The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - Part 30

[Anita18]

Now, normally I'd think if a girl asked said this, it was because she was trying to flirt. But for some reason, my first thought was not to get too excited because she was probably just trying to use me or something as a way to make sure she gets home safe. Realizing that that was my thought process, it showed me that while I'm completely over my ex, I still don't feel like I've fully healed. Granted, there's absolutely nothing that says that this girl is interested in a relationship or anything, but just the thought of being in the "getting to know" phase with someone really scares me. It's almost like, even if I'm interested in a girl, I back out when they're interested in me, which is why I've stopped putting myself out there altogether.

I thought the conversation was over at that point, but then she started IM'ing me again, asking about where I went to school and what I work on and stuff. Maybe she is interested, maybe she's not. But all I know is, as someone who used to be a diehard hopeless romantic, and couldn't wait to be in a relationship, in the past 8 months, as much as I have wished I could be with someone, there's a stronger part of me that doesn't want to be with anyone, and that really scares me.

How's that? Is it some sort of fear of the unknown, or not knowing if you can trust her, or...?

I mean, nothing's a guarantee, ever. (Especially anything that involves other people!) All you can do is take that first step, then take another one, and repeat. But you won't ever know if you don't try.

Thought I'd just put a status update if anyone is wanting to hear lol
So like, a few months back I was pretty desperate to get a girlfriend, still kind of am but not as much, I've realised I should probably focus more on building myself up first, for example I'm gonna try to get really good at guitar and drums, hopefully get an album out soon, and also make more videos and stuff like that. This will make me a more interesting person I think and will make people admire me more, I'm not saying that in a cocky "oh look at me I'm so good" way, I mean in a way where I'm just not as boring as I am now. Is this a good idea?

Why wouldn't it be a good idea?

I mean, building yourself up FOR YOU is always the best option. Not so other people can admire you, because you can't control the behavior of other people. (Read what I wrote SpideyVille above!) But it's human nature to enjoy becoming better at something, then helping others with that skill. You should focus on that part, because the admiration of other people isn't a guarantee.

 

[SpideyVille]

I think I know how you feel man, I'm also a hopeless romantic, but man, you have something here, so hold it tight and don't let it go. Chase after her man, go out with her sometime. Find out if she's really interested. You have nothing to lose.

Well like Erz said, there's nothing that really indicates that there is any interest to begin with. For all I know, we can never talk again after that.

But as far as the hopeless romantic aspect is concerned, I always used t relate to Ted Mosby from HIMYM because I was so willing to go above and beyond for a girl I was interested in. But I haven't felt that way in a long time, not even while I was in my last relationship.

Slow down.

You barely know this girl. Even going on a date =/= being in a relationship. Who knows you might not even connect with this girl.

And you kinda had an effed up first relationship. It's left it's mark on you. Some people can move past it alone, others need to get back out there.

Just don't put the cart before the horse.

Yeah, I know with this girl in particular, it could easily be nothing and I'm just overthinking what her intentions were.

But at the same time, it sort of triggered a thought in me which is that I've been really selfish. Not necessarily in a bad way. I've single and free to do whatever I want, so I have been. But even in my friendship, I feel like I've been so caught up in doing what I want that I don't stop to think about what others may want.

It scares me because it's so out of character for me. Like this past weekend, my mom was asking about when am I going to meet a girl and have kids, and for the first time in my life, I said I didn't want to. The dream was always to meet a girl and have kids and stuff, but little by little, my mind has been changing on all of that, and I'm just not sure if it's a normal part of the healing process, or if its indicative of something worse.

 

[Erzengel]

Your attitude can change as you grow up. I remember when I was 6 and I wanted a gf, then there came a time where I didn't and just wanted to mess around. Then I met someone worthwhile and I had to choose.

 

[SpideyVille]

How's that? Is it some sort of fear of the unknown, or not knowing if you can trust her, or...?

I mean, nothing's a guarantee, ever. (Especially anything that involves other people!) All you can do is take that first step, then take another one, and repeat. But you won't ever know if you don't try.

I think what scares is just that I've never felt this way. I mean, I don't think there's ever anything wrong with being a little selfish and doing what you want. But what worries me about this is that I might end up hurting someone else in the process. Like I don't want to throw my baggage onto someone else and have them pay for something that they didn't do. Like even if I meet the best girl in the world, if I'm messed up inside, I can end up ruining her and making her go through things that the next guy will have to pay for, and the cycle will continue. That's why I tend to stay away from things altogether. I keep to myself and have avoided issues with others.

Part of it is definitely fear of getting hurt, but the other part is fear of hurting.

 

[Hobgoblin]

Yesterday while driving home with my future mother in law and finance, my fiance decided to ask her mother a question. She asked her who she loved more, her other daughter's boyfriend, or me. Her mother ignored her, and my fiance laughed and told me I was the less loved son n law.

She knows that there is tension between her mother and I, because of our major differences in religious belief. Meanwhile, her mother has gone on about how much she loves the other guy.

Am I justified in wanting to strangle my fiance?

 

[Erzengel]

I'm the favorite in law. But it's a very low bar.

 

[Anita18]

I think what scares is just that I've never felt this way. I mean, I don't think there's ever anything wrong with being a little selfish and doing what you want. But what worries me about this is that I might end up hurting someone else in the process. Like I don't want to throw my baggage onto someone else and have them pay for something that they didn't do. Like even if I meet the best girl in the world, if I'm messed up inside, I can end up ruining her and making her go through things that the next guy will have to pay for, and the cycle will continue. That's why I tend to stay away from things altogether. I keep to myself and have avoided issues with others.

Part of it is definitely fear of getting hurt, but the other part is fear of hurting.

That's A LOT of assumptions there dude. Don't make it all about your issues, but don't hide them either. You're a person with certain issues, just like everyone else, and just like her. The trick to relationships is finding someone whose issues are compatible with yours, so they can help you with your issues and you can help them with theirs.

There certainly doesn't need to be ruining of anyone's lives here. Otherwise nobody would have any human relationships at all!

Yesterday while driving home with my future mother in law and finance, my fiance decided to ask her mother a question. She asked her who she loved more, her other daughter's boyfriend, or me. Her mother ignored her, and my fiance laughed and told me I was the less loved son n law.

She knows that there is tension between her mother and I, because of our major differences in religious belief. Meanwhile, her mother has gone on about how much she loves the other guy.

Am I justified in wanting to strangle my fiance?

Well, I don't condone any sort of violence to solve problems, but that wasn't cool of her. Especially if she knows you and her mother don't get along to begin with. It seems like she's using the animosity to fuel some sort of weird independent streak from her mother. It's certainly doesn't seem to be because of you.

Even when my sister was dating the immature narcissist, my mom kept her mouth shut.

And my MIL loves me, probably because I'm the only woman her only child has ever brought home, and maybe she can't believe that he got me. She stalks my Twitter feed and her first comment (according to the hubs) was, "Wow, Anita's really smart!" and I'm like, "What does that say about you, hon, that she's so surprised by this?"

 

[Hobgoblin]

Well, I don't condone any sort of violence to solve problems, but that wasn't cool of her. Especially if she knows you and her mother don't get along to begin with. It seems like she's using the animosity to fuel some sort of weird independent streak from her mother. It's certainly doesn't seem to be because of you.

Even when my sister was dating the immature narcissist, my mom kept her mouth shut.

And my MIL loves me, probably because I'm the only woman her only child has ever brought home, and maybe she can't believe that he got me. She stalks my Twitter feed and her first comment (according to the hubs) was, "Wow, Anita's really smart!" and I'm like, "What does that say about you, hon, that she's so surprised by this?"

The weird thing is, she doesnt think that the animosity is all that serious. She insists that her mother loves me, and that if anything the animosity is coming from me. Never mind that her mother either ignores me or has some cute comment for me. My future wife is in many ways a very intelligent woman...and in other ways is a thoughtless child with no self control who only cares about a quick laugh.

 

[Anita18]

The weird thing is, she doesnt think that the animosity is all that serious. She insists that her mother loves me, and that if anything the animosity is coming from me. Never mind that her mother either ignores me or has some cute comment for me. My future wife is in many ways a very intelligent woman...and in other ways is a thoughtless child with no self control who only cares about a quick laugh.

Like my mom says, high IQ doesn't mean high EQ. She says she's more proud of our high EQ and caring about other people, than how accomplished we are. (Even though we were raised the High Expectation Asian Parent way. Not sure how my sister and I turned out so hippie...)

Everyone has a different idea of how a relationship between two people works. It doesn't matter who's right about you and your future MIL, but if what's happening really bothers you, your fiance should be the one to help you and support you, not make fun of you.

It's not ideal to start a marriage with some resentment. I mean, I'm sure it's absolutely possible, but why put yourself through the extra drama if you don't have to?

 

[Hobgoblin]

Like my mom says, high IQ doesn't mean high EQ. She says she's more proud of our high EQ and caring about other people, than how accomplished we are. (Even though we were raised the High Expectation Asian Parent way. Not sure how my sister and I turned out so hippie...)

Everyone has a different idea of how a relationship between two people works. It doesn't matter who's right about you and your future MIL, but if what's happening really bothers you, your fiance should be the one to help you and support you, not make fun of you.

It's not ideal to start a marriage with some resentment. I mean, I'm sure it's absolutely possible, but why put yourself through the extra drama if you don't have to?

I talked to my fiance about it and she is sorry. She just had a confused "Huh? That bothered you?" look when I told her about it. She just is the kind of person that lets it all hang out, where I'm more cautious.

 

[Erzengel]

I think it sounds like you've "accepted" that your MIL doesn't like you and probably will never like you.

It happens. All you can do is treat her with the respect that you wish she would bestow upon you. I know a couple where most people don't like the husband, including the in laws. But he's a good person, he just rubs people the wrong way with his comments.

However, it seems that your fiance has not come to that conclusion yet.

 

[SpideyVille]

That's A LOT of assumptions there dude. Don't make it all about your issues, but don't hide them either. You're a person with certain issues, just like everyone else, and just like her. The trick to relationships is finding someone whose issues are compatible with yours, so they can help you with your issues and you can help them with theirs.

There certainly doesn't need to be ruining of anyone's lives here. Otherwise nobody would have any human relationships at all!

Yeah, that was a bit extreme there, but since my relationship ended, I've tried to be more mindful of my own actions and issues. Like, it's one thing if I have trust issues because of what happened, but I've also become more aware about my anxiety and what part that has in my life and relationships.

In the past, I would only consider emotional issues and not letting that get in the way, but now that I'm more aware of my anxiety, I almost feel like I'm better off staying away from certain people because I don't think we would mix well. Like I know for a fact that I wouldn't work well with someone who is very social and outgoing and wants to go out every weekend. I've accepted that in that sense, it most likely won't work out because one of us would be forcing the other to change their lifestyle, and I've already seen how bad that can get.

So If I were interested in somebody, I would want to make sure first that they are completely understanding of those needs as well.

I think it sounds like you've "accepted" that your MIL doesn't like you and probably will never like you.

It happens. All you can do is treat her with the respect that you wish she would bestow upon you. I know a couple where most people don't like the husband, including the in laws. But he's a good person, he just rubs people the wrong way with his comments.

However, it seems that your fiance has not come to that conclusion yet.

This was pretty much me in my last relationship. Her mother hated me and assumed I hated her. Of course, I'm pretty sure I talked here about one of the last talks we had where we both realized that the disconnect between us was mostly caused by all of the lying that my ex was doing to both of us. But at the end of the day, she was always going to defend her daughter so I kinda had to accept that there was no winning with her.

 

[Erzengel]

So If I were interested in somebody, I would want to make sure first that they are completely understanding of those needs as well.

That's what dating is though, you're searching for compatibility. Which is why you I think already thinking about a relationship with a girl who seems interested before even getting to know her, is pretty premature.

 

[SpideyVille]

That's what dating is though, you're searching for compatibility. Which is why you I think already thinking about a relationship with a girl who seems interested before even getting to know her, is pretty premature.

Yeah, thinking she was romantically interested in me after a short exchange is definitely extreme and unwarranted. But at the same time, that exchange made me realize some suppressed feelings that I've been having. It's not so much me thinking about a relationship with her in general. It's more that this is really the first time I've spoken to anyone outside of co-workers. There was the relationship aspect to my thoughts, but even bigger, is the social aspect. I haven't made plans to do anything with anyone in the last 8 months because I just feel more comfortable being alone. And I can't fully blame this on my last relationship, because I started feeling this way while things were good with us. And after such a long break of keeping to myself, I almost feel like I don't even know how to interact with people anymore, outside of the work environment.

 

[Anita18]

I talked to my fiance about it and she is sorry. She just had a confused "Huh? That bothered you?" look when I told her about it. She just is the kind of person that lets it all hang out, where I'm more cautious.

It's good you talked about it with her. Just keep doing what you're doing - going out of your way to impress the in-laws is a lot of effort. It's far more important that you treat your future wife well, that you show that you respect her and care for her. Parents care about that MUCH more than anything else.

I don't think my husband was impressive to my parents at first, but he won them over just doing what he was doing. It was clear that being with him was good for me, that's all my family cared about.

Yeah, that was a bit extreme there, but since my relationship ended, I've tried to be more mindful of my own actions and issues. Like, it's one thing if I have trust issues because of what happened, but I've also become more aware about my anxiety and what part that has in my life and relationships.

In the past, I would only consider emotional issues and not letting that get in the way, but now that I'm more aware of my anxiety, I almost feel like I'm better off staying away from certain people because I don't think we would mix well. Like I know for a fact that I wouldn't work well with someone who is very social and outgoing and wants to go out every weekend. I've accepted that in that sense, it most likely won't work out because one of us would be forcing the other to change their lifestyle, and I've already seen how bad that can get.

So If I were interested in somebody, I would want to make sure first that they are completely understanding of those needs as well.

Those are all good points, especially about avoiding people who make your anxiety worse. The older you get, the better you get at it. But like Erz says, if you aren't sure, you should at least go out on ONE date with them first, before acting prematurely on assumptions about what they might be like.

 

[Hobgoblin]

It's good you talked about it with her. Just keep doing what you're doing - going out of your way to impress the in-laws is a lot of effort. It's far more important that you treat your future wife well, that you show that you respect her and care for her. Parents care about that MUCH more than anything else.

I don't think my husband was impressive to my parents at first, but he won them over just doing what he was doing. It was clear that being with him was good for me, that's all my family cared about.

I dont think I'll ever fully impress them. Her dad is a narcissist (in their opinion, well before I met him) and her mom made it clear to her that while she knows I love Kerri and treat her well, her mom still didnt approve of my lack of faith. Kerri shut her down right away and said to deal with it.

Ironically, her previous bf was religious to the core and treated her like dirt. I wonder how her mom thinks of that. The bible loving Christian was the worse partner than the atheist.

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

So here is the quick rundown, my best bud's wife has a hot friend. I had her ask said hot friend to a concert with me which she declined but she did say she is looking for a pokemon hunting partner. So I asked if I could add her to Bookface and we've been chatting a lot the past week or so. I think she is way out of my league and her last bf was some big buff macho meathead guy.

Karen (my friend's wife) pretty much implicitly stated we would just be friends which is cool with me if that's the case. My question is I'm sure Karen made mention that I dig her friend so if she wasn't interested in me then she would just not make plans with me right? I know there is no surefire way to know what a girl is thinking without asking but if we do get along well when we hang out what are things I should look for? She hits me back on Bookface really quick like 9 out of 10 times.

Follow up, my program friend Joanna is super attractive as well and the guy she was dating moved out of town. I've gotten to know her really well as of late and she's said a few things that make me wonder lately like we make a good team. I was talking to her about that other lady friend of mine and she was giving me some pointers but I kind of wonder if I'm just reading into things with her since we've gotten to become a lot closer as friends.

I have no idea what to do when it comes to "dating", all I've ever known were drunken one night stands. I def want to make sure I'm compatible and on the same level with any potential ladies. I do my best just to be myself but it's a bit nerve-racking when the ladies in question I find to be very attractive inside and out.

 

[Anita18]

So here is the quick rundown, my best bud's wife has a hot friend. I had her ask said hot friend to a concert with me which she declined but she did say she is looking for a pokemon hunting partner. So I asked if I could add her to Bookface and we've been chatting a lot the past week or so. I think she is way out of my league and her last bf was some big buff macho meathead guy.

Karen (my friend's wife) pretty much implicitly stated we would just be friends which is cool with me if that's the case. My question is I'm sure Karen made mention that I dig her friend so if she wasn't interested in me then she would just not make plans with me right? I know there is no surefire way to know what a girl is thinking without asking but if we do get along well when we hang out what are things I should look for? She hits me back on Bookface really quick like 9 out of 10 times.

Follow up, my program friend Joanna is super attractive as well and the guy she was dating moved out of town. I've gotten to know her really well as of late and she's said a few things that make me wonder lately like we make a good team. I was talking to her about that other lady friend of mine and she was giving me some pointers but I kind of wonder if I'm just reading into things with her since we've gotten to become a lot closer as friends.

I have no idea what to do when it comes to "dating", all I've ever known were drunken one night stands. I def want to make sure I'm compatible and on the same level with any potential ladies. I do my best just to be myself but it's a bit nerve-racking when the ladies in question I find to be very attractive inside and out.

Well, you can think of it this way - it's just best to be yourself and see how compatible you are, because even if the lady in question is super attractive, it won't help you at all if you resent each other when you're together.

 

[spiderman2]

So there's this girl at my job that lives by me. I've seen her a few times waiting for the train in the morning, but I never tried to speak to her. About a month ago, I had to start taking a daily training class at work, and noticed she was also in the class. Still, never spoke to her and she never spoke to me outside of class. But earlier today, she asked me where I live because she had finally recognized me. We chatted a bit before class in the morning, and then later in the day, she sent me an IM asking if I were going to some vendor event. I told her I hadn't even heard of it and had other plans, and she said she was just asking so that if I wanted to ride home together, we could since it would be late and we live closeby.

Now, normally I'd think if a girl asked said this, it was because she was trying to flirt. But for some reason, my first thought was not to get too excited because she was probably just trying to use me or something as a way to make sure she gets home safe. Realizing that that was my thought process, it showed me that while I'm completely over my ex, I still don't feel like I've fully healed. Granted, there's absolutely nothing that says that this girl is interested in a relationship or anything, but just the thought of being in the "getting to know" phase with someone really scares me. It's almost like, even if I'm interested in a girl, I back out when they're interested in me, which is why I've stopped putting myself out there altogether.

I thought the conversation was over at that point, but then she started IM'ing me again, asking about where I went to school and what I work on and stuff. Maybe she is interested, maybe she's not. But all I know is, as someone who used to be a diehard hopeless romantic, and couldn't wait to be in a relationship, in the past 8 months, as much as I have wished I could be with someone, there's a stronger part of me that doesn't want to be with anyone, and that really scares me.

Maybe she does like you but sounds like you are not ready for a relationship yet maybe and need more time to get out of your own head kind of thing. Now for me on the other hand I am scared on that getting to know phase because I have never been in a relationship at all. So I have no experience and it would be something new. Also I am shy and not great with trying to talk to people. Finaly because of lack of experience and also the fact that I managed to creep out a girl I like a while back hontsy me all the time. So because of shyness and lack of experinces and the fact I have creeped someone out because I liked them when they didn't like me has a result the though of even being in that getting to know someone phase I am terrified that I am some how going to creep the women and or scary her away or something. So I fell like I cant really be my self because it is just going to come of creepy some how and if the women ends up not felling the same way even more so am I going to come off creepy and akward to the women.

 

[warhorse78]

I got so much drama going around me right now. Usually, most of the time, I just shrug it off and let it go, but other people are now not only interfering with my relationship with my man, but also interfering with my job too, as well as others.

I work part time at a big grocery store chain. My bf and I work there, and it's how we met. It's nothing serious, it's just a casual relationship, we just got a bond going and try to keep the pillow talk between us. He works in grocery, I work in customer service. I'll try and make this simple as possible.

I have my team leader, lets call her M. Then there is my immediate manager, I call her K. M has had a similar relationship with one of the guys, we will call him D. It's casual, nothing serious. But then, crap hit the fan when he catches her hanging out with her ex. He then decided to make her jealous by taking out one of the younger girls, and in retaliation, she cuts that girl's hours. He finally had enough, and pretty much cut M off. In the end, he told upper management about the affair, and corporate had no choice but to relocate M to another store.

Now, I usually ignored the whole mess. I know M is a basketcase, but I try to be nice with everyone, and D is a lot of fun to be around. At the end of the night, my BF and I would buy beer, and hang out with most of the other grocery clerks and managers (all men, I tend to be the only chick at the hang out) and D has been hanging out with us too. One night, my while D was with us, we had no idea that M had been nearby to spy on him. To make matters even more stickier, after everyone had left, my BF and I went off to this jogging path and had some "fun" and she saw it. I didn't know about this until the next day when she asked me if I wanted to have a drink at the local bar. Here, is when she told me she saw us. She thought it was funny, but she kept on insisting on being invited to the next hang out. I told her it wasn't up to me, it's mostly the guys, and they really don't want the drama.

I asked my BF about inviting her, and he said no. Which I'm glad. Then a few weeks ago, my manager, K, who is good friends with M, outright, in front of everybody, accused me of sleeping with D, in front of my BF and everything. I told her there was nothing going on. Then she, a manager for crying out loud, says that people are talking about me being passed around between all of the guys. Again, I told her it's not true, but this is why the guys don't like the chicks hanging out, because of this drama.

Then, she tells me she thinks I should stop hanging out with the guys, and stop hanging with my BF, it's making me look like a tramp. Again, I told her it's none of their business who I hang out with. Last couple of weeks now, I noticed my hourse getting cut. Suspiciously, they got me working when my BF is not working, or vice versa. Like that is going to stop me from hanging out. Last Sunday, she was closing, and was shocked to see me and BF just hanging out, drinking beers in the parking lot. She was like, "what are you doing here?" to me. My BF then goes to her " I called her, told her to come out, is there a problem with that?" She was like no.

Then, this past Thursday, I have another good friend I will call V. She's always been nice to me, but I then find out that she, M, K and a few other girls got invited to a birthday party for someone else we knew, and I wasn't invited. I asked about it, and V did a 360 and tells me she don't hang out with home wreckers. I have no idea what she's talking about, but apparently M and K, who are managers for crying out loud, decided to tell all the chicks that I'm sleeping with the married men from grocery, when V herself knows that it's just my BF I'm sleeping with. I talked to him about it last night, and he knows I'm telling the truth, and that this is why he don't like chicks hanging out. If they don't have drama around them, then they will cause it. To make matters worse, my manager decided to cut my hours big time. I used to do 30 hours, then she had knocked it down to 23, now I'm only at 15, because M is accusing me of stuff that isn't true.

What the hell do I do? My BF says don't sweat it, that the guys got my back and to not worry, but I got chicks spreading rumors about me now that are not true, and it's really upsetting me that my one female friend there, V, believes them over me, when she herself has told me she don't trust them...... I don't get it, if you didn't like them or trust them, why go to a party with them that I'm not invited... But, I'm really PO's that my manager, for whatever reason, decides to cut my hours because she has a problem with who I hang out with.

 

[Erzengel]

How do the guys having your back going to fix you getting more hours? If your immediate supervisor is cutting your hours, either go over their head or get another job if this doesn't change.

 

[Anita18]

How do the guys having your back going to fix you getting more hours? If your immediate supervisor is cutting your hours, either go over their head or get another job if this doesn't change.

This.

warhorse78, have you noticed anyone else in the store getting your hours? If your manager really is cutting your hours because of who you hang with, you need another job. But IMO, someone doing that when they need someone working those hours is very unlikely. Whatever happens at a job that has to do with money....is 99.9% happening because of money.

If she's giving someone else your missing 15 hours (or 3 people starting from 30hrs/week 5 extra hours a week), that's probably gonna push those people either into overtime or full-time staff with full-time benefits. Those are propositions that lose them lots of money. Now, if your manager REALLY is that petty to lose lots of money for the store because she doesn't like who you hang with, she's insane and you need to go. But if she's docking you those hours and not staffing anyone else, they're short on funds to pay folks and it's a money issue. Which makes the most sense?

 

[warhorse78]

This.

warhorse78, have you noticed anyone else in the store getting your hours? If your manager really is cutting your hours because of who you hang with, you need another job. But IMO, someone doing that when they need someone working those hours is very unlikely. Whatever happens at a job that has to do with money....is 99.9% happening because of money.

If she's giving someone else your missing 15 hours (or 3 people starting from 30hrs/week 5 extra hours a week), that's probably gonna push those people either into overtime or full-time staff with full-time benefits. Those are propositions that lose them lots of money. Now, if your manager REALLY is that petty to lose lots of money for the store because she doesn't like who you hang with, she's insane and you need to go. But if she's docking you those hours and not staffing anyone else, they're short on funds to pay folks and it's a money issue. Which makes the most sense?

They just hired a bunch of new people. I am thinking of either bringing my concerns to my store manager, or maybe ask for a transfer to another store. My BF's brother is a manager at another nearby store, and he'd love to have me over there. But, my manager, K, would have to sign the papers to let me go, and I am invested heavily into a retirement plan there to just quit. I guess I'll first go to store management, then corporate, like D had to do with M to get her out of the current store.

But I find it so unprofessional for a manager to be doing this crap.

 

[Anita18]

They just hired a bunch of new people. I am thinking of either bringing my concerns to my store manager, or maybe ask for a transfer to another store. My BF's brother is a manager at another nearby store, and he'd love to have me over there. But, my manager, K, would have to sign the papers to let me go, and I am invested heavily into a retirement plan there to just quit. I guess I'll first go to store management, then corporate, like D had to do with M to get her out of the current store.

But I find it so unprofessional for a manager to be doing this crap.

If they just hired a bunch of new people and you've been there long enough to have a retirement plan, it says to me that they're trying to get rid of the more expensive folks by giving them less hours.

Have you noticed other people of your seniority getting less hours too? If you're going to go to corporate and get taken seriously, you need much more proof than "I think manager X doesn't like my friends."

And even then, I don't think "discrimination against friends" is a federally protected right to work. Unless you can prove it's something about race or sexual orientation, and you'll still need more proof for that.

Also, I quit my job and I kept my retirement plan from that. I still don't have a 403b/401k at my current job, but it isn't like I lost that money.

 

[warhorse78]

If they just hired a bunch of new people and you've been there long enough to have a retirement plan, it says to me that they're trying to get rid of the more expensive folks by giving them less hours.

Have you noticed other people of your seniority getting less hours too? If you're going to go to corporate and get taken seriously, you need much more proof than "I think manager X doesn't like my friends."

And even then, I don't think "discrimination against friends" is a federally protected right to work. Unless you can prove it's something about race or sexual orientation, and you'll still need more proof for that.

Also, I quit my job and I kept my retirement plan from that. I still don't have a 403b/401k at my current job, but it isn't like I lost that money.

That's the problem, I have talked to several other regulars, and their hours are just fine. And, like I said, I can get transfered to another store. And it has nothing to do with my friends, it's just K is very close to M, and M has painted this picture that I am sleeping with her X and she's comes across as jealous because he's now hanging with my circle and not hers. That's why I mentioned the story at how she started to cut the hours of the girl that was going out with his X, she did it in relatiation. Again, not very professional. I've also gone behind my managers back since she started to cut my hours and went to my BF's manager and he's been trying to give me hours under his department. But, he can do only so much because they are allowed to give only so many hours, but the fact he's willing to help and my own manager is ignoring me, speaks volumes. And it's why I don't know how to deal with this. How do I tell my store manager that I feel my manager is somehow cutting my hours because of some vendetta against me? I went to my assistant manager today, and mentioned that I think it's not right to cut my hours and give them to all of the new people, and she wasn't aware that had happened. She looked at the schedule, and she knows I am a good worker, but this week, she says her hands are tied because the schedule is already done. Now, if someone calls in sick, she says she will call me first, and she even asked what other stores I would be willing to work in as a temp and I gave her a list, so she's going to call them and see if they need some help.