The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - - - - - - - - Part 28

[ShadowBoxer]

I guess I am attractive to the women who like the silent strong type ( who is slightly nerdy). But like I said, I terrified of rejection even if I kinda have a hint that a women might like me, I still freeze when it comes to asking her out.

 

[Erzengel]

Maybe you should talk to a therapist.

 

[Warhammer]

I guess I am attractive to the women who like the silent strong type ( who is slightly nerdy). But like I said, I terrified of rejection even if I kinda have a hint that a women might like me, I still freeze when it comes to asking her out.

With the gender norms in our society, if you think you are terrified, imagine how she feels. The aggressive woman is definitely in the minority. Well, look at that. That last statement still perpetuates the norm that I just pointed out.

Basically, give it a shot. Yeah, if you get rejected, you'll feel like complete s***. But it'll only be for like a day.

 

[the last son]

Had a first date yesterday where we went out to dinner. Thought it went OK. She played for the entire bill, even though I offered to pay it and at the very least my half. No one has made contact today and I don't plan on it just because I get tired of pursuing. Was it a bad sign she played? She did say I could pay on next date although a date hasn't been set.

 

[Feenix]

Had a first date yesterday where we went out to dinner. Thought it went OK. She played for the entire bill, even though I offered to pay it and at the very least my half. No one has made contact today and I don't plan on it just because I get tired of pursuing. Was it a bad sign she played? She did say I could pay on next date although a date hasn't been set.

Personally, no. I've always liked the idea of switching off who pays the bill. If I invite my boyfriend to go out to eat, I'll pay. If he invites me, he'll pay.

Maybe she just wanted to break societal norms. I would contact her.

 

[the last son]

Technically I text her after the date, asking if she got home safely and all she said was "yes, I did. Thanks". Now I'm not expecting conversation about the date, because we both had to work early and the date ended late, but between that and an ackward hug to end it, I guess I didn't pick up too many signs.

 

[Arach Knight]

Had a first date yesterday where we went out to dinner. Thought it went OK. She played for the entire bill, even though I offered to pay it and at the very least my half. No one has made contact today and I don't plan on it just because I get tired of pursuing. Was it a bad sign she played? She did say I could pay on next date although a date hasn't been set.

This is the 21st century. If a woman is willing to pay, be secure enough in yourself to accept the kind act, and supportive enough of her independence to respect her as your equal (i.e. do not feel beholden to stringent genser roles).

Though, it is worth noting that some women will pay for a date in order to deter a man from feeling as though he is "owed" a sexual favor for having paid for the date. So give consideration to how you came off during the date and you'll be able to discern whether or not her choice was based upon the former or the latter scenario.

 

[Godzilla2000]

*sigh* I just don't get it...maybe I need to gravitate towards older men that already have grown children but I keep finding these guys that want to have kids when I don't. They get so upset with me that at 42 I just am not interested in getting pregnant. It's starting to get rather angering but I just don't feel like pregnancy is the best thing for me physically and mentally. At least I'm up front and honest about what I want and what my goals are in life. There are no mysteries with me and you don't have to play 20 questions all the time. I on the other hand am not getting the same honesty from these biological clock ticking time bombs. It's so frustrating that these younger guys are mad at me for not wanting to get pregnant at all. But whatever. This is my body and I just don't like the thought of becoming pregnant and having my hormones messed up anymore than they already are.

 

[terry78]

This is the 21st century. If a woman is willing to pay, be secure enough in yourself to accept the kind act, and supportive enough of her independence to respect her as your equal (i.e. do not feel beholden to stringent genser roles).

Though, it is worth noting that some women will pay for a date in order to deter a man from feeling as though he is "owed" a sexual favor for having paid for the date. So give consideration to how you came off during the date and you'll be able to discern whether or not her choice was based upon the former or the latter scenario.

I think that may be more of the reason if she's paying on the first one, or constantly paying.

 

[Feenix]

I know guys that do feel as though they are owed something for paying for a date, so I can see why a woman would pay to avoid that. That way, the ball is in her court and she won't be guilted into seeing someone again that she doesn't like.

 

[Erzengel]

I'm more interested in body language and date behavior rather if a woman is paying for the meal. There was a notorious woman in NYC who couldn't afford to so set up a profile on Match to set up dates so she could have free dinners. Multiple dates with different men so the could cover the week. Never with one guy for too long for her to be intimate.

I'm not expecting anything on a date but I'd be lying to say I wasn't hopeful.

 

[ShadowBoxer]

With the gender norms in our society, if you think you are terrified, imagine how she feels. The aggressive woman is definitely in the minority. Well, look at that. That last statement still perpetuates the norm that I just pointed out.

Basically, give it a shot. Yeah, if you get rejected, you'll feel like complete s***. But it'll only be for like a day.

Yea your right ha.

 

[ShadowBoxer]

Maybe I am in the small minority of guys when I say this but, if I go on a date with a girl and buy dinner, I DON'T expect her to come home with me for sex or whatever. I don't even want a girl to feel like that at all when they agree to go on a date. I do it because that how I was raised to treat women. If I ask her out to eat, I foot the bill. To me it's time spent getting to know her etc. Not me trying to sleep with her on the first date.

 

[Erzengel]

If it happens, it happens. If after dinner, we go out for drinks or we just had palpable attraction, I wouldn't turn it down.

 

[Anita18]

I guess I am attractive to the women who like the silent strong type ( who is slightly nerdy). But like I said, I terrified of rejection even if I kinda have a hint that a women might like me, I still freeze when it comes to asking her out.

Think of it this way - attraction is really about compatibility. It isn't about how much you're valued as a person.

Judging by how many dates and relationships my husband and I had before we met each other, we're complete failures and rejects that nobody wants. But we're great for each other.

But if you don't take that first step, you'll never know if she's that person for you.

*sigh* I just don't get it...maybe I need to gravitate towards older men that already have grown children but I keep finding these guys that want to have kids when I don't. They get so upset with me that at 42 I just am not interested in getting pregnant. It's starting to get rather angering but I just don't feel like pregnancy is the best thing for me physically and mentally. At least I'm up front and honest about what I want and what my goals are in life. There are no mysteries with me and you don't have to play 20 questions all the time. I on the other hand am not getting the same honesty from these biological clock ticking time bombs. It's so frustrating that these younger guys are mad at me for not wanting to get pregnant at all. But whatever. This is my body and I just don't like the thought of becoming pregnant and having my hormones messed up anymore than they already are.

If you haven't started thinking about kids after 40 (including freezing your eggs), it's pretty much a given that you're not going to have them...Those guys should be smarter too.

This is the 21st century. If a woman is willing to pay, be secure enough in yourself to accept the kind act, and supportive enough of her independence to respect her as your equal (i.e. do not feel beholden to stringent genser roles).

Though, it is worth noting that some women will pay for a date in order to deter a man from feeling as though he is "owed" a sexual favor for having paid for the date. So give consideration to how you came off during the date and you'll be able to discern whether or not her choice was based upon the former or the latter scenario.

I think the women I know are staunchly strong independent women and don't want a man to go out of their way to take care of them. That's part of their identity.

I'm only comfortable with a man 100% paying for a meal if he's my husband (LOL) or if it's a business meeting and it's going on his business expenses anyway.

 

[ShadowBoxer]

I have a friend who has attractive women interested in him all the time. Like we will be hanging out and I notice lots of girls checking him out, but he doesn't notice. I am like bro, you need to step your game up! He is a picky dude when it comes to women, but I will kill to be in his shoes lol. Recently, this very attractive girl we both know flat out told him she was interested in him. He TURNED HER DOWN. When he told me he turned her down, I was like . Are you crazy??

 

[Anita18]

I have a friend who has attractive women all the time. Like we will be hanging out and I notice lots of girls checking him out, but he doesn't notice. I am like bro, you need to step your game up! He is a picky dude when it comes to women, but I will kill to be in his shoes lol. Recently, this very attractive girl we both know flat out told him, she was interested in him. He TURNED HER DOWN. When he told me he turned her down, I was like . Are you crazy??

That was basically my husband. He told me stories of how women would throw themselves at him in high school and college (he's VERY pretty and has the James Dean broody thing going on) and he would have no idea what to do and end up not doing anything and even turning them down. I ended up being his first serious gf, and part of me thinks it's because I didn't throw myself at him and kept it cool, so he could get a handle on what to do with me.

I spend a lot of time -ing about that. Oh, to have his problem, right?

 

[ShadowBoxer]

That was basically my husband. He told me stories of how women would throw themselves at him in high school and college (he's VERY pretty and has the James Dean broody thing going on) and he would have no idea what to do and end up not doing anything and even turning them down. I ended up being his first serious gf, and part of me thinks it's because I didn't throw myself at him and kept it cool, so he could get a handle on what to do with me.

I spend a lot of time -ing about that. Oh, to have his problem, right?

LOL. Like I said, I would LOVE to have his problem. But the girl basically said "I want you" to him and you gonna turn down an attractive girl saying that to you?? It's rare these days to even have one BOLD girl to come at you like that, but an really attractive one? That doesn't happen every day.

 

[Anita18]

LOL. Like I said, I would LOVE to have his problem. But the girl basically said "I want you" to him and you gonna turn down an attractive girl saying that to you?? It's rare these days to even have one BOLD girl to come at you like that, but an really attractive one? That doesn't happen every day.

For some guys, personality is extremely important. My husband has VERY low tolerance for stupidity and immaturity. (If you've seen Inception, he's very similar to JGL's character Arthur.) He wouldn't waste his time with a woman who was JUST hot. The first woman he thought was hot and smart and level-headed, he married.

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

*sigh* I just don't get it...maybe I need to gravitate towards older men that already have grown children but I keep finding these guys that want to have kids when I don't. They get so upset with me that at 42 I just am not interested in getting pregnant. It's starting to get rather angering but I just don't feel like pregnancy is the best thing for me physically and mentally. At least I'm up front and honest about what I want and what my goals are in life. There are no mysteries with me and you don't have to play 20 questions all the time. I on the other hand am not getting the same honesty from these biological clock ticking time bombs. It's so frustrating that these younger guys are mad at me for not wanting to get pregnant at all. But whatever. This is my body and I just don't like the thought of becoming pregnant and having my hormones messed up anymore than they already are.

If you are up front about it, then those guys are prime time d**kheads for making a fuss and need to move it on outta there.
Like you said, you'd most likely be better off finding a guy a few years older who already has grown up kids... There are a few of them around.
<me, me, me, me!>
Sorry... t:

Funny, I always thought it was the ladies who had the biological ticking time bombs.
Huh, shows what I know!

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

LOL. Like I said, I would LOVE to have his problem. But the girl basically said "I want you" to him and you gonna turn down an attractive girl saying that to you?? It's rare these days to even have one BOLD girl to come at you like that, but an really attractive one? That doesn't happen every day.

Once, just once in my life, I would love that to happen to me.
Unfortunately, I would probably stammer, drool and then completely forget how to speak...

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

But like I said, I terrified of rejection even if I kinda have a hint that a women might like me, I still freeze when it comes to asking her out.

Yep, that bit basically describes me. But I am working on it...

 

[spiderman2]

Maybe I am in the small minority of guys when I say this but, if I go on a date with a girl and buy dinner, I DON'T expect her to come home with me for sex or whatever. I don't even want a girl to feel like that at all when they agree to go on a date. I do it because that how I was raised to treat women. If I ask her out to eat, I foot the bill. To me it's time spent getting to know her etc. Not me trying to sleep with her on the first date.

I hear you but I also don't belive in sleeping around with people and think sex should be with some one you really really like.

I have a friend who has attractive women interested in him all the time. Like we will be hanging out and I notice lots of girls checking him out, but he doesn't notice. I am like bro, you need to step your game up! He is a picky dude when it comes to women, but I will kill to be in his shoes lol. Recently, this very attractive girl we both know flat out told him she was interested in him. He TURNED HER DOWN. When he told me he turned her down, I was like . Are you crazy??

Maybe he is just gay lol.

 

[spiderman2]

LOL. Like I said, I would LOVE to have his problem. But the girl basically said "I want you" to him and you gonna turn down an attractive girl saying that to you?? It's rare these days to even have one BOLD girl to come at you like that, but an really attractive one? That doesn't happen every day.

Hear hear that is rare. I think I heard before that like 85% of relationships that it was the guy that made the first movie. I am not good with woman 25 never had a GF all my friends are guys, social akward. So I would love something like that to happened. I am affarid of rejection big time and I don't really now how to pick up singes but if a girl like that came up to me that would make me fell less nervous has I wouldn't have to wore about her saying no and wonder if she likes me or if she is interested in me or not as you already no before you say any thing lol. Plus not being the most confident guy in the first place having a attractive girl like that apporce me and show interest in me would be a confidence bost to me.

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

Well Boys and Girls, how weird is this?

I've been subscribed on a couple of dating web sites these last couple of months and to be honest, I have become somewhat jaded by them.
From time to time, I would receive "winks" from a woman and I would take a look at them, more often than not, she seemed nice enough. I actually read the profiles!
So I often returned the wink and followed it up with a message.
Pretty much every time, they would read the message and delete it or delete it without reading it at all.
At first, I took this a bit personally. But after a while I got over myself! I guessed they probably get a lot of guys messaging them and they can afford to be picky.

I don't exactly have film star looks and I do have some, ahem, unusual hobbies!
But even so, as they expressed an initial interest, it just came across as a little bit rude to me. But, there you go.

Anyway, I got a bit fed up with the lack of progress and recently cancelled my subscriptions to these sites. I still check in on them every so often while they are still active. But I have not been putting myself out there.

Imagine my surprise when the other day, a lady sends me an actual message that literally says that I am interesting.
My curiosity is piqued and I wander across to her profile... She is pretty, a few years younger than me, but not too much! No baggage, she has some similar interests and lives within 10 miles of me.
So with nothing to lose, I message back, thanking her for the message and over the last few days we have messaged some more.
And then I just asked her if she wanted to meet up for a drink one evening next week. To my slight surprise she said "yes"

So, I am quite looking forward to a week this Thursday when we will actually meet.

Just to be clear, I am not bragging. Far from it. But I have often posted my negative experiences here. So I thought it only right that I should post something positive...

I'll let you know how it goes! t: