[Vapor]

Probably got a fairly common and simple problem here and I think I already know what I'm gonna do but I just wanted to get peoples take on the situation.. confirmation, if you will.

The situation boils down to not really knowing where I stand with a girl and finding it hard to get a read on what she thinks. I don't really wanna type a big in depth post so I'm just gonna list the major points..

- Liked the girl all year but she has only recently finished and come back from a work placement year. Our mutual friends told me I should go for it cos she knows I like her and she liked me.
- So we had a date which seemed to go good but shortly after she was away again for her final year of uni.
- Have tried to stay in touch but on an irregular basis, having only had one date, I didn't wanna come on too strong too soon and scare her away.
- She is not the best at replying to texts. At first she was alright but especially lately there have been times where she hasn't replied at all.
- She has been back twice now and both times our group of friends have gone out. Both times, more so the 2nd time most recently for halloween, there has been a fair bit of eye contact and flirting (even playing footsy with me in front of one of her friends that likes me) and we had a little kiss at the end of the night.
- Both times I have asked to meet her again and both times she has said yes and seemed up for it. Both times I have text her to try arrange something but the crap nature of her replying has come into play and she has subsequently ended up replying to say she is busy with uni work....... which is kind of fair enough.

Her friends told me not to worry about the lack of texting as she is crap at replying in general, even to them and quite rubbish with guys linked in a romantic way (but she is a nice person so I don't think they meant in a *****y way, just staying in touch, getting scared off etc). Her friends have also told me that initially she was worried about the long distance so I'm thinking this could be a factor in her behaviour as she always seems quite keen when back home and then I don't hear much off her while she's away.. I'd be stupid to assume that there aren't other guys up there she might be interested in but her mates have said this probably isn't the reason. Perhaps the reason she is so distant when away is cos I didn't make an all out effort to stay in touch in the first place, perhaps it wouldn't have scared her off..

I was wondering if her lack of texting back and when she does it's to break off a planned meet up as her way trying to let me down gently... but why would she flirt with me, kiss me and agree to hang out if that's what she was trying to do? So I'm a bit confused really... logically I should just come out and ask her what she thinks and if there could be something there but I dunno. If I do that, it might push her away even more and possibly ruin anything i could potentially salvage from the situation or I could leave it and wait til she is next back and try make something happen. But then I'm left wondering in the mean time.

Part of me wants to find out but part of me doesn't incase it doesn't go how I want. It's probably quite easy to know what to do just reading this and get some "man up" comments but I'm kinda torn as (i know there will be others but) this is the only girl I really like right now and the first girl I have wanted a relationship with for some time.

Has anyone else being in this kind of situation and taken one of the options? Did it work out how you want? Any other ideas that might work better than going all out or just waiting and seeing?

 

[Godzilla2000]

but you don't have to be if you don't want to. if you do want to, more power to you

I want to be a Size 14-16 because I don't feel like giving in to the vain pressures of anorexic crack ****es will do me or the normal girls any good at all. Men are going to have to accept me as is or not at all. Besides, roughly 85% of my body is all muscle and I guess I can physically attest to that as I'm still alive after 3 or 4 days of grueling packing and heavy lifting of boxes of my personal possessions all by myself with a bit of help from my 69 year old mother from my apartment all while having a nasty cold. I even rode my bike a little over a mile from my old apartment back to my mom's where I'm living and helping her out with the financial stuff by paying her money to live in her house. I don't think the skinny waifs could have done 1/4 of the things I had to force myself to do this past week. I'm beaten, battered and bruised but I persevered. I'm a fighter and tough. What guy wouldn't want a woman who can hold her own eh?

Anyone that calls me fat? Well let's test that theory out huh?

 

[Erzengel]

Probably got a fairly common and simple problem here and I think I already know what I'm gonna do but I just wanted to get peoples take on the situation.. confirmation, if you will.

....

Any other ideas that might work better than going all out or just waiting and seeing?

How long is Uni to next year? Like May or June? Not exactly sure how it is across the pond.

How far is it from you? Could you in theory venture over a few times while she is in school?

 

[LOBO3315a]

I want to be a Size 14-16 because I don't feel like giving in to the vain pressures of anorexic crack ****es will do me or the normal girls any good at all. Men are going to have to accept me as is or not at all. Besides, roughly 85% of my body is all muscle and I guess I can physically attest to that as I'm still alive after 3 or 4 days of grueling packing and heavy lifting of boxes of my personal possessions all by myself with a bit of help from my 69 year old mother from my apartment all while having a nasty cold. I even rode my bike a little over a mile from my old apartment back to my mom's where I'm living and helping her out with the financial stuff by paying her money to live in her house. I don't think the skinny waifs could have done 1/4 of the things I had to force myself to do this past week. I'm beaten, battered and bruised but I persevered. I'm a fighter and tough. What guy wouldn't want a woman who can hold her own eh?

Anyone that calls me fat? Well let's test that theory out huh?

*backs slowly out of the thread*

 

[amazingfantasy15]

Probably got a fairly common and simple problem here and I think I already know what I'm gonna do but I just wanted to get peoples take on the situation.. confirmation, if you will.

Has anyone else being in this kind of situation and taken one of the options? Did it work out how you want? Any other ideas that might work better than going all out or just waiting and seeing?

I think the biggest problem is distance, you probably won't have a real relationship with her until she's done with school. You might be able to get something going if you're proactive about it, right now it's passive, waiting until she comes into town. Suggest going to visit her at school, it's going to take work, visits and phone conversations, not just irregular texts.

 

[Vapor]

How long is Uni to next year? Like May or June? Not exactly sure how it is across the pond.

How far is it from you? Could you in theory venture over a few times while she is in school?

Yeah, it's only her final year so it'll be something like may, june when she is finished, maybe even as early as march/april, I have a feeling someone said. So really it's not too long.

It's not actually that far either.. between 3 and 4 hours on the train but it's not so much the distance/time that would make visiting hard, more the cost. I've been to the city where she is a few times and train tickets are quite expensive so I could go maybe every 2 or 3 weeks or once a month. I would be perfectly willing to travel there to see her and would put that to her should be the potential conversation steer that way but I don't think i'd bring up otherwise incase she feels a bit put off.

Saying that though, I did actually go to the city last month to visit a friend up there and I tried texting her to see if she wanted to meet up while I was there and she didn't reply again. When we was out for halloween I possibly should have asked her about it and even tried talking to her about the situation but in my drunken state, I didn't think to.

The other thing is that her friends said when she finishes uni she is wanting to go back to where she did her work placement (with xbox lol) which is even further away... so if she was worried about the long distance, maybe it's more this than the distance to uni. But she might not even go back there for whatever reason and I'm sure she would be back around here for a while before going anyway, at least long enough to establish something.

It may be that, at this moment in time, she only wants something whilst she is visiting home and the times she has been back and I've managed to see her on the group night out there has been a spark there (but I'd like to see her alone, on more of a date set up) but that doesn't really explain why she would then just not bother to at least try stay in touch a little bit, even if it isn't every day.

Part of me wonders if, when my friends say she is rubbish with guys, is that they mean she is sort of reluctant to engage in relationships, especially long distance ones.. maybe she has being messed about before I dunno but while i've known her, i've never known her to be in a relationship, serious or otherwise... I dunno if there would be anything I could say to perhaps, put any potential fears or reluctancies about trying something at ease. Perhaps trying to talk to her about might show her how interested I am and kick something off... as I said, it's tricky for me, actually in the situation, as I like her but.. I guess if i was to ask, at least I would know either way...

 

[Vapor]

I think the biggest problem is distance, you probably won't have a real relationship with her until she's done with school. You might be able to get something going if you're proactive about it, right now it's passive, waiting until she comes into town. Suggest going to visit her at school, it's going to take work, visits and phone conversations, not just irregular texts.

Yeah that could be a good idea. The reason I haven't been like that is cos I didn't wanna overload her having only had one date but I suppose now, she knows I like her I should step it up. Maybe the reason she is being the way she has been is cos I haven't been proactive about it enough...

Maybe I could combine a "what's going on" text with suggestions that I'd be willing to travel n see her... it might be a bit wierd if I just asked if I could come see her just sort of out of the blue.

 

[Erzengel]

Long distance is tough if there isn't a possibility that there is no moving in the near future but from the way you make it sound, that can change in about 7 months.

But yeah, she can be one of those people who wants to focus on school right now.

I think the problem is you want a definitive answer right now and trust me not many people like to be put on the spot. Next time she's in town, ask her how long she is going to be. Oh you're here through Monday. Good. Saturday we are going out. She doesn't seem to be too interested in a relationship right now. I wouldn't force it with text message questions about being in a relationship. Go on a date first.

 

[Hound55]

I want to be a Size 14-16 because I don't feel like giving in to the vain pressures of anorexic crack ****es will do me or the normal girls any good at all. Men are going to have to accept me as is or not at all. Besides, roughly 85% of my body is all muscle and I guess I can physically attest to that as I'm still alive after 3 or 4 days of grueling packing and heavy lifting of boxes of my personal possessions all by myself with a bit of help from my 69 year old mother from my apartment all while having a nasty cold. I even rode my bike a little over a mile from my old apartment back to my mom's where I'm living and helping her out with the financial stuff by paying her money to live in her house. I don't think the skinny waifs could have done 1/4 of the things I had to force myself to do this past week. I'm beaten, battered and bruised but I persevered. I'm a fighter and tough. What guy wouldn't want a woman who can hold her own eh?

A wife-beater...

 

[Godzilla2000]

*backs slowly out of the thread*

A wife-beater...

Hehe, yeah that's true. They don't get very far with me.

 

[Anita18]

I want to be a Size 14-16 because I don't feel like giving in to the vain pressures of anorexic crack ****es will do me or the normal girls any good at all. Men are going to have to accept me as is or not at all. Besides, roughly 85% of my body is all muscle and I guess I can physically attest to that as I'm still alive after 3 or 4 days of grueling packing and heavy lifting of boxes of my personal possessions all by myself with a bit of help from my 69 year old mother from my apartment all while having a nasty cold. I even rode my bike a little over a mile from my old apartment back to my mom's where I'm living and helping her out with the financial stuff by paying her money to live in her house. I don't think the skinny waifs could have done 1/4 of the things I had to force myself to do this past week. I'm beaten, battered and bruised but I persevered. I'm a fighter and tough. What guy wouldn't want a woman who can hold her own eh?

Anyone that calls me fat? Well let's test that theory out huh?

Skinny waifs can be surprisingly strong. My bf has only a little on me (and I'm downright bony) and he managed to haul my large IKEA bookcase down the stairs, into the car, and into the new apartment while I was in class. I hadn't dared to tackle that by myself, but I figured two skinny waifs could handle that job. Apparently one male skinny waif could achieve it.

We also did all of the moving ourselves (well, it was mostly my books ) but we spaced it out over a week, not 3-4 days.

I'm still skinny, but I'm hoping to be able to leg press 150+ lbs one day. Or translate that to squats, but I'm not sure how much weight I could safely lift over my head for that. Due to the way I'm built, I'll probably stay skinny, but I'll be a skinny waif capable of kicking some ass.

Long distance is tough if there isn't a possibility that there is no moving in the near future but from the way you make it sound, that can change in about 7 months.

But yeah, she can be one of those people who wants to focus on school right now.

I think the problem is you want a definitive answer right now and trust me not many people like to be put on the spot. Next time she's in town, ask her how long she is going to be. Oh you're here through Monday. Good. Saturday we are going out. She doesn't seem to be too interested in a relationship right now. I wouldn't force it with text message questions about being in a relationship. Go on a date first.

Long distance is especially tough when there's no relationship to start with.

 

[ComicChick]

anita i looked to see if you posted before i responded. i was going to use you as an example. not all small framed females are weak/waifs some could be stronger than you or i

 

[Anita18]

anita i looked to see if you posted before i responded. i was going to use you as an example. not all small framed females are weak/waifs some could be stronger than you or i

Not sure if I'm a great example - I'm not particularly strong but I certainly don't need help in everyday life. Despite what my dad thinks. He thinks I'm going to blow out my back if I lift anything heavier than 15 lbs.

I remember in middle school, I had a skinny waif classmate who could do 7 pullups at a time. I still can't do one.

 

[ComicChick]

i may not be able to do a pullup but i can haul 1600lbs of bananas the length of a football field with a pallet jack

 

[Sloth7d]

i don't ever say it unless i mean it, so i rarely say it. when i write it, i write it as l*ve, always have

To be frank, I don't think one word can do justice for that feeling. It's not something you can put into words. It's just something you have to know IMO.

 

[Anita18]

i may not be able to do a pullup but i can haul 1600lbs of bananas the length of a football field with a pallet jack

You go girl!

 

[Cuyan]

I would argue that that is entirely too many bananas, for whatever the purpose.

 

[WillardNation]

lol you could move anything for any amount of distance with a pallet jack. That's like saying, "I can go 60 miles an hour! (In a car.)"

 

[ComicChick]

I would argue that that is entirely too many bananas, for whatever the purpose.

that's how many we get in our shipment every morning

lol you could move anything for any amount of distance with a pallet jack. That's like saying, "I can go 60 miles an hour! (In a car.)"

not with the crappy jacks we have. they hardly make anything easy

 

[Hound55]

Skinny waifs can be surprisingly strong. My bf has only a little on me (and I'm downright bony) and he managed to haul my large IKEA bookcase down the stairs, into the car, and into the new apartment while I was in class. I hadn't dared to tackle that by myself, but I figured two skinny waifs could handle that job. Apparently one male skinny waif could achieve it.

We also did all of the moving ourselves (well, it was mostly my books ) but we spaced it out over a week, not 3-4 days.

I'm still skinny, but I'm hoping to be able to leg press 150+ lbs one day. Or translate that to squats, but I'm not sure how much weight I could safely lift over my head for that. Due to the way I'm built, I'll probably stay skinny, but I'll be a skinny waif capable of kicking some ass.

My final year of high school I weighed around 75kg (166lbs) and could do 32 reps of 400lbs on leg press.

I'm not really built for bench press or push ups (long arms) but I can do them with a clap.

 

[Godzilla2000]

Skinny waifs can be surprisingly strong. My bf has only a little on me (and I'm downright bony) and he managed to haul my large IKEA bookcase down the stairs, into the car, and into the new apartment while I was in class.

That's because he's a guy. Males tend to because of their hormones develop more musculature than women do. This is why a skinny guy could possibly lift heavy stuff. Heck, when I was in High School during the Bronze Age the skinny, hairbag metalhead guys could lay out a football jock really quick if they ticked them off. Never underestimate the power of the skinny guy, or the ones that look obese too. Some of them might look like they're all weak blubber, but they might have a striated fat and muscle tissue underneath their skin that belies their musculature.

P.S. IKEA stuff is pretty flimsy though! I never buy IKEA. I have a poor, real oak bookcase that will have to go to Bookcase heaven because it's way too heavy and way too big to fit in my mom's poor car.