The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - Part 31

[theastsunnn]

Yeah. This is a hard one to weigh in on. I’d like to know the girlfriend’s perspective on it. It’s also important to know, how did you react to feeling inconvenienced from someone wanting to take a 3 day vacation with you rather than a 2 day vacation? Did you calmly try to talk with her beforehand? Or did you act irritated the entire time? Or did you blow up at her?

I have a hard time seeing this being a healthy long term relationship with (admittedly) what very little information that we are getting here.

It’s just she knows I don’t like to vacation and then to say in a month we’re renting a rv and driving 8 hours to go somewhere and I’ll be doing all the driving was a lot to prepare for knowing this upcoming weekend I have to spend one day driving to see her mother and the next going to a reunion I was frustrated about my time. I didn’t blow up though I just said I can’t do three days because I would like one to myself to rest before work. I am committed to making this work, so will do something else to make up to her.

 

[Erzengel]

Wait this is a family reunion? With respect, personally, that's not a vacation. LOL.

 

[theastsunnn]

Wait this is a family reunion? With respect, personally, that's not a vacation. LOL.

This was me saying I try to make up in other ways to say I’m not selfish.
, just don’t like vacationing which was going to be later this year, but this Friday I’m driving to pick up her mom hours away and then sat doing her reunion

 

[Babillygunn]

This was me saying I try to make up in other ways to say I’m not selfish.
, just don’t like vacationing which was going to be later this year, but this Friday I’m driving to pick up her mom hours away and then sat doing her reunion

I hate to break it to you, but this statement:

why should I have to use my time? I thought I was making enough sacrifice going although I’ve made it clear I don’t like to vacation. She said 3 days I said 2 and thought I was meeting in middle.

Is selfish. You just did one selfless act to try to outweigh a selfish one. That’s not necessarily bad. But a compromise only works if both people agree to it.

That’s why I said that it would be good if we knew her perspective. Maybe this trip was really important to her. And maybe it was really important to her that you share in it. If that is the case, then not being willing to take a day off work is selfish.

It sounds like if you guys want to stay together you all need to communicate better. You can’t just say “I want this” or “I don’t want that” and expect her to put everything she wants on hold and comply. That’s not a give and take. And if you do tell her your preferences and she doesn’t listen, or she completely disregards your feelings 100% of the time and doesn’t acknowledge your concerns, then that isn’t healthy either.

Again, if something is really important to your partner, and it means taking one day off work to do it, you normally do it. You may suggest that she do something in return, but you don’t expect or demand it. You both agree to terms and then don’t get mad or pout that you made concessions.

 

[theastsunnn]

Maybe it’s the influence I get off of here, but considering moving on. Then you all will be happy once I’m alone again

 

[Erzengel]

Maybe it’s the influence I get off of here, but considering moving on. Then you all will be happy once I’m alone again

I'll say this, if you're happy and she's happy, who cares what strangers say on the internet.

However, you don't sound happy. In the 5-6 pages you've posted here, I don't think you said one thing you are happy about. The only 2 things that I'm sure about you actually enjoy doing, is working out and your alone time. If that is what makes you happy, and you can find someone who's okay/happy/supportive of that, then you shouldn't have anything to complain about.

 

[theastsunnn]

I'll say this, if you're happy and she's happy, who cares what strangers say on the internet.

However, you don't sound happy. In the 5-6 pages you've posted here, I don't think you said one thing you are happy about. The only 2 things that I'm sure about you actually enjoy doing, is working out and your alone time. If that is what makes you happy, and you can find someone who's okay/happy/supportive of that, then you shouldn't have anything to complain about.

I’m never going to be happy with anyone, but i want a family one day, so have to have a partner

 

[Babillygunn]

You come on and complain about your partner time and again on this board and when people give advice such as talk to your partner or try to reach compromises, you shut down the conversation with “I’ll just end it, then you all will be happy when I’m alone?”

Dude, if you are trying to emotionally manipulate strangers on a comic book forum, I can’t imagine what you do in a relationship.

Listen, I’m sure that you have a lot going for you. And from what you’ve posted in the past, it sounds like you come from a hard place and that you’ve overcome a lot of obstacles and challenges in life. That’s a lot to celebrate. Be thankful of where you are right now and how far you’ve come.

But we are all works in progress, so I would hope that you would take the advice that folks on this board have tried to offer in the sincere spirit that it has been intended. We don’t have the full story and we can only go by observations from what you’ve said. But you complain a lot and seem to get bothered by a lot of little things, especially when it comes to your relationship. But There isn’t a relationship in the world where that won’t happen. But it is all about whether you are going to be willing to put inconveniences aside and focus on the positives of your partner that really is where the key to health lies.
You want a family? Well, I hate to break it to you, but kids create the ultimate inconveniences. There is no time for you. I mean it when I say, fatherhood equals absolutely no “me time.” Kids don’t always take your advice. And if you push them to do things that they don’t want, they will rebel. It’s a hard job. And if you aren’t willing to give up a day on your weekend, then you’re going to be in a tough spot.

This doesn’t mean you should retreat to a “woe is me, I shouldn’t be a father or have a family” attitude. It’s just a shot of reality. Get healthy. Have healthy relationships. Don’t wallow in self pity. Find joy in your friends, your partner. Start writing down things that you are thankful for to start each day. These things will transform you. Then the relationship will improve. And the family will hopefully come eventually.

 

[Erzengel]

I’m never going to be happy with anyone, but i want a family one day, so have to have a partner.

You don't think that's a red flag? If your gf ever came to this site, do you think she'd be okay with everything you wrote?

 

[theastsunnn]

You don't think that's a red flag? If your gf ever came to this site, do you think she'd be okay with everything you wrote?

No but these are my personal thoughts. The truth in my soul. If you dig deep into most peoples soul there truth would be ugly

 

[theastsunnn]

I’m just confused right now

 

[Erzengel]

No but these are my personal thoughts. The truth in my soul. If you dig deep into most peoples soul there truth would be ugly

It'd be naive to say that wasn't true. I'm sure there are tons of people that are in loveless relationships which is why divorce is so high. You said you loved her a few posts ago and you do like her. I'm sure a lot of people if they read that their SO said someething like that, wrote that would be hurt. I'm sure you'd be hurt if you saw a text from her to one of her friends/family saying something along those lines. I feel like year is enough time to gauge if someone makes you happy or not. Unless you are just "gloom and doom" about all relationships, and figure that one day she won't make you happy.

 

[MissMarvelous]

This is yet another of my many questions for alll: what's your green flag? Personally and someone's.

 

[Erzengel]

Laughing at my jokes.

 

[Babillygunn]

I’ve been thinking about this question. It’s a good one. I’d say:

-disagreeing well and not always having to win arguments or convince each other that one is right or wrong
-feeling comfortable acting goofy with each another
-with my wife, things that might annoy me if others do them are simply “quirks” that I find charming about her
-if she feels comfortable and confident enough to have her own interests and friends and is comfortable enough for me to have the same
-can we co-exist while working on a project together
-relatedly, can we be quick to forgive and laugh about an argument if the other person is sincerely sorry and remorseful
-do we share the same core values

 

[Lily Adler]

 

[Erzengel]

WTF!? I literally just watched that video 15 seconds ago.

 

[MissMarvelous]

I’ve been thinking about this question. It’s a good one

Thank you

Do you worknwith your wife?

 

[Babillygunn]

Thank you

Do you worknwith your wife?

Not professionally. But we work together a lot on house projects. We have painted, laid flooring, laid tile…we do lots of projects together.

 

[Lily Adler]

 

[Hobgoblin]

This is yet another of my many questions for alll: what's your green flag? Personally and someone's.

Feeling genuine trust and similarity of beliefs.

 

[Hobgoblin]

Need to rant:

Can someone tell me why we can know that someone is completely wrong for you and still be deeply attracted to them? Every ounce of common sense tells you to stay away but damn if that physical attraction isn’t intoxicating.

My coworker has nothing in common with me: she is loud, has a short temper and I have no idea what we would talk about. Still, there’s no denying she’s cute, flirty, has a great chest and probably is fire in bed. That’s the word that best describes her, firey. That’s the problem, I have no intention of getting burned.

Common sense will win…but this really sucks. Shouldn’t I be repulsed by how different we are? Why the Hell am I so attracted to her despite it all?

 

[MissMarvelous]

Need to rant:

Can someone tell me why we can know that someone is completely wrong for you and still be deeply attracted to them? Every ounce of common sense tells you to stay away but damn if that physical attraction isn’t intoxicating.

My coworker has nothing in common with me: she is loud, has a short temper and I have no idea what we would talk about. Still, there’s no denying she’s cute, flirty, has a great chest and probably is fire in bed. That’s the word that best describes her, firey. That’s the problem, I have no intention of getting burned.

Common sense will win…but this really sucks. Shouldn’t I be repulsed by how different we are? Why the Hell am I so attracted to her despite it all?

Maybe it's because opposites attracts.

sometimes it's just as simply as that. Sometimes it's not.

 

[Erzengel]

Attraction =/= compatibility.

 

[Hobgoblin]

If only common sense would cancel out physical attraction. Well, if that were the case, half of us probably wouldn’t be here.