A New "Official" Relationship Advice Thread

[AndThePickles]

If a guy had said that story to me, I would have slapped him. No lie.

Well okay, in reality I would have given him some extremely judgmental side-eye. If I didn't have willpower I would slap him.

I'm not a child, don't treat me like one!

I would have told him to **** off and find some other woman to blow against his breeze

 

[SpideyVille]

I confess that I don't quite understand that logic of "blowing against the breeze". So basically if you have to ask for something, then you can't have it?

 

[Hound55]

If a guy had said that story to me, I would have slapped him. No lie.

Well okay, in reality I would have given him some extremely judgmental side-eye. If I didn't have willpower I would slap him.

I'm not a child, don't treat me like one!

Justified.

I'd suggest a punch in the nads, but in this one's case I'm not sure you'd hit much.

 

[Anita18]

I would have told him to **** off and find some other woman to blow against his breeze

I confess that I don't quite understand that logic of "blowing against the breeze". So basically if you have to ask for something, then you can't have it?

Something like that.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Read it as "I'm cool with you making the first move, because I'm a big gutless wienie."

Quite frankly, he seems like he's gutless. Gutless and virgin do not necessarily go hand in hand. His last relationship moved fast according to angel, but honestly could've been all driven by the woman. Guys who are gutless often attract "users", or women who will treat him like sh** but be very aggressive physically when it suits them. He kind of reads that way to me, especially because he supposedly lives with his mother. My roommate is [was] in the same situation. I find if you can't or are not assertive with women, you're generally not assertive overall. He may even find Angel a nice change of pace...for the moment. If there was another girl in the picture, I think you wouldn't be hearing from him, like, at all.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

I don't even know what to ask or how to ask. Or if I even should ask. Because after one of my failed attempts (story in spoiler tag), he said I was "blowing against the breeze". I had no idea what he meant, so he explained it like this: This mother and her child go to a store. The child sees a beautiful doll on a shelf and asks her mother for it. The mother says no and they leave the store. The girl asks why and the mother says (essentially) "because you asked". A few days later they go to the store again, the girl stays silent. The mother buys the doll.

The story:

Spoiler

Ok, so before I went to his house a few weeks ago, I bought some mistletoe and TicTacs (I had eaten something with garlic on it). Everyone looked at me like I was buying condoms.

Anyway, my plan was to ask him for a glass of water at some point during the evening and while he was gone, hang up the mistletoe and when he returned be all "Mistletoe? How did that get here? " But he's observant. He could tell something was up and kept asking me what was up. I kept saying nothing, but I cracked eventually and spilled the beans. Somehow the conversation turned to "blowing against the breeze" and that's when he told that story. But he did say it would have been cute had I done that. And that was the same night he admitted he has feelings for me. So it was an odd night.

And then when I sneakily asked his opinion on girls making the first move either a few days before or after, he said that he'd appreciate if a girl made the first move because then he'd know he wouldn't have to be the one initiating everything. See? Mixed signals! I have no idea what he's thinking or what he wants.

Here's what he meant from my perspective, he wants you to make the first move, but you don't need to have some eloborate, master plan. He's scared to make that first move, you have to make it. So next time you see him, when those hormones start working overtime, listen to them, not your head and just lean in and kiss him. It's been long enough, he's not going to recoil or run away, he wants it, but wants you to initiate it.

 

[Angel_Faerie]

Frankly I'd just take the initiative. If he's teasingly coy in one moment and open the next, I'd presume that he'd be perfectly all right with having a girl make the first move. Teasing is just that - joking around and teasing.

And if he recoils or otherwise calls you out on it, dump him. Not worth the headache in utter lack of communication. Especially if you're confused and worrying about it this early in the game. It doesn't get any easier when there's more at stake.

There was a guy in college who I suspected had a crush on me. He was cute, so I crushed on him too. But he'd tease and tease and never be serious about anything (mixed signals galore), so I figured that he wasn't that into me and moved on. I saw him again at my 5-year reunion, and I suspect he still has something for me. But then he should have, ya know, said something in the 6 years I was single.

Every time I resolve to do it, it doesn't happen. Whether it's that he's eaten something really meaty and I don't want to taste meat, he's drunk and I want him to actually remember kissing me for the first time the next day, I'm too freaked out by getting pulled over for the first time to even think about kissing, his parents are standing outside his grandparent's house, it's ridiculous.

This frustrates me, because he comes off as very condescending in it. Like, seriously? How in the world did he manage to find a way to chastise you for doing something sweet and thoughtful? I agree, that goes directly against what you told us he said about appreciating initiation. This guy is all over the place.

He didn't say it in a condescending or chastising tone, but I can certainly see how it could be seen that way. And it didn't help that once I cracked and revealed my plan I babbled like an idiot for what felt like eternity. All the nervousness I had felt about it spewed out like a hurricane. I had been pretty good about hiding it, though obviously not enough because he knew something was up.

And like I said, he did admit it would have been cute had I done that and he sort of apologized for ruining the moment. Which also lead to the discussion of his concern about ruining those firsts for me.

He is all over the place. I don't know how to get a lock on where he's at. I don't want to confront him on it because the last time I confronted a guy on something, it ended with me being single. So I've learned to avoid confrontation when it comes to the opposite sex.

 

[Hound55]

Here's what he meant from my perspective, he wants you to make the first move, but you don't need to have some eloborate, master plan. He's scared to make that first move, you have to make it. So next time you see him, when those hormones start working overtime, listen to them, not your head and just lean in and kiss him. It's been long enough, he's not going to recoil or run away, he wants it, but wants you to initiate it.

...because he's a big gutless wienie.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Angel, word to the wise, never officially plan any physical interaction. That is, don't go in there with a pre-conceived notion of how it will go. Try to be spontaneous a bit, otherwise just straight up say what you want.

 

[LOBO3315a]

Sometimes, reading all this make me glad I've made the decision to put relationships on hold. It's a lot of work dating, finding the right person you are compatible with, and do fun things together.

That being said, Angel, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, KISS HIM!!!!

 

[SpideyVille]

Something like that.

So then by that logic, If I ask a girl out on a date, she has to say no because I asked. But when I see her the next time and don't ask, she will go out with me.


Yeeeeeaahahhhh, this guy is kinda weird and shady.

 

[amazingfantasy15]

...because he's a big gutless wienie.

Yeah, but so is Angel. They both have a huge amount of sexual tension between them and just need to kiss and get it over with.

There's never going to be a perfect moment, you've just gotta go for it.

 

[Anita18]

Every time I resolve to do it, it doesn't happen. Whether it's that he's eaten something really meaty and I don't want to taste meat, he's drunk and I want him to actually remember kissing me for the first time the next day, I'm too freaked out by getting pulled over for the first time to even think about kissing, his parents are standing outside his grandparent's house, it's ridiculous.

So you'll only kiss him ever if he hasn't eaten any meat?

To be fair, our breaths aren't particularly rosy when we wake up in the morning either, but that's why closed-mouth kissing was invented. Unless he's smeared meat sauce all over his lips, you won't really be tasting anything. Nobody says your first kiss has to go all tongue-lapping French!

He didn't say it in a condescending or chastising tone, but I can certainly see how it could be seen that way. And it didn't help that once I cracked and revealed my plan I babbled like an idiot for what felt like eternity. All the nervousness I had felt about it spewed out like a hurricane. I had been pretty good about hiding it, though obviously not enough because he knew something was up.

And like I said, he did admit it would have been cute had I done that and he sort of apologized for ruining the moment. Which also lead to the discussion of his concern about ruining those firsts for me.

He is all over the place. I don't know how to get a lock on where he's at. I don't want to confront him on it because the last time I confronted a guy on something, it ended with me being single. So I've learned to avoid confrontation when it comes to the opposite sex.

Well you've said all the other guys were online relationships. Think about it. This guy has physically hung out with you how many times? He knows what you're like, he knows you want a relationship with him. So anything you try wouldn't really be out of the realm of possibility for someone wanting a relationship.

Chin up girl and go for what you want.

 

[Angel_Faerie]

Here's what he meant from my perspective, he wants you to make the first move, but you don't need to have some eloborate, master plan. He's scared to make that first move, you have to make it. So next time you see him, when those hormones start working overtime, listen to them, not your head and just lean in and kiss him. It's been long enough, he's not going to recoil or run away, he wants it, but wants you to initiate it.

That makes sense.

Angel, word to the wise, never officially plan any physical interaction. That is, don't go in there with a pre-conceived notion of how it will go. Try to be spontaneous a bit, otherwise just straight up say what you want.

I'm a romantic. I was trying to do something sweet and romantic and it didn't work out. I can be spontaneous, but a lot of the time it doesn't work out so well (The Valentine's Day Incident, anyone? )

Sometimes, reading all this make me glad I've made the decision to put relationships on hold. It's a lot of work dating, finding the right person you are compatible with, and do fun things together.

That being said, Angel, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, KISS HIM!!!!

I'm working on it.

So you'll only kiss him ever if he hasn't eaten any meat?

To be fair, our breaths aren't particularly rosy when we wake up in the morning either, but that's why closed-mouth kissing was invented. Unless he's smeared meat sauce all over his lips, you won't really be tasting anything. Nobody says your first kiss has to go all tongue-lapping French!


Well you've said all the other guys were online relationships. Think about it. This guy has physically hung out with you how many times? He knows what you're like, he knows you want a relationship with him. So anything you try wouldn't really be out of the realm of possibility for someone wanting a relationship.

Chin up girl and go for what you want.

No, I wouldn't not kiss him if he had eaten meat, I just didn't want to taste nothing but beef the very first time I kissed a guy. It was all over his mouth. Very messy, very beefy burrito. And I know our first kiss doesn't have to be a Frencher, I was just thinking of the possibility it could turn into one. Especially with how insane my hormones get around him.

 

[Anita18]

No, I wouldn't not kiss him if he had eaten meat, I just didn't want to taste nothing but beef the very first time I kissed a guy. It was all over his mouth. Very messy, very beefy burrito. And I know our first kiss doesn't have to be a Frencher, I was just thinking of the possibility it could turn into one. Especially with how insane my hormones get around him.

Dude hasn't heard of napkins?

 

[Angel_Faerie]

They didn't give us any

 

[LOBO3315a]

I'd be like "I DEMAND some napkins, so I can give my date a kiss!" or something.

 

[LOBO3315a]

Double post

 

[hopefuldreamer]

So i've just agreed to go on a date with an old friend.

Basically, I ran into him at a club in town the other night, got a bit tipsy, ended up kissing him a lot But he's a really sweet guy, total gentleman, so he walked me home and didn't even try to take advantage of my inebriated state.

Anyway, he's asked me out now... and I usually wouldn't say yes.

For one thing, i'm going to be applying for jobs in another town next month and hopefully will be moving away. So it seems like ridiculous timing to start dating after 4 years of being single...

For another, i've sort of known the guy since I was 15, and i've always felt he was 'too nice'... I know, I know, that's the kind of phrase that makes most men want to bang their heads against a brick wall... but i'm a really independant person, and for someone to hold my interest they have to have a bit of... 'oompf'... for want of a better word

I usually shy away from dating guys this nice, because in the past it always ends up with this horrible situation where I have to dump them and I hate hurting nice people for no good reason.

But people keep telling me that I should give people more of a chance before deciding against them... so i'm just going to go out, enjoy his company, flirt and talk and get to know him better and I guess just wing it from there.

Of course, I have an ex who acts like a jelous *****e to every guy he even sees me with even after 4 years, a guy I have been sort of casually hooking up with, and another guy who I actually REALLY like but who won't make a move (but knowing men, will probably make a move if he's sees me dating someone else).

(It's the old cliche of finding relationships when your actively NOT looking for them... suddenly there's lots of confusion about)

So this could get interesting

Do you think i'm making a mistake? Does anyone have any advice for me?

 

[WillardNation]

does anyone have any advice for me?

gtd

 

[SuperMike335!!]

Males and this topic... Bloody hell...

Is there some kind of federal castration program that the media is covering up in your country or something..?

Read it as "I'm cool with you making the first move, because I'm a big gutless wienie."

Good to have you aboard. You actually get it, and this thread has been needing more testosterone, and better game.

Here is the concept for everyone else = females perfer the leader like ALPHA male who takes what he wants, when he wants it, and does not appologize.

Not the sycophant Beta male behavior, about giving her all she thinks she wants and then letting her intiate it with you.

 

[Anita18]

For one thing, i'm going to be applying for jobs in another town next month and hopefully will be moving away. So it seems like ridiculous timing to start dating after 4 years of being single...

For another, i've sort of known the guy since I was 15, and i've always felt he was 'too nice'... I know, I know, that's the kind of phrase that makes most men want to bang their heads against a brick wall... but i'm a really independant person, and for someone to hold my interest they have to have a bit of... 'oompf'... for want of a better word

I usually shy away from dating guys this nice, because in the past it always ends up with this horrible situation where I have to dump them and I hate hurting nice people for no good reason.

But people keep telling me that I should give people more of a chance before deciding against them... so i'm just going to go out, enjoy his company, flirt and talk and get to know him better and I guess just wing it from there.

Eh, depends on how far away "another town" is. My best friend and her fiance lived an hour away and drove to see each other every weekend. (They're now married and just moved in together.) My own bf lived an hour away when we were just getting to know each other and he did the same. If it requires a plane ride to be in any way convenient, I can see your point, but a little driving never hurt anyone.

And you also have to define "nice." When you say "oomf" it almost makes me think you like the *****ebags. My bf is accommodating and extremely patient, but he absolutely does not take care of me unless I ask for it. He finds my independence and intelligence very attractive. But on the surface he's a shy "nice guy." So I don't know what you mean by that.

And whoever says you need to dump anybody? It almost sounds like you don't think you deserve a "nice guy," however you define that.

 

[Erzengel]

Being nice doesn't necessarily equate to attraction. I think HS is referring to is some sort of spark/interest in the guys she likes. Nothing wrong with that and it's been discussed here where a lot of "nice guys" confuse the lack of attraction with them being too nice and usually not the case.

 

[twylight]

No, I wouldn't not kiss him if he had eaten meat, I just didn't want to taste nothing but beef the very first time I kissed a guy. It was all over his mouth. Very messy, very beefy burrito. And I know our first kiss doesn't have to be a Frencher, I was just thinking of the possibility it could turn into one. Especially with how insane my hormones get around him.

They didn't give us any

Wait... wait.

You seriously ate a meal without any napkins at all?

 

[Anita18]

Being nice doesn't necessarily equate to attraction. I think HS is referring to is some sort of spark/interest in the guys she likes. Nothing wrong with that and it's been discussed here where a lot of "nice guys" confuse the lack of attraction with them being too nice and usually not the case.

Which is why I'm asking HS to elaborate. "Bland" is not "nice," bland is just bland. I have no idea why people associate nice with bland, they're completely different aspects to one's personality.

When people say "too nice" I usually interpret that has "not having a spine." Which is obviously an issue, but "accommodating" also doesn't automatically mean "not having a spine."