A New "Official" Relationship Advice Thread

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See this always confuses me.

Most women seem to be turned off, creeped out by the idea of men who just want to have casual sex.

I thought treating women with respect was the way to go.

Willard nailed it on this one - casual sex doesn't equate to disrespect. I think that there is a rather awful stereotype that women aren't sexual creatures, just things to be obtained for men to have sex with. Like the women giving into sex is a reward for the men. It's total ********.

We want to have sex. We don't always want to "make love." Sometimes a woman just wants to have sex with a hot guy who is going to give her a toe curling orgasm. One of my friends loves to sleep around, but she certainly wouldn't sleep with anyone who disrespects her. And it doesn't mean she wants to date the guy.
 
Can I have her name and number? :huh:

For a friend....yeah. :up:
 
Willard nailed it on this one - casual sex doesn't equate to disrespect. I think that there is a rather awful stereotype that women aren't sexual creatures, just things to be obtained for men to have sex with. Like the women giving into sex is a reward for the men. It's total ********.

We want to have sex. We don't always want to "make love." Sometimes a woman just wants to have sex with a hot guy who is going to give her a toe curling orgasm. One of my friends loves to sleep around, but she certainly wouldn't sleep with anyone who disrespects her. And it doesn't mean she wants to date the guy.
Yeah this sounds like my friend. When I started talking to her at the start of the semester, she was telling about how her boyfriend wouldn't have sex with her anymore, which I thought was crazy because she's really super attractive. But she was faithful and was trying things like going to the gym and stuff just to make him find her attractive. But they ended up breaking up and now she's seeing like 5 different guys and none of them are really a dating kind of thing with her. Its more like a mutual understanding that that's as far as the relationship will go.
 
Women are human too. They have sexual urges just like men. I know a girl who just wants to have fun right now without commitment, actually almost self sabotage but I'm not judging. :o

I need to know more women like this. My last G/F got pretty peeved at me when I told her I didn't think we were exclusive, since we hadn't discussed it yet.

Angel I must have missed that message as well. Congrats! Sounds like you knew how to best handle the situation, and it's paid off!
 
See this always confuses me.

Most women seem to be turned off, creeped out by the idea of men who just want to have casual sex.

I thought treating women with respect was the way to go.
It's hard for me to believe watching a girl orgasm that they want sex any less than men. In fact it seems like we get the short end of the stick.

Biggest mistake guys make is labelling women. "Oh, she's a girl next door type, let me put on the kiddie gloves and act like wanting sex is naughty, only dumb, shallow ****s want casual sex." Nothing could be further from the truth. Every so often girls go around looking for a one night stand, just like their male counterparts.

I don't know too many women who are creeped out by sex. I know a lot of men that THINK this and they usually get friend zoned.

I think it's funny when guys will say "nah, that's the kind of girl you marry." Like somehow sex is removed from that process. Something you begrudgingly do because you spend doing because you're a couple. Nothing puts off that rapey creepers vibes more than thinking women are innocent girls that don't get down every now and again.
 
You probably know many, many women like this. Women have to sense that you have a lustful sexual side before they share theirs.

Actually, I'm pretty sure I don't. Every time I try to initiate contact with someone like that, they close the chat window. :doh:

LOL, My life is pretty well taken up taking care of my mom. A regular, casual thing would be great. The only problem is, you have to go out to find people that might be interested in that. Every time I try to go out, my mom falls out of her bed.

I'm pretty much stuck.
 
Actually, I'm pretty sure I don't. Every time I try to initiate contact with someone like that, they close the chat window. :doh:.
You really should get comfortable doing stuff "like that" in real life. If you wait until that moment when you two are alone, you've blown your shot. It's really off putting to wait until you get online to initiate that stuff. You have to be able to say this stuff to their face. You don't have to be a perv about it, just, clue them into the fact that you think about sex. Also if they are offended please don't apologize. Wanting sex, casual sex, is not a bad thing.
 
You really should get comfortable doing stuff "like that" in real life. If you wait until that moment when you two are alone, you've blown your shot. It's really off putting to wait until you get online to initiate that stuff. You have to be able to say this stuff to their face. You don't have to be a perv about it, just, clue them into the fact that you think about sex. Also if they are offended please don't apologize. Wanting sex, casual sex, is not a bad thing.

Funny thing is the last woman I did approach like that, when I was at the store, wound up being a prostitute. What does that say about my taste in women? LOL.
 
I don't think there's anything wrong with just wanting sex, if you're upfront and honest about it. I also don't think it's mandatory to particularly like (or, in some cases, even knnow) the person you're doing it with.

EDIT: But I confess, I don't think I know how to communicate to a friend of mine that I want to have sex with them in a way that wouldn't come off as awkward/creepy/etc. :doh:
 
I think im learning (hopefully, anyways) how not to treat women like "innocent angels that dont know about sex" while at the same time not being creepers.

Im a lot more forward now than I ever have been before with women. I initiate physical contact, and say certain things, and rarely do women show discomfort, and if they do, I immediately stop and try not to take it personally (one girl I was giving a should rub to and she said "no" so I just stopped, and continued conversing with her, without getting all emo or mopey"

The last girl I probably had a shot at sex with, I made some advances, but she did some things that embarrassed me and I decided that even if I coulda gotten some, I didn't wanna puppy dog her and follow her around all night for some drunken sex. For what it's worth, she seems to be waiting for the next time im back in town.
 
Funny thing is the last woman I did approach like that, when I was at the store, wound up being a prostitute. What does that say about my taste in women? LOL.
Back when I was very bad with women, which seems like a lifetime ago even though it hasn't been that long, I dated a stripper and I was very upfront with her despite being very nervous. I did not know she was a stripper initially but I'm a sharp guy so I figured it out. I also figured out she had a boyfriend. Kind of a nutcase.

I believe if this is something you're typically shy about you unconsciously land yourself in situations with women who are "damaged goods". The preceived lack of confidence doesn't bother them and or you can't help but sense they won't mind forward requests. If you're desperate or have trouble communicating sex to women I think you kind of condition yourself to go for wounded prey. If the topic of sex intimidates you or you're unsure of the reaction it'll get from women, naturally desperate women will be the only ones to encourage the discussion.

Really you have to identify your own behavior. For example, do you ever tease, or be playful with a woman? Do you ever tell a beautiful woman who is annoying that she is annoying, even in a humorous way? Jokes are a great form of communication. Poking fun at someone. These things can be done in a way that's not demeaning or rude. I think it you're very serious about your life there is a tendency to have a heightened sensitivity and sense of insensitivity. That sense that many taboo subjects, particularly those outlawed in television and comics for the sake of children, will offend everyone. In real life most of us have lived a little darkly.

Shoe on the other foot. This supposedly virgin girl named Kate used to occasionally Facebook me messages telling me I was cute, that she loved me, etc. Really weird because she almost never talked to me or anyone. She could've been messing with me but I highly doubt it. I am still weirded out by it. The reason I never responded and blatantly ignored her is because she didn't get it. She was a virgin, conservative Evangelical Christian who never dated anyone until recently. I would've been fine if she came and shot the sh** with me, but she never built up the courage to really. I think she would've find her love to me to be a bit of an illusion because she really didn't know I was an atheist, who blasphemed God, hated religion and had a shelf full of Harris, Dennett, Dawkins and Hitchens. She didn't know I recreationally used drugs. I'm not really ashamed of any of it.

That's the point of 'not assuming'. I don't discuss all my business everywhere I go in the real world for very legitimate reasons. Girls like Kate couldn't understand my dark sense of humor, probably would break down in tears if I hassle them about their appearance, or could not say the word penis without giggling. That guy is a very real and fun person, who I'm never apologizing for.

Girls are the same, and they like respect and good manners WITHIN REASON. They don't have to be talked to or coerced like children. If she's with her parents their are manners associated with that exchange. If you bump into a girl in a grocery store its okay to have some conversation besides some robotic conversation about weather. You're trying to turn someone on to you, so what you say should be your unique thoughts, not a forgetable routine.
 
I don't think there's anything wrong with just wanting sex, if you're upfront and honest about it. I also don't think it's mandatory to particularly like (or, in some cases, even knnow) the person you're doing it with.

EDIT: But I confess, I don't think I know how to communicate to a friend of mine that I want to have sex with them in a way that wouldn't come off as awkward/creepy/etc. :doh:
I've used

"I want to F*** you so bad right now".

That one worked. She knew I had made other plans that night so she made me promise I would. I use that one a lot. You can't just blurt it out, but if you've already been physical or joked around about sex that'll open the door for more forward statements.

If sex is completely off the radar. Just joke about it and see how she responds. Make a crude remark, could be like a Kim Kardasian joke, and all you want to know is whether they play along or not. Or not you can't do much about at the moment I'm afraid, so that's your cue to slow down.

They may have already given you signals to be more forward. Do they graze you with their hips and butt, or bend over butt facing you? Do they ever give you the **** me eyes? Some guys think it's an angry look because it has an intense, intimidating quality to it hahahaha. Do they fumble with objects, or rub themselves. Acting a little intimidated or maybe a little silly around you is a good sign they think about you in that way.

Guys who are Nice Guys can almost look at their behavior as a template. How they act when they get nervous around women they like is how women act when they feel the same way. Confidence helps you identify those people. So if a woman acts sheepishly or unsure around you but she's still seeking your attention that's your cue to be a little more forward.

"You wanna do some..."

...well it worked but involved drugs, so really avoid that one because that's hardly quality women.

"
 
Optimus I feel like I owe you tuition now cuz you just schooled me.

I particularly related to what you said about "damaged goods" - I find myself constantly going after damaged girls, tho not purposefully. Amanda, my "ex" was huge damaged goods, the girl last year, Courtney, was even worse damaged goods. and I wouldn't be surprised if subconsciously that's exactly why.

I dunno, I know you weren't talking to me, but your posts kinda really hit home.
 
Willard nailed it on this one - casual sex doesn't equate to disrespect. I think that there is a rather awful stereotype that women aren't sexual creatures, just things to be obtained for men to have sex with. Like the women giving into sex is a reward for the men. It's total ********.

We want to have sex. We don't always want to "make love." Sometimes a woman just wants to have sex with a hot guy who is going to give her a toe curling orgasm. One of my friends loves to sleep around, but she certainly wouldn't sleep with anyone who disrespects her. And it doesn't mean she wants to date the guy.

Funny you say this. I remember having a conversation with this girl one time where I said that same exact thing - "sex doesn't always have to be about 'making love' sometimes it can just be about ****ing the **** out of each other - even when you do love the person - and there's nothing wrong with that"

And she replied with "no if you love someone then you should never want to just **** them, you should always want to 'make love'"

Oddly enough, this girl was quite possibly the single biggest ****e I've ever met in my life - my best friends girlfriend who ****ed around with him behind his back (with me - for mother****ing shame) and then tried to justify what her and I did and actually convinced my friend that what her and I did was acceptable.

That was like 10 years ago, and yes my friend and I worked through our issues with the situation (probably helped that I took full accountability for what happened and didn't try to duck the subject).

Ugh, bad memories just came flooding back. That was my first sexual experience. ****ing yay me. :(
 
That's what I love about this thread... bringing people together.
ORGY! :awesome:

I believe if this is something you're typically shy about you unconsciously land yourself in situations with women who are "damaged goods". The preceived lack of confidence doesn't bother them and or you can't help but sense they won't mind forward requests. If you're desperate or have trouble communicating sex to women I think you kind of condition yourself to go for wounded prey. If the topic of sex intimidates you or you're unsure of the reaction it'll get from women, naturally desperate women will be the only ones to encourage the discussion.
I don't think being shy automatically means that you're stuck only being attracted to people who are damaged. It's more likely IMO that if you have low confidence in yourself (not just talking to girls, but in general), you'd be intimidated by someone who seems more put together. You think, "Why would they ever want to be with me?" or "I can't possibly live up to their expectations, I'd better bow out now before I make a fool of myself." That the other person is out of their league, even if the low self-esteem isn't really justified.

I went on a date with a guy like that. He was cute and I think we had some chemistry, but he really seemed to be intimidated by the fact that I had somewhat concrete plans about what I wanted to do in the near future. Which I don't think was really that concrete (those plans I had certainly didn't pan out the way I imagined :funny: ), but compared to me, he probably thought he was floundering. So he friend-zoned me. :o

I think guys in particular tend to have issues with that, especially educated men. That aforementioned guy had graduated from a renowned engineering school so I guess he thought he was supposed to have it much more together than he did.

Funny you say this. I remember having a conversation with this girl one time where I said that same exact thing - "sex doesn't always have to be about 'making love' sometimes it can just be about ****ing the **** out of each other - even when you do love the person - and there's nothing wrong with that"

And she replied with "no if you love someone then you should never want to just **** them, you should always want to 'make love'"

Oddly enough, this girl was quite possibly the single biggest ****e I've ever met in my life - my best friends girlfriend who ****ed around with him behind his back (with me - for mother****ing shame) and then tried to justify what her and I did and actually convinced my friend that what her and I did was acceptable.
Well we're well-aware of the vehemently anti-gay male Republican politicians who like to sleep with men. :o You know what they say about he who doth protest too much...

Sucks that you had to get caught up in that though. :csad:
 
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Optimus I feel like I owe you tuition now cuz you just schooled me.

I particularly related to what you said about "damaged goods" - I find myself constantly going after damaged girls, tho not purposefully. Amanda, my "ex" was huge damaged goods, the girl last year, Courtney, was even worse damaged goods. and I wouldn't be surprised if subconsciously that's exactly why.

I dunno, I know you weren't talking to me, but your posts kinda really hit home.
But aren't you in constant contact with girls who are 21-22 years old?
 
I've used

"I want to F*** you so bad right now".

That one worked. She knew I had made other plans that night so she made me promise I would. I use that one a lot. You can't just blurt it out, but if you've already been physical or joked around about sex that'll open the door for more forward statements.

I don't think I would be entirely comfortable repeating that verbatim...but I understand what you mean nevertheless. I'll put my own little spin on it and try it out. :yay:

If sex is completely off the radar. Just joke about it and see how she responds. Make a crude remark, could be like a Kim Kardasian joke, and all you want to know is whether they play along or not. Or not you can't do much about at the moment I'm afraid, so that's your cue to slow down.

When I first meet a girl I'm attracted to and we get a conversation going, I always try to steer the conversation towards sex, but I can never think of a way to do it in a way that won't make me look like a weirdo. Consequently, they usually end up doing it for me. :funny:
 
I don't think I would be entirely comfortable repeating that verbatim...but I understand what you mean nevertheless. I'll put my own little spin on it and try it out. :yay:
You got to say like very even toned and maybe try to sound a little aggressive. Like Ryan Gosling in Drive? Maybe? I do like the David Coruso from Jade lol, that wasn't bad either. I feel like it's hard to describe how to say something. I can do voices well, so I'm pretty good at articulating myself.

When I first meet a girl I'm attracted to and we get a conversation going, I always try to steer the conversation towards sex, but I can never think of a way to do it in a way that won't make me look like a weirdo. Consequently, they usually end up doing it for me. :funny:
I guess I'm just not really worried how it comes off. What're they gonna do, ruin my reputation by confirming all those straight rumors swirling around? Or are they gonna complain that some guy wants to have sex with them, because that confirms how ugly and unlovable they are? Perhaps they will call the cops when I say whatever and walk away. How dare I not rape or sexually assault them after harmlessly introduce a "taboo" subject!

If I could describe it well it would be "act like you've been there before". It's not the first time you've talked about sex right? I'm sure you're familiar with what sex is, so what's the problem. Just like be casual about it, like it doesn't bother you, because really it doesn't.
 
You got to say like very even toned and maybe try to sound a little aggressive. Like Ryan Gosling in Drive? Maybe?

I know how to say it; I just have to word it in a way that doesn't make me feel uncomfortable.

I guess I'm just not really worried how it comes off.

That's not the problem. I think I would definitely look like a weirdo if I just blurted it out in the middle of a conversation. I always try to work it in in a way that feels organic and not so out-of-the-blue.

If I could describe it well it would be "act like you've been there before". It's not the first time you've talked about sex right? I'm sure you're familiar with what sex is, so what's the problem. Just like be casual about it, like it doesn't bother you, because really it doesn't.

:up:

Thanks for all your advice man, I really appreciate it.
 
I've failed at taking advantage of all the 19 year old ass that surrounds me all day everyday if that's the question. I dont know the first thing about getting a young hot thing to sleep with me even if casual sex is exactly what they are looking for.
 
my girlfriend broke up with me today via text message :(

is it just me or is that tremendously f***ed up
 
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