A New "Official" Relationship Advice Thread

[SpideyVille]

I can understand why hes upset, sure, but to judge an entire gender cuz of her actions is extreme.

And yea sometimes I need to take my own advice - my history with women has been so bad that I always assume the girl won't want anything to do with me before I even start.

But I got the best advice from someone one time. She told me - paraphrasing - those girls are in the past, you cant judge the intentions of every girl you ever meet from the handful you've dealt with in your past.

Yeah, that's something that some people have to learn over time. Like I've liked girls that have said things to me or treated me in ways where my initial reaction was "Never again will I do nice things for a girl". But then you just have to learn to deal with things on a case to case basis. Everybody is different and will react to things differently so you can't judge everybody the same way. Like I mentioned my friend who I judge initially as being one of those stuck up hot girls, but then I realized she was very nice and considerate for no real reason other than its in her character.

 

[WillardNation]

Yep, what he ran into was temporary resistance, and she was looking for persistence. Excuse the rhyme but it is true. It may also be a sign of false resistance because she is concerned about how you perceive her, and by showing a small bit of resistance she feels you will not think she is a ****.

It does not take alcohol either, you don't ever need to resorted to alcohol to get a girl into bed.

She was actually completely sober. She's not much of a drinker and the party was at her house so didn't drink at all. I, on the other hand, took the liberty of getting pretty wasted.

WillardNation should have pushed on through the "wait we cannot do this, we’re frieeeeends" crap. She was already making out with you. Its friggin New Years! When she says that, then you need to follow up with something smooth, does not matter exactly what you say, so long as you are:

1. being persistent
2. Confident
3. Calm

You don’t want to get angry or act ********, or startled and apologetic. You don’t just want to give up. She WANTS you to take control!

Possible response should be "we’re both adults here" or "uh oh, we’re in trouble now". In close so she can feel the words, you’re hand should be around her back keeping her close.

Even better you could also just say nothing, but lean your head back just a bit, pause and raise an eyebrow, which can be taken a great number of ways, its an indirect answer, and makes it seem as if you are writing off her "not ****ing where we eat" statement as silly. Strong no-verbal communication can be very seductive. Then immediately slowly and confidently resume the make out, take your lips to her neck. This is a good time to display physical power, turn her and push her back against the wall as you continue to make out. Its about escalation. After pushing her back into the wall and continuing to make out with her, you could pause a second to say the "uh oh, you’re in trouble now". – just a bit of teasing in your voice.

That environment sounds like it was conducive to seduction as well, was just a party there, you two are alone. There is a tension that has already been built.

The only way I would stop, is when she very sternly says "stop! I want you to leave/I’m going home" in that adamant way, shrill sounding. In that situation she is not playing around, especially the "I need to leave".

Don’t ever cross the line and actually rape a girl, but you don’t have to stop at the first sign of resistance either.

Often that first sign it is a subconscious test of persistence, which for many women is a major turn on.

This is all very true. And I knew that but, again, at the time I was just too drunk to be smooth. I'm sure it's going to happen eventually. We both want to **** each other and we're about to be spending a lot of time together. Both at the gym and socially since we're friends. I'm not too worried about, I really don't care too much for drunk sex anyway.

 

[Hound55]

Not most women on the planet. Most stupid, immature women, sure.

Exactly...

Most women.

And let's not read that as misogyny on my part either... I think most guys are f***ing stupid too.

 

[Boy Scout]

SHE RESPONDED! SHE RESPONDED SHE RESPONDED!!!!

:\ a day after i decided that i'll never hold any romantic notions towards her again.

and nearly a week after spiritually and psychologically dissecting myself both in waking and dreaming hours.

forgive me for saying this but i just lost a good amount of respect for the opposite sex now. response or no.

(she apologised for disappearing tho, and wants to go out whenever im free to 'make up for it' :S )

Maybe you should just distance yourself from her for a while. Start talking to her again when you're feeling more emotionally, physically, and psychologically stable, because being near her at this time will probably just make things worse, unless she all of a sudden returns your feelings. I'm not saying you should cut yourself off completely, just...keep her at arm's length.

 

[Boy Scout]

Yep, what he ran into was temporary resistance, and she was looking for persistence. Excuse the rhyme but it is true. It may also be a sign of false resistance because she is concerned about how you perceive her, and by showing a small bit of resistance she feels you will not think she is a ****.

It does not take alcohol either, you don't ever need to resorted to alcohol to get a girl into bed.



WillardNation should have pushed on through the "wait we cannot do this, we’re frieeeeends" crap. She was already making out with you. Its friggin New Years! When she says that, then you need to follow up with something smooth, does not matter exactly what you say, so long as you are:

1. being persistent
2. Confident
3. Calm

You don’t want to get angry or act ********, or startled and apologetic. You don’t just want to give up. She WANTS you to take control!

Possible response should be "we’re both adults here" or "uh oh, we’re in trouble now". In close so she can feel the words, you’re hand should be around her back keeping her close.

Even better you could also just say nothing, but lean your head back just a bit, pause and raise an eyebrow, which can be taken a great number of ways, its an indirect answer, and makes it seem as if you are writing off her "not ****ing where we eat" statement as silly. Strong no-verbal communication can be very seductive. Then immediately slowly and confidently resume the make out, take your lips to her neck. This is a good time to display physical power, turn her and push her back against the wall as you continue to make out. Its about escalation. After pushing her back into the wall and continuing to make out with her, you could pause a second to say the "uh oh, you’re in trouble now". – just a bit of teasing in your voice.

That environment sounds like it was conducive to seduction as well, was just a party there, you two are alone. There is a tension that has already been built.

The only way I would stop, is when she very sternly says "stop! I want you to leave/I’m going home" in that adamant way, shrill sounding. In that situation she is not playing around, especially the "I need to leave".

Don’t ever cross the line and actually rape a girl, but you don’t have to stop at the first sign of resistance either.

Often that first sign it is a subconscious test of persistence, which for many women is a major turn on.

Excuse me while I download this into my brain. Permanently.

 

[SpideyVille]

Maybe you should just distance yourself from her for a while. Start talking to her again when you're feeling more emotionally, physically, and psychologically stable, because being near her at this time will probably just make things worse, unless she all of a sudden returns your feelings. I'm not saying you should cut yourself off completely, just...keep her at arm's length.

Even if she does return some feelings, I'd still keep her at a distance.

The girl that did this to me, when I finally saw her and went out with her again, things seemed great, like they were changing in a positive way. We seemed so much closer that day and she made it seem like she wanted to go out with me. I figured we'd get close again, but then she ended up doing the same thing, which made me wonder if she only went to see me because I offered to pay her way to see a movie together and not because she really wanted to make it up to me.

So my advice is be cautious, don't let this possible meet up consume you, don't go into it with any expectations, and most importantly, be prepared to move on.

 

[Anita18]

Exactly...

Most women.

And let's not read that as misogyny on my part either... I think most guys are f***ing stupid too.

As long as you're treating everyone equally...

Excuse me while I download this into my brain. Permanently.

Um, if you're trying to take relationship advice from a romcom, I don't recommend trying SuperMike's advice either. Some guys can get away with it, while others get slapped with a restraining order, or handcuffs.

You have to know your place on the charisma scale.

Don't take offense, though! I'm sure I'd get laughed out of a bar if I tried to come on hard to a guy. I just look like a loser.

 

[Boy Scout]

Um, if you're trying to take advice from a romcom

I don't see anything wrong with that, as long as you're smart enough to realize what only worked because it was a film and what could actually work in real life. Luckily, I'm able to make that distinction.

I don't recommend trying SuperMike's advice either. Some guys can get away with it, while others get slapped with a restraining order, or handcuffs.

True that. The way I'd do it is to mix nonverbal communication (raising an eyebrow is totally my thing ) with a bit of verbal and physical teasing. Tease her for a bit, then start kissing her lightly on the neck to get her going again. But backing her into a corner or being overly forceful in any way is a huge no-no.

You have to know your place on the charisma scale.

True. I'd give myself about a 7.

Don't take offense, though! I'm sure I'd get laughed out of a bar if I tried to come on hard to a guy. I just look like a loser.

Yes, that makes me feel so much better.

 

[SpideyVille]

So I have a general question here. Basically we always hear these stories about how one person likes another, but things are complicating their attempts, whether it be they are a good friend or that they just got out of a relationship and need some time or whatever. Basically there's something that requires the person to put in a lot of time and effort just so it has a chance of working out.

My question is, is it ever worth it? I mean obviously it depends on the situation, but in terms of getting into a relationship with someone or just dating them (not simply hooking up for the night), is it ever worth it to try and stick it out or is it better to just drop it, let it go and move on?

 

[Anita18]

True. I'd give myself about a 7.

You're better off than me then. I'd give myself about a 4. I TOTALLY FAIL at the whole "flirting and using my feminine wiles to get what I want" thing.

A cute dress usually has to be involved, then people are nice to me. But otherwise I just look stupid and I feel stupid asking for stuff being flirty.

 

[Boy Scout]

So I have a general question here. Basically we always hear these stories about how one person likes another, but things are complicating their attempts, whether it be they are a good friend or that they just got out of a relationship and need some time or whatever. Basically there's something that requires the person to put in a lot of time and effort just so it has a chance of working out.

My question is, is it ever worth it? I mean obviously it depends on the situation, but in terms of getting into a relationship with someone or just dating them (not simply hooking up for the night), is it ever worth it to try and stick it out or is it better to just drop it, let it go and move on?

I think, in those types of situations, you should keep your options open and consider yourself free to date other people until the person you were originally after gets their **** together. Just because they aren't dating doesn't mean you shouldn't.

 

[Boy Scout]

You're better off than me then. I'd give myself about a 4. I TOTALLY FAIL at the whole "flirting and using my feminine wiles to get what I want" thing.

All you have to do is wear a low cut top and you're golden. Us guys have to actually put in some effort.

A cute dress usually has to be involved

Case in point! t:

But otherwise I just look stupid and I feel stupid asking for stuff being flirty.

I think a lot of guys actually respond well to a girl who's a little bit awkward when it comes to flirting. It comes off as very cute.

 

[SpideyInATree]

So I have a general question here. Basically we always hear these stories about how one person likes another, but things are complicating their attempts, whether it be they are a good friend or that they just got out of a relationship and need some time or whatever. Basically there's something that requires the person to put in a lot of time and effort just so it has a chance of working out.

My question is, is it ever worth it? I mean obviously it depends on the situation, but in terms of getting into a relationship with someone or just dating them (not simply hooking up for the night), is it ever worth it to try and stick it out or is it better to just drop it, let it go and move on?

In my experiences it's never worked out for me. A wise person once told me, "Don't put your eggs in one basket". If you're single go out and enjoy being single and don't get hung up on one person. If being like that "screws things up" with that person then they need to be told, "Well, you had your chance I can't sit and wait around forever for you to make up your mind".

In a lot of instances I wish I would have told women that.

 

[terry78]

Yeah, nothing is more attractive to a chick than a guy who can move on from her to someone else. And that's not even sarcasm, they really can't stand that.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Yeah, nothing is more attractive to a chick than a guy who can move on from her to someone else. And that's not even sarcasm, they really can't stand that.

Truth.

 

[SpideyInATree]

Yeah, nothing is more attractive to a chick than a guy who can move on from her to someone else. And that's not even sarcasm, they really can't stand that.

Definitely. They see that you can bag another girl, and especially if it's a girl who is either more pretty or on the same level of attraction, you will definitely cause some jealousy issues.

 

[Anita18]

So I have a general question here. Basically we always hear these stories about how one person likes another, but things are complicating their attempts, whether it be they are a good friend or that they just got out of a relationship and need some time or whatever. Basically there's something that requires the person to put in a lot of time and effort just so it has a chance of working out.

My question is, is it ever worth it? I mean obviously it depends on the situation, but in terms of getting into a relationship with someone or just dating them (not simply hooking up for the night), is it ever worth it to try and stick it out or is it better to just drop it, let it go and move on?

If you ask my bf, he'll say that it's worth it. But it depends how picky you are - a mature, quiet girl is fairly rare around these parts. We'll be walking around and some girl will be yakking loudly away in an annoying ditzy voice and I can already sense his balls shriveling up. This happens pretty regularly, LOL.

So yeah, if you just want to find any nice girl, it's better to cut your losses and move on. Despite what you guys think, there ARE plenty of nice pretty girls out there without a lot of baggage. But if you require certain personality traits that are not common, waiting around could be worth it for you.

All you have to do is wear a low cut top and you're golden. Us guys have to actually put in some effort.

Unfortunately you can do laundry on my chest, so that isn't going to work.

I think a lot of guys actually respond well to a girl who's a little bit awkward when it comes to flirting. It comes off as very cute.

Not in my experience. Or maybe I was just going after the wrong guys.

Definitely. They see that you can bag another girl, and especially if it's a girl who is either more pretty or on the same level of attraction, you will definitely cause some jealousy issues.

Or if you're the "whatever" type, cut your losses and move on to another guy who isn't looking to bang just anyone.

 

[Hound55]

I knew there was going to be an ironing board reference coming up...

I was going to predict it myself, but I thought that may have seemed in poor taste (not that that normally stops me...)

 

[Boy Scout]

Unfortunately you can do laundry on my chest, so that isn't going to work.

Not in my experience. Or maybe I was just going after the wrong guys.

I don't think gay guys like women period.

 

[steintym]

So I have a general question here. Basically we always hear these stories about how one person likes another, but things are complicating their attempts, whether it be they are a good friend or that they just got out of a relationship and need some time or whatever. Basically there's something that requires the person to put in a lot of time and effort just so it has a chance of working out.

My question is, is it ever worth it? I mean obviously it depends on the situation, but in terms of getting into a relationship with someone or just dating them (not simply hooking up for the night), is it ever worth it to try and stick it out or is it better to just drop it, let it go and move on?

Every situation is different. Without going into all of the details, I think I've had two situations that fall not the categories you're talking about.

In one case, I eventually ended up dating the girl, we had a good time but ultimately things didn't work out and we went our separate ways. We did have a lot of fun, though.

In the other case ... I ended up marrying her. We definitely had some obstacles to overcome at first, but things works out and I couldn't be happier.

 

[SpideyVille]

I guess the reason I ask is because a lot of people make it seem like falling in love is so hard, whereas other times it seems to just click. But its always hard to tell how it will be, especially in situations where there are things in the way that make things difficult. So I'm beginning to wonder if its ever worth it to keep going where there is legitimate hope, and not something false like hoping that a girl that just sees you as a friend will suddenly change her mind.

Like is falling in love and getting into a relationship really so hard? And again, I don't mean hooking up with someone for the night or a weekend.

 

[SpideyInATree]

I guess the reason I ask is because a lot of people make it seem like falling in love is so hard, whereas other times it seems to just click. But its always hard to tell how it will be, especially in situations where there are things in the way that make things difficult. So I'm beginning to wonder if its ever worth it to keep going where there is legitimate hope, and not something false like hoping that a girl that just sees you as a friend will suddenly change her mind.

Like is falling in love and getting into a relationship really so hard? And again, I don't mean hooking up with someone for the night or a weekend.

For some people it's easy and for others it just takes a little more time to find that.

I was always the nice guy. You'd hear girls say they just wanted a guy who was nice and treated them well, etc. I'd go out with them and they wouldn't want me because, deep down, those girls wanted the "bad boy".

When you're young it is a bit more difficult because a lot of those girls are either looking for a good time or looking for the wrong thing.

When I got into my mid-20's the girls started coming my way because eventually they go through those "bad relationships" and then meet a guy like me that is ACTUALLY nice and listened and wasn't a complete "playa".

Everyone is going to have their own difficulty but you will find it.

 

[Anita18]

I don't think gay guys like women period.

Yeah, when I was in HS I had a crush on a guy who eventually figured out he was gay. But I have pretty good gaydar now.

I guess the reason I ask is because a lot of people make it seem like falling in love is so hard, whereas other times it seems to just click. But its always hard to tell how it will be, especially in situations where there are things in the way that make things difficult. So I'm beginning to wonder if its ever worth it to keep going where there is legitimate hope, and not something false like hoping that a girl that just sees you as a friend will suddenly change her mind.

Like is falling in love and getting into a relationship really so hard? And again, I don't mean hooking up with someone for the night or a weekend.

Yeah, getting into a relationship takes time and patience. It's not necessarily "hard" though, not like school can be hard. It can definitely take more patience though.

And more often than not, people tend to self-sabotage themselves. Not just you pursuing someone out of reach, but the other person also putting themselves out of reach.

For some people it's easy and for others it just takes a little more time to find that.

I was always the nice guy. You'd hear girls say they just wanted a guy who was nice and treated them well, etc. I'd go out with them and they wouldn't want me because, deep down, those girls wanted the "bad boy".

When you're young it is a bit more difficult because a lot of those girls are either looking for a good time or looking for the wrong thing.

When I got into my mid-20's the girls started coming my way because eventually they go through those "bad relationships" and then meet a guy like me that is ACTUALLY nice and listened and wasn't a complete "playa".

Everyone is going to have their own difficulty but you will find it.

Yesss, that's why my bf and I were so effin' amused by that college girl who wanted to break up with her bf just because he didn't like the same music she did. (And her friends agreed with her! WTF!) It's such an immature thing to do, to expect that your ideal partner to be just like you except a different person, because going out by yourself and having sex with yourself is lame.

 

[SpideyInATree]

Yesss, that's why my bf and I were so effin' amused by that college girl who wanted to break up with her bf just because he didn't like the same music she did. (And her friends agreed with her! WTF!) It's such an immature thing to do, to expect that your ideal partner to be just like you except a different person, because going out by yourself and having sex with yourself is lame.

Haha, oh goodness. I haven't met anybody that shallow before, thank God. I've dated and had relationships with women who I've had drastic musical taste with and that has never factored into ending the relationship. However, there was always a lot of, "Wow, you listen to a lot of really WEIRD music" conversations. t:

 

[Anita18]

Haha, oh goodness. I haven't met anybody that shallow before, thank God. I've dated and had relationships with women who I've had drastic musical taste with and that has never factored into ending the relationship. However, there was always a lot of, "Wow, you listen to a lot of really WEIRD music" conversations. t:

It only gets worse - they'd been together for two years and she claimed she still loved him buuuuut the difference in music and general artistic taste was apparently just too much for her to live with anymore!

God what a stupid bint.