The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - - - - - - - - Part 28

[RetrogradeOrbit]

While you asked about getting physical but to me sex shouldn't come in till marriage but that is just me. Sounds like things went pretty while for a first date though has you guys where together for a while so you must have some things in common if you where able to talk that long and things didn't get akward lol.

I respect your viewpoint sir. It is an unusual one these days. But I seriously applaud you if you can stick to it.

The date did go well, she did warn me that she can talk (a lot)
But for someone who listens more than he talks, that is not necessarily a bad thing! t:

Our second date went well on Saturday. When I have more time to type, I'll fill y'all in!
But right now, I am off to help a friend with, well, stuff!

 

[Godzillasaurus]

Looks like there is no way out of this now...

My friends suggested that I ask this one girl to prom this year. We know each other pretty well, I like her, I am pretty certain that she might like me (her friends told me), and I know that if I don't ask her I will be catching tons of hell from my own mind for a VERY long time out of sheer regret.

I gotta go in for it! Wish me luck!

Oh yea, and if you have anything rude to say to this post in response, please just don't say it...

 

[Godzilla2000]

I have a plea to make to any males, famous or not, that might lurk or even actively post in this message board. Please, please don't think every woman in the world is easy to get into bed just because you're good looking. And please, please do not act like a sulking toddler when you are expected to give more than just sex to make a girl want you.

You see, I have been meeting a lot of good looking guys who don't have the capacity to be boyfriends because they have a very limited grasp on relationships. They only see the fast food side of dating and are incapable of offering me what I ask for, and that is a stable, reliable, dependable boyfriend who's always there when I need him, not a temporary sex partner who does nothing for me at all and makes me feel unwanted because he's never there. You see, the perception of the girls in my town is that they are all sex addicts who have sex 24/7 with any guy they see, especially cute guys. I'm not one of those types of girls. I need something so much more, like a commitment to be my other half. Not gonna lie I want it to culminate in marriage down the line, but I am not going to be easy at all. Heck, I wasn't even born in this city at all so I'm not one of those sex craved welfare rats by birth. It makes me so angry. Whatever happened to the psychological notion of being someone's other half? Just having sex with someone and leaving is not a relationship, it's free prostitute services. Frankly, I feel so psychologically abused, used and unwanted. I cry every day because I feel worse off now than I did back when I was on my own. I feel even more excluded, isolated, lonely and depressed now because of them than when I was living on my own with just me and my animals in my apartment to give me real, authentic love, not the lie of love in sexual activity. In fact if this is how it's going to be, nothing but emptiness, depression and loneliness then I don't want these cute guys that only want sex. I just want to be all alone where my mind fulfills my desires because I can have that at any time of the day I want. I can't have these guys because they're never there. How can I fall in love with people who are never there?

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

Looks like there is no way out of this now...

My friends suggested that I ask this one girl to prom this year. We know each other pretty well, I like her, I am pretty certain that she might like me (her friends told me), and I know that if I don't ask her I will be catching tons of hell from my own mind for a VERY long time out of sheer regret.

I gotta go in for it! Wish me luck!

Oh yea, and if you have anything rude to say to this post in response, please just don't say it...

Good luck... And don't worry about it. The worst that can happen is you are told "No."
At least you will have tried and you know one way or another whether they are interested or not.
That's better than a bunch of "what ifs" running around your head. t:

 

[Godzillasaurus]

^Yea I was also told that she would say yes if I asked her, so there is another plus.

One thing holding me back though is the fact that I hate dancing, yet at the same time the uncertainty will absolutely pain me if I don't give it a go.

I have been there with uncertainty, and I know that I don't want to go there again! Hey at least rejection is not really an issue this time around (why I have never asked anybody out in the past)!

 

[Godzilla2000]

^Yea I was also told that she would say yes if I asked her, so there is another plus.

One thing holding me back though is the fact that I hate dancing, yet at the same time the uncertainty will absolutely pain me if I don't give it a go.

I have been there with uncertainty, and I know that I don't want to go there again! Hey at least rejection is not really an issue this time around (why I have never asked anybody out in the past)!

If there's no risk then ask her out! Maybe your lack of dance skills will amuse her, but let her know your inability to dance first. I myself know what you're talking about because I have two left feet made of lead.

P.S. Slow dancing is easier.

 

[Godzillasaurus]

Some just love "quick" dancing, but I just don't understand the appeal of it unless it is actually WITH someone of the opposite gender. Plus, she knows that I'm a pretty calm(ish) guy who enjoys working out and stuff and looking cool (not making a fool of myself)

I suck at dancing and I hate it. On the other hand, some can love it but be terrible at it and vice versa. I mean, if you enjoy dancing then that is a plus (do you?)!

 

[Godzilla2000]

Oh, I understand ya there about the dancing. I am no good at it period. It's hard enough for me to remember song lyrics, but to sing and dance at the same time? No way! Too much to stuff in my head all at once. But anyways, don't let that stop you from having a good time! Who knows, maybe it'll go somewhere years in the future when she remembers what a good time she had with you.

 

[Godzillasaurus]

^
Well a date is a date I suppose, so there is another major plus t:

I would be happy if she just said yes!

 

[spiderman2]

I respect your viewpoint sir. It is an unusual one these days. But I seriously applaud you if you can stick to it.

The date did go well, she did warn me that she can talk (a lot)
But for someone who listens more than he talks, that is not necessarily a bad thing! t:

Our second date went well on Saturday. When I have more time to type, I'll fill y'all in!
But right now, I am off to help a friend with, well, stuff!

While think you. Yeah that is what I belive but at the same time if I was going out with someone for a while I don't know if I would beable to resits lol. But I do know it would never happened on a first date has I just think it should be a special thing so on a first date that just sounds wrong to me but again that is just me.

lol yeah I need some one that can talk has I am akward and shy so the more someone is outgoing and talks the easier it would be for me to just respond and listen.

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

Saturday's date went well... We spent all day together. Had lunch out, back to my place and watched Bicentennial Man. We both cried... We fooled around here and there!
Went out and got a take away pizza during the evening, we were both really tired. Much of which was due to having a nice day together and feeling really relaxed.
It got really late and she couldn't easily decide whether to have me drive her home, she was worried over how tired I was.
I was happy to drive her, it's not that far. I saiid that I was happy to drive and just as happy if she wanted to stay over. But she was a little worried about things going too far too fast and being too forward. And not having any overnight things...
In the end we watched another movie, Apollo 13, then the whole going home thing was a bit moot as it was now 2am!
I offered my bed to her and I was going to sleep on the sofa. But she didn't like the thought of me being on the sofa...
So we shared my bed. We canoodled a bit, but nothing much more...
The morning was a little bit rushed as I had some work to do and I promised a friend I would see them to assist with demolishing their shed. So I had her home by 10am.
So that meant we spent 23 hours together.
I think this has been the longest second date I have ever had!

She's very relaxing company and that is a big deal for me. She is not backwards in coming forward and has told me she really likes me and feels comfortable with me.
Oh and apparently she likes my arse!

Third date then I guess? t:

 

[Anita18]

Saturday's date went well... We spent all day together. Had lunch out, back to my place and watched Bicentennial Man. We both cried... We fooled around here and there!
Went out and got a take away pizza during the evening, we were both really tired. Much of which was due to having a nice day together and feeling really relaxed.
It got really late and she couldn't easily decide whether to have me drive her home, she was worried over how tired I was.
I was happy to drive her, it's not that far. I saiid that I was happy to drive and just as happy if she wanted to stay over. But she was a little worried about things going too far too fast and being too forward. And not having any overnight things...
In the end we watched another movie, Apollo 13, then the whole going home thing was a bit moot as it was now 2am!
I offered my bed to her and I was going to sleep on the sofa. But she didn't like the thought of me being on the sofa...
So we shared my bed. We canoodled a bit, but nothing much more...
The morning was a little bit rushed as I had some work to do and I promised a friend I would see them to assist with demolishing their shed. So I had her home by 10am.
So that meant we spent 23 hours together.
I think this has been the longest second date I have ever had!

She's very relaxing company and that is a big deal for me. She is not backwards in coming forward and has told me she really likes me and feels comfortable with me.
Oh and apparently she likes my arse!

Third date then I guess? t:

Even when there wasn't much going on when I first met my husband, he was very good company and I felt super-relaxed around him. It's extremely important.

Glad to hear things are coming along nicely!

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

Thanks Anita...

I'm being very aware not to get caught up into anything too quickly and luckily she feels the same.
I want this to be a "slow burn" relationship which, if it does develop, we can take at its own pace and just enjoy it. However long that might be...

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

Some just love "quick" dancing, but I just don't understand the appeal of it unless it is actually WITH someone of the opposite gender. Plus, she knows that I'm a pretty calm(ish) guy who enjoys working out and stuff and looking cool (not making a fool of myself)

I suck at dancing and I hate it. On the other hand, some can love it but be terrible at it and vice versa. I mean, if you enjoy dancing then that is a plus (do you?)!

You don't necessarily have to be good at something to enjoy it! For example, my ability to sing... But I now love having a go on a Karaoke machine.
But for me, I would have to have a certain base level of skill at anything before I would be anywhere near comfortable letting strangers see me doing it!

Slow dances are always easier and, in my opinion, more fun when you have a member of the opposite sex to do it with! t:

 

[LEVITIKUZ]

Ok I need someone's advice because right now, I'm really really confused and a bit upset.

So the girl I'm friends with who I like. I asked her if she wanted to go to a basketball game with me. She said she thanks for the invite but she's dating someone.....

Just a bit over a month ago, she asked me if she wanted to go hiking which I did and during that she told me how he ex she dated 3 years abused her and didn't want to be in a relationship and I respected that because we hiked on valentines day and I did think about making a move but I choose not to and we've been talking a lot since then.

I have no idea what the **** happen and I have no idea what to say to her.

Part of me feels, she knows I do like her and feels she likes me but don't know how to ask her it and at the same time what is she cares about the other guy more. Part of me feels, forget her she's just like other girls I tried but she's in a class with me so I can't forget her. Another part is just confused. Like what happened? I felt that perhaps, if I show her how good I am that maybe there's a strong chance.

I have no idea what to ask her. I want to ask about when the BF happen if she was taking a year off. Is he her ex bc she shouldn't be with her. I just don't know how to reply bc I do like her but I'm just really upset and confused and the fact I had some small surgery today and I'm in pain isn't helping.

I am just so confused in what to do next.

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

I get the impression she isn't romantically interested in you when she turned you down with the reason she is dating someone.

The thing is, and I don't mean anything horrible to you by this. She does not owe you any explanation as to who she's dating and why she is dating after saying she was taking time out.
It sounds to me as if she likes you as a friend, but that is it. If you can handle that, then be her friend. But if you really want more, it may hurt you too much to be able to do that.
The whole thing about making her see how nice you are is unlikely to ever change her mind.
Sometimes, hell often, we just don't get the girl we want. It sucks, but it is too often true...

If you want to know for sure about this girl, then you just have to straight up tell her how you feel. But you have to be prepared to hear what you don't want to hear.

I wish you luck. I've been here myself too many times.

 

[LEVITIKUZ]

I get the impression she isn't romantically interested in you when she turned you down with the reason she is dating someone.

The thing is, and I don't mean anything horrible to you by this. She does not owe you any explanation as to who she's dating and why she is dating after saying she was taking time out.
It sounds to me as if she likes you as a friend, but that is it. If you can handle that, then be her friend. But if you really want more, it may hurt you too much to be able to do that.
The whole thing about making her see how nice you are is unlikely to ever change her mind.
Sometimes, hell often, we just don't get the girl we want. It sucks, but it is too often true...

If you want to know for sure about this girl, then you just have to straight up tell her how you feel. But you have to be prepared to hear what you don't want to hear.

I wish you luck. I've been here myself too many times.

All I texted her was is the person she's dating her ex. She told me he abused her and I'm majoring in criminal justice. I just want to make sure she's safe you know?

The fact she mentioned she's dating someone. I didn't try to come out as romantic, just if she would like to go to a basketball game like how she asked me if I wanted to go hiking with her.

I have been in this situation far too many times and it's always, always bite me in the ass.

I really, really just hope that maybe, maybe I still have a shot with this girl bc I don't want her to be another girl I like but has a bf that I won't be with.

 

[Anita18]

So the girl I'm friends with who I like. I asked her if she wanted to go to a basketball game with me. She said she thanks for the invite but she's dating someone.....

Just a bit over a month ago, she asked me if she wanted to go hiking which I did and during that she told me how he ex she dated 3 years abused her and didn't want to be in a relationship and I respected that because we hiked on valentines day and I did think about making a move but I choose not to and we've been talking a lot since then.

I have no idea what the **** happen and I have no idea what to say to her.

Part of me feels, she knows I do like her and feels she likes me but don't know how to ask her it and at the same time what is she cares about the other guy more. Part of me feels, forget her she's just like other girls I tried but she's in a class with me so I can't forget her. Another part is just confused. Like what happened? I felt that perhaps, if I show her how good I am that maybe there's a strong chance.

Nothing's a guarantee. Women aren't vending machines. If you are nice to a woman, you don't necessarily get exclusive affection back. I mean, my husband did "wear me down" eventually, but it wasn't like he did nice things or went out to prove how good he was just so I would keep dating him. You can't fake unconditional support - it takes a strong sense of self, a lot of confidence, and truly caring for someone to have that. It isn't just "being nice."

Attraction works the same with women as it does with men. Sometimes you can't explain why you're attracted to someone. I bet the way my husband describes me to his guy friends, they all wish they had a gf/wife like me. (I let him do what he wants, I'm super-chill, I'd say I'm pretty adventurous in bed... )

But would any of them date me? Probably not, because I'm not attractive to most guys, given my lack of dating history. -shrug-

Sometimes you can't explain why a woman is attracted to some dude who's not you. That's life.

If she's going to be wishy washy and not put down boundaries about what she wants from you, I suggest you let her go. Life is too short to spend waffling with someone who waffles with you. It isn't like this girl is your one and only chance in your entire life to not be single.

 

[PacificBoy]

If she's going to be wishy washy and not put down boundaries about what she wants from you, I suggest you let her go. Life is too short to spend waffling with someone who waffles with you. It isn't like this girl is your one and only chance in your entire life to not be single.

I wouldn't go so far as to say she's wishy washy. She could well be. Don't have enough info to go on to establish her baseline behaviour. She could have one of those very outgoing personalities, and coupled with her looks, means she's unintentionally breaking hearts all the time.

I always thought "I'm not ready for a relationship" is a gentle brush off for the most part. It can be true and not necessarily an excuse, but it usually comes down to "I'm not ready for a relationship with you".

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

I always thought "I'm not ready for a relationship" is a gentle brush off for the most part. It can be true and not necessarily an excuse, but it usually comes down to "I'm not ready for a relationship with you".

Quoted for extreme truth...

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

Third date tonight... Eeeeeek!
Actually going out tonight was at my suggestion, because every other evening this week up to and including Saturday I am either busy or out. And I am fairly certain that Sunday will be spent recovering from Saturday. It actually seems as if I am in danger of developing a social life!

So I rang her up last night, after having already booked a table at a little Italian restaurant. I asked if she would like to go out for dinner with me.
Luckily the answer was "yes" and I didn't have to telephone the restaurant back to cancel!
She text me this morning to say she was looking forward to later and I replied with a jokey text saying I hope the restaurant is okay. She replied that she didn't care about the food and was looking forward more to being with me again.

No pressure then...

 

[PacificBoy]

Nice! This is the best kind of date really, where it just flows. Genuinely enjoying each other's company, enjoying the moment.

 

[Anita18]

I wouldn't go so far as to say she's wishy washy. She could well be. Don't have enough info to go on to establish her baseline behaviour. She could have one of those very outgoing personalities, and coupled with her looks, means she's unintentionally breaking hearts all the time.

I always thought "I'm not ready for a relationship" is a gentle brush off for the most part. It can be true and not necessarily an excuse, but it usually comes down to "I'm not ready for a relationship with you".

Well, in this case, "wishy washy" is whatever LEVITIKUZ interprets it to be. That's the only interpretation that matters, really, for him to figure out what to do next. We don't have to make sweeping judgement calls on her character. We don't know her anyway, and I never did believe "wishy washy" automatically meant a person was being malicious. Maybe immature and unsure of themselves, or clueless, more than malicious. Some people are malicious when they do that, but I don't think most are.

At any rate, she could just be clueless just as you said, and LEVITIKUZ would have to make the same decision regardless. It's really about how he interprets what's going on, and right now, he seems to think that he "might have a chance" if he "proves himself" to her, which is one of those unhealthy in-between behaviors when you aren't sure what's up.

 

[ShadowBoxer]

Question, I heard that body language is big with girls specifically eye contact. Does it mean she likes you if she stares without looking away? There is a girl I know, and recently I noticed her staring at me from across the room. Then another time I was talking to someone across the room and she was talking to one of her friends. Once she noticed me I could kinda tell that she wanted me to come over and talk to her. Like she was staring me down like a hawk lol. I thought that if a girl likes you, they stare at you but look away when you look at them. I did go over and say hello and ask how she was, but that was pretty much it.

Recently, had an ackward momment with her like two days ago. I was doing some work outside with mutal friends and got kinda sweaty. She happened to be near by and did this high five that turned into a hug. I was like crap, I hope she doesn't think I am smelly on purpose. Also, during the hug hand accidentally brushed up aganist her boob lol. She played it off, but it was super ackward. Hopefully, she doesn't think I was some smelly dude trying to cop a feel ha.

 

[Erzengel]

With some girls, they are use to accidental brushes especially if they are top heavy.