Attack of the *Official* Relationship Advice Thread

[WillardNation]

Ya know what will really make her in to you? When you're out in a group, **** one of her friends. Works like gangbusters.

 

[Polaris23]

Yeah, one thing I used to do in the past whenever I liked a girl that I was hanging out with with a group of friend was to do stupid things or acting out just to get her attention. But really, all I was doing was just making a fool out of myself. I think I just need to be myself and look for opportunities to talk to her alone every now and then.

I just hate the idea of waiting for my friend to set all of this up.

Yeah man, they don't like when it's obvious you're trying too hard. Hell, no body does. I have a couple of old high school male friends who try to act all cool with me now and constantly try to ask me what my favourite films or music is, when before they never cared. Eh? It's a turn off even when it's just friends.

ANd yeah, sucks that you have to rely on your friend, hopefully you move past that very soon.

 

[SpideyVille]

Ya know what will really make her in to you? When you're out in a group, **** one of her friends. Works like gangbusters.

Knowing me, if I did that. I would probably forget about her and just keep it up with her friend, assuming she is of an equal or higher level on the hotness meter.

Yeah man, they don't like when it's obvious you're trying too hard. Hell, no body does. I have a couple of old high school male friends who try to act all cool with me now and constantly try to ask me what my favourite films or music is, when before they never cared. Eh? It's a turn off even when it's just friends.

ANd yeah, sucks that you have to rely on your friend, hopefully you move past that very soon.

Well one thing I've been working on lately is letting people know how I feel. I've realized that I've never really told a girl that I liked her until it was too late, and at that point its more of a desperation move. So I've been getting over that fear of being honest with people about my feelings just so I can avoid ending up in the position of suddenly trying to find out things about someone while also hinting that I'm into them.

And I kinda feel like I should stop bothering my friend because I don't want to come across as too needy to her even though she kinda thinks I'm desperate.

 

[terry78]

Girls always want you when you make like you don't want them. Guys can never seem to grasp this ****ing concept.

 

[Anita18]

I don't know, I basically believe in Christian values, which I suppose has gotten me into trouble when looking for the right companion because I just feel very strongly about certain things, and that might stem from a Christian belief system. Like I do not believe in overlapping relationships with someone that has a Girlfriend/Wife already. My philosophy is that when it's over you just know deep in your heart that you are not in love with someone. Why put yourself through anymore emotional duress by staying with one person while dating another? My perfect scenario if I was in this sort of situation myself would be to sever the ties with the one I was mistaken about, losing the excess baggage, get back to feeling good about myself again and then pursue that person I had an interest in while still bound.

Um, my sister believes the same thing and she counts herself in with "the godless people."

It's just a respect thing, and I dare say MOST guys would agree with you.

 

[Godzilla2000]

I don't have any strong christian beliefs but I completely agree with what you just said. It takes time to get over someone and unless your ready to leave the person you shouldn't be exploring other options.

I really appreciate your sentiments in this reply. It's just a wonderful thing for me to have people who completely understand where I'm coming from!

Um, my sister believes the same thing and she counts herself in with "the godless people."

It's just a respect thing, and I dare say MOST guys would agree with you.

Well, you see here's my problem with orthodox religious believers. They condemn people for even thinking of starting a relationship with people after they've legally procured a binding statement of divorce from a spouse whom they clearly cannot live with. I am a Bible reader and yes there are strong words about divorcing a spouse in it, but there are also tales of important biblical figures who have married honest, faithful women after divorcing spouses who were not very good wives. It's this paradoxical thing that has me baffled sometimes about the Bible's details of moral behavior, but that doesn't stop the "Morality Police" from twisting the words to suit their views I suppose. But you know, I think according to the Bible if a marriage is devoid of all the things that a good, Christian marriage should have it's not quite considered a godly union.

P.S. I think having all those male friends when I was younger has helped me see things from a male perspective more than a female's. I'm glad you told me most guys can concur with my sentiments. I work really hard to understand what makes guys tick and how I can apply that to my own ways of relating to one that I could love.

 

[Charlie Boy]

I have a bit of a crush on a co-worker of mine. I know the saying well, "Don't **** where you eat.", which I don't plan on doing.

I want something real with this girl. She's smart, sensible, generous, and witty. I want a shot at something real, and I'd hate to miss out on that just because we happen to work in the same building... Honestly, I see this girl for about 20 solid minutes a week. She's part time, I'm full-time, and we work in separate departments. It just seems silly to overlook a great woman because we happen to work under the same roof.

So, I made my move with the co-worker. I let her know how I felt about her and she reciprocated. So now, we're like... Hanging out I guess. Essentially she's my girlfriend, but she's not ready for that title yet. Which I understand, I suppose.

We went to a house party another co-worker threw, and we were attached at the hip, and none of our co-workers really cared except for a couple friends who had some questions. Saturday we went to a bar to see her friends band play. I had a huge panic attack, she ran outside to console me and told me I don't have to carry this burden alone and asked if there was anything she could do to help me. Then, about half an hour later when I decided I wanted to go to my bar where I felt much more comfortable, she said "ok", went inside to tell her friends she was leaving, they gave her crap and she said " I care about him and I go where he goes".

We get to my bar, a bunch of my friends show up...Everyone loves her, she loves them. We have an amazing time, we grab some fast food before she drops me off at my apartment, we have a long talk while we're in her car. She tells me that although we only just started hanging out it feels like we've been together forever, and she's told her mother about me.

So, basically she's carrying on as if not only are we dating, but she's pretty much engaged to me... Normally, I'd be freaked, but I more or less feel the same way... But if this is how she feels, what's with the "no titles" stuff she keeps saying?

Am I just being ridiculously old-fashioned in wanting to call her my girlfriend? Is it all about "ownership" for lack of a better term? I mean, she's made it clear to me that she's with me, and only me. Are relationships evolving to the point where titles are meaningless?

 

[HisMagicTrick]

Am I just being ridiculously old-fashioned in wanting to call her my girlfriend? Is it all about "ownership" for lack of a better term? I mean, she's made it clear to me that she's with me, and only me. Are relationships evolving to the point where titles are meaningless?

A lot of people don't like the idea of titles because they feel like they're losing their independency and sense of self by being titled someone's something, so that might be how she feels.

I think that the titles are basically there so that the relationship can be easily defined, if that makes sense.

 

[Charlie Boy]

That does make sense... But I suppose I shouldn't be so hung-up on titles... I mean calling a woman my "girlfriend" never stopped me from cheating in the past... So being desperate to call her that now doesn't make much sense at all.

Usually when things get titled, I freak out and **** stuff up. So maybe this is a good thing.

 

[Godzilla2000]

A lot of people don't like the idea of titles because they feel like they're losing their independency and sense of self by being titled someone's something, so that might be how she feels.

I think that the titles are basically there so that the relationship can be easily defined, if that makes sense.

I'm not a feminist of the level of not liking being called someone's girlfriend in public. I'd wear it like a badge of honor that a man is fond of me enough to want to designate me as sort of a more permanent fixture in his life. I like to consider us a packaged deal in that respect.

 

[Anita18]

So, I made my move with the co-worker. I let her know how I felt about her and she reciprocated. So now, we're like... Hanging out I guess. Essentially she's my girlfriend, but she's not ready for that title yet. Which I understand, I suppose.

We went to a house party another co-worker threw, and we were attached at the hip, and none of our co-workers really cared except for a couple friends who had some questions. Saturday we went to a bar to see her friends band play. I had a huge panic attack, she ran outside to console me and told me I don't have to carry this burden alone and asked if there was anything she could do to help me. Then, about half an hour later when I decided I wanted to go to my bar where I felt much more comfortable, she said "ok", went inside to tell her friends she was leaving, they gave her crap and she said " I care about him and I go where he goes".

We get to my bar, a bunch of my friends show up...Everyone loves her, she loves them. We have an amazing time, we grab some fast food before she drops me off at my apartment, we have a long talk while we're in her car. She tells me that although we only just started hanging out it feels like we've been together forever, and she's told her mother about me.

So, basically she's carrying on as if not only are we dating, but she's pretty much engaged to me... Normally, I'd be freaked, but I more or less feel the same way... But if this is how she feels, what's with the "no titles" stuff she keeps saying?

Am I just being ridiculously old-fashioned in wanting to call her my girlfriend? Is it all about "ownership" for lack of a better term? I mean, she's made it clear to me that she's with me, and only me. Are relationships evolving to the point where titles are meaningless?

That sounds good.

Her fear of being called your girlfriend could be because she thinks you and she are moving too fast. It's one thing to be "dating," it's another level to be considered a "girlfriend." I didn't call my bf my bf until a few weeks after we had been seeing each other every weekend (and he drove 1.5 hours each way), and even then I asked him outright, "So are we boyfriend and girlfriend?" and he replied, "Well, I've been telling people at work that I've been visiting my girlfriend every weekend" and I was like, "Okay" and that was that.

For me it wasn't really a fear of ownership, just a fear of things changing. It was like, when you call something by an official name, it's feels like a BIG CHANGE even though it really isn't. Titles are like that.

 

[Anubis]

Heh, introduce her as your "friend" to some chick you used to bang and I bet you she gets past that whole label boos**t fast.

Seriously though, don't do that. Don't rock the boat.

 

[DBryan]

Cheating is for gutless idiots.

 

[Anubis]

With the frequency of crazy, revenge killings these days, cheating is hardly gutless.

 

[terry78]

Cheating is for gutless idiots.

What if she hits you?

 

[Erzengel]

Hey some people aren't cheaters, they just have an inordinate amount of love to give.

If I have 10 gallons of love and she's only got a 5 gallon container, what am I going to do with the rest of that love? Waste it?

 

[Poeman]

So, I made my move with the co-worker. I let her know how I felt about her and she reciprocated. So now, we're like... Hanging out I guess. Essentially she's my girlfriend, but she's not ready for that title yet. Which I understand, I suppose.

We went to a house party another co-worker threw, and we were attached at the hip, and none of our co-workers really cared except for a couple friends who had some questions. Saturday we went to a bar to see her friends band play. I had a huge panic attack, she ran outside to console me and told me I don't have to carry this burden alone and asked if there was anything she could do to help me. Then, about half an hour later when I decided I wanted to go to my bar where I felt much more comfortable, she said "ok", went inside to tell her friends she was leaving, they gave her crap and she said " I care about him and I go where he goes".

We get to my bar, a bunch of my friends show up...Everyone loves her, she loves them. We have an amazing time, we grab some fast food before she drops me off at my apartment, we have a long talk while we're in her car. She tells me that although we only just started hanging out it feels like we've been together forever, and she's told her mother about me.

So, basically she's carrying on as if not only are we dating, but she's pretty much engaged to me... Normally, I'd be freaked, but I more or less feel the same way... But if this is how she feels, what's with the "no titles" stuff she keeps saying?

Am I just being ridiculously old-fashioned in wanting to call her my girlfriend? Is it all about "ownership" for lack of a better term? I mean, she's made it clear to me that she's with me, and only me. Are relationships evolving to the point where titles are meaningless?

Youre a single guy and shes a single girl before this?

Then she is yours...Dont panic, take it easy...be yourself now. she likes you and you like her. Tell her that you are happy she told her mom about you. And that youd love to meet her someday. If this is what you want...A REAL GIRL, A REAL RELATIONSHIP.

Then it is here. Grab it with your palm and eat it...Sorry, I got carried away there t:

 

[Poeman]

That sounds good.

Her fear of being called your girlfriend could be because she thinks you and she are moving too fast. It's one thing to be "dating," it's another level to be considered a "girlfriend." I didn't call my bf my bf until a few weeks after we had been seeing each other every weekend (and he drove 1.5 hours each way), and even then I asked him outright, "So are we boyfriend and girlfriend?" and he replied, "Well, I've been telling people at work that I've been visiting my girlfriend every weekend" and I was like, "Okay" and that was that.

For me it wasn't really a fear of ownership, just a fear of things changing. It was like, when you call something by an official name, it's feels like a BIG CHANGE even though it really isn't. Titles are like that.

I agree with this...My gf started calling me bf about 2 or so weeks in.
And then soon after it became the "love" phase in about 2 months

Titles were important to me, I wanted her to know that I want her to be my girlfriend and that if not now, when she is ready to say. But till then, I wanted her to know she was someone that I could not bear spending time away from.

I guess just go with flow if things are positive and then when the time is right, you make the confirmation.

 

[steintym]

Anita nailed it. It's probably just her way of taking things a little slower. You guys are obviously into each other and spending time together. She probably just wants things to progress at a comfortable pace.

 

[SpideyVille]

I've realized that one of the things that has really been hurting me has been with the way that I fall in love with the idea of falling in love once I see some potential romantic interest. It really meses with my head and turns me into a different person, in both good and bad ways.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Girls always want you when you make like you don't want them. Guys can never seem to grasp this ****ing concept.

It hasn't worked for me. It's like when I play the "I don't want you" game, the girl's response is "thank god that's over with!!"

 

[Polaris23]

So, I made my move with the co-worker. I let her know how I felt about her and she reciprocated. So now, we're like... Hanging out I guess. Essentially she's my girlfriend, but she's not ready for that title yet. Which I understand, I suppose.

Hey, how'd you tell her how you felt? I want to tell someone how I feel without it being awkward and confrontational

 

[WillardNation]

The girl I went out with on Friday and I have been talking pretty steadily. We wanted to hang out on Saturday again but she worked until 7 and I had to go to work at 10 so we didn't get a chance to. She said she tried to get her friend to go with her to come see me but they both really hate the bar I was working at. We hung out on Sunday, had some drinks and then **** went downhill a little bit. We got to my house and ended up sitting in her car, talking for a bit. I don't know why, but I just ended up saying all kinds of dumb, awkward ****. I was going to invite her in but after the awkward convo and my house being way too messy to have company (let alone a hot girl I like), I just said goodbye and went in. We started texting each other shortly after we left and I kinda brought up the awkwardness. She said the only thing she thought was awkward was that I didn't invite her in. Dammit.

We're texting this morning and she mentions she's grumpy today. On my lunch break, I buy a bunch of chocolate and take it to her at her work. I get there right as she's going on lunch, so I go with her. After I get back to work, she sends me a text that says, "yay, I got two smiles today. 1 for seeing you and 2 for your yummy surprise ". Whew. Then I was talking to her later and she tells me that we definitely would've fooled around if I invited her in last night. Dammit. But, good to know I didn't **** anything up by being awkward like I was sure I did.

I'm way better at having one night stands with girls than dating.

Edit: And not two seconds after I posted this, she sends me a text that says "kinda miss u". t:

 

[Polaris23]

Wow Willard, you're getting it!

 

[Anita18]

Wow Willard, you're getting it!

There must be something in the water, our boys are on a roll!

You next Polaris.