The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - - - - - - - - Part 28

[Erzengel]

Things have been pretty good with my gf lately. She was the one that would casually toss out the homophobic slur. I asked her to stop that and to her credit she did.

However she has started with other groups lately. She likes to tell me that Catholics are cray (knowing that I'm a former Catholic) and recently used the term "dirty Jew." She hates her father for being a racist, sexist bigot but doesn't see the hypocrisy in her own words.

She always says she loves me and only wants to make me happy and never angry but then she says something like that. She is a good person in so many ways but then she pulls this crap.

Sorry, I just wanted to vent.

I can understand that Hobgoblin. My ex used to drop F-bombs all the time, and I'm like, "Really? How feminine is that?" Not an attractive quality for anybody. She was the one who turned out to be the bi-polar alcoholic, so.....plenty of good reasons to ditch her.

There are, in my eyes, hardly ever legitimate "man" things, or "woman" things....or for that matter "white", "black", "Asian" things, etc. People are people, and you have to take them one at a time. Immature idiots come in all shapes, sizes, races, and colors, and the sooner people realize that the better off we'll all be.

I'm from Jersey, it's abnormal if there aren't F bombs dropped. LOL

In terms of off handed racial comments, it's up to Hobgoblin if he wants to tolerate it. That might be who they are regardless of their good qualities. Maybe they can change but some people may always just casually drop terms like that.

 

[Hobgoblin]

I'm all for criticizing religion, but she doesn't have a thought out argument besides "Catholics are cray." I did ask her to not use the "dirty Jew" comment again, as I have Jewish family and friends. She did apologize for that. Then again, she has said outright that she wont change her opinion of gay marriage. She is friends with the gay employee in our store but still uses the f slur and wouldnt want him to get married. I dont get it.

 

[Anita18]

Things have been pretty good with my gf lately. She was the one that would casually toss out the homophobic slur. I asked her to stop that and to her credit she did.

However she has started with other groups lately. She likes to tell me that Catholics are cray (knowing that I'm a former Catholic) and recently used the term "dirty Jew." She hates her father for being a racist, sexist bigot but doesn't see the hypocrisy in her own words.

She always says she loves me and only wants to make me happy and never angry but then she says something like that. She is a good person in so many ways but then she pulls this crap.

Sorry, I just wanted to vent.

My husband says racially insensitive things from time to time. He's not crass enough to use a slur, but yeah, would not go over well in certain neighborhoods. I simply told him, if you're going to use that language, I'm just going to get up and leave. (The situation, I mean. Not the relationship. Cause that's crazy.)

It's not that it's a relationship ultimatum. It's more like, "I'm not going to sit by and pretend I approve of your behavior, and I'm not going to give you a big moral lecture about why it's wrong to use that language. I just don't like it." It's their choice - he can use that language or he can have me in the room. Can't have both.

He's gotten better about saying racially insensitive things. It's more like, he gets momentarily frustrated after seeing something, comes to a snap judgment, and says something before thinking it through. Then a moment later, goes, "Maybe that I rushed to that conclusion." (My family may be unusual in that we actually don't say things before thinking about them, but I do think it's pretty common.) At least it's gotten him to shut up more before something falls out of his mouth that he doesn't mean.

Anyone tried putting up a dating ad on Craigslist? Have you actually gone on a date with someone you met from the site? If so, how did it go? I am not talking about hookers by the way lol. I have put up ads on Craigslist in the past, but most of the time got emails from spam/ porn bots , woman I wasn't interested in or compatible with , or actual hookers offering me their services ha ha. I never responded to the hooker emails in case you were wondering ha ha.

I did, years ago. The spambots might be far more sophisticated now, because I mostly did get real replies, as far as I know. I wrote about how nerdy I was and included a photo of me from the side, and apparently there were a lot of lonely nerdy guys out there looking for a nerdy girl, because I got about 1000 replies in a week. It was kinda overwhelming.

Half of the guys didn't reply after I sent back a face pic, so that's how I determined I was a butterface.

Got a handful of dates out of it (all nice guys, no creeps), but not a single relationship. So quantity isn't exactly going to solve your problem.

Also, keep in mind that most of the people trawling Craigslist are going to be men. If you're a straight guy looking for a woman and you think online dating sites are hard, Craigslist is probably going to be 10x worse.

Since I got out of previous relationship back last September, I often think that it is a lot easier and simpler to be alone and not have the complications of having to factor in another.But then there are times when certain things happen and it would be great to have someone to share those with...

Actually, never mind me, I'm not making much sense right now. I'm having a really sh**ty day...

It's interesting, since some people have expressed that want multiple times here, but it isn't something that I've ever placed any importance on. It's nice to have someone support you, and it's nice to have someone who accepts you for who you are, but I've never thought it was especially nice to have someone to "share special moments with." I'm not even sure what that means. Maybe that's why I have no problem with leaving the slightly-agoraphobic husband behind to have fun on my own.

But yeah, it's nice to have some time to yourself too. My husband is gone for the week on business and I'm like, "YEAH I CAN STAY UP LATE AND MAKE A MESS!!!!"

 

[Ultron-5]

I tell you what. You have to be careful picking a girlfriend. Make sure she's the right person for you.

 

[Grommers]

Who needs a gf when their are blow-up dolls..

my advice get a blow-up doll.

it's a breath of fresh air.

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

It's interesting, since some people have expressed that want multiple times here, but it isn't something that I've ever placed any importance on. It's nice to have someone support you, and it's nice to have someone who accepts you for who you are, but I've never thought it was especially nice to have someone to "share special moments with." I'm not even sure what that means. Maybe that's why I have no problem with leaving the slightly-agoraphobic husband behind to have fun on my own.

But yeah, it's nice to have some time to yourself too. My husband is gone for the week on business and I'm like, "YEAH I CAN STAY UP LATE AND MAKE A MESS!!!!"

Anita, I guess what I was getting at was the support aspect, at least partially.
But yeah, for me anyway, when something happens to you that is especially awesome, moving or even upsetting...
Those are the times when it would be nice to have someone to be with you.
Yep, I certainly like my "me time" too!

But especially with something that is going on at the moment, it would be nice to have a shoulder to lean upon. Right now, a lot of my family members are looking at me to be their rock... Which I don't mind. I'm honoured and humbled they feel that they can come to me. But sometimes the situation gets to me and I don't feel I can burden them with how upset I am, they are distraught enough.

 

[ShadowBoxer]

I think it's several things that make it hard for me online and offline dating.

1. I am black. For online dating anyway, this seems to be a turn off for women. Dating sites like Match.com and eharmony, the women I get matched up with are of various races ( mostly black and white women) and when I look at their profiles and see what they are looking for, a large majority of the women have their preferences set to white men. This also surprisingly applies to some of the black women as well. I have no problem with interracial dating, as I am certainly attracted to women of all races, but it's kinda depressing when you get zero responses, even from women of your own race.

2. I am a Christian. I am not a person who goes around shoving my beliefs down others throats, but if someone asks me what my beliefs are, I gladly tell them. I mention that I am a Christian in my dating profiles, so I kinda feel like that may or may not be a turn off for some women.

3. My hobbies and likes such as comic books and video games. Now, I am not a stereotypical nerd guy that lives in a basement lol. I have a small comic/ graphic novel collection and a ps4 and some video games. Half my comics are digital because I didn't want to have a huge collection that might scare off girls ha. Also, my room isn't full of action figures or posters. I mention my love of comics and video games, as well as my passion for filmmaking, photography, some sports, and music likes. This also might be a turn off for women, but I would rather be up front about my hobbies and likes rather than hide them.

4. My income level. I am a college graduate, but currently I just work two part time jobs both pay 15/ hour. I am thinking maybe some women are looking for guys who make more than me.

5. I am not that attractive. I am not obese or anything and I would at least rate myself a baseline 7/10. Most girls I have met say I am a nice sweet guy, but I guess the physical attractiveness isn't there for them.

6. I have social anxiety. Rejection is one of my fears and keeps me from asking girls out.

I am still hoping 2015 will be the year I find that special girl!

 

[terry78]

Oh, dating sites are not made for brothers, unless it's site specifically tailored to interracial or black people.

 

[ShadowBoxer]

Oh, dating sites are not made for brothers, unless it's site specifically tailored to interracial or black people.

If I do go back to using online dating sites, I will probably go with interracial dating.com or black people meet.com lol.

 

[Lily Adler]

Scintillating.

I'm now going to try eharmony or match.com and see if it's as you guys claim.

 

[ShadowBoxer]

Scintillating.

I'm now going to try eharmony or match.com and see if it's as you guys claim.

If you are black, you aren't gonna get many replies from women. You would be lucky to get one. And if you are black and are interested in a white women on Match or eharnony you might as well think again, because 98% of the time she won't respond. Even if she is black, she might no respond to you. If you are black, you have to be super attractive to get replies. I am talking Will Smith or Denzel Washington type of looks. Ha

 

[terry78]

I mean personally the only women I've actually had anything long term with have been black or asian. I've known white girls and latina girls but never had anything evolve.

 

[ShadowBoxer]

Well I had some attractive black, white, and even Asian girls kinda send me signals that they liked me. But I personally never acted on them because I wasn't sure if they just liked me as a friend or just being nice or something more. But it's very rare when attractive girls even give me a glance so.

 

[terry78]

Is what it is, man. You pretty much have to make the first move with them. Most times you see a dude with a chick that looks kinda "out of his league" so to speak he probably said something to her first.

 

[Spitfire]

I think it's several things that make it hard for me online and offline dating.

1. I am black. For online dating anyway, this seems to be a turn off for women. Dating sites like Match.com and eharmony, the women I get matched up with are of various races ( mostly black and white women) and when I look at their profiles and see what they are looking for, a large majority of the women have their preferences set to white men. This also surprisingly applies to some of the black women as well. I have no problem with interracial dating, as I am certainly attracted to women of all races, but it's kinda depressing when you get zero responses, even from women of your own race.

2. I am a Christian. I am not a person who goes around shoving my beliefs down others throats, but if someone asks me what my beliefs are, I gladly tell them. I mention that I am a Christian in my dating profiles, so I kinda feel like that may or may not be a turn off for some women.

3. My hobbies and likes such as comic books and video games. Now, I am not a stereotypical nerd guy that lives in a basement lol. I have a small comic/ graphic novel collection and a ps4 and some video games. Half my comics are digital because I didn't want to have a huge collection that might scare off girls ha. Also, my room isn't full of action figures or posters. I mention my love of comics and video games, as well as my passion for filmmaking, photography, some sports, and music likes. This also might be a turn off for women, but I would rather be up front about my hobbies and likes rather than hide them.

4. My income level. I am a college graduate, but currently I just work two part time jobs both pay 15/ hour. I am thinking maybe some women are looking for guys who make more than me.

5. I am not that attractive. I am not obese or anything and I would at least rate myself a baseline 7/10. Most girls I have met say I am a nice sweet guy, but I guess the physical attractiveness isn't there for them.

6. I have social anxiety. Rejection is one of my fears and keeps me from asking girls out.

I am still hoping 2015 will be the year I find that special girl!

As a woman who has used online dating you make some interesting points:
1. I find it weird how people can judge a potential partner based on race. There are cute guys from all races!
2. I suppose religion may be important to some as your belief system can influence many aspects of your life.
3. You have to be honest about your hobbies. One guy I chatted to loved to go mountain climbling and wanted me to go with him - no thanks! Got to have stuff in common.
4. Income is where women get shallow. Men (jerks) go for the blonde with big boobs, and women (golddiggers) go for the guy with money. If this matters to a woman more than your qualities you are better off avoiding her altogether.
5. I bet you are being really horrible to yourself! 7/10 isn't bad and you may not appreciate that you look better than you think?
6. As someone who is shy, I get this. But rejection/disappointment is temporary, while regret for never asking is permanent I have become braver as I get older!

Hope 2015 is the year for everyone to find their special someone t:

 

[Erzengel]

I think labeling yourself a 7 you'd be somewhat attractive.

Regardless, attraction is always subjective. Who cares if 9 people find you unattractive if 1 person does.

 

[Spitfire]

Regardless, attraction is always subjective. Who cares if 9 people find you unattractive if 1 person does.

Very true, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Plus you only need one person to make you happy.

 

[Erzengel]

As a woman who has used online dating you make some interesting points:
1. I find it weird how people can judge a potential partner based on race. There are cute guys from all races!
2. I suppose religion may be important to some as your belief system can influence many aspects of your life.
3. You have to be honest about your hobbies. One guy I chatted to loved to go mountain climbling and wanted me to go with him - no thanks! Got to have stuff in common.
4. Income is where women get shallow. Men (jerks) go for the blonde with big boobs, and women (golddiggers) go for the guy with money. If this matters to a woman more than your qualities you are better off avoiding her altogether.
5. I bet you are being really horrible to yourself! 7/10 isn't bad and you may not appreciate that you look better than you think?
6. As someone who is shy, I get this. But rejection/disappointment is temporary, while regret for never asking is permanent I have become braver as I get older!

Hope 2015 is the year for everyone to find their special someone t:

I don't think its necessarily shallow if a woman wants someone with a decent career or at the very least aspirations.

 

[Spitfire]

I don't think its necessarily shallow if a woman wants someone with a decent career or at the very least aspirations.

True, but he said he's a college graduate with two part time jobs which shows he has aspirations for the future.

I had a friend who wouldn't date a guy if he didn't have a car, and another friend who wouldn't date a guy if he asked her to contribute to the cost of their evening out (even after dating for a while). Sadly a lot of women are like this and see men as a meal ticket or base their worth as a partner on how much money they have.

How else do you explain ugly old millionaires pulling twenty-something models? t:

 

[Chesterfield]

How long into a relationship can one fart in front of a partner without massacring the relationship?

 

[Erzengel]

There's always exceptions though.

I live in an area where you need a car.

And while I don't know Shadowboxers situation, but for instance once you are in your mid to late twenties, economy aside, you should be striving towards a career and not two part time jobs.

 

[ShadowBoxer]

There's always exceptions though.

I live in an area where you need a car.

And while I don't know Shadowboxers situation, but for instance once you are in your mid to late twenties, economy aside, you should be striving towards a career and not two part time jobs.

Yea I am striving for a career. I definitely don't want appear as though I am a bum or anything. It's just that my career field in which I have a degree is extremely competitive and limited. I have a degree in broadcast media/ film and news stations job openings are limited. Since I live in Virginia, film productions aren't frequent either. I do work at a local news/ television station that airs on ABC family nationally part time. I also work at a university part time as well. I am saving up to move to New York or California in the future. Hopefully, by the end of this year or early 2016. But some women want to date guys with higher incomes. But my two current part time jobs pay decent amounts 15 dollars an hour.

 

[Spitfire]

Shadowboxer, two part time jobs do not show you as a bum at all. It shows that you are trying to gain experience in a very competitive field that will yield a good career in the future.

Any woman who doesn't recognise this and judges you on your current salary alone isn't worth your time and effort.

 

[Anita18]

I think labeling yourself a 7 you'd be somewhat attractive.

Regardless, attraction is always subjective. Who cares if 9 people find you unattractive if 1 person does.

Yup. I am Asian, 5'5", 115 lbs, long hair. I activated the POF attractiveness scale survey on my profile for s**** and giggles and I'm apparently a 6. But my husband treats me like a 10 and thinks the "10" girls are gross, so bless his butterface-loving heart. You really do only need one.

 

[Anita18]

Shadowboxer, two part time jobs do not show you as a bum at all. It shows that you are trying to gain experience in a very competitive field that will yield a good career in the future.

Any woman who doesn't recognise this and judges you on your current salary alone isn't worth your time and effort.

Totally agree with this. It's about aspirations, not income for me, as long as you're making ends meet.