The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - Part 30

[Tilapia]

Then talk to the girl first. Get out tomorrow night before the function. Just text or call... Or suffer the wrath of being the "family boy that has a too many good things going for him." Just speaking from personal experience. The big dinner thing was an unmitigated disaster for me. It worked out in terms of the dinner, but the woman was a disaster and not at all a fit for me. Family "thought" she'd be a good match. Then I realized I'd shoot myself if I kept eating like this, while she didn't mind the unhealthy aspects of certain foods at all yeah, she was getting rounder since the last photos I was provided.

 

[Dark Raven]

I can't text or call her because I don't even know her (or her number) and she doesn't even know me. I can't talk to someone I haven't even met.

 

[Anita18]

I can't text or call her because I don't even know her (or her number) and she doesn't even know me. I can't talk to someone I haven't even met.

So to her, it's a family function she's attending, and not a "let's get matched with Dark Raven!" event?

What's your brother's take on the situation then?

 

[Dark Raven]

So to her, it's a family function she's attending, and not a "let's get matched with Dark Raven!" event?

What's your brother's take on the situation then?

I'm not sure. I think he might just see it as a family function but then again maybe he's not telling me what he had in mind. I know it's partly for her to meet me and get to know me with the intention of at least becoming friends, although I don't know what she thinks it is. Initially I thought of it as just her attending a family function, but then I know that if I did want anything further to happen then she's already met the parents and her first impressions of me have already been within this family setting instead of a more independent and less pressured environment.

I wouldn't even bother to tell my parents about any girl who just takes my interest unless it became serious. But to have that sort of start where things are already under the microscope is not very helpful.

 

[ernesth100]

Now, most of you are probably way older than me. I'm only 17, Junior Year in High School. There's this girl, this girl I love so much. Known her since 9th Grade. I went from weirdo who stared at her like a creep when we met to a mature young adult and we're now really close friends.

I'm gonna ask her out tomorrow, wish me luck.

I won't be hurt if she says no. As long as we can stay friends. I'm a bit more emotionally mature now. So here goes nothing.

 

[Anita18]

I'm not sure. I think he might just see it as a family function but then again maybe he's not telling me what he had in mind. I know it's partly for her to meet me and get to know me with the intention of at least becoming friends, although I don't know what she thinks it is. Initially I thought of it as just her attending a family function, but then I know that if I did want anything further to happen then she's already met the parents and her first impressions of me have already been within this family setting instead of a more independent and less pressured environment.

I wouldn't even bother to tell my parents about any girl who just takes my interest unless it became serious. But to have that sort of start where things are already under the microscope is not very helpful.

You really should just ask your brother. You don't have her information, you certainly don't want to tell your parents about it, so what's left is him or his wife.

If you do eventually want things to progress after she's met you at a family function, then it is what it is. There's no use worrying about it, since you told us you can't get out of it, and unless she skips out, she's going to be there too.

Now, most of you are probably way older than me. I'm only 17, Junior Year in High School. There's this girl, this girl I love so much. Known her since 9th Grade. I went from weirdo who stared at her like a creep when we met to a mature young adult and we're now really close friends.

I'm gonna ask her out tomorrow, wish me luck.

I won't be hurt if she says no. As long as we can stay friends. I'm a bit more emotionally mature now. So here goes nothing.

Best of luck.

 

[ernesth100]

Thanks. Granted, she didnt say yes but hey, now I can move on to other girls with a clean conscious.

 

[Anita18]

Thanks. Granted, she didnt say yes but hey, now I can move on to other girls with a clean conscious.

That's the spirit!

 

[munkitkat]

I've never used a paid dating site, but I'm curious how it is overseas as opposed to here in the States. Also, adding the caveat that people who live closer to metropolitan areas may have a larger selection to choose from.

 

[Erzengel]

I've never used a paid dating site, but I'm curious how it is overseas as opposed to here in the States. Also, adding the caveat that people who live closer to metropolitan areas may have a larger selection to choose from.

I've never used a paid dating site, but I'm curious how it is overseas as opposed to here in the States. Also, adding the caveat that people who live closer to metropolitan areas may have a larger selection to choose from.

Love bots.

 

[Six]

The girl I've been texting for the last month told me yesterday she's got the next 2 days off if I want to do something. I'm in disbelief to be honest. I'm not a bad looking guy but she's so so so so so out of my league it's not even funny. If Scarlett Johansson walked past me buck naked while I was in the middle of texting her I would probably not even notice. She's intelligent, has such similar taste in music as me, so kind hearted and her eyes are incredible... I haven't been able to go more than a couple minutes without thinking about her. Best part is she knows I think all this of her and she's more than fine with it.

 

[DA_Champion]

http://priceonomics.com/online-dating-and-the-death-of-the-mixed/

Online Dating and the Death of the 'Mixed-Attractiveness' Couple

"We think we have highly idiosyncratic preferences,” psychologist Paul Eastwick has said of dating, “but there's just no compelling evidence that those preferences [matter] once people actually meet face-to-face.” Experiments run by OKCupid, a dating site that matches singles by asking them which qualities they care about in a partner, support this idea.

Instead it’s well established among academics interested in dating that “opposites attract” is a myth. Study after study supports the idea of “assortative mating”: the hypothesis that people generally date and marry partners who are like them in terms of social class, educational background, race, personality, and, of course, attractiveness.

To use fratboy vernacular: 7s date other 7s, and a 3 has no chance with a 10.

There is an exception, however, to this seeming rule that people always date equally attractive people: The longer two people know each other before they start dating, the more likely it is that a 3 will date a 6, or a 7 will marry a 10.

This does a good job of documenting many of the issues I've discussed previously, which are now presented in a more rigorous manner.

In an online dating context, looks are consistent with ~100% of what matters.

In the real world, personality introduces a variation to how attractiveness is evaluated, and it takes time.

This corroborates something many people have pointed out:

the data is clear that men’s preferences are much more homogenous than women’s. “There are women who 95% of men say yes to, and there’s nothing like that for men,” says McLeod. “A man is really attractive if 40% of women say yes.”

 

[Anita18]

http://priceonomics.com/online-dating-and-the-death-of-the-mixed/

Online Dating and the Death of the 'Mixed-Attractiveness' Couple



This does a good job of documenting many of the issues I've discussed previously, which are now presented in a more rigorous manner.

In an online dating context, looks are consistent with ~100% of what matters.

In the real world, personality introduces a variation to how attractiveness is evaluated, and it takes time.

This corroborates something many people have pointed out:

the data is clear that men’s preferences are much more homogenous than women’s. “There are women who 95% of men say yes to, and there’s nothing like that for men,” says McLeod. “A man is really attractive if 40% of women say yes.”

That just makes me think my husband was one in a million. The guy think my buggy eyes are beautiful, bless his silly heart.

And it actually seems like guy's jobs lookwise are much easier than women's.

 

[DA_Champion]

That just makes me think my husband was one in a million. The guy think my buggy eyes are beautiful, bless his silly heart.

And it actually seems like guy's jobs lookwise are much easier than women's.

Because of the dispersion? Maybe.

Lots of men and women put in very little effort and do great or good enough.

 

[Anita18]

Because of the dispersion? Maybe.

Lots of men and women put in very little effort and do great or good enough.

Yeah, but the dispersion basically means that as a whole, women either have to hit the genetic lottery (and I definitely know women who have), or work WAY harder to be attractive to the majority of guys. Whereas guys have more physical diversity to be considered attractive, so there isn't as much pressure to conform.

 

[DA_Champion]

Yeah, but the dispersion basically means that as a whole, women either have to hit the genetic lottery (and I definitely know women who have), or work WAY harder to be attractive to the majority of guys. Whereas guys have more physical diversity to be considered attractive, so there isn't as much pressure to conform.

Women need to hit the genetic lottery to be a 9+, or an 8+ depending on how you calibrate your scale.

I'm looking at far more images of women daily than I would like to, sifting through countless so-called "matches". The two biggest turn-offs I'm noticing are:
- Bad teeth;
- Obesity;
Both of which can be modulated by environmental intervention. In the case of teeth, it's standard among North American middle-class parents to have their teenagers wear braces, which doesn't seem to be the case here. Australians don't care as much about teeth and thus I see lots and lots of yellow, very crooked teeth. Yellow teeth are also a turnoff and not largely genetics. It's difficult to explain to someone like yourself ... you live in the USA where teeth are generally better. I honestly never noticed bad teeth as an issue before.

Obesity has a genetic component, but we've collectively gotten 30 lbs heavier in the last 30 years which is clearly due to environment, probably greater consumption of sugars. The amount of effort, time, and money a lot of women put into blush, mascara, eye shadow, lipstick, perfume, would yield better dividends if put into buying a gym membership or paying for a personal trainer.

Both of these apply to men, by around the same amount. Though there is dispersion in what women want, very few women want guys with beer bellies and bad yellow teeth.

There's a third aspect that doesn't apply to men, women can spend ~$10,000 to get 300 cc's. In a lot of cases that will yield a "+1", depends. That's what 300,000 American women do every year (wow that's high), it's probably a decent investment for them.
http://www.theguardian.com/news/datablog/2011/jul/22/plastic-surgery-medicine

All of this won't make them a 9, but it can probably make them a 7.

ETA: I just found out ~6 million Americans a year get botox. Wow. I recommend not going to Bryan Singer's doctor.

 

[Anita18]

There's a third aspect that doesn't apply to men, women can spend ~$10,000 to get 300 cc's. In a lot of cases that will yield a "+1", depends. That's what 300,000 American women do every year (wow that's high), it's probably a decent investment for them.
http://www.theguardian.com/news/datablog/2011/jul/22/plastic-surgery-medicine

Until you realize those things require replacement every 5-10 years.

You'd honestly get way more mileage out of a change of outfits, depending on your body type. I can suddenly get way more attention on the street if I switch out my normal jeans with a tight dress, cleavage or not. Guys are so predictable.

 

[Tilapia]

Bad teeth definitely the biggest physical turnoff for me. Obesity and size to mass ratio being the obvious other factors. Good point on that.

I disagree that men don't have to try hard to look good. Women like it when men dress extremely sharp, even if it's a normal work day. You need to tight collar shirts and the sports jackets these days. Helps every bit as women dressing as they do when they go out and about. I'm not saying it's comparable, but it's still expensive. Not to mention you need the body type to round out your tight shirt skin tight jeans these days. I guess women have taken more of an interest in the man's behind these days. That seems to be the obvious fashion trends I've seen at least.

Men need to constantly present themselves as high in social stature. This is every bit as important as the salary figure which can only be assumed until the man reveals his profession (honestly or convincingly about whatever that may be). I don't think men value women high in social stature as much. It's more of an intimidation factor if a woman is well connected.

I neither dress totally sharp (above average I'd say) but I certainly don't present myself high in social stature, due to my awkward sense of humor and social unease when I get social anxiety.

 

[DA_Champion]

Bad teeth definitely the biggest physical turnoff for me. Obesity and size to mass ratio being the obvious other factors. Good point on that.

I disagree that men don't have to try hard to look good. Women like it when men dress extremely sharp, even if it's a normal work day. You need to tight collar shirts and the sports jackets these days. Helps every bit as women dressing as they do when they go out and about. I'm not saying it's comparable, but it's still expensive. Not to mention you need the body type to round out your tight shirt skin tight jeans these days. I guess women have taken more of an interest in the man's behind these days. That seems to be the obvious fashion trends I've seen at least.

Men need to constantly present themselves as high in social stature. This is every bit as important as the salary figure which can only be assumed until the man reveals his profession (honestly or convincingly about whatever that may be). I don't think men value women high in social stature as much. It's more of an intimidation factor if a woman is well connected.

I neither dress totally sharp (above average I'd say) but I certainly don't present myself high in social stature, due to my awkward sense of humor and social unease when I get social anxiety.

I try and dress sharp but it's awfully expensive as I'm losing weight. The thing about "perfect" clothes is that they are only perfect within a ~5% range of body weight, if you lose even 10 lbs nice-fitting pants start to look stupid, if you gain 10 lbs they are painful at the waist. So personally I'm only putting in modest effort into my clothes now. I plan to amp it up when I reach my goal (~180 lbs).

I think men are beginning to value women's social status more and more, on average. There is some "dispersion" there, but the trend is towards valuing status. "Assortative mating" can and does take place along multiple dimensions ... couples tend to be matched lookwise ... and they tend to be matched in terms of socioeconomic class.

Women also end up spending a lot of money on clothes though ... I think it's mostly to impress other women.

 

[Tilapia]

It's not to imply that men are looking for housewives. Certainly if the potential in-laws are well connected and can hook you up career wise, that's game set match. I tend to get with girls just for that, and will absolutely sacrifice looks and body type. I think for women, it may be less so career or more so access to people as women tend to be a lot more social. Honestly, the potential father-in law is the guy I'm measuring more often than not. I still could use that mentor, despite my old man still going strong and having older brothers.

But yeah, it's a factor. First impression is everything. I had my good black friend take me to the mall and he loaded me up (draining me in other ways). For the young guys perusing the thread, make sure you have apparel, and not just for the 1-2 dispersed interviews in the month. Get extra jackets and wear them even when its a casual night out at the local bar (even if the bar is a bit more divey than casual). I wouldn't recommend even going to a bar unless there is a legit networking opportunity or business plan, keeping it to a one drink limit either way. You should be well out of that phase by late 23 and 24.

 

[DA_Champion]

It's not to imply that men are looking for housewives. Certainly if the potential in-laws are well connected and can hook you up career wise, that's game set match. I tend to get with girls just for that, and will absolutely sacrifice looks and body type. I think for women, it may be less so career or more so access to people as women tend to be a lot more social. Honestly, the potential father-in law is the guy I'm measuring more often than not. I still could use that mentor, despite my old man still going strong and having older brothers.

But yeah, it's a factor. First impression is everything. I had my good black friend take me to the mall and he loaded me up (draining me in other ways). For the young guys perusing the thread, make sure you have apparel, and not just for the 1-2 dispersed interviews in the month. Get extra jackets and wear them even when its a casual night out at the local bar (even if the bar is a bit more divey than casual). I wouldn't recommend even going to a bar unless there is a legit networking opportunity or business plan, keeping it to a one drink limit either way. You should be well out of that phase by late 23 and 24.

I think the last time I got plastered I was 22.

There's some weak evidence that moderate alcohol consumption, ~5 drinks a week, is good for you. It's also fun.

But getting drunk is not.

 

[DA_Champion]

Of possible interest, lesser known biological differences between men and women
http://forums.superherohype.com/showthread.php?t=504695&page=22

 

[Anita18]

I disagree that men don't have to try hard to look good. Women like it when men dress extremely sharp, even if it's a normal work day. You need to tight collar shirts and the sports jackets these days. Helps every bit as women dressing as they do when they go out and about. I'm not saying it's comparable, but it's still expensive. Not to mention you need the body type to round out your tight shirt skin tight jeans these days. I guess women have taken more of an interest in the man's behind these days. That seems to be the obvious fashion trends I've seen at least.

Damn straight! Although I still see WAY more guys with huge biceps and tiny legs than the other way around.

Men need to constantly present themselves as high in social stature. This is every bit as important as the salary figure which can only be assumed until the man reveals his profession (honestly or convincingly about whatever that may be). I don't think men value women high in social stature as much. It's more of an intimidation factor if a woman is well connected.

I neither dress totally sharp (above average I'd say) but I certainly don't present myself high in social stature, due to my awkward sense of humor and social unease when I get social anxiety.

It's not to imply that men are looking for housewives. Certainly if the potential in-laws are well connected and can hook you up career wise, that's game set match. I tend to get with girls just for that, and will absolutely sacrifice looks and body type. I think for women, it may be less so career or more so access to people as women tend to be a lot more social. Honestly, the potential father-in law is the guy I'm measuring more often than not. I still could use that mentor, despite my old man still going strong and having older brothers.

But yeah, it's a factor. First impression is everything. I had my good black friend take me to the mall and he loaded me up (draining me in other ways). For the young guys perusing the thread, make sure you have apparel, and not just for the 1-2 dispersed interviews in the month. Get extra jackets and wear them even when its a casual night out at the local bar (even if the bar is a bit more divey than casual). I wouldn't recommend even going to a bar unless there is a legit networking opportunity or business plan, keeping it to a one drink limit either way. You should be well out of that phase by late 23 and 24.

Um, you seem to be doling out advice for business students instead of comic book geeks. Know your audience! If you want a woman who will game with you or watch comic book movies with you (or at least tolerate it), you don't need to pretend you're some high-roller. Be yourself. Just perhaps a not-schlubby version of yourself.

Getting along with your in-laws is always a good idea though. My husband is actually pretty similar to my dad, and they're both software engineers, so they can talk about code and algorithms. It's actually pretty cute how hardcore they both go.

 

[DA_Champion]

I think women have always cared about men's looks, just people pretended they didn't. Rudolph Valentino was a sex symbol in the 1920s.

We all know the history of how the scientific establishment in the 60s debated the existence of the female orgasm. This has been interpreted a lot of ways. What always stood out to me was "damn, dozens of researchers, and none of them have ever seen a female orgasm. " i can kind of see every single one of these guys as a nerdy academic, all with big beer bellies, and their entire lives their wives were in the mood for sex three times a year and always did "the star". They all thought this was normal. They possibly related it to estrogen and ostensible social structures of our ancestors in the African Savannah.

A lot of their wives i imagine may not have realized the extent to which they're supposed to have a sexuality. The culture wasn't saturated in soft porn back then, and peope didn't have open conversations as much, some people might have never had them.

A guy on another forum, he's very fit, he says when women are with him their fingers trace his muscles. He points out that a lot of women have never been with a fit guy, they've only seen dad-bods. It probably permanently changes them. Once they've felt it, they remember it.

***********************

Its curious how many gym bros have huge arms and chicken legs. I'm not sure how that happens. It might be due to the diversity of exercises (the following is speculation) ... For the legs and butt, the most fundamental exercises are the squat, the lunge, and the leg press. They're very sensitive to form and difficult to get right. In contrast for the upper bodies it seems like there are thousands of effective exercises.

 

[Anita18]

We all know the history of how the scientific establishment in the 60s debated the existence of the female orgasm. This has been interpreted a lot of ways. What always stood out to me was "damn, dozens of researchers, and none of them have ever seen a female orgasm. " i can kind of see every single one of these guys as a nerdy academic, all with big beer bellies, and their entire lives their wives were in the mood for sex three times a year and always did "the star". They all thought this was normal. They possibly related it to estrogen and ostensible social structures of our ancestors in the African Savannah.

A lot of their wives i imagine may not have realized the extent to which they're supposed to have a sexuality. The culture wasn't saturated in soft porn back then, and peope didn't have open conversations as much, some people might have never had them.

A guy on another forum, he's very fit, he says when women are with him their fingers trace his muscles. He points out that a lot of women have never been with a fit guy, they've only seen dad-bods. It probably permanently changes them. Once they've felt it, they remember it.

Well sure, but I don't think people in general are THAT picky at the end of the day. We all like looking at fit, beautiful people, but thinking about the kind of mind-numbing work that it takes to get those muscles, I remember why I love my skinny nerds. I find intelligence so much more romantically attractive than guys who obsess over protein consumption.

Its curious how many gym bros have huge arms and chicken legs. I'm not sure how that happens. It might be due to the diversity of exercises (the following is speculation) ... For the legs and butt, the most fundamental exercises are the squat, the lunge, and the leg press. They're very sensitive to form and difficult to get right. In contrast for the upper bodies it seems like there are thousands of effective exercises.

It happens because they think that's a masculine look. It certainly doesn't happen by accident. I pretty much only do squats and deadlifts on a once-weekly basis, I don't eat as much protein as I should to really see any gains, and I'm not even a dude with the extra testosterone, but I can DEFINITELY see a difference in my body shape. They're very efficient exercises if you do them heavy.

The guys lifting heavy on squats and deadlifts have much more balanced muscle mass all over, and that's functional strength. Lifting super-heavy dumbbells doesn't do much for you on a daily basis. The only thing it does is give you huge arms, which just looks stupidly uneven if you don't do your legs too. In fact, it just makes you look dumb, in all sense of the word.