The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - - - - - - - - Part 28

[the last son]

I don't believe I said there was a timeline on sex. In the past I've lied to get sex and I'm trying to change it doesn't happen over night and I feel terrible about it. One of the reasons I drink. I should have thought out a better response than my kiss timeline. I was thinking back to a woman I went on a few dates with and how we didn't get physical in 3 dates and how upset I was because she was hot. Now, having two second dates this week where I initiated, but was given signs somewhat, if she wants to be kissed she'll give a sign. But if you're not given any signs and don't go for it by date three, the friend zone awaits.


Had dinner last night with the woman who paid the first date and I the second. She says next time we date we can do it at a spot near my apartment. She says she can do next Saturday. My mind tells me since it's over a week between our next date, she wants to stay out late, by my apartment that sex is possible. Now whether she wants just a fling or not we shall see.

 

[Erzengel]

The timing for chemistry is more dependent upon the receptiveness of each person than it is upon the actual development of compatibility. You may very well encounter someone who would make a great partner for you, but convince yourself that the person is not a fit because of a perceived lack of "chemistry."

Chemistry =/= compatibility. When people say "there was no chemistry", what they often mean is "the encounter did not go as I imagined." In other words, the problem is rarely compatibility, but most often is a false or unrealized expectation.

One effectively limits their own dating options by basing their interest level off of an intangible metric such as "chemistry." Sit and ask yourself to qualitatively define "chemistry" and see how meaningful/concrete your own response is. Then take your response and ask how it affects a sustainable relationship compared to concrete factors such as loyalty, supportiveness, kindness, responsibility etc.

I am not suggesting that chemistry is not a real quality, nor am I insinuating that a strong connection is unnecessary. But the immediacy that people expect in order for a connection to manifest is detrimental rather than helpful. If would be like refusing to eat a meal because it isn't coming out of the oven fast enough, so instead you eat fast food because it is gratifying now even if not for the long term.

I mean compatibility.

I think it also has to do with the way I am, I usually am impatient. So if I'm on a date and Im pulling teeth to get three words out of her, that's usually a sign for me. But I would give it another date to be sure.

 

[Anita18]

I think I'm more into people who are pretty open? So yeah I'd probably wouldn't give someone who's extremely shy 10 dates just until she's comfortable. If I lose out, I lose out. If I was single and actively searching especially multiple dates, I'm not looking for a project.

I also think as you get older the speed of dating tends to be quicker. You're not 20 years old anymore, waiting for some perfect moment or pining away after someone. There is sometimes a more expedited attitude as you age.

Right, but that's you. That's my point - there shouldn't be dating "rules" that cover everyone and every situation. There's only what you want, and what the other person is receptive to, so just go by that.

And haven't you been with Erzette longer than I've been with my husband? I met him when I was 25. And I dunno, maybe depends on your success in dating up until that age too. Even when there weren't fireworks, I didn't feel like I could be picky, because here was a pretty cute guy who actually wanted to keep seeing me (OMG GASP) and I got along well with. I was EXTREMELY lucky he's as kind as supportive as he is, but I could have easily dumped him too. He was my second boyfriend, first guy I slept with, and I married him. That's not "speed" but it also isn't messing around either.

I mean compatibility.

I think it also has to do with the way I am, I usually am impatient. So if I'm on a date and Im pulling teeth to get three words out of her, that's usually a sign for me. But I would give it another date to be sure.

Now I don't know what you're talking about. My husband and I are very compatible - it was clear the first few times we met. (Everyone says we make a great team, we rarely argue and we've never fought.) But we didn't have a lot of chemistry, hence lack of kiss until a few months in.

They're different things. Compatibility and communication go way further than chemistry by itself. But you do need SOME chemistry, and we developed that by being together. How immediate you want it is up to you.

 

[LEVITIKUZ]

You guys know how you think things will happen in multiple different ways but then when it happens in real life, there is a twist that happens and you never expected? That happened to me.

So I haven't really talked to her since Monday. I texted her Tuesday that I wouldn't be in class due to my recovery from surgery but she never replied back. Monday she told me she was dating someone and I asked her is it her ex only because I don't want to see him hurt her again.

So we have class. We talk about my surgery and work together like always. Like always with me, I crack jokes and she laughs at them. I'm funnier in real life then on these forums. One friend of mine is a big car guy and when I asked him if he has jumper cables and he said no, that how can you be this big car fanatic and you don't have jumper cables? There's a reason I say this that you will find out later.

After class we talk. Lucky my class afterwards was canceled. So while we were walking, I asked her who she was dating and she said it's her ex. She's giving him one final chance. She hasn't been with him for a month and a half. He called her.

She then asks, if she wants me to go with her to walk her boyfriend's dog. Well I wasn't doing anything so I said sure. Her car wouldn't start, someone had jumper cables.

This isn't at all how I was expecting today to go.

So we bring the dog to the park, she made sandwiches quick and brought them and we talked.

She said how last night her boyfriend told her that while they weren't together, he was ****ing some co-worker and it just made her mad but she still giving him last chance and IMO, he's gonna **** it up.

I just got tired of hearing about how this guy has been to her. He has cheated on her (the co-worker he slept with, he was with her while dating the girl who I like). He physically and verbally abused her. I told her if you're gonna give him one final chance, to be safe.

I knew I had to tell her I liked her and I told her that I liked her and I told her I know there's nothing that can happen now unless she leaves her boyfriend but I just wanted her to know that I liked her.

She said she didn't feel the same way about me but she still wants to be good friends with me like we are.

And strangely enough, I'm ok with that only because I have the worst luck with girls and I felt if I told her that I liked her she may feel awkward and would ruin our friendship.

I don't have a lot of friends. I switched majors and nearly all of my college friends are in that major I left. We still talk but we aren't as close, me and my friends not me and her.

The only real problem with me I feel is that well she didn't mention me specifically. She was talking about her problem with dating other guys. She's Spanish and she feels that there's like something wrong with not being able to talk to someone intimately in her native tongue. I understand her POV. She mentioned that before I told her I liked her.

The best way I could describe where I'm at is I feel like Barry in the Flash show.

Hehe. I'm Flash, she's Iris, and her ex is Thawne.

You know how Thawne has a connection to Barry's life in that Eobard killed Barry's mother and Eddie is dating Iris? I know they are 2 different people but the Thawne name is connected to Barry. I looked up her ex now current boyfriend on Facebook just to see what this ******* looks like and I found out before he dated the girl I liked, he dated this girl I had a crush on in HS who I even tried to ask out a couple times.

Hehe, what a coincidence.

Overall while she doesn't feel the same way about me, the fact she still wants to be friends is fine by me and I'm ok with that. I'm not gonna lie and not hope maybe one day we can be more then friends but for now, I'm ok with that. I'm not putting all my money on her and just wait for her to break up with her boyfriend. There are other girls out there and I'm ok with how today went.

 

[Erzengel]

Right, but that's you. That's my point - there shouldn't be dating "rules" that cover everyone and every situation. There's only what you want, and what the other person is receptive to, so just go by that.

I was just providing the opposite side of the spectrum. Obviously, some people engage at quicker speeds. I guess I'm providing the counterpoint that yeah things CAN happen quicker and work. It's also okay to want that.

And haven't you been with Erzette longer than I've been with my husband? I met him when I was 25. And I dunno, maybe depends on your success in dating up until that age too. Even when there weren't fireworks, I didn't feel like I could be picky, because here was a pretty cute guy who actually wanted to keep seeing me (OMG GASP) and I got along well with. I was EXTREMELY lucky he's as kind as supportive as he is, but I could have easily dumped him too. He was my second boyfriend, first guy I slept with, and I married him. That's not "speed" but it also isn't messing around either.

My wife wasn't my first relationship. At the time I was younger and reached past all the insecurity BS I fashioned for myself to be a lot more aggressive than I was when I first started dating.

And yes there is a good amount of luck involved. We know quite a few attractive Frieda's that are single. But my wife didn't come from the most affectionate of families yet we were still very compatible, and there was plenty of chemistry. And yes we did kiss on the first date.

Of course, we also feel that our wedding was merely a formality and didn't really change how we felt about each other. In other words, if love grows everyday, our wedding day would have been just like any other day.

Now I don't know what you're talking about. My husband and I are very compatible - it was clear the first few times we met. (Everyone says we make a great team, we rarely argue and we've never fought.) But we didn't have a lot of chemistry, hence lack of kiss until a few months in.

They're different things. Compatibility and communication go way further than chemistry by itself. But you do need SOME chemistry, and we developed that by being together. How immediate you want it is up to you.

I meant compatibility earlier but I do think some chemistry in the beginning there helps.

My point in terms of age and speed is, it seems as you get older, there's less reservations in regards to intimacy and wasting time with people. For example, if you were single tomorrow good chance you wouldn't wait a few months in for a kiss or at least be opposed to it?

 

[Erzengel]

You guys know how you think things will happen in multiple different ways but then when it happens in real life, there is a twist that happens and you never expected? That happened to me.

So I haven't really talked to her since Monday. I texted her Tuesday that I wouldn't be in class due to my recovery from surgery but she never replied back. Monday she told me she was dating someone and I asked her is it her ex only because I don't want to see him hurt her again.

So we have class. We talk about my surgery and work together like always. Like always with me, I crack jokes and she laughs at them. I'm funnier in real life then on these forums. One friend of mine is a big car guy and when I asked him if he has jumper cables and he said no, that how can you be this big car fanatic and you don't have jumper cables? There's a reason I say this that you will find out later.

After class we talk. Lucky my class afterwards was canceled. So while we were walking, I asked her who she was dating and she said it's her ex. She's giving him one final chance. She hasn't been with him for a month and a half. He called her.

She then asks, if she wants me to go with her to walk her boyfriend's dog. Well I wasn't doing anything so I said sure. Her car wouldn't start, someone had jumper cables.

This isn't at all how I was expecting today to go.

So we bring the dog to the park, she made sandwiches quick and brought them and we talked.

She said how last night her boyfriend told her that while they weren't together, he was ****ing some co-worker and it just made her mad but she still giving him last chance and IMO, he's gonna **** it up.

I just got tired of hearing about how this guy has been to her. He has cheated on her (the co-worker he slept with, he was with her while dating the girl who I like). He physically and verbally abused her. I told her if you're gonna give him one final chance, to be safe.

I knew I had to tell her I liked her and I told her that I liked her and I told her I know there's nothing that can happen now unless she leaves her boyfriend but I just wanted her to know that I liked her.

She said she didn't feel the same way about me but she still wants to be good friends with me like we are.

And strangely enough, I'm ok with that only because I have the worst luck with girls and I felt if I told her that I liked her she may feel awkward and would ruin our friendship.

I don't have a lot of friends. I switched majors and nearly all of my college friends are in that major I left. We still talk but we aren't as close, me and my friends not me and her.

The only real problem with me I feel is that well she didn't mention me specifically. She was talking about her problem with dating other guys. She's Spanish and she feels that there's like something wrong with not being able to talk to someone intimately in her native tongue. I understand her POV. She mentioned that before I told her I liked her.

The best way I could describe where I'm at is I feel like Barry in the Flash show.

Hehe. I'm Flash, she's Iris, and her ex is Thawne.

You know how Thawne has a connection to Barry's life in that Eobard killed Barry's mother and Eddie is dating Iris? I know they are 2 different people but the Thawne name is connected to Barry. I looked up her ex now current boyfriend on Facebook just to see what this ******* looks like and I found out before he dated the girl I liked, he dated this girl I had a crush on in HS who I even tried to ask out a couple times.

Hehe, what a coincidence.

Overall while she doesn't feel the same way about me, the fact she still wants to be friends is fine by me and I'm ok with that. I'm not gonna lie and not hope maybe one day we can be more then friends but for now, I'm ok with that. I'm not putting all my money on her and just wait for her to break up with her boyfriend. There are other girls out there and I'm ok with how today went.

As long as this girl doesn't become the "girl" in your life.

Go out and meet other women.

 

[LEVITIKUZ]

As long as this girl doesn't become the "girl" in your life.

Go out and meet other women.

Hehe. See the problem isn't me meeting other women, it's other women meeting me.

But I get it and already know to try.

 

[the last son]

Third date at her place. Not expecting anything other than enjoying her company. She has a couple of masters and a nice home in a nice part of town. I've learned in the past not to question why a woman likes you and to believe in yourself and go with the flow.

 

[Arach Knight]

Third date at her place. Not expecting anything other than enjoying her company. She has a couple of masters and a nice home in a nice part of town. I've learned in the past not to question why a woman likes you and to believe in yourself and go with the flow.

Women, more so than men, are willing to accept a mate that has potential. In this case, not the kind of potential you get in kinetic energy from a rock sitting atop a hill, but the kind of potential of a rock that is already in motion down the hill. A woman will wait for the guy to pick up speed and reach the summit.

Also, women are less likely to be concerned about "dating down", as some have phrased it. They care in so far as knowing that men are rather self-conscious about it, but in general, a woman does not mind if a mate does not have the same earning power or life position, so long as the mate is doing something for themselves.

 

[Anita18]

Also, women are less likely to be concerned about "dating down", as some have phrased it. They care in so far as knowing that men are rather self-conscious about it, but in general, a woman does not mind if a mate does not have the same earning power or life position, so long as the mate is doing something for themselves.

I've actually seen accomplished, smart female friends and relatives reject a guy for not being ambitious enough, more often than not. It probably depends on the woman and her attitude re: her accomplishments.

If a woman is more go-getter and focused on herself, she may not mind a man who isn't "up to her level," because she's busy doing her own thing. (And may not be able to provide the emotional support that an equally accomplished man might demand.) If a woman is looking for a more equal partner, she may want someone more on her level.

And oh, in my experience, guys have this SERIOUS THING about dating women smarter or more accomplished than them. I think it's most of why I had so much trouble with guys while online dating. My husband was literally the only guy I met who wasn't intimidated by my plans for myself, and actually encouraged me.

 

[JaD]

I didn't feel like starting a whole thread about this but has anyone seen this nonsense? [YT]3u4TptcSHN0[/YT] I saw this commercial the other night pretty late and I was in disbelief thinking it had to be fake or something.

Basically a dating site for married people looking for an affair in a discreet fashion. Even the actors hired for the commercial look like *****ebags.

Unbelievable.

 

[PacificBoy]

The commercial really plays out like a parody. I'm glad Singapore banned the site. Only Singapore and South Korea have done so I believe.

The site's CEO said this in response to the ban: "They (the Government) might have disrupted our business, but they haven’t disrupted infidelity." Stay classy now!

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

Third date at her place. Not expecting anything other than enjoying her company. She has a couple of masters and a nice home in a nice part of town. I've learned in the past not to question why a woman likes you and to believe in yourself and go with the flow.

Sound words TLS... t:

I'm four dates in with a lady and we enjoy each others company. But I am being wary of getting too involved with someone too quickly. I want to take things slow and easy. Luckily the lady in question is independant and has no expectations of where we will go and has a similar outlook to mine.

 

[Anita18]

I didn't feel like starting a whole thread about this but has anyone seen this nonsense? [YT]3u4TptcSHN0[/YT] I saw this commercial the other night pretty late and I was in disbelief thinking it had to be fake or something.

Basically a dating site for married people looking for an affair in a discreet fashion. Even the actors hired for the commercial look like *****ebags.

Unbelievable.

Yeah I've seen that ad on TV and the radio really late at night.

That, along with something I saw today that highlighted how many women who've had mastectomies from breast cancer have their husbands leave them because they have no boobs anymore, made me thankful that A) I've not hot and I have no boobs to begin with and B) I married a bona fide nerd. If he hasn't cheated or left me now, it's unlikely to happen if our relationship stays relatively the same.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Was having a conversation with my best friend last night. Basically, I am so confused about this 'love'... and whether it's actually love.

Before, when i've been in love, i've loved the PERSON. And because of that, whether or not they reciprocated had no affect whatsoever on my feelings.

With this guy... I only feel like I love him when he is acting like he does too. When he does thoughtful things or is comforting or talks about our future, I feel like I love him. When he seems disinterested, is grumpy or unresponsive it fades.

Does that mean it's not really love?

I haven't seen Hopefuldreamer in such a long time. Miss seeing you on the MOS board. Make sure your boyfriend is a Superman fan.

Thanks

I miss it too, but i've lost all enthusiasm for the entire franchise since MOS came out, and i'm afraid i'd just be a negative nora in the forums these days!

Well you don't have to decide right away. It's always a good idea to take things as they go, and see if things change month to month or whatnot.

Yeah, I just have to take a step back myself I think. In a way it's good that I said those four little words now, because knowing that he's not there yet gives me a better idea of how much I should be investing yet.

What are leases like where you live? Here in LA, 6-month leases can be found. (Of course landlords want to see year-long leases but it depends on the market..) That's not a crazy kind of commitment to make with someone.

Then again I dated my ex 6 months longer than necessary, and my sister stuck with her ex for 3 unhappy years, so we are a stubborn, faithful bunch.

It's not the commitment to a lease that bothers me.

It's giving up the studio I have.

It was a seriously good find. Great price for the location, and the location is literally perfect for me (across the road from the bus stop where I get a bus to work, 2 mins from my best friends house etc).

I don't wanna give up my studio just to end up looking for another one in a few months that isn't as good.

Being on top of one another at least for me can be an issue. We have multiple places to escape. It helps.

However, it's nice to hear he has aspirations at least career wise.

I'm not sure what it's like in the UK but a year lease is typical.

When are you looking to move?

I don't know, he's been looking more than me tbh. I was thinking post summer because I have a lot of holidays and festivals planned. But now i'm thinking post september, because after that it will have been a year, and i'll feel right about saying 'if you dont feel it by now, it's over' with no regrets of 'I should have given him longer'.

I believe in a time frame for some things?

Like there has to be chemistry by the 2nd or 3rd date. And in my experience, if there's chemistry, there's usually intimacy.

Amen.

Third date at her place. Not expecting anything other than enjoying her company. She has a couple of masters and a nice home in a nice part of town. I've learned in the past not to question why a woman likes you and to believe in yourself and go with the flow.

Good positive attitude, I like!

 

[Anita18]

Was having a conversation with my best friend last night. Basically, I am so confused about this 'love'... and whether it's actually love.

Before, when i've been in love, i've loved the PERSON. And because of that, whether or not they reciprocated had no affect whatsoever on my feelings.

With this guy... I only feel like I love him when he is acting like he does too. When he does thoughtful things or is comforting or talks about our future, I feel like I love him. When he seems disinterested, is grumpy or unresponsive it fades.

Does that mean it's not really love?

Well, you can "not like" someone when they're being a tosser (to borrow one of your terms. ), but still love them. It's kind of the resignation you have when a family member is being super-annoying.

The trick there is accepting those annoying things as quirks, and believing that he still wants the best for you. That he still loves you, even when he's being annoying. The absolute worst is when one partner believes the other is being annoying as a personal affront to THEM, that they no longer believe in the best of their partner. It's like, dude, why are you still with someone who you think doesn't care about you anymore, and then continually throw that in their faces?

Like, my husband is really sensitive. To noises, smells, negativity, stupidity, etc. He gets really moody/grumpy/unresponsive if one of those things sets him off. But I understand that it's not me, it's not our relationship. I understand that there's nothing I can do to guarantee his happiness when he's in one of those moods. I still love him for who he is, and try to show that, so he doesn't have to feel that I won't love him anymore because he's moody.

 

[SpideyVille]

So I'm kinda in a place in my relationship where I don't know if breaking up with my girlfriend is the best thing to do. There's a lot of things that I've put up with, and she has put up with a lot of my baggage too, but I don't know what point I should just say I'm ready to give up and move on. I guess it's mostly because I feel like she's showing me qualities that I don't want in a partner, and I'm talking about on a very basis level.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Well, you can "not like" someone when they're being a tosser (to borrow one of your terms. ), but still love them. It's kind of the resignation you have when a family member is being super-annoying.

The trick there is accepting those annoying things as quirks, and believing that he still wants the best for you. That he still loves you, even when he's being annoying. The absolute worst is when one partner believes the other is being annoying as a personal affront to THEM, that they no longer believe in the best of their partner. It's like, dude, why are you still with someone who you think doesn't care about you anymore, and then continually throw that in their faces?

Like, my husband is really sensitive. To noises, smells, negativity, stupidity, etc. He gets really moody/grumpy/unresponsive if one of those things sets him off. But I understand that it's not me, it's not our relationship. I understand that there's nothing I can do to guarantee his happiness when he's in one of those moods. I still love him for who he is, and try to show that, so he doesn't have to feel that I won't love him anymore because he's moody.

Yeah I guess it's just bad timing cause i'm looking for a bit of reassurance that he's still into me at all... and i'm getting literally nothing from him.

Since we got back from visiting my mum about 10 days ago (where I dropped the 'L bomb' on him) we just haven't really spent any quality time together.

Then the last couple of days have just been weird. We both did 7-4 shifts on Monday, so I was hoping we could have a nice evening in - but he got home and slept from 4pm - 1am... when I woke him up - because I just knew that otherwise he'd wake up just as I was falling asleep and start making noise (as anyone does when they are awake, no matter how consious they are being) - he seemed really off with me, but I just tried to put it down to being tired.

Then yesterday I sent him a tongue in cheek message about us doing belle & beast for next fancy dress party (because he has a silk ruffled shirt, a naturally two toned beard (half white, half black) and I thought he'd look great with a long blue blazer on top) to which he didn't respond.

Then gets home last night and says he feels really odd. I ask him if he means poorly or sad and he just says he feels off and like he will snap at any little thing. I ask if there is anything I can do, sympathise and say i've been feeling funky too (spent the evening crying) and cuddle up to him, stroking his arm before I fall asleep, to which he is not totally unresponsive to.

Sent him a message on facebook today saying I hope he's feeling a bit better and if not, here's a picture to cheer you up - with a picture of me pulling a funny face.

And thanks to the wonders of modern messaging systems, I know he's seen it... but again, no response.

It's definitely not making me feel very reassured.

I think i'm going to have to have a proper talk with him on friday when we both have a day off. I'm going to suggest going for dinner, have a nice evening out with him, and then try and ask whether he thinks his feelings are something that are going to grow - or whether he thinks he's just not the kind to fall in love.

And I guess... if he says the latter, i'm just going to have to seriously figure out if I can emotionally handle staying with someone who feels like that, even if in my mind it's just staying together until after the summer.

 

[Erzengel]

I know I say this ad nauseam but everything is different and not everyone is going to check off on your must haves in any relationship. The trick is, is those check offs enough to overlook the unchecked ones.

He may very well love you and hasn't realized it yet. You also moved in way to early and for a lot of couples, moving in is a make or break in a relationship. You were still in the getting to know you state.

Personally, it's a red flag to me that he is moody. I've been withmy wife for years and because of her work schedule and not seeing her for days at a time, I still look forward to seeing her when I get home. Or I schedule going out, errands when she is either at work, sleeping or out so when I'm home we can spend quality time together. I even sleep on the couch when she doesn't want to go upstairs to bed.

That's me though. But, if that's something you want, he may not be wired that way. I'm not saying that makes him a bad person. But while people can grow or change, it's really up to you to decide if you think he can or want to put the effort in sticking around.

 

[Erzengel]

So I'm kinda in a place in my relationship where I don't know if breaking up with my girlfriend is the best thing to do. There's a lot of things that I've put up with, and she has put up with a lot of my baggage too, but I don't know what point I should just say I'm ready to give up and move on. I guess it's mostly because I feel like she's showing me qualities that I don't want in a partner, and I'm talking about on a very basis level.

Are you happy with her or not?

 

[SpideyVille]

Are you happy with her or not?

In many ways, yes. When we have a chance to talk and connect, I remember all the reasons why I fell in love with her.

But I think the things that bother me the most about her are things that I feel like she can change or should be in control of, but either doesn't change or can't change for some reason. Like, she has ADHD, so I know that makes certain things harder for her, especially when it comes to school. And I've been trying my best to help her, whether it be by being by her side and pushing her to do things that she doubts that she's capable of, or by giving her advice on where she went wrong with something, but more often thn not, I feel like the only way to get the desired outcome that we both agree we want is if I do everything for her. And it's just gotten so frustrating lately because she wants to be able to do things on her own, but everytime she tries, she messes up and she underestimates things, and its like we have the same fights every week about the same things and I'm starting to feel like she won't ever change.

For example, she's taking 5 classes and one is an online course, and going in she wanted to drop it because she says that's a weakness of hers. But she was determined and, for all I know, she was doing the homework, but something was wrong, so her assignments weren't posting. But then after I figured that out for her, she was handing in the homework late, and after I got her to hand it on time, she got accused of plagiarizing, and she never saved her work so I could check ti for her. And it's like she's about to fail a class while she's already on academic probation and I'm trying my best to help her but it's like every week there's something else, and it's like that with almost everything she does.

I'm just getting to a point where I'm emotionally shutting off and because we've also had a bunch of honesty issues in the past, I don't know how much I can trust her anymore or how reliable she is. I guess I'm looking for someone I can count on, and I just don't feel like that about her. I feel like she's more likely to lie or hid the truth than handle her stuff and succeed on the simplest of levels, and it really sucks because I don't have the stereotypical types of problems with her that most guys complain to have.

We've been through a lot of stuff in the past year, especially given how we started and she's stood by me at times when I know most girls would have left, and I did too. But she keeps promising change, but I still haven't seen better results.

 

[Arach Knight]

Was having a conversation with my best friend last night. Basically, I am so confused about this 'love'... and whether it's actually love.

Before, when i've been in love, i've loved the PERSON. And because of that, whether or not they reciprocated had no affect whatsoever on my feelings.

With this guy... I only feel like I love him when he is acting like he does too. When he does thoughtful things or is comforting or talks about our future, I feel like I love him. When he seems disinterested, is grumpy or unresponsive it fades.

Does that mean it's not really love?

Here is a wonderful bit of food for thought

"If love isn't only a feeling, what is it? Once the honeymoon wears off, love is primarily a verb, and to love someone is an active experience. Love is action. Love is commitment. Love is making your partner a sandwich even when you don't "feel" like it. Love is recognizing that intimate, committed relationships are crucibles inside which both partners will be asked to grow emotionally and spiritually and learn about the barriers that prevent them from loving. As Alanis Morissette said in a brilliant interview with Piers Morgan, "Love, to me, is a verb. Love kicks in for real when things get hard... Love, for me, is when I don't feel very loving. It's an action." And when asked how she knew that Souleye was the one for her she said, "Values being the same: family, commitment, partnership, seeing marriage as a hotbed for growth and healing. Not everyone -- including myself at times -- views marriage as the alchemy that it really can be in affording us the [opportunity for] wholeness.

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

I need advice on an epic gesture of love to get CC to fall in love with me

 

[Erzengel]

Dance. CC is a sucker for someone who can express themselves through dance.

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

Now that is a problem, I got into DJing so I wouldn't have to dance