Revenge of the *Official* Relationship Advice Thread

[SpideyVille]

In my perspective, I wouldn't have liked all that ex business and I would've just moved on right then. I mean she certainly treated you like crap in my opinion. She invited you over, went out with you, was physically intimate and then peaced out. If she knew she had unresolved issues with someone else she shouldn't have lead you on like that.

I don't know, the last girl kind of lead me on in a similar way, and even though she claimed that she hated her ex, I could tell that she still had feelings for him. That made me think that maybe she really liked me when we met, but I was sort of a rebound because she also started to be less interested in me once I started to show interest.

But if there's one thing I've learned is that once a girl mentions an ex, it's a red flag unless you're already with her. But the last two girls I liked a lot had a lot of anger towards their exes, but eventually got back with them for a moment, or were secretly hoping to. Even a friend of mine now who has a lot of drama with her exes eventually goes out with one of them a few times before being hurt again.

Yeah I loved her, still do. But I knew that I had to move on because nothing would ever happen but I still wanted her as a friend......and yeah all my friends were telling me that she was pretty much walking all over me; she knew how much I liked her and so would always ask me to drive her places, buy her drinks etc. and of course I'd always comply.

And yeah, the first time I really showed anger was over me being blamed for her new relationship ending.....I guess she just figured I didn't have it in me!

I've mentioned this a lot in this thread, but when I started college I had a similar experience. I met a girl who had recently gotten out of a relationship and I was pretty direct with her at first, and the first excuse she gave me was the "its too soon" excuse. The next was that she had "false hope" that things would work out with her ex, since he had a drug problem and was hoping he'd drop it so they could be together again. Not to mention, she had an ex before him who showed up right when me and her started doing things together. They looked like they were going to get back together and I let her know I was comfortable with that, even though she said it wasn't going to happen.

We drifted apart shortly after and it wasn't until a year later when we started hanging out more that we became good friends. then I started developing feelings for her again, but I knew the timing wasn't right, so I settled for being a close friend. To me, she was my best friend and the only person that I've ever felt real emotional chemistry with. So when she finally found out about how I felt about her, she decided to drift away again and that hurt like hell because I was hoping it wouldn't have been an issue for the friendship. I still consider her the ideal girl and the kind of girl I wish I've ended up with of all the girls I've liked, but I've realized I was better off just letting it go from the start as opposed to trying to hold on to something that wasn't there, especially since she recently told me that me that she never looked at me as anything close to being her best friend despite all of the time and talks we had together.

It hurts and will for a long time, but you just have to remind yourself that you really are better off without this person and there's no point in wasting time on someone who clearly doesn't deserve it. Sometimes we're blinded by our emotions that we don't let ourselves see someone's true colors, but when they do show, it should be more than enough to know its time to move on.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Yeah I loved her, still do. But I knew that I had to move on because nothing would ever happen but I still wanted her as a friend......and yeah all my friends were telling me that she was pretty much walking all over me; she knew how much I liked her and so would always ask me to drive her places, buy her drinks etc. and of course I'd always comply.

And yeah, the first time I really showed anger was over me being blamed for her new relationship ending.....I guess she just figured I didn't have it in me!

Yeah, I wouldn't have bought her drinks. I usually never offer to begin with, I'll wait until they ask, but I never pressure myself to say yes (unless they've already bought me one). I certainly wouldn't have given her rides. I'm pretty stingy with my time. You should be too. Bending over backwards for someone like her is screaming insecure and you're essentially giving it away for free.

If you're worth something, act like it. If she asked for drinks, ask her what's in it for you? You can even say "what's in it for me?".

Even back when y'all were dating or whatever before, it's important for you to kind of figure out how much of what you want you can get. Don't wait for her to make those moves. Throw out the notion of sex whenever you think it's time. Really don't wait that long. She may not want it right away but if she likes you she won't disown you over it AND if she's still talking to you afterwards it means she's entertaining the idea. I'm not nice in this sense. If I want sex I'll ask for it, I even text "do you want to f***" a lot. Yeah, it works.

The point of that isn't to make you act like a perv it's just understand that if you go for what you want with some directness it has impact on the outcome. She had a second option. If you had gone out with her a couple of times, I would've introduced the topic of sex. It would've told volumes about her intentions. Also, I think had you she would've said yes. She more than likely went back to the ex because you may have been being a bit wishy washy.

 

[DarthDaveBanner]

Yeah, I wouldn't have bought her drinks. I usually never offer to begin with, I'll wait until they ask, but I never pressure myself to say yes (unless they've already bought me one). I certainly wouldn't have given her rides. I'm pretty stingy with my time. You should be too. Bending over backwards for someone like her is screaming insecure and you're essentially giving it away for free.

If you're worth something, act like it. If she asked for drinks, ask her what's in it for you? You can even say "what's in it for me?".

Even back when y'all were dating or whatever before, it's important for you to kind of figure out how much of what you want you can get. Don't wait for her to make those moves. Throw out the notion of sex whenever you think it's time. Really don't wait that long. She may not want it right away but if she likes you she won't disown you over it AND if she's still talking to you afterwards it means she's entertaining the idea. I'm not nice in this sense. If I want sex I'll ask for it, I even text "do you want to f***" a lot. Yeah, it works.

The point of that isn't to make you act like a perv it's just understand that if you go for what you want with some directness it has impact on the outcome. She had a second option. If you had gone out with her a couple of times, I would've introduced the topic of sex. It would've told volumes about her intentions. Also, I think had you she would've said yes. She more than likely went back to the ex because you may have been being a bit wishy washy.

Yeah I know that I was kind of a pushover with the drinks and driving thing, its just that I loved spending time with her so much.....but hey life's a learning experience and I know for next time!

And regarding the bold.....she didn't actually get back with her ex, she started seeing another guy she just mate, pretty much showing that the whole "still love my ex" thing was just an act.

 

[Babs Gordon]

I got "friend zone'd" by a girl earlier this year.....she showed loads of signs that she was interested but changed her mind when she got a bit closer to me. She said she was still in love with her ex and didn't want a relationship but I'm pretty sure that was just to spare me feeling rejected. I was totally in love with her (still am) but knew there wasn't much I could do.

So we go on to become great friends.....we were extremely close and she ended up telling me really deep secrets that I actually felt moved that she trusted me with. But a few months ago things turned sour.

She started seeing this a boy, who to me seemed like a right *****ebag. I didn't tell her this but she could tell I was upset with her seeing him.....and so when they broke up a mere 4 days later she somehow decided this was my fault. At first I was angry at this accusation and we kind of argued for a bit, yet I couldn't stay mad at her and the next apologised for being snappy. Her response "I don't want you to speak to me again."

That hurt worse than any relationship ending ever has for me.

It sounds like it may have been for the best. Some relationships just weren't meant to go on forever. Appreciate what it was when it was good and move along, sir.

 

[Babs Gordon]

Just tell her if she wants to talk about it, you'll be there for her. Be supportive and understanding but I wouldn't necessarily bring it up, sometimes being silently supportive can speak volumes.

Fancy meeting you here.

 

[Erzengel]

Babs is another Erz, relationship advisee alumni.

 

[Babs Gordon]

True, too true. It all worked out for the best.

We are happily cohabitating.

 

[Anita18]

So, I had quite the saucy dream about the guy I'm dating a while ago and now my hormones are all "rawr!" any time I see him or text him. Kind of worried I'll pounce him one of these days!

But in all seriousness, what do I do? I haven't told him about the dream (figured it'd creep him out) but I am a teeny bit legitimately concerned I'll do something stupid if my hormones don't cool it.

It's okay to act on it. It isn't like one minute you're sitting on the couch and then the next minute you're naked and bumping uglies. There's a lot of stuff in between that you could certainly test the waters with.

Yeah I loved her, still do. But I knew that I had to move on because nothing would ever happen but I still wanted her as a friend......and yeah all my friends were telling me that she was pretty much walking all over me; she knew how much I liked her and so would always ask me to drive her places, buy her drinks etc. and of course I'd always comply.

And yeah, the first time I really showed anger was over me being blamed for her new relationship ending.....I guess she just figured I didn't have it in me!

Yeah, she used you, sorry to say. She's not a good friend and you shouldn't keep her around.

True, too true. It all worked out for the best.

We are happily cohabitating.

 

[DBryan]

I'm not looking anymore.

I wish I could switch off my sex drive. That's probably the main thing that bothers me, the sexual frustration of being single. That and the big lonely void that has been in my life for years.

Hard to concentrate on work, really. I wanna ace my work.

 

[Babs Gordon]

You should strive to fill that big lonely void with anything but a woman. You fill that with a woman, you're just going to feel even worse when it's over. At best... unhealthy codependent relationship.

 

[DarthDaveBanner]

It sounds like it may have been for the best. Some relationships just weren't meant to go on forever. Appreciate what it was when it was good and move along, sir.

I am pretty sure you are right, however painful it may seem!

Unfortunately we'll both be working together until january.....shall I just act like our friendship ending doesn't bother me while in front of her?

 

[Godzilla2000]

*Disclaimer* These are just my deductions based upon my ever evolving and expanding life experiences so you are free to personally agree or disagree with anything I say here.

P.S. You are all free to just call me Roon too because everybody knows me more by my Monster Hunter name than anything else.

Hello there kiddies, here's one of my Nuggets Of Opinion™ for you to digest and think about. You know, I've found from personal experience and learning from the experiences of others that people who are not ashamed of flaunting their Birthday Suits are also not afraid of showing them off to other receptive people. In short they have a tendency to wander and share their affections with people other than yourself. If you're into that whole Free Love temporary type relationship that might be just fine with you. But if you're looking into settling down into a more comfortable lifestyle and you're looking for a person who will stay loyal to you and take care of your needs maybe those types of people are what you should steer clear of, especially if they have an Ex Husband/Boyfriend who's extremely hot himself/herself. Ask yourself questions like why did they break up and get the story from both sides, don't accept a one sided testimonial. Keep your heads about you guys/gals and don't fall for the Razzle Dazzle unless you know what you're doing and are aware of something being just a temporary state of affairs.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

What would we do without Jinouga's brilliant personal insights to set us simple sheep straight?

 

[Godzilla2000]

Well hey, I've been screwed over by a lot of people personally. I'm just telling things like they are. Notice my Disclaimer? In my youth I'd had a friend who married a guy that was the unashamed type and he spent more time running around on her with other girls when she was working that they divorced a few years later. Like I said if you're into that whole free love thing go for it but be honest with the other person that you're just in it for the sex. I'm not stopping you at all. Just that there have been friends of mine who based love on looks and other external methods of affection, then they come to me and wonder where it all went wrong. Humans are supposed to be an intelligent species but you don't use the gray matter you were given 99% of the time.

Now I'll continue to go listen to Flutterwonder another bazillion times.

P.S. I'm not a Bro. >_< I haven't had a sex change to my knowledge that has changed my gender from female to male.

 

[The Original Bamfer]

Relationships and advice don't come hand in hand. Really, just like love, it's hard to understand a relationship, let alone properly understanding others' relationships. Advice in this field is like serving a deep dish of common sense... but chances are, it won't hit the person seeking to be advised. No, dealing with a relationship is an entirely personal affair (no pun intended.) People have to figure **** out for themselves. It doesn't matter what we tell them... love and rationality aren't common friends.

 

[Godzilla2000]

That's why I call anything I say Nuggets Of Opinion&#8482;. It's just that some people whom I won't name have problems with basic reading comprehension and vocabulary.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

Yes. The problem is always with others.

While I disagree with it, the content of what you said isn't what irks me. It's the fact you're so into yourself, you feel the need to build your opinion up as if we wait around salivating at the next trademarked "nugget of wisdom" you'll privilege us with. I think a lot of your relationship problems that you talk about here can in some way be traced back to the fact you believe you're on some level superior to everyone else. No one here looks up to you as an authority on anything except out-of-control egos.

PS: It's a meme, bro.

 

[Godzilla2000]

And this is where you fail to comprehend who I am. In my words you see vanity because that's your interpretation, but you don't know me at all nor are you aware that I use some words in a very sarcastic, nonserious way. It's your loss not mine that you fail to see my humor. I'm done with you.

 

[The Original Bamfer]

Alright, let's tame this zoo! No need for the monkeys to be flinging poo at the gorillas. We can all be friends here.

 

[Hound55]

Please clean the bowl after dropping nuggets of opinion...

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

I am pretty sure you are right, however painful it may seem!

Unfortunately we'll both be working together until january.....shall I just act like our friendship ending doesn't bother me while in front of her?

You don't have to lie, just don't be giving her any undeserved attention. You all shared some intimacy, but I'd just act like you've been there before and just play it cool. Don't be impolite, just don't speak to her unless you have to. Don't go out of your way for this girl [anymore].

She's just another girl in the eyes of the world, so move on. If there's any chance between you and her you're going to have to explore other options first. Nothing is a bigger turn off than a guy who'll simply wait on a girl. You don't necessarily need a new girl either, just show her that you can preoccupy your time with something or someone that's not her.

 

[Anita18]

*Disclaimer* These are just my deductions based upon my ever evolving and expanding life experiences so you are free to personally agree or disagree with anything I say here.

P.S. You are all free to just call me Roon too because everybody knows me more by my Monster Hunter name than anything else.

Hello there kiddies, here's one of my Nuggets Of Opinion™ for you to digest and think about. You know, I've found from personal experience and learning from the experiences of others that people who are not ashamed of flaunting their Birthday Suits are also not afraid of showing them off to other receptive people. In short they have a tendency to wander and share their affections with people other than yourself. If you're into that whole Free Love temporary type relationship that might be just fine with you. But if you're looking into settling down into a more comfortable lifestyle and you're looking for a person who will stay loyal to you and take care of your needs maybe those types of people are what you should steer clear of, especially if they have an Ex Husband/Boyfriend who's extremely hot himself/herself. Ask yourself questions like why did they break up and get the story from both sides, don't accept a one sided testimonial. Keep your heads about you guys/gals and don't fall for the Razzle Dazzle unless you know what you're doing and are aware of something being just a temporary state of affairs.

Um, what does that mean? I'm not afraid of flaunting my birthday suit to my boyfriend, but I certainly don't go around showing everybody else the goods. Well okay, sometimes I do, but honestly there's not a whole lot of goods to flaunt.

But according to your definition since I'm proud of my body and like to flaunt it at all, I shouldn't be trusted around other men? (In fact, my bf is EVEN WORSE since during the summer months, he's pretty much naked 24/7 at home. Which totally counteracts the fact he won't even take off his shirt at the beach....)

So the only person capable of being faithful is the type to be ashamed of their body and hate showing it off period? The kind who always has to have sex when it's pitch black because God forbid the person they love see them naked?

Methinks your nugget of wisdom needs to be more specific.

 

[Erzengel]

I am pretty sure you are right, however painful it may seem!

Unfortunately we'll both be working together until january.....shall I just act like our friendship ending doesn't bother me while in front of her?

If you're not the type of person to be outright rude, than don't be. But I wouldn't make myself emotionally available to her and go out of your way to say hi, or to talk to her.

I'd tell you to start seeing other people, but you're still hung up on her that it'd make any future relationship hard.

Again, do your work, don't find excuses to try and talk to her or spend time with her. If she asks you for a favor, say you can't.

 

[Godzilla2000]

Hostility = I've hit a sensitive nerve or else you'd just not reply to my post. Typical...just a suggestion, don't reply to my posts if I anger you with my honesty.

 

[Erzengel]

I don't see any hostility in Anita's post.

I'm assuming you mean someone who dresses provactively are more inclined to be promiscuous? That's not always true either. A lot of people are proud of their bodies and put a lot of effort into it. Why shouldn't they show it off as long as it's tasteful?