The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - - - - - - - - Part 28

[the last son]

Any update orbit? I'm in same boat as you. I'm just going to send her a merry Christmas text on Thursday.

 

[the last son]

Then again on second thought I might not even send a Merry Christmas text. There's no hostility towards her, but she's just jot interested and I need to move on.

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

Hey man. Seems like you are in the same boat as me, I've seen her a couple of times at the gym since I last posted here.
She's seems a lot cooler towards me than she was on our date a couple of weeks ago. I don't understand why and I don't feel I have the right to ask. I'm going to send her a text Christmas Eve and then leave it up to her if/when she wants to see me again.

I really do like her but I'm not going to sit in a corner pining away waiting for her to contact me.

 

[the last son]

That's all that we can do. Send a greeting text and leave it at that. I don't even know if I'm going to text because I'm done chasing. I tracked her down on social media and we haven't text since then, so I'm done. Good luck to you though buddy. I agree with the text idea from you, just telling her happy holidays and then it's in her court. Good luck. If she's not interested move on, buddy. Plenty of fish out there for us, we just have to keep perfecting our bodies and they'll come to us.

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

LMAO!
Definitely the way to go buddy...

 

[DA_Champion]

If you were concerned that your friend is having an affair, would you bring it up with him, with the risk of confrontation that this entails?

 

[Charlie Boy]

If you were concerned that your friend is having an affair, would you bring it up with him, with the risk of confrontation that this entails?

What I would do if I were in your position is disregard this question entirely and ask myself, "is my life worth living?"

 

[Anita18]

If you were concerned that your friend is having an affair, would you bring it up with him, with the risk of confrontation that this entails?

Are you equally good friends with his SO? If that's the case, I would tell him that due to my friendship with his SO, I would feel obligated to let them know about it. Then see how he responds.

If you aren't friends with his SO or haven't even met them at all, I would keep out of it. It's his life - if he wants to eff it up, it's his prerogative. But it's different if you're friends with both, I think. You have two obligations there, and it mostly depends on how good friends you are.

 

[PacificBoy]

Agree with Anita.

Are you used to talking candidly about such personal matters with him? We all know an affair is illicit business but sometimes there's just more to it. It can come across as sermonizing if you don't know the ins and outs of the affair.

 

[DA_Champion]

Are you equally good friends with his SO? If that's the case, I would tell him that due to my friendship with his SO, I would feel obligated to let them know about it. Then see how he responds.

If you aren't friends with his SO or haven't even met them at all, I would keep out of it. It's his life - if he wants to eff it up, it's his prerogative. But it's different if you're friends with both, I think. You have two obligations there, and it mostly depends on how good friends you are.

I know him well, we go out for dinner every six weeks or so. His SO I barely know, she's a nice woman. I also know his two kids who are both adorable and younger than six.

Not sure if he's having an affair, they might be in the pre-affair stage or the other chick is just using him, but he's definitely whipped by the other chick, which is just bizarre to me, she's much less interesting, sociable, attractive, etc than his wife. Actually, I and others think she's a flat-out awful and delusional person, but she's clearly on her best behaviour when with him.

It's also damaging his work. He's a co-worker. He's very good at what he does. But we have freedom in our professions to pick our projects. If you're talented and you go work on a stupid project, then it's a waste. He's propping up the other chick in this scenario.

Cons of trying an intervention:
- He might erupt on me, I'll be involved;
- It might make him more stubborn;
- He might immediately go tell the other girl that I'm conspiring against her, and she's kind of a psycho I don't want her as an enemy, I want to be invisible to her;

Pro:
- If I were acting stupidly I would want my friends to tell me "David, wake the **** up";
- He has a bright future if he stops making good decisions;
- His bright future would work out for me as we collaborate on work;
- His kids are adorable and otherwise perfect and don't deserve this;

 

[DA_Champion]

Agree with Anita.

Are you used to talking candidly about such personal matters with him? We all know an affair is illicit business but sometimes there's just more to it. It can come across as sermonizing if you don't know the ins and outs of the affair.

Come on bro, have you not seen my posts on the forum? Of course I would have a reputation in real life for being very candid and explicit .

No you're right coming across as sermonizing is the worst case scenario.

 

[Anita18]

I know him well, we go out for dinner every six weeks or so. His SO I barely know, she's a nice woman. I also know his two kids who are both adorable and younger than six.

Not sure if he's having an affair, they might be in the pre-affair stage or the other chick is just using him, but he's definitely whipped by the other chick, which is just bizarre to me, she's much less interesting, sociable, attractive, etc than his wife. Actually, I and others think she's a flat-out awful and delusional person, but she's clearly on her best behaviour when with him.

It's also damaging his work. He's a co-worker. He's very good at what he does. But we have freedom in our professions to pick our projects. If you're talented and you go work on a stupid project, then it's a waste. He's propping up the other chick in this scenario.

Cons of trying an intervention:
- He might erupt on me, I'll be involved;
- It might make him more stubborn;
- He might immediately go tell the other girl that I'm conspiring against her, and she's kind of a psycho I don't want her as an enemy, I want to be invisible to her;

Pro:
- If I were acting stupidly I would want my friends to tell me "David, wake the **** up";
- He has a bright future if he stops making good decisions;
- His bright future would work out for me as we collaborate on work;
- His kids are adorable and otherwise perfect and don't deserve this;

Ooh yeah, if you all work together (especially you with the potential side chick), then it complicates things.

Normally, I would just let him eff up his life if he's going to be THAT stupid, but ugh, kids, man. The track record for divorced parents getting along is pretty damn low. From whom I know, only my in-laws get along well and my husband has no trust issues from it, and they divorced when he was about 5 or 6. Every other kid/parent I know is seriously messed up from divorce. My guess is, if he's got problems at home and prefers to seek attention from a side chick than to talk with his wife, he's in the "gonna be messed up" camp.

It's kinda up to you, to decide how stubborn he's going to be about it. I know I could tell any of my friends when they're doing stupid s*** and to cut it out, because they know I have their best interests in mind. But if you think there's a danger of him digging a deeper hole AND get psycho side chick coworker involved, I'd hesitate. But it's up to you to decide how he's going to take it.

 

[PacificBoy]

Come on bro, have you not seen my posts on the forum? Of course I would have a reputation in real life for being very candid and explicit .

No you're right coming across as sermonizing is the worst case scenario.

Hehe, touche.

From what you wrote, I'd hang back and monitor the situation for a bit. It could be just a silly phase -- he's getting some female attention that he can't get at home -- and that she's simply using him professionally. This happens in the workplace all the time. (Either that or I've worked at the worst places. t

If it's impacting his work seriously, you could step in and have a word as a colleague, as a fellow professional. You could always question that woman's work ability without having to comment on the personal side of things.

 

[the_ultimate_evil]

i recently was introduced to a girl who is best mates of my friends girl friend. we get on like a house on fire, same tastes in music, shows movies complete geeks the pair of us. so much so when the group is playing board games on new years we were barred from teaming up as it would be unfair to the rest lol. she's beautiful and we've spoke every night on fb some until 3am. its even got to the stage where other see us and think just make a move you *******

the problem is she is going with a guy for nearly 4 years and from what i can gather theyre engaged to be engaged the bf just hasnt got around to ever getting a ring


and from what im told by the others in the group no matter what she adores this guy no matter what and shes just a friendly open person that others can consider flirting

so i know nothing gonna happen so its a case of sit back, smile shut the fk up and enjoy the friendship, trust me this girl has turned down male models who have hit on her

i'm not asking for advice, honestly guess i was just looking to vent

 

[Erzengel]

Yeah it sucks.

I mean some would say just make a move, since you have nothing to lose but there's something to say about doing the right thing.

 

[the_ultimate_evil]

couldnt do it mate. truthfully it would ruin the entire group and i just cant morally bring myself to go after an attached woman

 

[Anita18]

couldnt do it mate. truthfully it would ruin the entire group and i just cant morally bring myself to go after an attached woman

That and it wouldn't be fair to yourself either. If you're going to give your heart to someone, it's only fair to expect the same back. You shouldn't be satisfied with being second place on the relationship front with someone.

 

[spiderman2]

couldnt do it mate. truthfully it would ruin the entire group and i just cant morally bring myself to go after an attached woman

Yeah morally that would be really missed up and I don't know if it could even really work.

 

[the_ultimate_evil]

cheers guys its just annoying to connect with someone so much and so easily, and know there is a snowballs chance in hell of it becoming anything

 

[Mr.M]

So I'm listening to a dating webinar currently, this is hilarious (and I'm paraphrasing)

First caller (Male): Every single profile I see, under "First Date, it's... surprise me. You decide. You're the guy, come up with something." Where did women get this sense of entitlement?

Next caller (Female): If I meet someone online, or even speed dating and there's a spark, and I get a coffee date, I disconnect or ignore. The idea of a coffee date is laughable.

Both middle aged callers. Epitome of laziness in America.

 

[Charlie Boy]

My ex has threatened suicide and I'm not exactly sure how to deal with this.

She suffers from severe depression and has inflicted harm on herself before. We've been broken up for about 3 months now, and living apart for a month. I'm not sure if I should air on the side of caution and let her parents know about her threats, or if I should chalk it up to the ravings of a jilted ex, looking for attention and simply ignore her.

 

[Erzengel]

No one should be emotionally blackmailed. However, if she suffers from severe depression and her parents aren't aware of it, I think it'd be a good idea to alert them.

 

[Mr.M]

Call the authorities if she says she is ever actually at risk or attempting something, even if you think she may be bluffing at the time.

 

[Anita18]

cheers guys its just annoying to connect with someone so much and so easily, and know there is a snowballs chance in hell of it becoming anything

You'd be surprised at how you might connect with someone. My husband and I have almost nothing in common besides an interest in tech and being nerdy introverted hermits. But he's always been super-supportive of everything I do, and we function at the same speed, and share fairly similar values. Sometimes that's all you need.

So I'm listening to a dating webinar currently, this is hilarious (and I'm paraphrasing)

First caller (Male): Every single profile I see, under "First Date, it's... surprise me. You decide. You're the guy, come up with something." Where did women get this sense of entitlement?

Next caller (Female): If I meet someone online, or even speed dating and there's a spark, and I get a coffee date, I disconnect or ignore. The idea of a coffee date is laughable.

Both middle aged callers. Epitome of laziness in America.

Well if they're middle-aged, they're likely ready to rush into marriage so everything should be serious courtship and not this silly casual dating thing. Also, they'd lean more traditional too.

My ex has threatened suicide and I'm not exactly sure how to deal with this.

She suffers from severe depression and has inflicted harm on herself before. We've been broken up for about 3 months now, and living apart for a month. I'm not sure if I should air on the side of caution and let her parents know about her threats, or if I should chalk it up to the ravings of a jilted ex, looking for attention and simply ignore her.

I have a friend who has severe depression too, and has mentioned suicide to me in the past. From what I've heard, some of it's venting, UNLESS she actually shares concrete plans of how she's going to do it. Then you absolutely bring in the authorities for that, because that means it's not just something she's venting about - it's in motion.

It's really hard to get someone institutionalized against their will, especially if they are legal adults. If she's not estranged from her parents, it would be good to let them know because they might be the only ones with legal power to institutionalize her if it came down to it. My friend is overseas right now, in deep throes of depression because the job she traveled for isn't working out, and she's told me she can't trust her family.

The last time she threatened suicide and went offline immediately after, I got desperate and found her sisters on Facebook and messaged them, but after she calmed down the next day, she told me she didn't want her family to know. Then I basically told her she had to have someone there to talk to, ideally professionally, because this whole time zone thing wasn't working out and I'm not trained for this kind of stuff. And most importantly, I was really worried about her. She's seeing a therapist now and keeping her head above water until she gets back.

If your ex is serious about getting better, she will try her best to get better. If she isn't, the next time she threatens suicide, tell her you're really worried about her and that you're going to let her parents know, because you can't do anything for her but they might be able to. If she's serious about getting better, it's something she might welcome. If she's just ranting as a jilted ex seeking attention from you, that might get her to shut up, if she knows you're taking it seriously on that level and are willing to escalate it.

Good luck!

 

[the_ultimate_evil]

You'd be surprised at how you might connect with someone. My husband and I have almost nothing in common besides an interest in tech and being nerdy introverted hermits. But he's always been super-supportive of everything I do, and we function at the same speed, and share fairly similar values. Sometimes that's all you need.

Good luck!

Ohh I know you never can tell what the future may bring. I get on with this girl so much that the past 3 nights I've only got to spell about 3 am because we were chatting. But like i said with her past of her having guys make moves while she was in relationships has got me thinking what others see as flirting is just her being her and that's great he personality is one of the things I really enjoy but I don't see it going anywhere I couldn't be that kinda creepy guy lol