The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - - - - - - - - Part 28

[Anita18]

What are the chances of a guy NOT appreciating arriving home to his girl in sexy underwear laid out on the bed?

Very low.

Well, if it was just appreciating. If said guy is busy or tired, maybe he won't act on it right away, : but I can't imagine why he would be angry or disappointed or some other negative emotion.

Edit: Unless you were doing so in a desperate bid for sex and he stresses out about how often you do or don't do it. But that's just me overthinking. In my experience, guys always appreciate a naked girl haha.

 

[Erzengel]

What are you going to major in school for?

 

[Erzengel]

What are the chances of a guy NOT appreciating arriving home to his girl in sexy underwear laid out on the bed?

Outside of being too intoxicated or upset about something?

But within a year of being together, I would think most guys wouldn't be able to get out of their pants quick enough.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Well... I sort of screwed it up really... I think. Or maybe it's his fault. I can't decide...

I lost my nerve cause he got back later than I expected. So I had my robe on over the thing... but I was still hinting. He said he wanted to jump in a shower, and he had a shave and kept smiling at me from the bathroom, so I figured he'd got the hint.

Then he sits back down on the bed and opens a beer and gets his computer out...

I try some more 'hinting' before loosening the robe and basically just putting his hand on my sexy underwear covered boob.

He smiles at me, and seems happy to keep his hand there... but does nothing.

So after about a minute of this, it just seems odd and pointless, so I removed his hand, covered up again and just snuggle down into sleep position.

After a minute he strokes my face and says 'You okay babe' and I can see this immediate regret on his face like he knows exactly what just happened and maybe wants to rectify it.

But it's too late by then for me. I feel much too awkward now and rejected. So I just say 'I'm just sleepy now' and try and sleep.

Then I can't, cause it's swirling round my mind. At this point I have to be up for work in about 4 hours time so i'm majorly pissed cause I stayed up waiting for him to get in, hoping if I made an effort to make myself look pretty and put some nice smellies on freshly shave and stuff that I might actually turn him on enough for HIM to make the move for once.

Then he goes to sleep. I don't even kiss him goodnight. I kind of just sit there sighing (not very mature I know, I felt like a sulking child as I was doing it). I wanna ask him what the hell is the matter with him... but I just keep my mouth shut.

Of course, he falls straight to sleep as it seems the majority of men don't tend to have a problem pushing these things away when they need too!

I go to sleep a while later. But i'm left feeling really unsure of myself.

I feel like I would have gotten sex if i'd just been more direct about it.

But... I was trying to get HIM to want sex.

It's becoming a bit of an issue for me. It's an issue my best friend is having too. It seems to fall on the woman to instigate all sexual activity.

And personally, I need a bit more reassurance than that.

I mean, he never tells me I look nice. Never tells me i'm beautiful or sexy. He has once said he loves my eyes, but only when ASKED.

And I don't mind that neccesarily. I don't give a lot of weight to verbal confirmation in terms of my relationship needs because words can so easily be lies (as my ex proved). I'd much rather be SHOWN rather than TOLD.

He shows he me cares through acts of service and physical intimacy.

But he doesn't show me he thinks i'm hot.

So maybe... i'm not? (at least to him)

I would need to see pictures to accurately answer.

Actually, I just thought...

Would you be wearing said underwear or would you literally have it laid out on the bed?
Because, speaking for myself of course, my reactions would be quite different depending upon which it was. t:

Wearing it

Very low.

Well, if it was just appreciating. If said guy is busy or tired, maybe he won't act on it right away, : but I can't imagine why he would be angry or disappointed or some other negative emotion.

Edit: Unless you were doing so in a desperate bid for sex and he stresses out about how often you do or don't do it. But that's just me overthinking. In my experience, guys always appreciate a naked girl haha.

Well by appreciate I really mean 'get turned on by'.

Outside of being too intoxicated or upset about something?

But within a year of being together, I would think most guys wouldn't be able to get out of their pants quick enough.

Yeah that's what i'd hoped

 

[Anita18]

Well... I sort of screwed it up really... I think. Or maybe it's his fault. I can't decide...

I lost my nerve cause he got back later than I expected. So I had my robe on over the thing... but I was still hinting. He said he wanted to jump in a shower, and he had a shave and kept smiling at me from the bathroom, so I figured he'd got the hint.

Then he sits back down on the bed and opens a beer and gets his computer out...

I try some more 'hinting' before loosening the robe and basically just putting his hand on my sexy underwear covered boob.

He smiles at me, and seems happy to keep his hand there... but does nothing.

So after about a minute of this, it just seems odd and pointless, so I removed his hand, covered up again and just snuggle down into sleep position.

After a minute he strokes my face and says 'You okay babe' and I can see this immediate regret on his face like he knows exactly what just happened and maybe wants to rectify it.

But it's too late by then for me. I feel much too awkward now and rejected. So I just say 'I'm just sleepy now' and try and sleep.

Then I can't, cause it's swirling round my mind. At this point I have to be up for work in about 4 hours time so i'm majorly pissed cause I stayed up waiting for him to get in, hoping if I made an effort to make myself look pretty and put some nice smellies on freshly shave and stuff that I might actually turn him on enough for HIM to make the move for once.

Then he goes to sleep. I don't even kiss him goodnight. I kind of just sit there sighing (not very mature I know, I felt like a sulking child as I was doing it). I wanna ask him what the hell is the matter with him... but I just keep my mouth shut.

Of course, he falls straight to sleep as it seems the majority of men don't tend to have a problem pushing these things away when they need too!

I go to sleep a while later. But i'm left feeling really unsure of myself.

I feel like I would have gotten sex if i'd just been more direct about it.

But... I was trying to get HIM to want sex.

It's becoming a bit of an issue for me. It's an issue my best friend is having too. It seems to fall on the woman to instigate all sexual activity.

And personally, I need a bit more reassurance than that.

I mean, he never tells me I look nice. Never tells me i'm beautiful or sexy. He has once said he loves my eyes, but only when ASKED.

And I don't mind that neccesarily. I don't give a lot of weight to verbal confirmation in terms of my relationship needs because words can so easily be lies (as my ex proved). I'd much rather be SHOWN rather than TOLD.

He shows he me cares through acts of service and physical intimacy.

But he doesn't show me he thinks i'm hot.

So maybe... i'm not? (at least to him)

It's very possible that you're just not jiving on the sexual needs thing. Maybe he is turned on, but is too lazy to act on it. So in a way, anything you do won't "make" him want sex, because you really can't make people do anything. Nevermind make someone want something.

Sex is something you'll need to talk about, as un-hot and awkward as it seems. People aren't mind readers, and compatibility includes sexual compatibility too. And it also includes compromise. At my marriage workshop, the two counselors (married to each other) actually suggested trying hankypanky for 10 minutes even if one partner isn't feeling it 100%. But not "try" as in "I really hate this so I'm going to act like a dead fish" - sex in a serious relationship is about connecting with each other, not about getting yourself off. Then after that 10 minutes, reassess how you're feeling regarding sex.

There have been times when I'm not feeling up to doing exactly what my husband wants to do, but I suggest something else we can do together. It isn't all or nothing.

But first you have to talk. If you don't tell him what you've been telling us, he'll end up unsure as to what exactly is upsetting you. And if he doesn't tell you what he expects, you'll keep thinking he doesn't think you're hot when he just communicates it differently from you do. And asking "what the hell is the matter with him" is NOT the way to start that conversation.

Even when I'm walking around naked (which I do when it gets 90F here - hey it's southern California!), my husband doesn't jump me like a horny dog. Not all guys behave like that. But he shows in other ways that I turn him on. And we talk, too. I mean, how else would we know what the other wants?

 

[hopefuldreamer]

It's very possible that you're just not jiving on the sexual needs thing. Maybe he is turned on, but is too lazy to act on it. So in a way, anything you do won't "make" him want sex, because you really can't make people do anything. Nevermind make someone want something.

Sex is something you'll need to talk about, as un-hot and awkward as it seems. People aren't mind readers, and compatibility includes sexual compatibility too. And it also includes compromise. At my marriage workshop, the two counselors (married to each other) actually suggested trying hankypanky for 10 minutes even if one partner isn't feeling it 100%. But not "try" as in "I really hate this so I'm going to act like a dead fish" - sex in a serious relationship is about connecting with each other, not about getting yourself off. Then after that 10 minutes, reassess how you're feeling regarding sex.

There have been times when I'm not feeling up to doing exactly what my husband wants to do, but I suggest something else we can do together. It isn't all or nothing.

But first you have to talk. If you don't tell him what you've been telling us, he'll end up unsure as to what exactly is upsetting you. And if he doesn't tell you what he expects, you'll keep thinking he doesn't think you're hot when he just communicates it differently from you do. And asking "what the hell is the matter with him" is NOT the way to start that conversation.

Even when I'm walking around naked (which I do when it gets 90F here - hey it's southern California!), my husband doesn't jump me like a horny dog. Not all guys behave like that. But he shows in other ways that I turn him on. And we talk, too. I mean, how else would we know what the other wants?

Well I have communicated my end. I have told him out right about my insecurities with initiating and that he needs to take the lead more.

He apparently is doing nothing with that information... probably because I make it easy for him by just doing it myself after a weeks gone by because I just want to reconnect physically or I feel like we're drifting apart...

I guess the only thing I haven't had the courage to do is outright ASK him what the problem is... but I just don't know how to go about that conversation...

What do you say?

 

[Erzengel]

Do you feel in general he has a healthy sex drive?

Maybe it's just low? Or could it be the pot smoking?

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Do you feel in general he has a healthy sex drive?

Maybe it's just low? Or could it be the pot smoking?

I don't know... I mean we've been broke lately while he was looking for work so he hasn't been smoking consistently.

Thing is... I don't actually know what a healthy sex drive is, as i've had no prior experience of regular sex with one partner.

Is there a ball park figure?

I think it's difficult because we've both gotten really comfy with each other really fast. And comfy sort of leads to lazy, you feel secure so you don't try as hard I guess?

 

[the last son]

I was going to say there was a 25% chance the guy doesn't want sex, but I didn't want to come off as a jerk and put doubt in your mind. Sometimes guys are just tired, feel less of a man, or just don't want to have sex. I know sometimes I don't want to. I know when my ex stayed over for the weekend, we'd do it at least twice a day. She would want it more than that and honestly, for me that was more than enough. She personally didn't have to initiate the first couple of times a day. If I wanted some in the middle of the night, she never rejected. Most guys if they really want some will initiate. Some guys won't because they are still unsure of themselves. Maybe he's not attracted, but it seems selfish. Sometimes when your girl wants sex, you just have to give it to her. I know because I was selfish and would only do it on my own terms, most of the time.


Is that a no to the pictures lol?

 

[Erzengel]

Everyone is different. I'm sure if someone said once or twice a week, some would say too little, some would say enough.

I know how work, stress, etc. can get in the way.

But you two haven't really been together that long. I know there's extenuating circumstances, but you telling me you and your friend have to consistently instigate sex if almost foreign to me.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I was going to say there was a 25% chance the guy doesn't want sex, but I didn't want to come off as a jerk and put doubt in your mind. Sometimes guys are just tired, feel less of a man, or just don't want to have sex. I know sometimes I don't want to. I know when my ex stayed over for the weekend, we'd do it at least twice a day. She would want it more than that and honestly, for me that was more than enough. She personally didn't have to initiate the first couple of times a day. If I wanted some in the middle of the night, she never rejected. Most guys if they really want some will initiate. Some guys won't because they are still unsure of themselves. Maybe he's not attracted, but it seems selfish. Sometimes when your girl wants sex, you just have to give it to her. I know because I was selfish and would only do it on my own terms, most of the time.

Is that a no to the pictures lol?

Yes that's a no

And yeah, I think your right. I think a lot of it is that he is unsure of him self... but so am I, and it seems like i'm the only one making the effort.

I have friends in new relationships who are having sex several times a day, talking about how great it is when you're in the honeymoon phase...

It's not like that with us, and i've been fine with that to a point because my sex drive isn't that mental either, i'm still finding my feet in terms of sexual confidence so don't really know how to 'mix it up' so that you'd want it quite that often and i'm accepting of the fact that all relationships are different and all men are different.

But I want it a couple of times a week.

And I want at least one of those times to have been initiated by him.

Seriously, I wonder how long it would take for him to make a move if I just stopped?

And if he doesn't... does the relationship just die a death?

Should I let it? If he's really not that interested in sex and I feel that makes us incompatible because I am always going to be wanting more from him... should I just give up?

Everyone is different. I'm sure if someone said once or twice a week, some would say too little, some would say enough.

I know how work, stress, etc. can get in the way.

But you two haven't really been together that long. I know there's extenuating circumstances, but you telling me you and your friend have to consistently instigate sex if almost foreign to me.

It's not even just my friend I spoke of. Most of the girls I know, when discussing this topic, have said they usually end up being the instigator. Only one said he never instigates... but then I sort of expect that from her, she's just a different kind of girl.

I mean, maybe it is an 'independent woman' vibe or something, cause it's not just been him... i've initiated with a lot of guys.

Or maybe... i'm just not hot enough to him to keep him that interested. Or maybe he just doesn't enjoy sex with me that much/i'm not that good in bed to him.

Anyway, I don't think twice a week is unreasonable, especially when the sex we have is not exactly long or that inventive. I mean, if it was one long session of love making where we tried a few things out and maybe hit a home run a couple of times funny: at the innuendo), then i'd probably be satisfied with once a week.

But one quick bang a week is not going to satisfy me.

 

[the last son]

Yes that's a no

And yeah, I think your right. I think a lot of it is that he is unsure of him self... but so am I, and it seems like i'm the only one making the effort.

I have friends in new relationships who are having sex several times a day, talking about how great it is when you're in the honeymoon phase...

It's not like that with us, and i've been fine with that to a point because my sex drive isn't that mental either, i'm still finding my feet in terms of sexual confidence so don't really know how to 'mix it up' so that you'd want it quite that often and i'm accepting of the fact that all relationships are different and all men are different.

But I want it a couple of times a week.

And I want at least one of those times to have been initiated by him.

Seriously, I wonder how long it would take for him to make a move if I just stopped?

And if he doesn't... does the relationship just die a death?

Should I let it? If he's really not that interested in sex and I feel that makes us incompatible because I am always going to be wanting more from him... should I just give up?

Communication. Tell him you want him to make more moves. Ask him why he's not? etc.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Communication. Tell him you want him to make more moves. Ask him why he's not? etc.

But literally... what do you say?

'So, do you have a low sex drive?'

'So... how come we don't have sex more?'

What answer can he give to that?

Surely those questions don't have simple answers and would therefore just create an uncomfortable and awkward lack of conversation with empty reassurances and excuses.

 

[the last son]

I mean do you want answers to those questions? It seems you do, so I would bring it up. I would just ask "do you think we sex enough" I know as a man if a woman asked me those questions I would find them awkward, but I would also, think it's healthy for us to talk about it. Only a rage monster or someone who really doesn't want to sex you will have a major issue with the question. Or maybe he'll explain he has a low sex drive. Either way you'll get to the botton on why you all aren't sexing. I'm no expert, so Erz or Anita feel free to shut me down if you feel my advice is wrong.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Edit - Double post

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I mean do you want answers to those questions? It seems you do, so I would bring it up. I would just ask "do you think we sex enough" I know as a man if a woman asked me those questions I would find them awkward, but I would also, think it's healthy for us to talk about it. Only a rage monster or someone who really doesn't want to sex you will have a major issue with the question. Or maybe he'll explain he has a low sex drive. Either way you'll get to the botton on why you all aren't sexing. I'm no expert, so Erz or Anita feel free to shut me down if you feel my advice is wrong.

I guess i'm just not sure if that'll work or make it worse.

I mean, I want the guy to feel manly and sexy and lustful. I don't want him to feel criticised, or like he is sexually unsatisfying... because that won't improve the situation. In fact, that's likely to make it worse.

I think the only plan of action I feel comfortable with, is to make more of an effort with my appearance and to make more effort to be awake and open to advances when we are in each other's company. Flirt with the idea of sex, but don't initiate it myself.

If I try that for maybe a week, then I will at least be able to have 'the conversation' with a bit more ammunition.

Rather than coming in from a place where excuses could be easily made and it can be dismissed as an anomaly, come in from a place where it has become completely clear that something IS wrong.

 

[the last son]

Whatever you do good luck. If you still have issues you can take a plane to the US.

 

[Erzengel]

When I talk about compatibility, that applies to sexual compatibility.

Intimacy is a very important factor in a relationship.

While he could change once he gets a job, was he more initimate when he was employed?

 

[Anita18]

But literally... what do you say?

'So, do you have a low sex drive?'

'So... how come we don't have sex more?'

What answer can he give to that?

Surely those questions don't have simple answers and would therefore just create an uncomfortable and awkward lack of conversation with empty reassurances and excuses.

You have to word the questions very carefully. Everyone (and I do mean EVERYONE) reacts very harshly when faced with accusatory questions like that. It immediately puts him at a defensive position, and things get ugly fast when someone is defending themselves.

I mean, we weren't even in the same room with Nell here, and you saw what his reactions were.

You tell him how you feel about the situation. "I feel that we have different needs when it comes to sex, and I feel that's coming in between us right now. (Say some other words here about being insecure or whatnot.) What can we do to remedy that?"

Remember, he doesn't "make" you feel anything. So no "When you do ___, it makes me feel ____" That's not quite as bad as "How come you aren't initiating?" but it's moving into accusatory territory. You want him to feel as comfortable as possible, because it's about compatibility and working together, not about bending him to your will.

It'll take practice. I've actually had training about how to ask exploratory vs accusatory questions, because what I do for my job. People will ask me if "Why did you do that?" is a good question to ask when testing a website with people, and it never is.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

When I talk about compatibility, that applies to sexual compatibility.

Intimacy is a very important factor in a relationship.

While he could change once he gets a job, was he more initimate when he was employed?

He has a job now, and it did get better for a while cause he was much more happy and animated. But it's just sort of plateaued.

You have to word the questions very carefully. Everyone (and I do mean EVERYONE) reacts very harshly when faced with accusatory questions like that. It immediately puts him at a defensive position, and things get ugly fast when someone is defending themselves.

I mean, we weren't even in the same room with Nell here, and you saw what his reactions were.

You tell him how you feel about the situation. "I feel that we have different needs when it comes to sex, and I feel that's coming in between us right now. (Say some other words here about being insecure or whatnot.) What can we do to remedy that?"

Remember, he doesn't "make" you feel anything. So no "When you do ___, it makes me feel ____" That's not quite as bad as "How come you aren't initiating?" but it's moving into accusatory territory. You want him to feel as comfortable as possible, because it's about compatibility and working together, not about bending him to your will.

It'll take practice. I've actually had training about how to ask exploratory vs accusatory questions, because what I do for my job. People will ask me if "Why did you do that?" is a good question to ask when testing a website with people, and it never is.

Yeah I know what you mean.

I consider myself an expert at choosing my words so carefully I never upset someone. It is something I also use for my job, and most aspects of my life benefit from it.

For some reason, talking about sex stuff I just find a million times harder. The words escape me... I think because i'm so unsure of myself. I don't know if i'm right or wrong about whether certain things should be a certain way or not.

For instance, we tried with me on top recently, and this time I literally had to tell him to stop doing what he was doing cause it was just ****ing up the rhythm. And he did, and then I was able to actually control it and get a good pace going... but I had no idea if it was ME that was unable to do it right, or whether I was right in telling him to stop.

It took a conversation with my friend earlier about it for me to confirm that I am right, and that he's just literally not that experienced with it. But i've just got so much paranoia and insecurity... which is multiplied a lot when i'm feeling like the other person isn't that into sex with me.

I'm gonna try backing off for a bit but making an effort to be more desirable... and see what happens. And then I will do what you've advised if nothing good happens from it

 

[Anita18]

Yeah I know what you mean.

I consider myself an expert at choosing my words so carefully I never upset someone. It is something I also use for my job, and most aspects of my life benefit from it.

For some reason, talking about sex stuff I just find a million times harder. The words escape me... I think because i'm so unsure of myself. I don't know if i'm right or wrong about whether certain things should be a certain way or not.

For instance, we tried with me on top recently, and this time I literally had to tell him to stop doing what he was doing cause it was just ****ing up the rhythm. And he did, and then I was able to actually control it and get a good pace going... but I had no idea if it was ME that was unable to do it right, or whether I was right in telling him to stop.

It took a conversation with my friend earlier about it for me to confirm that I am right, and that he's just literally not that experienced with it. But i've just got so much paranoia and insecurity... which is multiplied a lot when i'm feeling like the other person isn't that into sex with me.

I'm gonna try backing off for a bit but making an effort to be more desirable... and see what happens. And then I will do what you've advised if nothing good happens from it

You know I say that there is no right or wrong in relationships, right? Well there's no right or wrong to consensual sex, either. Some people will like one thing, another person another. It's what you two have going together, one person doesn't have to be right or wrong, full-stop.

Like, your friends having sex several times a day? I cannot physically handle penetrative sex that often. It HURTS. I don't care if it's "wrong" according to whoever. All I know is that the second time hurts (third time sure isn't happening!) and it isn't enjoyable, so why should I stand for it? Luckily (although I wish I didn't "have" to use that word), my husband doesn't enjoy sex if I don't enjoy it either, and we just do other things. We do what works for us. And yeah, sometimes it involves me telling him to stop something if it's starting to hurt. It doesn't mean there's something wrong with me, or with him. Just means whatever's happening right then isn't working for me, for whatever reason.

It's taken us a while to learn what we like and what we don't like. But the first time we try something is always a little awkward. It's good to laugh about it, because it's really about connecting with each other, at the end of the day. I never really understood people who say that someone is "bad in bed." IMO someone is only bad in bed if they are incapable of responding to their partner's needs. Neither my husband nor I are all that experienced on an absolute scale when it comes to sex (especially me ), but are very responsive to each other's and that's all that really matters.


It's also not "being more desirable." You don't have to fulfill a certain physical checklist for your partner to want sex with you. Sometimes it involves how you act together or some other random thing, and maybe it has nothing to do with you at all and you'll just have to navigate around his motivations. Feeling like you can never measure up physically is a crappy way to feel, especially about sex. For us, it isn't about what I wear (especially now when my usual outfit is loose pajamas ) but what we tell each other what we want to do next time in bed. That gets the imagination going!

 

[guitarsingerguy]

Well, as a guy who knows stress can be a KILLER on a set life/drive, but I know if my fiancee went to the effort of doing something like that I'd suck it up just so she didn't feel stupid. That's really something very sweet, and I'd personally hate for her to feel like it was unappreciated.

 

[guitarsingerguy]

As far as what's the norm...I really don't think there is one. As I said, when we were both stressed we've gone weeks, maybe even a month or so without, but I know a guy that felt like he was being neglected if he wasn't getting it 3 to 4 times a week which I really think is ******** expecting anything honestly. Something intimate like that should be seen as a gift, not an expectation. That's just me though. But truthfully, just because we're guys doesn't mean we're ready to go 24/7. Maybe in my younger days, but now, sometimes I just don't feel like ****ing. Lol

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Well he initiated sex last night, which at least tells me that he DID know what was going on the night before, and he wanted to make up for it.

However, he got really stoned before working up the courage to do it. And then couldn't get a full erection... I mean, he gave me head so it's not like it was a total wasted effort , but I think it's upsetting him more and more each time something like this happens... and I just don't know what to do about it.

I'm not sure if he was even aware of it at first cause he just carried on like normal, but because it wasn't fully hard it was kind of uncomfortable. Then eventually he completely lost it anyway.

It's also not "being more desirable." You don't have to fulfill a certain physical checklist for your partner to want sex with you. Sometimes it involves how you act together or some other random thing, and maybe it has nothing to do with you at all and you'll just have to navigate around his motivations. Feeling like you can never measure up physically is a crappy way to feel, especially about sex. For us, it isn't about what I wear (especially now when my usual outfit is loose pajamas ) but what we tell each other what we want to do next time in bed. That gets the imagination going!

I think making effort with physical appearance and hygiene DOES make a difference. Because it makes a difference to me for sure.

If someone's breath smells or they have BO it's a turn off. If someone's hair is greasy, it's a turn off. If someone just throws on clothes with holes in or clothes that could do with a wash cause they don't really care what they look like... it's a turn off.

And I think I can be guilt of not making enough effort in that department sometimes, so i'm gonna make sure I at least always have clean hair, brushed teeth, nice (or at least clean) clothes and a bit of make up on my face so I don't look like a tired wreck.

Well, as a guy who knows stress can be a KILLER on a set life/drive, but I know if my fiancee went to the effort of doing something like that I'd suck it up just so she didn't feel stupid. That's really something very sweet, and I'd personally hate for her to feel like it was unappreciated.

As far as what's the norm...I really don't think there is one. As I said, when we were both stressed we've gone weeks, maybe even a month or so without, but I know a guy that felt like he was being neglected if he wasn't getting it 3 to 4 times a week which I really think is ******** expecting anything honestly. Something intimate like that should be seen as a gift, not an expectation. That's just me though. But truthfully, just because we're guys doesn't mean we're ready to go 24/7. Maybe in my younger days, but now, sometimes I just don't feel like ****ing. Lol

Yeah, I don't need it ALL the time. I feel like once a week would even be fine if that 'session' was something substantial... but it's got to be at least twice a week if it's just 'bog standard' sex.

 

[the last son]

Either he's not into women and doesn't know, does know it, not into you, has totally lost all confidence in himself, really doesn't like sex, is extremely shy, or hell I don't know that's all I got.


Also, you explained what happened during sex, I didn't see you explain what you were doing to help him get up sexually. It was all work from his part. What he was doing to you. You could do stuff to him until he gets up.