A New "Official" Relationship Advice Thread

[SpideyVille]

I breezed through high school, and had to study in college, but luckily I had learned somewhere along the way that school was basically a job, and like any job, succeeding isn't about how smart or good you are, so it's just best to do the bare minimum and allow yourself to relax.

LOL, I was the same way. After my Sophomore year, I rarely gave it my all and I got mostly A's, but never lower than a B+ minus a few rare occasions. But I learned that it has a lot to do with knowing the professor and just how much they expect from you.

 

[Anita18]

I breezed through high school, and had to study in college, but luckily I had learned somewhere along the way that school was basically a job, and like any job, succeeding isn't about how smart or good you are, so it's just best to do the bare minimum and allow yourself to relax.

Not if the job is kicking you in the ass. And you're judged on only one gauge - your grades. If you're not getting good grades then what's the real point of being in school?

Unless you're in business school, where the point is to network. But even if you make a lot of friends in school, it doesn't really do you any good if you barely pass college and have a hard time finding a job because your GPA is poor.

Not that a whole lot of places care. My industry does because it's science-related.

 

[Anita18]

LOL, I was the same way. After my Sophomore year, I rarely gave it my all and I got mostly A's, but never lower than a B+ minus a few rare occasions. But I learned that it has a lot to do with knowing the professor and just how much they expect from you.

And where you go to school. My school is so hard to get into now, in my senior year most people in my class didn't believe they'd be able to get in if they had applied then. We're talking about Harvard applicants also applying to my alma mater.

So it's not a total surprise that everyone thought everyone else was smarter than them.

 

[SuperFerret]

My industry is science-related too. I got good grades, but grades really only show a combination of your test-taking skills and your ability to show up (both of which I'm good at). Luckily, I've also got the skills and common sense I need to take the actual facts I learned and apply them to being flat out awesome in the field.

Case in point, I know of a bunch of my A student classmates that don't have enough common sense between them to do the number one most important skill to have in my career: improvise.

 

[SuperFerret]

Anyway, to bring this back on topic, I've got a profile on a dating site and I'm wondering if I should just go all out and make it as geeky as I want it to be. I'm sure it'll turn some women off, but frankly, if you can't accept that I read comics, play D&D and eat, sleep, breathe, LIVE sci-fi/fantasy, then it ain't gonna work, babydoll.

Thoughts?

 

[Anita18]

My industry is science-related too. I got good grades, but grades really only show a combination of your test-taking skills and your ability to show up (both of which I'm good at). Luckily, I've also got the skills and common sense I need to take the actual facts I learned and apply them to being flat out awesome in the field.

Case in point, I know of a bunch of my A student classmates that don't have enough common sense between them to do the number one most important skill to have in my career: improvise.

Quite true, but it's something you only learn for yourself once you're actually OUT of school. In school, everyone's judged on one gauge and if you're bad at taking tests, you're kind of screwed.

I'm very good at what I do even though my GPA was meh compared to everyone else in my college, because I have a crazy-eye for detail, I'm very good with my hands, and if there's one thing I'm good at learning and learning extremely quickly, it's protocols. But yeah, my boss still had to take a chance on me and he was quite happy to because all my A-student classmates had gone off to grad and med school anyway.

It's just that when I was IN school I felt like a failure because I wasn't as smart as I thought I was. And it isn't like saying that if you relax you'll get better grades, because that didn't happen for me. I did my best, I survived, and I moved on.

 

[SpideyVille]

And where you go to school. My school is so hard to get into now, in my senior year most people in my class didn't believe they'd be able to get in if they had applied then. We're talking about Harvard applicants also applying to my alma mater.

So it's not a total surprise that everyone thought everyone else was smarter than them.

I guess it might be because I went to what we were told is (or at least was when I went there) one of the best High Schools in the country and I barely got in. I didn't really take any hard classes and I kinda lucked out with some easy grading teachers, but I had an 89 average when I graduated, which is considered great since the classes are supposed to be nearly college leveled courses. Had I not allowed myself to be distracted by romantic interests and senioritis during those 4 years, I probably would've had a 92-94 average.

But then I went to a community college and my first semester there felt a lot like high school since I had every class with the same group of people. I was accepted into an honors program after that and the classes there were much more fun than they were difficult. Right now my GPA is 3.69 and it definitely could've been higher if I hadn't stopped caring after a while.

 

[Anita18]

Anyway, to bring this back on topic, I've got a profile on a dating site and I'm wondering if I should just go all out and make it as geeky as I want it to be. I'm sure it'll turn some women off, but frankly, if you can't accept that I read comics, play D&D and eat, sleep, breathe, LIVE sci-fi/fantasy, then it ain't gonna work, babydoll.

Thoughts?

Sounds good! I consider it weeding out the field, which is why I gave up wearing pushup bras. If you want a well-endowed woman, I'm not your girl, so why even pretend?

But if you eat, sleep, breathe, and LIVE sci-fi and fantasy, why would you need anything else? Obviously you should make it sound like there's room in your life for a relationship with a real-life human.

 

[SpideyVille]

Anyway, to bring this back on topic, I've got a profile on a dating site and I'm wondering if I should just go all out and make it as geeky as I want it to be. I'm sure it'll turn some women off, but frankly, if you can't accept that I read comics, play D&D and eat, sleep, breathe, LIVE sci-fi/fantasy, then it ain't gonna work, babydoll.

Thoughts?

I wouldn't put it all out there simply because I think someone reading that might imagine you as a very stereotypical geek and that will limit you to people who either don't care, are desperate, or are also into those things. Add to that the crazy/hot ratio and you're really looking at low odds of finding a winner.

 

[Anita18]

I wouldn't put it all out there simply because I think someone reading that might imagine you as a very stereotypical geek and that will limit you to people who either don't care, are desperate, or are also into those things. Add to that the crazy/hot ratio and you're really looking at low odds of finding a winner.

There ARE pretty hot geek women out there too, but you'd have a much harder time finding them (ie, weeding out the flock) if you don't advertise your own geekiness as well.

But I've never been one to waste time weeding out the flock because I neglected to say that I'm an introverted geek. No, the problem was that guys messaging me didn't even bother to read my profile.

 

[SpideyVille]

There ARE pretty hot geek women out there too, but you'd have a much harder time finding them (ie, weeding out the flock) if you don't advertise your own geekiness as well.

But I've never been one to waste time weeding out the flock because I neglected to say that I'm an introverted geek. No, the problem was that guys messaging me didn't even bother to read my profile.

Well yeah, I mean I've met plenty of attractive girls who are into things like comics and video games. But I guess for me, I don't like to bring it up right away. Like I have a friend who thinks I'm a big Superman geek and read all the comics just because I wore a Superman shirt a few times. I feel like people see that and judge in a similar manner and it will only really work in your benefit if they share the interest. And if they don't share the interest and end up getting a certain image of you in their mind, they may end up not giving you a chance if you try to approach them later on.

But I know Erz has mentioned this plenty of times, but just because they don't share that interest doesn't mean they won't tolerate it or that they're not worth the time.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Anyway, to bring this back on topic, I've got a profile on a dating site and I'm wondering if I should just go all out and make it as geeky as I want it to be. I'm sure it'll turn some women off, but frankly, if you can't accept that I read comics, play D&D and eat, sleep, breathe, LIVE sci-fi/fantasy, then it ain't gonna work, babydoll.

Thoughts?

So for a website, eh? Tough call. In real life I'm all for 'I like [such and such], f*** anyone who has a problem with that' attitude. Standing up for your likes and dislikes is a positive trait, so long as your not trying to convert everyone.

On the web I kind of read it like this. Sure mention what you want but also consider what kind of woman you'd like. So I mean don't make it so you narrow your audience to geeky girls, unless that's all you want.

I use to narrow my search to my interests but I found that's fruitless. I think people connect most on fundamentals. Like if you're into creative people, or intelligent people, or passionate people. It's less what someone's interests are, it's more about how they pursue these interests and how they display them.

I rather like that girls I meet may not like Star Wars or X-Men. I'm very aware these things are most likely stereotypical of nerds and geeks, but I find them rather "cool". I think you'll find "cool" people actually have some of the same interests as the "uncool" but they're less ashamed and they display them in more subtle, stylish ways. The volume at which you display your traits definitely will push certain people away. It's like the late Christopher Hitchens trolling for tail at the Westboro Baptist Church (they've probably done all sorts of wacky, perverted things, who am I kidding?).

That and I think the Retro Hipster and Geek Chic' looks are very in right now.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Some great words of wisdom from the late and great Patrice O'Neil: "...because you liked me because I could catch other fish. If you think I can't catch anymore fish you'll stop acting right". LMAO!!!

 

[Godzilla2000]

True Story: I had a 17 year old boy flirt with me at work a few moths ago. He tried impressing me with his rap skills and all. Yes, he was good looking but no I will not date a guy that's roughly the same age as my oldest nephew. I like my young guys just a bit more matured, preferably out of college at least.

Anyways...I suppose I've made it pretty clear all the things that I want. Expecting anything other than that is just plain silly. As a rule if the whole world accepts certain things, I do not, like open relationships. There's an old Celine Dion song i used to sing, a duet of hers that pretty much explains my thoughts.

 

[Angel_Faerie]

Ladies and gentlemen, progress has been made. We didn't kiss tonight, but, we did get pretty cozy while watching Limitless. And I initiated it. During the movie I decided to be silly and nudge him and be all "what a bumpy pillow!, etc" he laughed and then he put his arm around my shoulder. And we sat like that for 30-45 minutes before I noticed he started holding his arm like it was cramping (which it was). So we straightened up but still sat close. Our legs touched the entire time. Then after about 10-20 minutes he pulls the same move on me and leaned against my shoulder for I'm not sure how long. It may not be a huge leap forward, but it's a start.

 

[SpideyVille]

Something is something.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

So I'm wondering if I tried too hard, didn't try hard enough, or set myself up for failure by having unrealistic expectations in a little situation I just got done with.

Let me preface it by saying, regardless of the results, I had a good time. It was still a fun night, with fun company.

But okay. So... awhile back, I stumble across Girl A on Facebook. Girl A is a girl whom I went to elementary school with way back in the day, and I haven't seen her in probably damn near close to 20 years, to be quite honest. Facebook friends, nothing really major.

Well, we ended up actually conversing and stuff a bit over Facebook. It wasn't anything major - just typical catching up and all of that. But it led to us beginning to have phone contact as well as just Facebook contact. There was talk of her taking a trip out to visit me (I now live in a different state), and this went on for a little bit. Nothing came of it, I'm not entirely sure if it's just something that never happened, or if she was never really serious about it. I'd guess the latter, as I never really took our talks all that seriously to begin with. But regardless, we continued contact.

Well, plans were made for me to come home for a visit. I informed her about that, and we made plans that we were going to see each other while I was out here. I playfully stated that she was gonna take me on a date while I was out here. She was excited that I was gonna be coming into town and we were gonna be getting together.

Then Girl B comes into the picture. Very similar situation, a girl who I went to elementary school with, haven't seen in close to 20 years, but Facebook friends. She had a birthday while I was out here, and was really vocal about wanting me to join her for her birthday, they were gonna be having a party out at a club downtown. Well Girl A and Girl B are friends, so I'd be able to see them both in one night. They were both real vocal about me joining them that night, and I was looking forward to it too. My conversations with both of these girls (phone conversations, not just Facebook stuff) was always real flirty and stuff. So yea, I was hoping for it to take a particular direction.

So I get to the club, and Girl A is there first, and she introduces me to her boyfriend. Well, she's off the table at that point. But, it was really cool hanging out with her and chillin' with her. We had a good time, and in all honesty, I got along well with her boyfriend too, so it was cool. And they bought me drinks all night. So score there.

Well birthday girl (Girl B) shows up. She has no boyfriend. She's all alone. So she's the one to make it with, I figure. Long story short, we finally get to dancing, it's Girl A and her boyfriend, Girl B, and me. Girl A is obviously dancing with her boyfriend, and she tells me I need to start dancing with Girl B. So I do. We're dancing. Good times being had. She's telling me she wants her and I to get together again sometime before I leave. Then someone comes up and starts talking to her. Since I haven't seen her in as long as it's been, I didn't know if this was random dude at club, or one of her friends who arrived at the party. She starts dancing with him. I'm like, okay... Girl A comes up to me and asks if he stole her from me. I was like "I guess, I'm not sure what just happened", so she pulled Girl B away from the guy and put her back on me. So we're dancing again, and so now that I'm a little more aware of what's going on, I'm making sure she's dancing with -me-. And she's with it. And it's like that for awhile. So I'm thinking things are good, cuz she's sticking around with me, so I just gotta keep it going good. Well eventually, the girls go off to smoke. When they come back, Girl A is getting hot and heavy with her man, which leaves me and Girl B by ourselves.

So I'm trying to do what I need to do to keep her with me, but she's in "drunk on my birthday" land at this point, and I'm also not looking to be -possessive- with a girl I hardly know, so as she wanders, I decide not to follow her. But since these 2 girls are the only people at the club I know, this leaves me in something of an odd situation. When I see her again, I see her outside, and she says she wants to dance some more. So I tell her that her and I will go dance. And she takes me in to dance with her. She takes me up on stage, and as I'm up there - she proceeds to start dancing and grinding on someone else. Which is rather embarrassing at this point, because now people in the club are looking at me like some other dude is taking my girl. Well the DJ or whatever says I can't be on the stage, I guess since I'm a dude, so she takes me and her and I go outside again.

Outside, some dude starts hitting on her again, and she goes off with him. Another dude comes up to me and is like "Is that your girl?" and I'm just like "Nah, that ain't my girl". I've kinda already seen where this is going, so I'm like whatever at this point. He's just like "Well, I thought that was your girl the way you two came walking out like that. But if you're trying dude, don't waste your time. I been watching her give her # out to like every dude here. If you're trying, this girl's not worth your time". So I just respond "Nah, she ain't my girl", and leave it at that.

Not long after, I get a text from Girl A saying "Hun, we're heading out. Hope you had fun. Love you, talk to you tomorrow". I end up seeing her before she leaves, hug her goodbye, and give her a kiss on the cheek, and then she leans in and starts kissing on my neck, and then her and her boyfriend leave. Girl B was talking about some after party, which at this point I didn't wanna wait around for, so I told her I was leaving, gave her a hug goodbye, told her happy birthday, and gave her a kiss on the cheek, and left. Disappointed, but I think I was a bit more embarrassed because some of the things she did seemed to make me look bad out there. So I was kinda upset about that.

Anyways, she texts me tonight, saying "Thanks for coming out, I really enjoyed seeing you, I hope you at least had something of a good time" I told her I did, it was a good night, and thanks for inviting me, and then she just responded back with something like "You're welcome" and then commented (positively) on my dancing.

So I'm not exactly sure if I let a chance get away by either doing too little, or too much, or if I just got this idea in my head that I was gonna get laid by the drunk girl at the club when I went back home, and went in looking for something that wasn't gonna happen anyways.

 

[Erzengel]

Ladies and gentlemen, progress has been made. We didn't kiss tonight, but, we did get pretty cozy while watching Limitless. And I initiated it. During the movie I decided to be silly and nudge him and be all "what a bumpy pillow!, etc" he laughed and then he put his arm around my shoulder. And we sat like that for 30-45 minutes before I noticed he started holding his arm like it was cramping (which it was). So we straightened up but still sat close. Our legs touched the entire time. Then after about 10-20 minutes he pulls the same move on me and leaned against my shoulder for I'm not sure how long. It may not be a huge leap forward, but it's a start.

How many dates is this now? 6-7?

I understand when you're with someone who's a little inexperienced that you want to take things slow but on the couch, alone, and still nothing?

 

[Erzengel]

Nell.

Girl B seems to just have wanted attention that night. Although, if she was slinging her number to everything with a penis, you might as well as attempted something with her, especially if she was dancing with you for a while, you should have just leaned in and kissed her.

 

[AndThePickles]

Ladies and gentlemen, progress has been made. We didn't kiss tonight, but, we did get pretty cozy while watching Limitless. And I initiated it. During the movie I decided to be silly and nudge him and be all "what a bumpy pillow!, etc" he laughed and then he put his arm around my shoulder. And we sat like that for 30-45 minutes before I noticed he started holding his arm like it was cramping (which it was). So we straightened up but still sat close. Our legs touched the entire time. Then after about 10-20 minutes he pulls the same move on me and leaned against my shoulder for I'm not sure how long. It may not be a huge leap forward, but it's a start.

*sigh*

 

[Erzengel]

 

[Angel_Faerie]

*sigh*

What? I did something wrong?

 

[Erzengel]

I think the speed at which your "relationship" with this dude is going so slow, it's moving backwards is exasperating for some of us.

 

[AndThePickles]

What? I did something wrong?

Not wrong, but it was the perfect opportunity to have something more happen. It sounds awkward to me, because it seems like a tense situation where sexual contact should have occurred.

 

[Erzengel]

I just don't get why this cat hasn't put the moves on her yet.