Yeah, I've gone out with girls I liked before, but I've never really been on a first date, so when my friend kept saying that I was looking desperate, I was just frustrated because I can never seem to get to the point where I at least get that first date. Right now, that's my main objective, and once I get there, then I'll start worrying about what happens after that. But just a chance, just a date is all I'm asking for now.
I haven't really had a first date in awhile. But that's partially my fault.
Since I started college, I had been on at least 1 date every semester. I'm going on my 5th now. But things got weird my 3rd semester. I had met a girl in one of my classes, and I didn't really pay her much attention like that. She was the little country girl that sat in the corner. For all intents and purposes, pretty plain. Especially compared to the big breasted blonde that I sat next to in class who always wore low cut tops and short skirts. Or the girl who was in my play with me who was the typical hot, flirty sorority girl with maybe the best legs I've ever seen. Well, after going out with the sorority girl a couple times, and realizing I didn't like her personality, I stopped pursuing her. And at the same time, I had been spending a lot of time with plain country girl in the corner, and her and I were really clicking. I decided to shift my focus to the girl that I was actually building some chemistry with. I made subtle little moves to test her interest, and she bought every one. She was the first to contact me, and when it was clear that there was a mutual interest, I decided to start trying to surprise her. She started sending me pictures in text message, and telling me where she'd be hanging out cuz she had like a 2 hour break between classes, so I started surprising her by showing up. She made it perfectly clear that she wanted my company, and we spent a lot of time together doing this.
In the meantime, I was kind of ignoring another girl who was putting her interest on kind of strong. For what it's worth, me and girl #2 did go out a couple times (once to a movie, where she laid on my shoulder through the whole thing, and the other I took her to one of the theatre shows at my school), but I didn't have much interest. Everytime I went out with her, I was thinking of the 1st girl. Problem was, the first girl lived in a town about half hour away, and was a single mother living with her mom and had a lot of home issues that she couldn't get away from, so her and I were never able to go out.
Well, long story short, it didn't work out with the first girl, and it really tore me up inside (I posted about her here a lot last year) because despite the fact that her and I never went out, emotionally we both got way too attached way too fast, because we did spend a lot of time together still, and due to her circumstances, she took our "relationship" to an emotional high that swept both of us up, and then she decided that she "couldn't handle it" and pushed me away.
Well, over my 4th semester, I did go out with the 2nd girl again, and she told me there that she didn't see me like that, and she said she never did. She says that all the times she talked to me about her sexual fantasies, it was just her making conversation, that she saw me as a friend, and that she had actually been seeing something else. How much of that is the truth, and how much of it is her realizing I was ignoring her and just keeping her as a backup girl, and not wanting to play that game, I don't know. Then there was another girl that I did like, that her and I did go out once, I had asked her out after a lot of heavy back and forth flirting, but it turned out she had a boyfriend and what I was wanting to be a date, was just her going out with a friend after a performance. But basically, after the main girl, I was so torn up about her that I didn't put forth any effort to get out and meet new girls. To be perfectly honest, I'm still not 100% over Courtney (the first girl), and I probably never will be, I probably had stronger feelings for her than any other girl I've ever known (it was the one time in my life where I was with a girl, and it truly felt like I was "supposed" to be with her), but I've reached the point where I'm ready to move on with someone else. Unfortunately, the scars are still there and I'm hesitant.
Yeah, this all reminds me of the last girl I liked. She made me sound like the greatest guy ever with the way she used to brag about me to everyone she knew, and she seemed really interested in me for a while, but once I showed interest in her, she started to become flaky and would ignore all of my calls. She claimed she was busy, but I noticed she only did that with me, and not with any of her other friends. After a while I started to take it personally and even though we were still friends for about a year after all that, I decided to cut her out completely and I made sure to let her know since I didn't want to deal with her flip-flopping around anymore.
That's pretty much what happened with Courtney. In the very beginning, she was telling her mother about me, she would brag about me to the rest of class, telling them about how her and I were spending so much time together. People in class asked me if something was going on between her and I, because they could see something bubbling. I kissed her after class one day, and my friend asked me "Did you just kiss Courtney?" and I said yes, and she replied "that's so sweet, you and Courtney would make such a cute couple. You have my approval" But once she took it to the emotional high, she backed out, and kinda just left me hanging. Everytime I tried to walk away, she'd come back around telling me how much she wanted me around, and that she knew she was wrong for how she was acting, and I tried to give her space when she needed it, and be close to her when she needed it. But between the back and forth her and I had, it finally got to a point where I couldn't take it anymore, and I had to tell her that I couldn't do it anymore. I wanted to be there for her, but I couldn't be left hanging like that.
I've never really flirted with a girl before. It's always been something that I felt uncomfortable with since it was never a part of my approach. But I really hate when someone seems interested in you first until you decide to make a move, only to see they're not interested anymore. It does become frustrating after a while.
I used to be afraid to flirt. Not so much anymore. I just gotta read a girl and see how she'll respond. Some girls, I walk straight up to them, put my arms around them, rub their leg, brush their hair, talk sweet to 'em, sometimes even give them a kiss. Some I know I can't do that with so I don't. I don't think I've misread too many of them, as I've only ever had 1 girl tell me not to do something. The rest typically seem to enjoy it, and embrace it. *After reading it, I should add a note that states, these are all girls I know, not just random girls I encounter that I go up to and rub on. These are all girls that I know, am around regularly, and we are comfortable with each other* I've become a lot better about reading women and knowing how they'll respond, I just can't read when their response is genuine, or just being a typical 19 year old college girl that likes the attention. Like one girl now that I'd really like to make a move on, and do a lot of my flirting with, but I think that a lot of it is just playful, and also she is in a show with me, so I'd hate to have that awkwardness going on. I've only ever dated one girl from a show, and that was well after the show was over, and it ended up being only one date. I think she used me for a free meal, lol.
and you'll do fine. I was talking to a guy friend the other day and both of us realized that while neither of us are interested in each other the 'feelings' are there because, for lack of a better explanation, our hearts want to be attached and have nothing. So the closeness we have is creating a faux-relationship feeling. Just be careful and make sure there are 'rules' set up.
