A New "Official" Relationship Advice Thread

[LOBO3315a]

I guess I was referring to cheating. The stranger thing can be a good sometimes but it can be risky.

Cheating? How do you cheat at sex when you are single? Take a Viagra and get a 4 hr *****? Only married people ca do what most people call cheating. Having sex with someone without their partner's knowledge. I never condone doing that. But if I'm single and a married woman wants to play, I'm not gonna argue.

And as far as risk goes, what's life without risk? Pretty boring. A little risk can be a good thing. In fact I need some risk in my life.

 

[bullets]

Cheating? How do you cheat at sex when you are single? Take a Viagra and get a 4 hr *****? Only married people ca do what most people call cheating. Having sex with someone without their partner's knowledge. I never condone doing that. But if I'm single and a married woman wants to play, I'm not gonna argue.

And as far as risk goes, what's life without risk? Pretty boring. A little risk can be a good thing. In fact I need some risk in my life.

I heard Viagra can be bad for you if you don't need it? Sounds you got a plan though t:

I've taken plenty of risks over the years . I'm just at the point now where I want a 'wifey'. I've been avoiding the dating scene for a few months though. I tried to patch things up with an ex and she didn't respond , so I've kind of shutdown and lost confidence.

 

[twylight]

I've taken plenty of risks over the years . I'm just at the point now where I want a 'wifey'. I've been avoiding the dating scene for a few months though. I tried to patch things up with an ex and she didn't respond , so I've kind of shutdown and lost confidence.

Never go back to ex's. Not for anything serious anyway

I have a friend who's doing something similar and I'm so afraid of the shutdown that will happen if it doesn't work out.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

So it's not a romantic relationship, but rather a familial relationship.

It appears as though my brother has kicked me out of his life (again).

See, there's a little bit of a backstory. I don't know if anyone remembers the thread I made a few years ago about a few of flying, but basically, yea, I have a pretty have case of anxiety in regards to flying. It got so bad that the last time I was supposed to get on a plane to go home to visit my family and friends, I had anxiety and panic attacks so bad that I ended up cancelling my flight and not going.

Well, 3 years later, and I have a flight booked this weekend to go home to visit my family and friends. My anxiety is still there, but I'm doing much better, although that's not really the point at this time.

After a frustrating day, and already not really liking my current location, I made a post on my Facebook stating "Any anxiety I had about getting on a flight this week have been totally killed by the reminder that I am currently in <insert my city here>. I may never come back."

Shortly following, I receive a reply on my Facebook from my brother "If you hate it so much, then don't", followed almost immediately by a string of text messages telling me that I am insulting, he is "disconnecting emotionally" from me, I can call or text back, he doesn't care. I'm selfish, inconsiderate, I don't care about other people, I am not passionate about anything, and that is why all of my relationships fail.

I said some things in return (not everything I truly wanted to, even though this isn't the first time this has happened, I was hesitant to say something that can't be taken back), but basically, that's it. Because I made a comment about not liking the current place that I live in, he's essentially decided to disown me, while taking a parting shot at my lack of romantic relationships. Which is rather funny that he's taking a personal shot at my history of romantic relationships (or lack thereof) considering he never had a long term relationship until he knocked up his wife (pre-marital pregnancy, coming from an uber hardcore Christian who is incredibly judgmental towards anyone who doesn't share his values and outlook on life - one of the issues I take with my brother, his blatant hypocrisy), and even she has told me in privacy that she fully intends to divorce my brother when the kids are grown up and out of the house. Dude's history of "intimate relationships" (in quotes, because that's the exact term he used towards me) is basically screwing a bunch of girls with no real meaning or attachment behind it. So apparently now he's passing judgment on my status as a virgin, and my lack of meaningful romantic relationships. Anyways...

Yea, I guess it's not so much a post for advice. As much as I'd love to send him a message and absolutely lay into him, considering that it's been a few days, I feel like it would come off as kind of a "desperate" lashout for me to go off on him at this point. But considering this isn't the first time he's done it, I think I'm to a point that if he does try to come around again, I won't accept him back into my life. I'm not denying that he's done good things for me and helped me out the past few years, but overall, he's been a negative presence in my life, always harping on my flaws and mistakes, and constantly focusing on that, and condemning me and judging me because of them (he does this with pretty much everyone in his life). His wife has even admitted to me that he's tried to control me, telling me "He wants you to be the man he wants you do be". I'm not saying I'm perfect, and that I haven't done things wrong by him, but I'm sick of his constant condemning behavior towards anyone and everyone for every little flaw of their character. I will miss seeing my nephews though. Coaching their little league teams has become a rather big part of my life, in addition to just being a part of their lives in general, of course. But the fact is, I'm doing too much with my life to deal with his constant drama.

 

[bullets]

Never go back to ex's. Not for anything serious anyway

I have a friend who's doing something similar and I'm so afraid of the shutdown that will happen if it doesn't work out.

Sounds like your friend is heading for trouble. I realized a lot of mistakes and was convinced I could go back into it being a better person. I guess she'll never see that but , yeah it's something I've had to let go.


Now most of my exes are married. I guess that well is drying up, lol. I really want to find someone but afraid of adding another failed relationship to the resume.

 

[venom892]

I've noticed fear is something that holds a lot of people back. I've learn to let go of mine quite a bit, but it still lingers from time to time.

 

[twylight]

I think you pretty much answered your own question Nell. Also, he-llo

Sounds like your friend is heading for trouble. I realized a lot of mistakes and was convinced I could go back into it being a better person. I guess she'll never see that but , yeah it's something I've had to let go.


Now most of my exes are married. I guess that well is drying up, lol. I really want to find someone but afraid of adding another failed relationship to the resume.

We'll see what happens. I'm just fearful for him. I him a lot and I don't want him hurt.

Yeah... never go back Everyone has fears I admit though, a 'failed' relationship is the last of my fears. I don't think I've ever been worried about it failing, just about making the wrong decision.

 

[Anubis]

So it's not a romantic relationship, but rather a familial relationship.

It appears as though my brother has kicked me out of his life (again).

See, there's a little bit of a backstory. I don't know if anyone remembers the thread I made a few years ago about a few of flying, but basically, yea, I have a pretty have case of anxiety in regards to flying. It got so bad that the last time I was supposed to get on a plane to go home to visit my family and friends, I had anxiety and panic attacks so bad that I ended up cancelling my flight and not going.

Well, 3 years later, and I have a flight booked this weekend to go home to visit my family and friends. My anxiety is still there, but I'm doing much better, although that's not really the point at this time.

After a frustrating day, and already not really liking my current location, I made a post on my Facebook stating "Any anxiety I had about getting on a flight this week have been totally killed by the reminder that I am currently in <insert my city here>. I may never come back."

Shortly following, I receive a reply on my Facebook from my brother "If you hate it so much, then don't", followed almost immediately by a string of text messages telling me that I am insulting, he is "disconnecting emotionally" from me, I can call or text back, he doesn't care. I'm selfish, inconsiderate, I don't care about other people, I am not passionate about anything, and that is why all of my relationships fail.

I said some things in return (not everything I truly wanted to, even though this isn't the first time this has happened, I was hesitant to say something that can't be taken back), but basically, that's it. Because I made a comment about not liking the current place that I live in, he's essentially decided to disown me, while taking a parting shot at my lack of romantic relationships. Which is rather funny that he's taking a personal shot at my history of romantic relationships (or lack thereof) considering he never had a long term relationship until he knocked up his wife (pre-marital pregnancy, coming from an uber hardcore Christian who is incredibly judgmental towards anyone who doesn't share his values and outlook on life - one of the issues I take with my brother, his blatant hypocrisy), and even she has told me in privacy that she fully intends to divorce my brother when the kids are grown up and out of the house. Dude's history of "intimate relationships" (in quotes, because that's the exact term he used towards me) is basically screwing a bunch of girls with no real meaning or attachment behind it. So apparently now he's passing judgment on my status as a virgin, and my lack of meaningful romantic relationships. Anyways...

Yea, I guess it's not so much a post for advice. As much as I'd love to send him a message and absolutely lay into him, considering that it's been a few days, I feel like it would come off as kind of a "desperate" lashout for me to go off on him at this point. But considering this isn't the first time he's done it, I think I'm to a point that if he does try to come around again, I won't accept him back into my life. I'm not denying that he's done good things for me and helped me out the past few years, but overall, he's been a negative presence in my life, always harping on my flaws and mistakes, and constantly focusing on that, and condemning me and judging me because of them (he does this with pretty much everyone in his life). His wife has even admitted to me that he's tried to control me, telling me "He wants you to be the man he wants you do be". I'm not saying I'm perfect, and that I haven't done things wrong by him, but I'm sick of his constant condemning behavior towards anyone and everyone for every little flaw of their character. I will miss seeing my nephews though. Coaching their little league teams has become a rather big part of my life, in addition to just being a part of their lives in general, of course. But the fact is, I'm doing too much with my life to deal with his constant drama.

Punch him in the crotch!

 

[Lasirius]

Sounds like your friend is heading for trouble. I realized a lot of mistakes and was convinced I could go back into it being a better person. I guess she'll never see that but , yeah it's something I've had to let go.


Now most of my exes are married. I guess that well is drying up, lol. I really want to find someone but afraid of adding another failed relationship to the resume.

When I initially got into my recent relationship, I felt very similar about jumping into one but being afraid because of my previous failed relationships. Those relationships weren't traumatizing enough to keep me away from meeting new people and meeting a potential partner, but enough to think about it twice. I guess that's just a risk you have to take in order to gain the happiness you get from being with someone, most of the time it just happens naturally without much effort, and when it does it's all well and dandy. If that doesn't happen, well at least you learn something else and you get something out of it. Hopefully something positive.

 

[Anita18]

Now most of my exes are married. I guess that well is drying up, lol. I really want to find someone but afraid of adding another failed relationship to the resume.

But unlike a real resume, nobody says you HAVE to show it every time you interview for a new position.

And if you see them as "failed" relationships, no wonder why you're so fearful about getting into another one! Sometimes relationships don't work out, the people aren't right for each other. So it's not even a "failure" as it is "the darned right thing to do!"

My coworker and his fiancee just broke up after 8 years together, but there was nooo animosity whatsoever. They still talk a lot - what's hilarious is that they're both trying online dating right now and they gossip to each other about the mishaps! I didn't pry into why they broke up, but my belief is that they just realized they weren't good for each other anymore for whatever reason. So they were able to get back into the dating game without feeling like they failed at anything.

 

[Lasirius]

Yeah, a lot of it does have to do with how the relationship ultimately ends. Personally, I wouldn't like to know how the dating game is going for one of my exes but if that works for someone else then good. As long as it's all well and healthy.

 

[Anita18]

The thing about considering any relationship that ends a "failure" implies that there was something you could have done to prevent it. Most of the time that just isn't true. Two people grow out of love with each other, they aren't right for each other in whatever way, they're looking for different things in life/relationships...the list goes on.

There's no need to think of any ended relationship as a "failure" at all, if you consider that there's always two people in the relationship and you can't make the other person do anything.

 

[bullets]

When I initially got into my recent relationship, I felt very similar about jumping into one but being afraid because of my previous failed relationships. Those relationships weren't traumatizing enough to keep me away from meeting new people and meeting a potential partner, but enough to think about it twice. .

This is exactly how I'm feeling at the moment. I don't consider myself forever alone but it's left me wary.

We'll see what happens. I'm just fearful for him. I him a lot and I don't want him hurt.

Yeah... never go back Everyone has fears I admit though, a 'failed' relationship is the last of my fears. I don't think I've ever been worried about it failing, just about making the wrong decision.

I hear yah , I just don't want to hurt another person's feelings even if that sounds corny.

But unlike a real resume, nobody says you HAVE to show it every time you interview for a new position.

And if you see them as "failed" relationships, no wonder why you're so fearful about getting into another one! Sometimes relationships don't work out, the people aren't right for each other. So it's not even a "failure" as it is "the darned right thing to do!"

My coworker and his fiancee just broke up after 8 years together, but there was nooo animosity whatsoever. They still talk a lot - what's hilarious is that they're both trying online dating right now and they gossip to each other about the mishaps! I didn't pry into why they broke up, but my belief is that they just realized they weren't good for each other anymore for whatever reason. So they were able to get back into the dating game without feeling like they failed at anything.

Yeah I've got to learn to leave some stuff out of the interview process. I try to be open to show them honesty but it never works out in my favor. They usually think I'm reminiscing. Also I'm a serial monogamist.
I wind up going from one long term relationship to another. Unfortunately the last two years it hasn't gone that well. I've dated two girls in the past two years down here and they were relatively short-term . Compared to the three and a half year relationship with the ex I was mentioning earlier. One girl had been a reformed O.C. addict that fell back into it. The other is similar to the situation you just mentioned. We both realized we're better off as friends. It's funny because she still texts me about bad dates and we still hang out occasionally.

 

[Godsfireworks]

Once again, my teenage logic has utterly backfired in my face

 

[SpideyVille]

The thing about considering any relationship that ends a "failure" implies that there was something you could have done to prevent it. Most of the time that just isn't true. Two people grow out of love with each other, they aren't right for each other in whatever way, they're looking for different things in life/relationships...the list goes on.

There's no need to think of any ended relationship as a "failure" at all, if you consider that there's always two people in the relationship and you can't make the other person do anything.

Yeah, I can't really speak for failed relationships since I've yet to be in any kind of one, but a friend of mine tagged me in a note on facebook last night where he was basically complaining about how he hated his life because of an experience he had with trying to ask a girl out. He wrote FML after almost every sentence.

I know that feeling, but maybe its my age and wisdom that lead me to reply about how you should never look at rejection as a failure because sometimes you end up better off without that person, and you learn from the experience which is always a good thing. I remember living in regret, thinking about what I could've done or said differently to the girl, but in reality, what happened happened and couldn't be changed so there's no reason to focus on it anymore. I guess this can apply to getting back into relationships too, but even though its easier said than done, you just gotta learn to brush off the past and keep on moving forward. Things happen for a reason, and its never so that you can keep thinking about it while the rest of the world keeps spinning.

 

[bullets]

It's usually me who ends the relationship so it always gives me this feeling of letting the other person down. There's only been one where it was completely my fault for ruining it. It doesn't really matter though. I'll either consider it a loss or a learning experience.

Speaking of fails , I used to converse with a girl who worked at B&N and when I finally got the nerve to ask her out she held up her hand and showed me her wedding ring That's a life lesson right there, always check the hand.

 

[CConn]

It's sad to see so many people struggling with dating.

I've never actually dated casually at all. I've only had 3 long term girlfriends in my life. Two of them I knew as friends at first, all of them called me the most perfect being in existence, and I married one of them.

It's been a rather pleasing experience.

 

[Erzengel]

I don't want to post in here and say, there's how many women on this planet and question why some people here are having such a hard time, because I understand dating is hard. And trying to find someone compatible. Even harder.

I know some people here have extenuating circumstances but some of the excuses as why they aren't dating, when it almost seems they want a relationship gift wrapped and left under the tree.

 

[Hound55]

Honestly, so long as you're going to locations where both genders (and not "off the book" members of the opposite sex, "singles have to be there too...) go, I've found that it happens hen you aren't looking or trying.

It's like when you lose something... You always seem to find it hen you aren't looking for it anymore.

 

[AndThePickles]

I don't want to post in here and say, there's how many women on this planet and question why some people here are having such a hard time, because I understand dating is hard. And trying to find someone compatible. Even harder.

I know some people here have extenuating circumstances but some of the excuses as why they aren't dating, when it almost seems they want a relationship gift wrapped and left under the tree.

I do think that a lot of "problems" stem from laziness and lack of personal accountability. Particularly when you hear stories of how something is always wrong with everybody else...hmmm, perhaps it's time to look at yourself.

 

[Hound55]

No... I'm pretty sure it's all of the other people on the planet and not me...

 

[SuperFerret]

But it is dammit!

 

[The Guard]

Is it okay to tell a friend who's a girl that you had a sex-dream about her? I've known her for years and we joke with each other, drink together, talk about pretty much everything and are really cool with one another. But will telling her about something like a sex-dream make things weird and awkward regardless? I never thought I wanted to hook up with her, I just want to tell her for laughs (of course now the little Freud on my shoulder is saying "why would you have that dream unless you did want to hook up with her?").

Save it for a rainy day.

Dream analysts say sex dreams aren't always about sex. Supposedly it means that you want to change something about yourself to be more like that person.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

It's true, everyone else is pretty f***ed up.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

I do think that a lot of "problems" stem from laziness and lack of personal accountability. Particularly when you hear stories of how something is always wrong with everybody else...hmmm, perhaps it's time to look at yourself.

Totally agree, once I started improving myself I found dating wasn't quite as hard. I started to feel a girl was lucky to be dating me because I had a lot to offer.