The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - - - - - - - - Part 28

[ShadowBoxer]

Okay people, I need some advice here...

I have been dating a lady for several weeks now. We generally get together just at the weekends now as we both work. Usually it is a Saturday and we spend the day together and spend the night together.
Then I will take her home sometime during the morning on Sunday.

I threw a party the other night, which went really well. Most everybody got into the spirit of the event and dressed up as there was a (optional) fancy dress rule.
So did my lady friend, even though it was a bit out of her comfort zone. She did have a few drinks and was a bit tipsy...
To cut a long story short, when we were, ahem, fooling around in bed later on, she said and I quote "I think I am falling in love with you."
Now I have to say that I am a bit shocked at this being said so soon and I do not feel the same way.
I enjoy here company and look forward to the time we spend together. But I am nowhere near that level with her. Also, I don't know whether I will get to that point in the future.
After how my last two relationships went, I just want to takes things slow and easy.
I did not make any answer and she has not really mentioned it since. However, I do not want her to have any unrealistic expectations and I feel I need to be honest with her about how I feel.

So, what should I say to her about this? If indeed I should say anything at all...
All (serious) advice will be gratefully accepted.

Well it's understandable for you to not say I love you back when you only been dating for a short amount of time. You also mentioned that she was kinda tipsy when she said it, so she probably didn't realize or mean it when she said it. Or maybe she did mean it but is now trying to play it off. You could always just be honest with her on how you feel without hurting her, if you feel like she meant it when she said it. You can just say " I really like you and I enjoy spending time with you, but I think we need to slow things down a bit before we start saying we love each other". Also, you say you're unsure if you will ever love her in the future. I would say continue to spend time with her and see how it goes. I know some people who are now happily married for a few years now who were like that in the early dating phase.

 

[ThePreface]

Okay people, I need some advice here...

I have been dating a lady for several weeks now. We generally get together just at the weekends now as we both work. Usually it is a Saturday and we spend the day together and spend the night together.
Then I will take her home sometime during the morning on Sunday.

I threw a party the other night, which went really well. Most everybody got into the spirit of the event and dressed up as there was a (optional) fancy dress rule.
So did my lady friend, even though it was a bit out of her comfort zone. She did have a few drinks and was a bit tipsy...
To cut a long story short, when we were, ahem, fooling around in bed later on, she said and I quote "I think I am falling in love with you."
Now I have to say that I am a bit shocked at this being said so soon and I do not feel the same way.
I enjoy here company and look forward to the time we spend together. But I am nowhere near that level with her. Also, I don't know whether I will get to that point in the future.
After how my last two relationships went, I just want to takes things slow and easy.
I did not make any answer and she has not really mentioned it since. However, I do not want her to have any unrealistic expectations and I feel I need to be honest with her about how I feel.

So, what should I say to her about this? If indeed I should say anything at all...
All (serious) advice will be gratefully accepted.

Don't say anything. If she says it again then have the talk. But by no means change the way you're acting towards her now. Just pretend like she didn't say it. She was tipsy and maybe she let that slip earlier than she intended. If she does say it again tell her you want to keep things at the current pace.

 

[Erzengel]

Nell would like to report that he has a gf!

The biggest lesson that he learned (that I am continuing to educate everyone here on ) is that it isn't about what a woman is on paper, but what she can give you in a relationship. Sure, you should be attracted to her to start, but that isn't enough. It's about how supportive she is, how understanding she is to YOU that makes the biggest difference. It isn't about bagging the hottest or most sought-after girl.

Which is all well and good to read about, but probably more difficult to internalize unless you experience it yourself.

I am super-glad he has finally come around, and that he has found a kind woman to spend time with.

When he has the sex, light the beacons.

 

[Erzengel]

Okay people, I need some advice here...

I have been dating a lady for several weeks now. We generally get together just at the weekends now as we both work. Usually it is a Saturday and we spend the day together and spend the night together.
Then I will take her home sometime during the morning on Sunday.

I threw a party the other night, which went really well. Most everybody got into the spirit of the event and dressed up as there was a (optional) fancy dress rule.
So did my lady friend, even though it was a bit out of her comfort zone. She did have a few drinks and was a bit tipsy...
To cut a long story short, when we were, ahem, fooling around in bed later on, she said and I quote "I think I am falling in love with you."
Now I have to say that I am a bit shocked at this being said so soon and I do not feel the same way.
I enjoy here company and look forward to the time we spend together. But I am nowhere near that level with her. Also, I don't know whether I will get to that point in the future.
After how my last two relationships went, I just want to takes things slow and easy.
I did not make any answer and she has not really mentioned it since. However, I do not want her to have any unrealistic expectations and I feel I need to be honest with her about how I feel.

So, what should I say to her about this? If indeed I should say anything at all...
All (serious) advice will be gratefully accepted.

Even though people can develop feelings at different times, several weeks is not that long of a time. Of course she can be really into you which obviously isn't mutual at this time.

I don't think there's necessarily a wrong option here. You can wait until she bring it up again or try and nip it in the bud now. Say I like you and I'm interested in pursuing a relationship however because of my history, I'd like to take this slow. Of course it doesn't help that it sounds like you are banging now. That type of intimacy does have an effect on some people.

 

[webhead9707]

In the continuing adventures of "No Girls Are Interested In Webhead", I just discovered another girl I was potentially interested in is not interested in me!! This story is repetitive with no payoff, I give it a 4/10, only pluses are the comedy.

 

[Ms. Marvel]

So I kind of have this thing with this guy, he wanted to get into a relationship but I told him I didn't want that. He still wanted to continue "our thing" despite not being pleased about me not wanting to get into a relationship. The thing is I don't think I'm ever going to want to commit to him. So am I stringing him along?

 

[Erzengel]

Some people think that eventually people will change their minds. Some people settle for friends, hook up buddies, etc., so they can at least have something. Eventually they'll want more.

Do you feel like you're misleading him? Like giving him false hope?

 

[Ms. Marvel]

Yeah a bit.

I do like him just not enough to be in a relationship. Everytime I ask him if it really bothers him he says "I'll get over it".

 

[Erzengel]

Do you not want to be in a relationship or do you not want to be in a relationship with him?

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

When he has the sex, light the beacons.

Great. Nell, the poster made famous by being denied booty more often than Beavis and Butthead is getting laid more than me right now.

 

[Ms. Marvel]

Do you not want to be in a relationship or do you not want to be in a relationship with him?

Both to be honest.

 

[Erzengel]

I mean as long as you're being honest and stop stringing him along, then at least he knows what he's getting into.

 

[John McGuirk]

I've been dating my current GF for over 4 months. I'm already feeling really good about her. She's fantastic.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

So I kind of have this thing with this guy, he wanted to get into a relationship but I told him I didn't want that. He still wanted to continue "our thing" despite not being pleased about me not wanting to get into a relationship. The thing is I don't think I'm ever going to want to commit to him. So am I stringing him along?

Yes, but I think you already knew that. That's not cool, and not fair to him. Stop stringing him along. If you don't want to be in a relationship and he does, then end your "thing", because all you're doing is hurting him. And I think deep down you realize this, which is why you're asking us.

 

[Ms. Marvel]

Yes, but I think you already knew that. That's not cool, and not fair to him. Stop stringing him along. If you don't want to be in a relationship and he does, then end your "thing", because all you're doing is hurting him. And I think deep down you realize this, which is why you're asking us.

You're right, I just figured I was in some sort of dilemma because either way I'd be hurting him.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

You're right, I just figured I was in some sort of dilemma because either way I'd be hurting him.

Being straight up, will be like ripping off a band-aid quickly. It will hurt a lot for a short period of time, but it will be over much quicker. If you take off the band-aid slowly like you've been doing, the pain will last much longer.

 

[Ms. Marvel]

Being straight up, will be like ripping off a band-aid quickly. It will hurt a lot for a short period of time, but it will be over much quicker. If you take off the band-aid slowly like you've been doing, the pain will last much longer.

Yeah I've always been pretty bad with confrontation and always try to find ways out of it. But it's selfish to drag this thing along.

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

So I kind of have this thing with this guy, he wanted to get into a relationship but I told him I didn't want that. He still wanted to continue "our thing" despite not being pleased about me not wanting to get into a relationship. The thing is I don't think I'm ever going to want to commit to him. So am I stringing him along?

As long as you are totally honest with him about your feelings and intentions, then by that definition you are not stringing him along.

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

I've read through everyone's replies to my previous post and I thank you all for taking the time to respond with your constructive well thought out responses.

I agree that it is not a good idea to make anything out of a statement that may well have come about as a result of some intoxication on her part.

But, if she does say it again in more sober circumstances, then I think I need to make it clear how I feel and what my intentions are.

One thing I will not do is be dishonest and string someone along. I would much rather be on my own than do that to another.

Thanks again. t:

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

The Mathematical Formulae That Will Help You Get Dates

[YT]N37x4GgDVBM[/YT]

In a charming TEDx talk at Binghamton University last year, complexity expert Hannah Fry applies her math skills to romantic relationships. Watch as she explains how pattern theory may help you get dates, how to use optimal stopping theory to pick a spouse, and how an understanding of negativity thresholds can help your marriage succeed.

http://www.ted.com/talks/hannah_fry_the_mathematics_of_love/transcript?language=en

When all else fails use science and math!

 

[Erzengel]

She shouldn't have trouble getting a date.

 

[Anita18]

She shouldn't have trouble getting a date.

That's what I kept getting told. And yet, my husband was literally the only guy who wanted to keep dating me. It worked out, luckily!

But it was other women who told me. They saw a thin, intelligent, chill, fairly attractive woman so it should be obvious I should have no trouble getting dates from guys. But on the guys' end, they probably saw a tomboy with no sex appeal, and who was smarter than them despite the stutter. (And oh yeah, I have a deep voice and a stutter.) So those were probably non-starters there.

From what I've seen, being unintimidating is HUGE for being attractive to guys, and an extremely smart woman is intimidating. From my observations, the women I know who have had no trouble getting dates run the gamut in physical attractiveness, but they are all at least a bit ditzy. My husband is the rare one who can't stand ditzy, so that worked out well for me.

 

[Anita18]

Using Erz's suggestion, Nell would like you to know....

 

[GENERAL RAAM582]

Well, I think I want to move on the feelings that I have with a lab partner of mine. I've known her since February, and I've been getting those crush feelings for the past few weeks. I don't know how to do it, and I honestly don't know if I should. I mean, the semester ends in a couple of weeks. Is it worth saying anything only to not see her until maybe August?

Should I text her and ask to go out to lunch or something?

 

[ShadowBoxer]

Well, I think I want to move on the feelings that I have with a lab partner of mine. I've known her since February, and I've been getting those crush feelings for the past few weeks. I don't know how to do it, and I honestly don't know if I should. I mean, the semester ends in a couple of weeks. Is it worth saying anything only to not see her until maybe August?

Should I text her and ask to go out to lunch or something?

Don't be like me bro, go ahead and text her. I been crushing on the same girl for a solid year, but to scared to go for it.