I think the natural mood for this thread is cranky, so spill away.
Alcoholism is a big sign of what your problems might be, so at least that'd be one big thing tackled once you start working on it. You don't have to be perfect to be in a relationship, but you do have to think beyond yourself.
TLS had a gf who had an abortion when it was his baby, but I don't think you want to emulate any of his decisions lately.
They broke up and she moved on, it was messy.People do change. Sometimes it just isn't the right time. But I have one extremely accomplished friend (who got her BS, MS, PhD, and now she's in med school) while she was raising 2 children, and now 3. Her life is HARD, I will not lie. She's the strongest person I know. But it isn't impossible.
You are just forced to adjust, from what I've heard from parents.
Has he always been like that around everyone, or just with you?
Some people just don't like to talk when they first meet you, and have their guard up more. My husband is one of them. I just liked being around him - sometimes I don't like to talk either. Introverts, you know.
So it depends on the person.
Has he always been like that around everyone, or just with you?
Cause God knows my husband is like, the least enthusiastic, least social person ever, but I wouldn't want him to pretend for me. That's just the way he is, and it's something you have to accept if you know that's just the way he is. How your partner acts around other people isn't a reflection of you, unless he's a total a-hole or abuses you in public. Obviously those are no-nos, but they're also more like, reasons why you shouldn't be with a guy like that in the first place, rather than how he makes you look to other people.
I don't know if anyone knows if they're ready for a relationship until they get in one. I thought I'd always be a jealous b***h in relationships due to my first experience, but I was wrong. My husband made me feel very safe from the very first date, and I was more mature then too. I knew that even if it didn't work out, it wasn't the end of the world. Fear of rejection is very powerful in most people though.
Just be aware of your insecurities, let him know that you're working on them, and then take it from there.
Some people just don't like to talk when they first meet you, and have their guard up more. My husband is one of them. I just liked being around him - sometimes I don't like to talk either. Introverts, you know.
He never stayed quiet when it was important though. I trusted that if he had a problem, he'd tell me. And he's always, always been verbally supportive when I needed it. But he's not big on "casual conversation" most of the time. I've learned about him in bits and pieces through the years.
He's relaxed around each me quite a bit over the years. What we have now, after 5 years together, is TOTALLY DIFFERENT than how we were even 2 years in.
But since they're already friends, maybe they don't need to do the "casual conversation" thing that marks most early relationships? She didn't say "participation," she said "enthusiasm." Which I interpreted to mean that he's checked out emotionally of small talk.
Hmm, do you have an idea of why it bothers you? Did you have an image of what you wanted your boyfriend to be like and he doesn't meet that?Yeah he has moments like that a lot, I just notice it a lot more now and it actually bothers me all of a sudden.
Yeah I should really work on my insecurities, I think I'm just worried that he's having second thoughts or something. I've always been like this but I kind of hoped the deep fear of rejection and insecurities would wear off as I got older, I'm 19 now so I know I still have a while to go.
My first relationship was from 19-21ish and as I said, I'm not shy about admitting I was a jealous b****h then. I wanted to slap my younger self for being so immature.
Some people just don't like to talk when they first meet you, and have their guard up more. My husband is one of them. I just liked being around him - sometimes I don't like to talk either. Introverts, you know.
He never stayed quiet when it was important though. I trusted that if he had a problem, he'd tell me. And he's always, always been verbally supportive when I needed it. But he's not big on "casual conversation" most of the time. I've learned about him in bits and pieces through the years.
He's relaxed around each me quite a bit over the years. What we have now, after 5 years together, is TOTALLY DIFFERENT than how we were even 2 years in.
Does he look like he wants to shoot himself when he's in a situation he doesn't want to be in?
That's my husband for you! It's why I don't invite him to go to museums or movies or concerts or whatever anymore - it's so obvious that he's miserable, and I don't like making him feel that way!
Hmm, do you have an idea of why it bothers you? Did you have an image of what you wanted your boyfriend to be like and he doesn't meet that?
Also, relationships are built on trust. You have to trust that when he says he wants to be with you (or says anything, really), that he's telling the truth. Honesty is always the best policy, because if he starts lying to make you feel better, you NEVER know whether he's with you because he really wants to.
Yeah, you still have a while to go.
I met my husband when I was 25 and it was like night and day, so you have a ton of growing to do in the years to come.
My husband and I have never had a fight. We clear the air all the time. If I sense there's something bothering him, I ask him about it. When he's doing something that bothers me, I tell him, and vice versa. When he thinks he's doing something that bothers me, he mentions it too.
Our communication is probably as smooth as it will ever get in a relationship sense.
Well, he should be more intimate with you (emotionally and physically), but his general interactions won't change, no.
Congratulations on achieving I have a boyfriendness!Basically, we were at my birthday bash (which was just so incredible btw) and we got talking about that conversation and he said he's felt weird about things ever since... and I was just like 'Oh thank god it's not just me, that WAS a crappy conversation, right?'
I asked him if he thought maybe we were just playing relationship chicken, and he agreed, so I asked if he wanted to just cut the ******** and make it official and exclusive... and he said that he'd like that.
So since, he's made a point of mentioning the word boyfriend in conversation a couple of times, and even came back from seeing a friend saying 'I told him I had to go see my girlfriend'... and he tells me this with a big smile on his face and gives me a kiss, so I take is a sign he is actually into this and not just going along with it cause I want it.
So yeah... I guess... I have a boyfriend! Yay me!
I think this one has happened because i've been really patient and accepting of whatever really. I mean, I have no idea where it's going or whether it'll even work...
But the nice thing is, he's such an easy person to spend time with.
I mean, I spent the day with him and about 15 other friends on Saturday. Then went back to mine with him and a friend who was staying with me Sat night. Then the three of us lay around watching films Sunday till 4pm... then after that, me and him just didn't seem to want to part. So I ended up going to his and doing pretty much the same thing until 3pm Monday
It helps that we just have such similar taste in everything.
Found out yesterday that we both have the same number one favorite film (Donnie Darko) and generally just like the same kinds of films and tv. We like the same kind of music. We both grew up a bit unpopular and got into metal and weed etc.
It makes it so much easier to spend a lot of time with someone doing 'nothing' if your versions of nothing are the same.
Sounds like a reasonable thing to do. She has to want to change before she can actually change, and nobody needs to spend all day fighting about miscommunication.
That...pretty much describes me, since I've never had a job that required me do anything with my hair or wear nice clothes.
Since we work from home, both of us mostly spend most of the day in our PJs. We care more about the status of our minds than the status of our bodies.
