The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - - - - - - - - Part 28

[spiderman2]

I'm telling you, he is so freaking confusing me. When he first started working, I was the only one that actually extended a hand out to introduce myself, and I am pretty much the only one who is nice to him, the rest kind of treat him like the runt of the litter. He is very young, just turned 20. But I was getting really comfortable with talking and joking to him, so I thought we were just cool. I do get along well with the younger crowd due to the fact I do like superheroes and keep an open mind to the latest music and whatnot. Then he started to get a bit flirty. Tickling me, which I would just be like, knock it off. Then one day, I thought he went too far when he brushed my butt, and I out right turned around and smacked him on the cheek for that. He just smiled at me and gave me this wink. I'm not going to lie, this guy is very cute, and I might be attracted to him, but I'm just a little turned off because he is so much younger than me. It's been months now, and we still get along, he's learned his lesson about pinching my butt, but he still likes to come around and sling his arm around my shoulders and sing to me, in front of the other workers, embarrasing the hell out of me too. But then I decided, what the hell, let me see if he wants to hang outside of work, so I thought the most logical step would be to facebook friend him and then this crap happens.

See my confusion? He acts like he likes me, then he says he has a fiance that he is talking to on the phone that's not even there.

While I don't think him being 20 should matter because I don't think being inmature is an excusive for being odd like that has again I fell very akward around girls even though I am 25 and even though I have no experiences so like no practice I am not going to ever shoot some one down If I like them. Heck when I was in high school I wouldn't have shoot some one down. The only reason I never really talked back then was because I was shy and no girl another then one that I now of liked me and that one girl that liked me I didn't no at first and I was not interested in her at all has I thought she was odd and ugly so its not like I never had a girl I like back then try to hang out with me or any thing so I never had a change back then that I no of. If there where another girls that liked me I just didn't notice. I am not good at picking up singes so in less a girl was being very very flurtie I wouldn't no lol.

So how much younger is he? You said he is a lot younger then you? While pitching some ones butt at work is yeah not a good thing to do lol. The only thing I can really think of is maybe he is taken and he dose like you and he fells bad for liking some one else when he is taken. I again don't have experience and I now that you cant controller who you like or don't like but if I had a GF and started to like someone else I would probly fell guilty even though there is nothing wrong with liking some one even if you are taken its how you act that matters. Just because you are taken doesn't mean that you are not going to find any one else attractive or anything thing just shouldn't act on it witch sounds like he was doing if he is really taken.

 

[IncognitoWalrus]

I've found a really nice girl who works in my research lab. Both of us are freshmen. She's sweet, shares my dirty sense of humor, loves Star Trek (yessssss), a massive DC fan (bigger yesssss), and very pretty. We've only known each other for about two weeks, but every time we've talked we've found a lot of common ground.

I have a naturally playful personality and I'm capable of doing all that flirty/teasing stuff, just never had a real girlfriend before. I want to know her for a little while longer before making a move just so we can warm up to each other and so I can truly gauge if I'd be good with her and she'd be good with me.

However, I am at a loss of how I should hint that I'm attracted to her, and whether that's okay in the initial stages of hanging out.

 

[LEVITIKUZ]

The problem is she will only know when it's ready. Saying "a year" is all fine and good in the beginning but it's when you meet somebody that could change.

But overall, you two have hung out, it's not like you've been on a date officially.

And yeah, she's going to intern in other countries, so really what do you have to lose? Spend as much time with her as you can. See what happens.

Yea that's all I really got is to keep hanging out with her. I remember when we were talking that she's never been to a basketball game but would like to and basketball is my favorite sport and at the end of the month, the Harlem Globetrotters are actually playing at our college and I thought about asking her if she would want to go. She doesn't live far from campus so I'm sure she would love to go and hopefully she's not busy.

I also have no problems with her interning in other countries because if you have the chance, do it. It's a great opportunity. My own problem is that, I'm from Cleveland Ohio. She's interning in Peru where she's from and where she has family living. What if I don't try anything and while she's interning in Peru, she meets someone? Wouldn't she be more interested in someone from where she's from over someone from Cleveland? My other big problem is I don't want to tell her how I feel if she's not ready and if I do and she's not ready, I'm just afraid that it will make things awkward between us and I don't want that. Usually my brain always goes to the worst case scenario.

Agree with Erz. There's no time table for recovering from an abusive relationship. If you are honest that your intentions for her are good (and not just "please have her date me, I need a gf so bad"), make that clear to her and put the ball in her court. You can't assume anything.

Yea I feel she knows I'm good (in terms of as a person) and she trusts me. I mean just by asking me to go hiking and opening up about her ex-boyfriend. I can't say that's easy to talk about you know? Also her saying maybe we can hike again and perhaps bring my dog and her asking if I would want to go to an opera and me saying if it was her since she's into opera shows that she does want to go out with me again.

The biggest thing is like I said above, my brain always goes to the worst case scenario. I feel that if I tell her how I feel, either 3 things will happen:

1. She doesn't feel the same way about me and in telling her, it could make things awkward between us and ruin our friendship.
2. She isn't ready for a relationship and in telling her, it could make things awkward between us and ruin our friendship.
3. She does feel the same way about me and is open to a relationship.

Yea my brain isn't always thinking in the best case. I have Peter Parker levels of bad luck except my Uncle hasn't died yet and I never had a gf die from a green skinned, glider flying Goblin.

With her, I'm not the "please have her date me, I need a gf so bad". I really do like her genuinely and not just liking her just to try to get a gf. I wouldn't act like that with a girl.

 

[ShadowBoxer]

I've found a really nice girl who works in my research lab. Both of us are freshmen. She's sweet, shares my dirty sense of humor, loves Star Trek (yessssss), a massive DC fan (bigger yesssss), and very pretty. We've only known each other for about two weeks, but every time we've talked we've found a lot of common ground.

I have a naturally playful personality and I'm capable of doing all that flirty/teasing stuff, just never had a real girlfriend before. I want to know her for a little while longer before making a move just so we can warm up to each other and so I can truly gauge if I'd be good with her and she'd be good with me.

However, I am at a loss of how I should hint that I'm attracted to her, and whether that's okay in the initial stages of hanging out.

Just continue to interact with her like you have. Maybe ask her if she wants to get coffe or lunch between class or something. Or plan a group activity with other friends and invite her to it. That way, it won't feel like it's a date and you can get a feel if she likes you.

 

[Erzengel]

Freshman in HS or College?

 

[IncognitoWalrus]

Freshman in HS or College?

College.

 

[Erzengel]

Just ask her out then.

 

[moviedoors]

so we can warm up to each other and so I can truly gauge if I'd be good with her and she'd be good with me.

The best way to accomplish and determine that is to GO ON A DATE.

 

[Godzillasaurus]

I have developed a large(ish) crush on someone and have been told that she likes me too (unless she is just a huge flirt, she sure acts like it!), but the problem is that I lack the motivation to find out myself. Yet, I still cannot stop thinking about it. Urgh! You guys got any good advice?

Oh yea, and pretty much all of my friends know at this point, so it is not like it is a huge secret

 

[LEVITIKUZ]

I have developed a large(ish) crush on someone and have been told that she likes me too (unless she is just a huge flirt, she sure acts like it!), but the problem is that I lack the motivation to find out myself. Yet, I still cannot stop thinking about it. Urgh! You guys got any good advice?

Oh yea, and pretty much all of my friends know at this point, so it is not like it is a huge secret

I got this. It's real simple. Trust me.

Grow some balls and talk to her if you've haven't. Trust me, that may seem like I'm being a dick but that's the truth. You have to talk to her yourself.

Why do you lack the motivation to find out if this girl may have a crush on you that you have a crush on? That makes no sense.

 

[Erzengel]

I have developed a large(ish) crush on someone and have been told that she likes me too (unless she is just a huge flirt, she sure acts like it!), but the problem is that I lack the motivation to find out myself. Yet, I still cannot stop thinking about it. Urgh! You guys got any good advice?

Oh yea, and pretty much all of my friends know at this point, so it is not like it is a huge secret

Just ask her out then.

...

 

[Godzillasaurus]

LEVITIKUZ, oh I talk to her a lot! This isn't just some blind crush that I have on some super popular upper classman. It is not necessarily a lack of confidence asking her, just a lack of motivation: I need to ask myself what I plan to do should she say yes and if I should even flat-out ask her as opposed to find out indirectly. Get me so far?

I have been there and done that having a crush find out and be "disappointed" (for a lack of better words), but that was with someone who I didn't even think liked me in the first place and would never have a chance with.

So yea, it is not a lack of confidence but just motivation. The way I see it, a true crush is different from simple attraction. I have been attracted to many females in my life, but this is only one of the few actual crushes that I have had (we talk and joke around a lot, as opposed to if I had the hots for a famous actress whom I would likely never even meet).

 

[Anita18]

The best way to accomplish and determine that is to GO ON A DATE.

I have developed a large(ish) crush on someone and have been told that she likes me too (unless she is just a huge flirt, she sure acts like it!), but the problem is that I lack the motivation to find out myself. Yet, I still cannot stop thinking about it. Urgh! You guys got any good advice?

Oh yea, and pretty much all of my friends know at this point, so it is not like it is a huge secret

This sequence of posts is so hilarious.

LEVITIKUZ, oh I talk to her a lot! This isn't just some blind crush that I have on some super popular upper classman. It is not necessarily a lack of confidence asking her, just a lack of motivation: I need to ask myself what I plan to do should she say yes and if I should even flat-out ask her as opposed to find out indirectly. Get me so far?

I have been there and done that having a crush find out and be "disappointed" (for a lack of better words), but that was with someone who I didn't even think liked me in the first place and would never have a chance with.

So yea, it is not a lack of confidence but just motivation. The way I see it, a true crush is different from simple attraction. I have been attracted to many females in my life, but this is only one of the few actual crushes that I have had (we talk and joke around a lot, as opposed to if I had the hots for a famous actress whom I would likely never even meet).

"Disappointed" as in, she didn't live up to your expectations? Or she said no? The fact that you it's a lack of motivation says to me it's the former, but I just want to make sure.

Crushing on someone and fantasizing about them means that she won't live up to your expectations, by definition. You're building a fantasy of yours, so of course no one can "be" that, because you made her up.

"I need to ask myself what I plan to do should she say yes." Um, what about getting a chance to know her better and opening yourself up to a relationship with a real person?

But only you can decide when you're ready to have a connection with a real person, not a pretend one.

 

[GENERAL RAAM582]

I would ask a girl out, but at this moment of my life there is no one. I've been in college for a semester and a half and I've only managed to get a crush on one girl and that boat sailed a long time ago. Just waiting till I meet someone.

 

[Godzillasaurus]

This sequence of posts is so hilarious.

Thank you...............

"Disappointed" as in, she didn't live up to your expectations? Or she said no? The fact that you it's a lack of motivation says to me it's the former, but I just want to make sure.

Lol SHE was the one who was disappointed! I was a lot less confident back then, and I didn't actually want her to know (with this current crush, now the whole grade is starting to know, and I don't care). So the word got out to her that I liked her and she "did not approve" in understatement. So I moved on and did not waste my time with her anymore

"I need to ask myself what I plan to do should she say yes." Um, what about getting a chance to know her better and opening yourself up to a relationship with a real person?

I mean in the immediate sense. As in, how should I react immediately after? Should I ask her out? I'm sorry, I am no expert on this stuff, so don't get frustrated

I would ask a girl out, but at this moment of my life there is no one. I've been in college for a semester and a half and I've only managed to get a crush on one girl and that boat sailed a long time ago. Just waiting till I meet someone.

Talk to them in class when they sit next to you. You don't have to meet them at a bar or anything, be a little more casual

 

[Erzengel]

LEVITIKUZ, oh I talk to her a lot! This isn't just some blind crush that I have on some super popular upper classman. It is not necessarily a lack of confidence asking her, just a lack of motivation: I need to ask myself what I plan to do should she say yes and if I should even flat-out ask her as opposed to find out indirectly. Get me so far?

I have been there and done that having a crush find out and be "disappointed" (for a lack of better words), but that was with someone who I didn't even think liked me in the first place and would never have a chance with.

So yea, it is not a lack of confidence but just motivation. The way I see it, a true crush is different from simple attraction. I have been attracted to many females in my life, but this is only one of the few actual crushes that I have had (we talk and joke around a lot, as opposed to if I had the hots for a famous actress whom I would likely never even meet).

"Hey, let's go out this weekend."

Fin.

 

[Anita18]

"Hey, let's go out this weekend."

Fin.

 

[Erzengel]

Thank you...............


Lol SHE was the one who was disappointed! I was a lot less confident back then, and I didn't actually want her to know (with this current crush, now the whole grade is starting to know, and I don't care). So the word got out to her that I liked her and she "did not approve" in understatement. So I moved on and did not waste my time with her anymore


I mean in the immediate sense. As in, how should I react immediately after? Should I ask her out? I'm sorry, I am no expert on this stuff, so don't get frustrated


Talk to them in class when they sit next to you. You don't have to meet them at a bar or anything, be a little more casual

A few of us here are in our 30s and even older sometimes.

But a few of us, if we knew then what we'd know now, we'd stop overthinking so much and just do. Even if she says no or turns you down, you're not wasting your time, trying to be friendly and going through the motions.

 

[Anita18]

A few of us here are in our 30s and even older sometimes.

But a few of us, if we knew then what we'd know now, we'd stop overthinking so much and just do. Even if she says no or turns you down, you're not wasting your time, trying to be friendly and going through the motions.

Overthinking things is part of the teenage experience. When you get older, you gain far more perspective.

I've certainly done my share of overthinking and never asking people out etc etc in my teenage years! It worked out eventually. Timing is a huge part of relationships. I don't think there is just one chance with one person or else you'll be alone for the rest of your life. Teenage brains tend to think like that, but I don't think that's the way life works. And this is coming from someone who's only slept with the man she eventually married, because no one else was sexually attracted to her. I mean, if we got divorced, I might be single for another 5-10 years, but 5-10 years still isn't 40 years or anything like that. Nothing's a guarantee, so it's best to just put one foot in front of the other and see where you end up.

 

[moviedoors]

Overthinking things is part of the teenage experience. When you get older, you gain far more perspective.

I've certainly done my share of overthinking and never asking people out etc etc in my teenage years! It worked out eventually. Timing is a huge part of relationships. I don't think there is just one chance with one person or else you'll be alone for the rest of your life. Teenage brains tend to think like that, but I don't think that's the way life works. And this is coming from someone who's only slept with the man she eventually married, because no one else was sexually attracted to her. I mean, if we got divorced, I might be single for another 5-10 years, but 5-10 years still isn't 40 years or anything like that. Nothing's a guarantee, so it's best to just put one foot in front of the other and see where you end up.

Hell, sometimes brains pushing 30 think that way (ahem). The key is to not get stuck there. Sure, have your moment, feel bad for yourself. But then you just gotta get the **** over it and keep going.

 

[DDS]

Alright so, this is probably more of a roommate question than anything, but I still feel it is related to relationships, so here it goes:

What's the best way to go about the (potential) problem of loud sex in a small living space, that multiple people share? Whether you are the lucky one having said loud sex, or are the one in other room that has to hear it.

 

[DDS]

And is the answer anything other than that my roommates and I all need to get over ourselves and schedule a huge orgy?

 

[spiderman2]

Yea that's all I really got is to keep hanging out with her. I remember when we were talking that she's never been to a basketball game but would like to and basketball is my favorite sport and at the end of the month, the Harlem Globetrotters are actually playing at our college and I thought about asking her if she would want to go. She doesn't live far from campus so I'm sure she would love to go and hopefully she's not busy.

I also have no problems with her interning in other countries because if you have the chance, do it. It's a great opportunity. My own problem is that, I'm from Cleveland Ohio. She's interning in Peru where she's from and where she has family living. What if I don't try anything and while she's interning in Peru, she meets someone? Wouldn't she be more interested in someone from where she's from over someone from Cleveland? My other big problem is I don't want to tell her how I feel if she's not ready and if I do and she's not ready, I'm just afraid that it will make things awkward between us and I don't want that. Usually my brain always goes to the worst case scenario.



Yea I feel she knows I'm good (in terms of as a person) and she trusts me. I mean just by asking me to go hiking and opening up about her ex-boyfriend. I can't say that's easy to talk about you know? Also her saying maybe we can hike again and perhaps bring my dog and her asking if I would want to go to an opera and me saying if it was her since she's into opera shows that she does want to go out with me again.

The biggest thing is like I said above, my brain always goes to the worst case scenario. I feel that if I tell her how I feel, either 3 things will happen:

1. She doesn't feel the same way about me and in telling her, it could make things awkward between us and ruin our friendship.
2. She isn't ready for a relationship and in telling her, it could make things awkward between us and ruin our friendship.
3. She does feel the same way about me and is open to a relationship.

Yea my brain isn't always thinking in the best case. I have Peter Parker levels of bad luck except my Uncle hasn't died yet and I never had a gf die from a green skinned, glider flying Goblin.

With her, I'm not the "please have her date me, I need a gf so bad". I really do like her genuinely and not just liking her just to try to get a gf. I wouldn't act like that with a girl.

While yeah like you said her telling you that stuff about her ex is good has that shows that she is coftable and trust you so yeah just see where it goes. Maybe you hang out and it goes some where maybe it doesn't or maybe you at least get a good friend out of it. Having a girl you like that is just a friend is not the worst thing as it gives you more experience with being around girls and you never know you could meet one of her friends or something.

 

[spiderman2]

Just continue to interact with her like you have. Maybe ask her if she wants to get coffe or lunch between class or something. Or plan a group activity with other friends and invite her to it. That way, it won't feel like it's a date and you can get a feel if she likes you.

Yeah like you said just continue to interact with her. That is one of the thing I don't really under stand is how do you show a girl you like her kind of thing. For me if I liked a girl I would probly just ask her to hang out and then after a little while if I fell like things are going while I would probly just say something like so are we BF and GF and then it would be akward lol.

 

[spiderman2]

Alright so, this is probably more of a roommate question than anything, but I still feel it is related to relationships, so here it goes:

What's the best way to go about the (potential) problem of loud sex in a small living space, that multiple people share? Whether you are the lucky one having said loud sex, or are the one in other room that has to hear it.

Ear plugs lol. But really I have no clue.