The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - Part 31

Well, we aren’t animals. We can show self control.
My brain always trumps my hormones when it comes to physical attraction. To live otherwise is a recipe for disaster.
 
Okay, so I somehow went down a rabbit hole of reading old posts on these forums again (can't even remember what started it 😅).

Wow... Reading through my old posts in the relationship thread was a wild ride!

Anyway, I thought id post an update on where I'm at, because for most of the time I frequented these forums, my love life (and life in general) was a mess... but im happy to report, life has changed enormously for me!

For years I posted here about my terrible relationship dalliances. Then the last I can see, I was posting in 2014 about the guy who moved in with me in my tiny bedsit after not long together. It was an overwhelming time, with lots of early issues to navigate, and this forum helped a lot (big thank you to anyone still here!)

Well... we are still together 😅 we are engaged in fact! And life has been such an upwards trajectory for us both since we met.

About 2 years into our relationship, I finally recognised I had a drink problem that wasn't going away on its own, and I got help to get sober. Honestly, I don't think that would have happened without him. He was so supportive and was just there for me consistently while I went through the hardest parts of my recovery.

I was just reading an old post in which I said 'hopefully we can support each other and grow together' and that's 100% what happened. We both found our way into different professions we love. He worked his way up in maintenance jobs and is now a maintenance manager in a nice hotel. After 5 long years of training, i'm now a therapist (making some of my old advice in these threads even more hilarious 😅). Perhaps more importantly, we've grown a strong relationship, with good communication, respect and emotional maturity.

Anyway, there was a long time back there in the early 2010s where I thought I would be a single hot mess forever. I'd kind of made my peace with that, in a sad and self defeated way... so I guess my message to anyone feeling the same is - you never know when life might surprise you!
 
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I can kind of relate to a bunch of that. For example, there's something wrong with the fan/light and I think the receiver for the remote is busted. I can buy a replacement and fix it. My wife's first reaction is we need to buy a new one. I have fixed stuff around the house that normally my wife's specifically her family would call and have someone come over. I've changed my fair share of tires, filters, batterie etc. where her family calls AAA. And it's not always because her family was too good for it, her father had a messed up back and didn't have the best of a father who taught him how to do things. My father taught me a bunch of stuff but I'm not a mechanic/contractor but I can teach myself to do things that I feel are basic. But, now that I'm older, yeah I don't want take either of our cars, put tire ramps under both of them, bring some sort of container, take out the oil plug, drain the oil, replace the oil filter, put in 4 bottles of new oil, take off ramp, dispose of oil. He's right about time vs money trade off.
 
Erzengel said:
I can kind of relate to a bunch of that. For example, there's something wrong with the fan/light and I think the receiver for the remote is busted. I can buy a replacement and fix it. My wife's first reaction is we need to buy a new one. I have fixed stuff around the house that normally my wife's specifically her family would call and have someone come over. I've changed my fair share of tires, filters, batterie etc. where her family calls AAA. And it's not always because her family was too good for it, her father had a messed up back and didn't have the best of a father who taught him how to do things. My father taught me a bunch of stuff but I'm not a mechanic/contractor but I can teach myself to do things that I feel are basic. But, now that I'm older, yeah I don't want take either of our cars, put tire ramps under both of them, bring some sort of container, take out the oil plug, drain the oil, replace the oil filter, put in 4 bottles of new oil, take off ramp, dispose of oil. He's right about time vs money trade off.
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My cheapness knows no bounds. I still service all our cars myself. I still mow my own lawn. I still do all of our home improvement projects myself. And I’m on the cusp of turning 50. But I live by my dad’s words of wisdom: “you’ve got two hands just like the guy you would pay to do the work. So do it yourself. Now if you find a man who has three hands, maybe then you could pay him. But until you find a three handed man, get off your lazy behind and do it yourself.”

Dad used to say that to me. So I still do it.
 
Babillygunn said:
My cheapness knows no bounds. I still service all our cars myself. I still mow my own lawn. I still do all of our home improvement projects myself. And I’m on the cusp of turning 50. But I live by my dad’s words of wisdom: “you’ve got two hands just like the guy you would pay to do the work. So do it yourself. Now if you find a man who has three hands, maybe then you could pay him. But until you find a three handed man, get off your lazy behind and do it yourself.”

Dad used to say that to me. So I still do it.
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But did you teach your kid so they can take over when you want a break? :o
 
Lily Adler said:
But did you teach your kid so they can take over when you want a break? :o
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I confess: I’m too much of a control freak to allow either of my boys to do much of the work. My youngest may mow the back yard because it’s not what I see everyday. But I really am too particular.
 
My dad used to complain that I don’t know how to change the oil in my car. I finally told him to teach me and he refused to do it.
 
Babillygunn said:
My cheapness knows no bounds.
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I need that on a t-shirt.

Don't know why, but a man who can fix things... hits on a different level.

Both my father and brother are handy dudes. It's no only that you don't have to pay someone else to help you fix things but it's the time! You save so much time.
 
MissMarvelous said:
Both my father and brother are handy dudes. It's no only that you don't have to pay someone else to help you fix things but it's the time! You save so much time
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I wish. It takes me forever to finish projects. I’m too much of a perfectionist
 
Babillygunn said:
I confess: I’m too much of a control freak to allow either of my boys to do much of the work. My youngest may mow the back yard because it’s not what I see everyday. But I really am too particular.
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Geeky interests and a great sense of humor but doesn't necessarily mean they have to be funny.
 
Confidence without arrogance is such a beautiful trait.
Smiling is also important. Not smiling is a dealbreaker for me.
Finally, it may seem superficial, but it’s important to me that the person dress well and have their own style.


These, along with shared values, really were what made me fall in love with my wife. I mean, she’s gorgeous, but I had dated very pretty people before. But she was totally different.
I wasn’t particularly interested in going out with her at first. I had known some of her ex boyfriends and she knew my ex girlfriends and that was a turnoff. She also was a 4.0 student, was class vice president, and lettered varsity in two sports. Personally, I played sports and wasted potential at everything I did.
She was so ambitious and so high achieving that I assumed that she was arrogant. I, like most boys, found her intriguing because she was very pretty and she also had a very confident style. She always accessorized her outfits. She would pair sundresses with a scarf or with a baseball cap or even sometimes with cotton or satin gloves. Everything about her screamed confidence and style. And I wrongly assumed that would translate to arrogance.
But we eventually by happenstance were seated next to one another in an English class in high school. I started to notice that she smiled a lot. I also noticed the kindness that she showed to one of the guys in our class who a lot of other people picked on.
As it turned out, we both had breakups right before prom. So I asked her to go with me. She was hesitant because she had made assumptions about me that made her apprehensive. It didn’t help that because I dated a lot, I didn’t have the best of reputations, even though I felt that was unfair. She eventually said “take me out Friday night. This is your chance to show me who you are.” I was kind of stunned by that response. But it really excited me because no one had ever said anything like that to me before. I had never met anyone so sure of themselves. But it didn’t come across as her being full of herself, she just seemed content, like she didn’t need a guy to make her feel any way about herself.
I took her out to dinner. We started talking and found that it was very easy to be vulnerable to one another. Apparently we both assumed that the other would have been arrogant because of our accomplishments and because of how others saw us. But we quickly saw otherwise. I remember she called me the next day to thank me for the date and said that we had the most refreshing conversation that she’d ever had with a boy. We started hanging out a lot together and became close friends very quickly.
We hit rough patches on and off through college. Part of the challenge was that we never really set any guardrails of exclusivity. I went out with a couple of other girls and she went out with a couple of other guys, while we were dating each other in college. I went to grad school in another state and we got engaged the Thanksgiving weekend of the first year that I was away. That was really the first time that we were exclusive and that was only after she heard that I went out with one of my classmates for ice cream one night and she found out that it was a girl. My wife shared that this made her a bit jealous. So I agreed that I wouldn’t see anyone else and neither would she. This was a big relief to me. To this day, I’m not sure if I think that dating other people in college was a great idea that really helped us, or a terrible idea that caused a lot of friction.

But regardless, as evinced by almost 25 years of marriage, the rest is history.
 
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I once got a girl giggling with the whole “got your nose” thing that you do with kids. She said “give it back” and I said “not till you give me your number.”

It worked.
 
Babillygunn said:
I once got a girl giggling with the whole “got your nose” thing that you do with kids. She said “give it back” and I said “not till you give me your number.”

It worked.
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hahaha niiiice!

Sometimes the simplest jokes work wonders.
 
Ok, so I changed jobs earlier this year and was let go from my second one. I’ve been working at a new one and the pay isn’t what I was lead to believe. I need to leave this job for a better paying one and likely a second job. I’ve applied to other places but they haven’t gotten back to me.

A roommate might be helpful but I’m conflicted about that. My trust issues have not improved. I’ve always been a loner but I have to admit that I’ve gotten lonely. No one has visited my apartment socially except for my dad after I fell and hurt myself in January. Doing nothing but reading, watching tv and being online isn’t cutting it anymore.

That’s the crux of my problem: needing help to keep myself going. I only have my dad and brother in my life and dad is 83 years old. He’s healthy but won’t be around forever.

Some coworkers have flirted with me but they trigger my alarms badly. One of them is married but separated from her husband, who is a drug dealer in Chicago. She says he still wants to be with her. Big pass on that one.

The others are just troubled and immature. So I guess I’m asking for advice…and complaining.
 
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