It is possible to alter your perspective so that you don't see every negative experience while you're in love as pain. In my experience, I have found that the "painful" times associated with love have less to do with the emotion or feeling that one feels, and more to do with personal insecurities brought into the situation. It is a choice to associate the two as a pair.
That's been my experience too.
Why do you feel more pain when you're in love?
The idea of "fighting for love" has never made sense to me. I can see what it implies, the whole "overcoming what you see as an obstacle to be with someone you care about" thing; but that always seemed less like fighting and more like a challenge. Challenges read more like momentary hindrances in the grand scheme as opposed to a "fight" which reads like a struggle without a victor. I suppose I just choose to take all the pressure off the emotion itself and put it more on those involved and the perspectives therein, namely mine.
I am not saying this approach works for everyone, but it has helped me bring a lot more happiness into my and my loved ones' lives.
I agree with this as well, but I'm a diehard optimist.
Well, because the ones I fall in love with usually are:
A.) Married
B.) Already in a relationship with another woman.
C.) Gay
The worst pain I generally tend to feel is when I really fancy a guy, have no idea of his marital status, but then find out he's married after I've developed a strong connection. It's like trying to rip out my own heart when I try to kill the feelings.
That's pain? I had another perspective of love as pain after reading this article, where a mother writes about loving her child, whom she knows will die before he can understand even parental love.
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/16/opinion/sunday/notes-from-a-dragon-mom.html
THAT is PAIN. What we experience in comparison is mere inconvenience.
Well, I agree that love should never come easy because when it's too easy you and/or the other person just take it for granted way too much. This leads to boredom and complacency which then leads to look outside of your relationship/marriage for thrills. I'm guessing you are a man because I am a woman and we tend to handle emotions a lot in not the same way as men do. I read this in an article a few years ago but our brains are hard wired a bit more differently than men's brains. Think of our brains as a string of lights. Men will have only portions of it blinking at certain times depending on what is demanded of it. Women on the other hand will have all the lights blinking on and off with others staying completely on. This I guess is why we feel things much more strongly, like love and such.
I believe men can feel love as strongly as women. Most of them just don't show it on the outside as much. My dad is very stoic normally, but when my mom was physically unwell, my sister (who was still living at home) would report that sometimes he'd lock himself into his study and scream because the woman he loved was sick and he couldn't do anything about it. It actually scared her because he's normally so quiet and doesn't show emotions like that.
A teacher I have right now - his wife of 35 years died two months ago and he still talks about her, and you can totally feel that there's just this hole in his life where she used to be.
And I don't know, all the guys I'm friends with would
never cheat on a girl. But they're all nerds who don't have any "game" with women so they might figure someone who would be with them would be someone to stick with.
Or that they're so busy on their projects that they wouldn't have time/energy to go find more poontang.
My married coworker and I actually joked about that when I told her my bf was moving upstate. "I'm not worried he'll cheat because...." "...they're lazy, right?!?!"
So to get someone faithful, I wholly recommend finding a nerdy guy.
the nerds.
