The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - Part 30

[Erzengel]

Unfortunately, it's also a circumstance of dating in a workplace. That incestious, backstabbing, manipulative BS.

 

[Six]

I'm in the best shape I've ever been in my life, I've got a job that I love, I'm getting more attention from girls than I have ever gotten in the past, yet I'm still ****ing miserable because of one girl. I wish I wasn't such an idiot. I keep friend zoning the girls that actually care about me, why do I have to be such a terrible person

 

[Erzengel]

It happens, that you can get hooked on one person and take a while to get over her. However, if she's not giving you the time of day. You really shouldn't be keeping her around not until you are over her.

 

[Anita18]

Yeah, it's called being human. At least you acknowledge that it seems to be a losing proposition. Awareness is always the first step, although then you actually gotta do something about it. Life is too short to voluntarily torture yourself.

 

[Six]

All I want to do is get as far away from here as possible... But I just got a decent job so that's no longer possible. I'm moving in with a bunch of friends soon so if I lose my job I'll let them keep all my stuff and become a nomad... Never going to get attached to anything again.

 

[Six]

And of course as soon as I stop talking to her for a couple days she starts bugging me again. It's like clockwork. I want to give in so bad but I know it'll only keep repeating unless I stop giving in. I'm sick of being used.

 

[NotSoLongAgo]

And of course as soon as I stop talking to her for a couple days she starts bugging me again. It's like clockwork. I want to give in so bad but I know it'll only keep repeating unless I stop giving in. I'm sick of being used.

So stop giving in man. End the cycle, for your own good. Seems like you know you deserve better if you're sick of being used.

 

[Six]

Ok so I vented to my best friend and he basically told me he was done talking about her with me, to cut contact and never talk to her again and now not only am I angry at her but I'm angry at my best friend for saying these things about her even though they're true and I'm angry at myself for putting up with it for as long as I have... Plus my job is pissing me off so I'm just about ready to fight the first person that looks at me wrong

All I want to do is talk to her but I know it's not healthy but if she texts me again I don't know what I'm gonna do

EDIT: ok so I just talked to her on the phone and hearing her voice again makes me feel so much better. God damn it

 

[warhorse78]

I just witnessed something that crushed my heart. My friend and I were invited to this party at a bar. While there, there is this guy that she really likes, and I know for sure he knows because she's told me she finally confessed and he's taken her out to movies and whatnot. But tonight, we were all sitting down when he buys everyone shots, and when they came to the table, there weren't that many. She went to take one, and he was like, naw, and said the shot was for me. I didn't understand what was going on. Then he bought another round of shots, and again, did the same thing, and I could really see the hurt look on her face. I know this guy, known him for 4 years, and I have never seen him so disrespectful. I decided to let her have my shot.

Then, all of a sudden, another woman walks in, I've seen her a few times. She's a regular at the bar, and I know she works with this guy. He goes over to her and is all over like white on rice, even though she wants to have nothing to do with her. I then watched as he tries to get the attention of the bartender, then he comes to my friend, who is really cute (she looks like Britany Spears for crying out loud) and he asks her to get the attention of the bartender and to order a drink for the other woman, on his tab. She does, and just before the bartender walks away, I shout out to him, that since she's your friend and all, why don't you buy her a drink too? He turns around and tells her to her face, "you got money, buy your own damn drink!"

She literally was about to cry, and I have no idea what is wrong with this guy. I came over to her and told her to calm down, and ordered a shot and gave it to her. Apparently the bartender and the manager overheard it too, saying how when he's with his other male friends, he's been a jerk lately. Thank goodness, when we went to pay our bills, the manager let us go.

But why this guy all of a sudden do this to a girl he knows has a crush on him? He entertains her via text all week, taken her to movies and treats her like a princess, but when other people are around, he ignores her and has been treating her like crap. Now, I am going to add one more thing. She is White and this guy is a Black, and it seems that when he's around his bros or other Black women, is when he starts acting like a jerk to her. The only reason I can think of why he bought the shot for me, is because his cousin is my boyfriend...... But why would he do this? I even asked my BF about it, and he don't know either. Thinks he might be hanging around a bad group of people and just showing off in front of them, at her expense.

 

[Erzengel]

Maybe he's just an a'hole.

 

[NotSoLongAgo]

EDIT: ok so I just talked to her on the phone and hearing her voice again makes me feel so much better. God damn it

Well, the heart wants what it wants I guess. Hope you can break the cycle soon man. You'll be ok.

Maybe he's just an a'hole.

This sounds like the problem.

 

[Anita18]

Maybe he's just an a'hole.

This.

If he doesn't respect her, he doesn't deserve her time. Period. She shouldn't have to make excuses for him just to get some respect, which is like, the most basic thing one should get out of a relationship.

If he needs to figure out the whole race thing, he should do it alone. Not string someone else along.

 

[SpideyVille]

But why this guy all of a sudden do this to a girl he knows has a crush on him? He entertains her via text all week, taken her to movies and treats her like a princess, but when other people are around, he ignores her and has been treating her like crap. Now, I am going to add one more thing. She is White and this guy is a Black, and it seems that when he's around his bros or other Black women, is when he starts acting like a jerk to her. The only reason I can think of why he bought the shot for me, is because his cousin is my boyfriend...... But why would he do this? I even asked my BF about it, and he don't know either. Thinks he might be hanging around a bad group of people and just showing off in front of them, at her expense.

I don't want to say that this is THE issue, but it sound like it could be a factor.

But to be honest, race issue aside, I've seen and heard about this case many times, where a guy will have no problem going out with a girl and acting like they are a couple in private, but once he's around people he knows, he acts like nothing ever happened between them. So what it seems like is that he is concerned about his reputation more than anything else.

The other issue of course, and I hate to get into gender stereotypes, but he could have just been playing her for a bit, and now that he knows that he can get her, he wants nothing to do with her. I mean, if he was hitting on other girls right in front of her, it shows that he has no shame and respect for her. Either way, your friend would be much better off leaving this guy behind. Last thing she needs to is to put up with that, and then eventually hook up with him like nothing is wrong.

 

[Dark Raven]

Is it a bad idea to try to date your teacher? Not a school teacher obviously (since I'm not in school), but a private teacher, like a music teacher. Or to even flirt with her?

 

[Anita18]

Is it a bad idea to try to date your teacher? Not a school teacher obviously (since I'm not in school), but a private teacher, like a music teacher. Or to even flirt with her?

If you're both consenting adults and it's a private teacher (i.e. she couldn't play favorites in a class), I don't see why it's bad. It's a hobby, and it's not like she controls your future or gives you grades.

 

[Dark Raven]

If you're both consenting adults and it's a private teacher (i.e. she couldn't play favorites in a class), I don't see why it's bad. It's a hobby, and it's not like she controls your future or gives you grades.

That's true. But it is a professional relationship and I'm never sure how much to step over the boundaries there. Some people wouldn't like you to flirt with them or get too friendly or invite them out but would prefer to maintain that working relationship. She could decide she doesn't want to teach me if she didn't welcome the attention.

 

[Anita18]

That's true. But it is a professional relationship and I'm never sure how much to step over the boundaries there. Some people wouldn't like you to flirt with them or get too friendly or invite them out but would prefer to maintain that working relationship. She could decide she doesn't want to teach me if she didn't welcome the attention.

That's kind of the danger there, yeah. But it's no different from asking a coworker out on a date. You have to gauge the pros and cons if things go right or wrong.

 

[uchiha_itachi]

Dating in a work place kinda sucks haha especially in a bar. Me and this girl had a bit of a thing, I told someone ( a dude ) one night because...well very long story short she went AWOL one night and I was worried. turned out fine. Then she changed her mind about us or something.

flash forward some months, I'm talking to the same dude and say it was a shame how me and this girl didn't work out and he casually drops "yeah she did the same to me". This happened some time after me and her ended and I'm just there thinking...wow, so you knew I was way into her from our convo's before and then you casually drop you got with her AND pursued a relationship? what a lovely "friend". I still see him crushing hard on her at work too.

I honestly don't know whether I can be mad at that or not. Maybe I'm just a loyal person, but I wouldn't touch a mates ex regardless of whether it was quick thing or not. I'm not too bothered about the girl because tbh she's not even going to live in this country after two years anyway so it wouldn't of worked anyway but still.

 

[the last son]

Sounds like you two just had some fun and not a relationship. At least how your friend saw it. Or he's not as good a friend. Plus sounds like she dates around. Just chalk this up as moving on to someone better. I wouldn't think about it. She's knows you're into her. Ignore her and work there long enough she'll be back when she's bored. But yes this is the sort of drama you sign up for dating coworkers.

 

[warhorse78]

I don't want to say that this is THE issue, but it sound like it could be a factor.

But to be honest, race issue aside, I've seen and heard about this case many times, where a guy will have no problem going out with a girl and acting like they are a couple in private, but once he's around people he knows, he acts like nothing ever happened between them. So what it seems like is that he is concerned about his reputation more than anything else.

The other issue of course, and I hate to get into gender stereotypes, but he could have just been playing her for a bit, and now that he knows that he can get her, he wants nothing to do with her. I mean, if he was hitting on other girls right in front of her, it shows that he has no shame and respect for her. Either way, your friend would be much better off leaving this guy behind. Last thing she needs to is to put up with that, and then eventually hook up with him like nothing is wrong.

Either way, I've been hanging out alot with him lately, to see whats up, and there is something not right with him. He's been hanging out with these friends with his now every chance he gets. They are going to the strip clubs every night, he's been banging every chick he can get, and then what really got me sad, was one night he was talking about some video on the internet about some guy who was being smacked by a woman on the subway, and he finally smacked her so hard in the face, she fell back. Yeah, I agree, the woman never should have put her hands on the guy, but my bf cousin was laughing and seemed almost overjoyed at seeing a guy hit a woman..... It's concerning me. The strip clubs, exploitation of women, getting off at women being hit by men...... This guy used to be one of the sweetest, most caring men I have ever met. I don't know how many times in the past he would bend over backwards to help me or anyone else out. But lately, all he wants to do is hang out with these dogs he calls friends. They are no good, they have been kicked out of the local bars on many occasions for being disrespectful towards women, and it's so heartbreaking to see this guy turning into one of them. My BF isn't too happy either, to see his cousin acting like this. His cousin is 28, and still lives with his mom, and he's supposed to be going to college, but we havent heard too much about that. My BF wants to tell his aunt what her son has been doing and who he's hanging out with, but I told him dont, because if she kicks him out, more than likely he'll just move in with one of his dog friends, and that would push him away even further.

This just sucks!

 

[Anita18]

Either way, I've been hanging out alot with him lately, to see whats up, and there is something not right with him. He's been hanging out with these friends with his now every chance he gets. They are going to the strip clubs every night, he's been banging every chick he can get, and then what really got me sad, was one night he was talking about some video on the internet about some guy who was being smacked by a woman on the subway, and he finally smacked her so hard in the face, she fell back. Yeah, I agree, the woman never should have put her hands on the guy, but my bf cousin was laughing and seemed almost overjoyed at seeing a guy hit a woman..... It's concerning me. The strip clubs, exploitation of women, getting off at women being hit by men...... This guy used to be one of the sweetest, most caring men I have ever met. I don't know how many times in the past he would bend over backwards to help me or anyone else out. But lately, all he wants to do is hang out with these dogs he calls friends. They are no good, they have been kicked out of the local bars on many occasions for being disrespectful towards women, and it's so heartbreaking to see this guy turning into one of them. My BF isn't too happy either, to see his cousin acting like this. His cousin is 28, and still lives with his mom, and he's supposed to be going to college, but we havent heard too much about that. My BF wants to tell his aunt what her son has been doing and who he's hanging out with, but I told him dont, because if she kicks him out, more than likely he'll just move in with one of his dog friends, and that would push him away even further.

This just sucks!

It does suck, but the only way he'll turn himself around is to do it himself. He needs to learn that this current life isn't all it's cracked up to be, and that turning on the hustle for school or work is the only way to make his life better. HE has to learn that. Nobody can get it into his head, only he can. If that means hitting rock bottom so he can take stock of what he's doing, then that's what it'll take.

But yeah, it sucks. But what can you do. Just don't enable him, that's all anyone can do.

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

Is there a way to see if there is something more than friends with a girl I like without making it awkward afterwards if she doesn't feel the same way? We talk on a fairly regular basis and we click really well as people. Maybe I'm reading signs that aren't there but I do kind of get the vibe that she could dig me.

Problem is she is about to finish up college and will hopefully be heading off to law school and I've got a good thing going with my job now. I've been told by a mutual friend that she's looking for another lawyer or business professional type of person and that's not really me. I'm just not sure if I should even bother since it doesn't seem like things are aligning in our favor if it even was the case.

 

[warhorse78]

It does suck, but the only way he'll turn himself around is to do it himself. He needs to learn that this current life isn't all it's cracked up to be, and that turning on the hustle for school or work is the only way to make his life better. HE has to learn that. Nobody can get it into his head, only he can. If that means hitting rock bottom so he can take stock of what he's doing, then that's what it'll take.

But yeah, it sucks. But what can you do. Just don't enable him, that's all anyone can do.

Yeah, I know. One of our other friends was a prior drug addict, and he's noticing the change in our buddy too, but he said the same thing, he's probably going to have to hit rock bottom before he sees the errors in his ways.

But, only thing I'm worried about though, what if rock bottom is death?

 

[warhorse78]

Is there a way to see if there is something more than friends with a girl I like without making it awkward afterwards if she doesn't feel the same way? We talk on a fairly regular basis and we click really well as people. Maybe I'm reading signs that aren't there but I do kind of get the vibe that she could dig me.

Problem is she is about to finish up college and will hopefully be heading off to law school and I've got a good thing going with my job now. I've been told by a mutual friend that she's looking for another lawyer or business professional type of person and that's not really me. I'm just not sure if I should even bother since it doesn't seem like things are aligning in our favor if it even was the case.

I'm just gonna say, from my experience, I'd at least give it a shot. If I ever had listen to my friends, co-workers or family about the guy I'm seeing now, I wouldn't have had the awesome friendship I have now. We're different races, cultures and complete backgrounds. We do have similar fields though, he's going to school for software programming while I'm already in my field for 17 years as an electromechanical inspector. But we both met as part timers at a grocery store. I'd figure this thing would just be some fun for about 6 months, and then we would go our seperated ways, but so far, we've grew a pretty special bond. I don't know what the future holds, but at least I can look back and say I tried and got some good experiences and life lessons through it...

 

[DJ_KiDDvIcIOUs]

Yeah, I know. One of our other friends was a prior drug addict, and he's noticing the change in our buddy too, but he said the same thing, he's probably going to have to hit rock bottom before he sees the errors in his ways.

But, only thing I'm worried about though, what if rock bottom is death?

As an alcoholic myself I can tell you first hand that until I came to the conclusion and made the decision for myself to get sober nothing anyone told me really held any stock. Like Anita said, don't enable and I'll add don't be afraid to be brutally honest on exactly how his behavior has a negative impact on you and others. Those two things from enough people can help the realization come along quicker but everyone does it on their own time.