Attack of the *Official* Relationship Advice Thread

[bullets]

Who here has given up on relationships? Raise your hand. *raises hand*

I haven't given up on them indefinitely but I'm avoiding them for now.

 

[SpideyVille]

You know, you guys are absolutely right. I've always felt bad about my looks for some reason, until recently I started feeling more confident about myself and my looks. But with that, I've realized the real problem is more with my personality and how I don't let it shine naturally because of so many things in my head. My worst enemy has always been myself because I want things to be a certain way and I'm never willing to take risks.

That's the biggest hurdle that I have yet to overcome, not just in dating, but with everything in life, and its been the main reason why I felt so down and depressed for a long time. Because there was a life I always wanted, but the way that I am, it doesn't look like I'll ever have that life until I finally change and get rid of whatever it is that is holding me back in my mind.

 

[Anita18]

You know, you guys are absolutely right. I've always felt bad about my looks for some reason, until recently I started feeling more confident about myself and my looks. But with that, I've realized the real problem is more with my personality and how I don't let it shine naturally because of so many things in my head. My worst enemy has always been myself because I want things to be a certain way and I'm never willing to take risks.

That's the biggest hurdle that I have yet to overcome, not just in dating, but with everything in life, and its been the main reason why I felt so down and depressed for a long time. Because there was a life I always wanted, but the way that I am, it doesn't look like I'll ever have that life until I finally change and get rid of whatever it is that is holding me back in my mind.

Also, keep in mind that there are things that may be a big deal to you, that nobody else ever notices.

And perfection is totally overrated. Having something in the works, even if it isn't perfect, is better than nothing.

 

[terry78]

Also, keep in mind that there are things that may be a big deal to you, that nobody else ever notices.

And perfection is totally overrated. Having something in the works, even if it isn't perfect, is better than nothing.

 

[Polaris23]

Confidence really IS key. You could be a totally hot guy but if you're such a downer and constantly whine and boast about how life sucks, NO ONE is even gonna wanna listen even if they're your friend (well, MAYBE your close friends) it just gets annoying.

Everyone loves a confident person, mostly because it feeds out a great vibe to be around them. Its inspiring.

 

[WillardNation]

You know, you guys are absolutely right. I've always felt bad about my looks for some reason, until recently I started feeling more confident about myself and my looks. But with that, I've realized the real problem is more with my personality and how I don't let it shine naturally because of so many things in my head. My worst enemy has always been myself because I want things to be a certain way and I'm never willing to take risks.

That's the biggest hurdle that I have yet to overcome, not just in dating, but with everything in life, and its been the main reason why I felt so down and depressed for a long time. Because there was a life I always wanted, but the way that I am, it doesn't look like I'll ever have that life until I finally change and get rid of whatever it is that is holding me back in my mind.

For sure dude. If you want something, no matter what it is, go after it. Don't think of the reasons why it wouldn't work or why you shouldn't try, just ****ing do it. Be unreasonable. It will pay off for you.

 

[Polaris23]

For sure dude. If you want something, no matter what it is, go after it. Don't think of the reasons why it wouldn't work or why you shouldn't try, just ****ing do it. Be unreasonable. It will pay off for you.

Poetry! t:

 

[Charlie Boy]

So I this afternoon while my lady friend and I were cuddling in bed, I decided to throw all my cards on the table and finally told her just how deeply I cared about her.. So now we're officially dating or whatever... Nothing has really changes aside from the fact that a small number of people knew, and now a large number of people know.

I'm gonna do my best not to eff this up.

 

[Anubis]

Congrats. Good to see some f**kin' body happy up in this piece.

 

[SpideyVille]

Also, keep in mind that there are things that may be a big deal to you, that nobody else ever notices.

And perfection is totally overrated. Having something in the works, even if it isn't perfect, is better than nothing.

Yeah, I've learned that perfection doesn't exist, yet for some reason, Ialways want things to be "right", or I want them done the "right" way.It's like I over-complicate things or myself.

Confidence really IS key. You could be a totally hot guy but if you're such a downer and constantly whine and boast about how life sucks, NO ONE is even gonna wanna listen even if they're your friend (well, MAYBE your close friends) it just gets annoying.

Everyone loves a confident person, mostly because it feeds out a great vibe to be around them. Its inspiring.

Definitely. I know I've turned some people of by complaining too much about something.

And I've seen that I have this type of Clark Kent/ Superman kind of thing going. Like whenever I go out and I'm wearing glasses, I feel so down like people aren't going to notice me, or will think I'm a loser or something. Yet when I wear contacts, I feel more confident and feel like I have a better chance at hitting it off with someone. The problem with that though is that I have sensitive eyes, so my eyes have been turning very red ever since I started wearing my contacts again a few weeks ago. But I just can't ever feel comfortable with myself when I wear glasses, and laser surgery is not really an option at the moment.

For sure dude. If you want something, no matter what it is, go after it. Don't think of the reasons why it wouldn't work or why you shouldn't try, just ****ing do it. Be unreasonable. It will pay off for you.

Yeah, this is a mentality that I'm slowly learning to adapt. To be honest, I always make up some excuse for why I shouldn't do something and that's mostly because I'm not willing to put in that extra effort to get what I want. That's why the past two years have felt so depressing for me, because as I got older, people started moving on while I stood where I was.

But it's always been tougher with relationships because, for some reason, that's been the one thing that I've always wanted in life. It's been the only thing that ever mattered and I've realized that the only times that I've done something meaningful was because there was a girl behind it and that's usually the motivation that makes me take action.

 

[Anita18]

So I this afternoon while my lady friend and I were cuddling in bed, I decided to throw all my cards on the table and finally told her just how deeply I cared about her.. So now we're officially dating or whatever... Nothing has really changes aside from the fact that a small number of people knew, and now a large number of people know.

I'm gonna do my best not to eff this up.

Aww, yay.

And you won't eff this up as long as you keep the lines of communication open. I think many relationships end (beyond obviously personality clashes) because someone shuts down and refuses to talk about what's bothering them. That's what immature people who believe in fairy tales (and telepathic partners) do. Real adults communicate and come to an understanding.

Yeah, I've learned that perfection doesn't exist, yet for some reason, I always want things to be "right", or I want them done the "right" way.It's like I over-complicate things or myself.

Ya still gotta train yourself into thinking that perfection is totally overrated, even for you.

My coworker always wants things to be perfect. I have no idea how she has the energy to do what she does, because she spends A LOT of energy on things I would not bother for. She's also the one getting a divorce, and I think her all-encompassing quest for perfection might have been a factor, if her husband couldn't stand being around it anymore.

And I've seen that I have this type of Clark Kent/ Superman kind of thing going. Like whenever I go out and I'm wearing glasses, I feel so down like people aren't going to notice me, or will think I'm a loser or something. Yet when I wear contacts, I feel more confident and feel like I have a better chance at hitting it off with someone. The problem with that though is that I have sensitive eyes, so my eyes have been turning very red ever since I started wearing my contacts again a few weeks ago. But I just can't ever feel comfortable with myself when I wear glasses, and laser surgery is not really an option at the moment.

Dude, haven't you heard? Glasses are totally in and hot now. My sister even saw people on the BART wearing eyeglass frames with no lenses in them.

What you need is a more awesome pair of glasses.

Yeah, this is a mentality that I'm slowly learning to adapt. To be honest, I always make up some excuse for why I shouldn't do something and that's mostly because I'm not willing to put in that extra effort to get what I want. That's why the past two years have felt so depressing for me, because as I got older, people started moving on while I stood where I was.

But it's always been tougher with relationships because, for some reason, that's been the one thing that I've always wanted in life. It's been the only thing that ever mattered and I've realized that the only times that I've done something meaningful was because there was a girl behind it and that's usually the motivation that makes me take action.

You're still young though, you'll change your mind once you come across 40-year-olds who've had nothing but dead-end jobs and no direction.

But I know what you mean. I have what I call an "inertia problem." It's hard for me to start something, but once I start, I can't stop. I wonder if the not starting part stems from the fear of what'll happen if I do start.

 

[Polaris23]

Aww, yay.

And you won't eff this up as long as you keep the lines of communication open. I think many relationships end (beyond obviously personality clashes) because someone shuts down and refuses to talk about what's bothering them. That's what immature people who believe in fairy tales (and telepathic partners) do. Real adults communicate and come to an understanding.


Ya still gotta train yourself into thinking that perfection is totally overrated, even for you.

My coworker always wants things to be perfect. I have no idea how she has the energy to do what she does, because she spends A LOT of energy on things I would not bother for. She's also the one getting a divorce, and I think her all-encompassing quest for perfection might have been a factor, if her husband couldn't stand being around it anymore.


Dude, haven't you heard? Glasses are totally in and hot now. My sister even saw people on the BART wearing eyeglass frames with no lenses in them.

What you need is a more awesome pair of glasses.


You're still young though, you'll change your mind once you come across 40-year-olds who've had nothing but dead-end jobs and no direction.

But I know what you mean. I have what I call an "inertia problem." It's hard for me to start something, but once I start, I can't stop. I wonder if the not starting part stems from the fear of what'll happen if I do start.

Dudette, glasses ARE totally hot

 

[SpideyVille]

Ya still gotta train yourself into thinking that perfection is totally overrated, even for you.

My coworker always wants things to be perfect. I have no idea how she has the energy to do what she does, because she spends A LOT of energy on things I would not bother for. She's also the one getting a divorce, and I think her all-encompassing quest for perfection might have been a factor, if her husband couldn't stand being around it anymore.

I guess my fear has always been that I don't want to think that I'm settling for something lower than what I can get. Like last year, even though my confidence was hitting an all time low, I met this girl that really seemed to like me but a big part of me felt like I could do better than her. Of course, that ended badly, partially because I was trying to help her change, only with some selfish intent. It's been a little hard for me to accept people for who they are when I really care about them. It's almost like the more I like them and want to keep them around, the more I will try to guide them towards bettering themselves in my view.

Dude, haven't you heard? Glasses are totally in and hot now. My sister even saw people on the BART wearing eyeglass frames with no lenses in them.

What you need is a more awesome pair of glasses.

It's funny that you mention that because on Friday I met Greg Miller from IGN and I asked him to rate me like they normally would on their Knockin' Boots podcast. And he said I'm an 8.5 or 9, but one thing I need to change is my glasses. I just don't know what kind of styles are cool since I've worn the same cheap style all of my life.

You're still young though, you'll change your mind once you come across 40-year-olds who've had nothing but dead-end jobs and no direction.

But I know what you mean. I have what I call an "inertia problem." It's hard for me to start something, but once I start, I can't stop. I wonder if the not starting part stems from the fear of what'll happen if I do start.

Yeah, it's like part of me is scared to start something like a relationship because I wouldn't know what to do once I'm in one, but at the same time, when I start to like a girl, it's almost like I want to skip a whole bunch of steps to the end and just get married already and have kids or something.

But I guess that part of mentality is part of what I said about how having a family is all I really want out of everything in the world. It's like I want it so bad that I rush things at times.

Dudette, glasses ARE totally hot

I'll admit, I find a girl with glasses to be very attractive a lot of the time, especially when they're already attractive without them.

 

[Charlie Boy]

Congrats. Good to see some f**kin' body happy up in this piece.

Thanks man

Aww, yay.

And you won't eff this up as long as you keep the lines of communication open. I think many relationships end (beyond obviously personality clashes) because someone shuts down and refuses to talk about what's bothering them. That's what immature people who believe in fairy tales (and telepathic partners) do. Real adults communicate and come to an understanding.

Yeah, we've been communicating like a mofo. So much so that I'm a bit shocked.

Dudette, glasses ARE totally hot

Damn straight they are.

 

[Polaris23]

It also helps because I wear glasses full-time, and I refuse to wear contacts. Tried em, never felt like myself. My appearance is essential with glasses now, plus people seem to dig em.

 

[Anita18]

I guess my fear has always been that I don't want to think that I'm settling for something lower than what I can get. Like last year, even though my confidence was hitting an all time low, I met this girl that really seemed to like me but a big part of me felt like I could do better than her. Of course, that ended badly, partially because I was trying to help her change, only with some selfish intent. It's been a little hard for me to accept people for who they are when I really care about them. It's almost like the more I like them and want to keep them around, the more I will try to guide them towards bettering themselves in my view.

Well that's just silly. Now that I'm older and have met all kinds of people, I'm not even sure what "I could do better than her/him" means. It's not about status or looks, it's about compatibility and support, which aren't obvious at first glance.

And yeah, as you may have noticed, people don't tend to like being in relationships with people who always want to change them. You can inspire them to be better, as my bf did for me. He's not intimidated being faced with a big project, and he inspired me to work on my own crazy-big project (see my sig ) just by example. But he certainly didn't tell me outright I needed to get off my lazy duff and make something of myself.

It's funny that you mention that because on Friday I met Greg Miller from IGN and I asked him to rate me like they normally would on their Knockin' Boots podcast. And he said I'm an 8.5 or 9, but one thing I need to change is my glasses. I just don't know what kind of styles are cool since I've worn the same cheap style all of my life.

Hipster black rims are really popular, but a little TOO popular, you know what I mean? As long as they're distinctive and have some kind of style, I think that's better than nothing.

Yeah, it's like part of me is scared to start something like a relationship because I wouldn't know what to do once I'm in one, but at the same time, when I start to like a girl, it's almost like I want to skip a whole bunch of steps to the end and just get married already and have kids or something.

But I guess that part of mentality is part of what I said about how having a family is all I really want out of everything in the world. It's like I want it so bad that I rush things at times.

But then...what will you do once you have kids? Life's a journey and you may be getting a little too ahead of yourself in order to check off boxes. Some girls I know really want to start families too, but they'd appreciate it more if the baby daddy wanted to actually get to know them and share the journey of a relationship and building the foundations of a family before getting right to the baby strollers and stuff.

 

[Anita18]

It also helps because I wear glasses full-time, and I refuse to wear contacts. Tried em, never felt like myself. My appearance is essential with glasses now, plus people seem to dig em.

I made myself a personal logo recently, and it involves glasses. So I can't give them up now because they're part of my brand identity.

Oh yeah, plus I'm really blind without them and my eyes are too dry (and I'm too lazy) to deal with contacts.

 

[Polaris23]

I made myself a personal logo recently, and it involves glasses. So I can't give them up now because they're part of my brand identity.

Oh yeah, plus I'm really blind without them and my eyes are too dry (and I'm too lazy) to deal with contacts.

Yeah same here, another reason why I can't wear contacts is because it would literally take me like 30 minutes to get them on LOL. So annoying. Plus, it's not exactly natural to be wearing something in your eyes, yet my parents (typical) would always insist that I wear contacts because wearing glasses doesn't look natural

I want to see your logo! I always draw my self-portraits with emphasis in the glasses

 

[RedSkull]

I wear square glasses all the time too. It's like a part of my face. I feel like it's a part of my character/appeal. If girls don't like glasses then forget em.

 

[Polaris23]

^ Hahaha yeah.

Self portrait I did with type:

 

[Godzilla2000]

Well, I'm getting the inkling in my head some very delish, very interested and interesting guy wants to see me in a pair of tight jeans.

 

[Charlie Boy]

Do you have the legs, and more importantly, ass, to pull those tight jeans off?

 

[Godzilla2000]

Do you have the legs, and more importantly, ass, to pull those tight jeans off?

Well, i have been told I have a firm "ghetto booty" of some sort and though I'm average height I have long legs for my stature. But you know, I think my looks are very much on the range of that whole "Eye of the beholder" type category in that I never really paid much attention to my physical features aside from my chest region in that that's where guys' eyes tend to wander.

Well, I decided to edit this post and paste a little something I posted over at my favorite Monster Hunter boards just because I wanted to. Here it is guys:

Anyways, what's on my mind today is about the friends interested guys hang out with in regards to my feelings of security with being in an intimate relationship with them. I think I need to make something absolutely clear to certain Neo-Nazi, racist wankers that it doesn't matter how much you love me, if you hang out with guys and girls that have about as much mental restraint as John Goodman's gun toting nutcase character in the Big Lebowski you have a 0% of ever procuring any sort of affectionate feelings from me. The last thing I want is to be around a guy whose friends are mentally unhinged sociopaths who just have nothing on their minds but death and destruction, even going so far as to plan violent death upon me or the man I have affections for in their heads because I don't want to date their man. And yeah, have I mentioned their candidate is married with no inclination towards finalizing a divorce? Yeah, that's real incentive for me to fall all over him. I think I've made it absolutely clear every chance I get I'm looking for a man who's totally free, whether by not being married or having finalized a divorce under Biblical grounds. I'm not going to be the side order of fries in his Happy Meal man. I'm not going to be the Friday night entertainment in a pitfight between myself and the wife. I have more pride than that.

What I do want is a man, and I stress the word man here 'cause I don't want boys anymore, who has taste, won't exploit me for their own entertainment, is intelligent, witty, well spoken and mannered. Also his having friends who are fun to be with and charismatic are a plus in my book, especially those that learned from their past youthful misdeeds and realized that's a stupid way to live life. I need some good influences in my life to make me feel good about myself. Violent, hateful, wankers incapable of changing are not the types of people I like to hang out with at all. So just tuck your tail between your legs, forfeit and stop barking up my tree because I'm a pacifist man.

 

[WillardNation]

I love the sexy librarian look on women. I ****ing HATE wearing glasses though. Not because of how they look (I have some nice Oakley prescription glasses and actually really like the way I look in them), I just hate the fact that I can only see if I'm looking straight ahead. As soon as I move my eyes up, down or to the side, I'm totally blind.

 

[SpideyVille]

Well that's just silly. Now that I'm older and have met all kinds of people, I'm not even sure what "I could do better than her/him" means. It's not about status or looks, it's about compatibility and support, which aren't obvious at first glance.

Well I meant I could do better in terms of how people say someone is out of their league. So if I were to rate myself a 5 or 6, I wouldn't even dare talk to someone that was a 7 or an 8. But by being more confident now, I'm slowly breaking away from that mentality of not being able to talk to certain girls because they're "out of my league" since that range has been expanding.

Like I mentioned how I like superheroes, but I'm not a big comic book reader, so I don't have the same appreciation for that as other fans do. And I've always felt a little ashamed about admitting just my love for heroes because I'd feel like people who aren't into them would look at me like the stereotypical comic book nerd. But I've met plenty of attractive girls who are also into comics and superheroes, and while I feel like that would make me have something in common with them, I always chicken out because of the fact that i thought they were "out of my league".

And yeah, as you may have noticed, people don't tend to like being in relationships with people who always want to change them. You can inspire them to be better, as my bf did for me. He's not intimidated being faced with a big project, and he inspired me to work on my own crazy-big project (see my sig ) just by example. But he certainly didn't tell me outright I needed to get off my lazy duff and make something of myself.

Yeah I still have to learn how to be inspirational without coming across as controlling or persuasive. I guess that has more to do with how I always want to help people, since I have a sort of superhero complex deep down inside.

Hipster black rims are really popular, but a little TOO popular, you know what I mean? As long as they're distinctive and have some kind of style, I think that's better than nothing.

I have these glasses that look really thin. I think I have them on in some of the comic con pics that I posted in the Photo Album thread. People say they make me look smart, but I don't really like how they look in comparison to how well i see other pull off different pairs of glasses. I don't think I do a good job with mine.

But then...what will you do once you have kids? Life's a journey and you may be getting a little too ahead of yourself in order to check off boxes. Some girls I know really want to start families too, but they'd appreciate it more if the baby daddy wanted to actually get to know them and share the journey of a relationship and building the foundations of a family before getting right to the baby strollers and stuff.

Well I don't exactly want kids right away. I mean I still want to have a good 5-10 years in a relationship before kids. But deep down inside that's where I hope to end up at. Like I see my brother and his wife and kids, and even though I don't like his kids, part of me feels a little envious of what he has, aside from the fact that he has his kids in his early twenties. I don't want to have kids until I'm at least 30.

Oh yeah, plus I'm really blind without them and my eyes are too dry (and I'm too lazy) to deal with contacts.

I have the same problem. In fact, I had to stop wearing contacts for almost 2 years because they messed up my retina to the point where no prescription was strong enough because everything was blurry.

I love the sexy librarian look on women. I ****ing HATE wearing glasses though. Not because of how they look (I have some nice Oakley prescription glasses and actually really like the way I look in them), I just hate the fact that I can only see if I'm looking straight ahead. As soon as I move my eyes up, down or to the side, I'm totally blind.

I hate that too. It almost like you have to do the Batman thing wear you can only see if you move your entire head because there's no real peripheral vision.