Attack of the *Official* Relationship Advice Thread

[AndThePickles]

Me hindering myself? Lol.

I don't know you, so I don't know if you ARE hindering yourself, but I will agree that this is a very very common problem. Looking back to when I used to be desperate for a boyfriend, I was very much holding myself back. I didn't understand why things weren't working out with the guys I liked, and it made me feel negative and hopeless. I was such a downer on relationships, and now that I can look back on it, I ultimately didn't believe in myself.

Sometimes it really is all in your head. When I decided that I was going to just be me and believed that I was an awesome person, my confidence naturally increased in all aspects. And without that even being the goal, it was like I suddenly became magnetic to people. I had more friends and ZERO problem finding men who were interested in me. It sounds corny, but if you truly love yourself and set a goal to become a more positive person, it's easy for other people to love you, too.

 

[S.A.A.D.]

I don't know you, so I don't know if you ARE hindering yourself, but I will agree that this is a very very common problem. Looking back to when I used to be desperate for a boyfriend, I was very much holding myself back. I didn't understand why things weren't working out with the guys I liked, and it made me feel negative and hopeless. I was such a downer on relationships, and now that I can look back on it, I ultimately didn't believe in myself.

Sometimes it really is all in your head. When I decided that I was going to just be me and believed that I was an awesome person, my confidence naturally increased in all aspects. And without that even being the goal, it was like I suddenly became magnetic to people. I had more friends and ZERO problem finding men who were interested in me. It sounds corny, but if you truly love yourself and set a goal to become a more positive person, it's easy for other people to love you, too.

If you remember, how long did this I didn't believe in myself phase last for?

 

[AndThePickles]

If you remember, how long did this I didn't believe in myself phase last for?

I definitely remember, because my self confidence sucked until around the time I turned 20. 18 was when I really started to work on just being happier with myself, but it's a slow process if you are used to having a negative outlook on life. I turn 25 next week, and have no problem saying that even though I've still had to deal with some ****** life circumstances, the past few years have easily been the best of my life thus far, because I'm happy with ME. And I continually take the time to self reflect. I'm thankful that I decided at a young age that I wanted to take charge of the way I felt, but it's never too late to learn to appreciate yourself as a person. Never wait for anyone else to validate your self worth.

 

[S.A.A.D.]

I definitely remember, because my self confidence sucked until around the time I turned 20. 18 was when I really started to work on just being happier with myself, but it's a slow process if you are used to having a negative outlook on life. I turn 25 next week, and have no problem saying that even though I've still had to deal with some ****** life circumstances, the past few years have easily been the best of my life thus far, because I'm happy with ME. And I continually take the time to self reflect. I'm thankful that I decided at a young age that I wanted to take charge of the way I felt, but it's never too late to learn to appreciate yourself as a person. Never wait for anyone else to validate your self worth.

The thing is that I am normally not in the state of disliking myself. In my case, I actually feel neutral about myself in general.

 

[Anubis]

Another way to go with it is, well, hey, you hate yourself. But you know what? Who cares what you think? I mean, you hate you right? F**k what you think!

And Anubis solves self loathing.

 

[AndThePickles]

The thing is that I am normally not in the state of disliking myself. In my case, I actually feel neutral about myself in general.

Neutral still doesn't mean appreciating yourself. I'd say that I was the same, actually. It's not like I hated myself, more like I didn't fulfill my potential/didn't bother with various things because I didn't recognize basic things that I deserved.

 

[steintym]

The thing is that I am normally not in the state of disliking myself. In my case, I actually feel neutral about myself in general.

I don't know if that's necessarily a good thing.

 

[Anita18]

Neutral still doesn't mean appreciating yourself. I'd say that I was the same, actually. It's not like I hated myself, more like I didn't fulfill my potential/didn't bother with various things because I didn't recognize basic things that I deserved.

Right.

And even if you become more confident in yourself, that doesn't automatically mean you're gonna attract a ton of people of the opposite sex (or whichever sex you're interested in). Personality quirks, like being an introverted hermit, will still hold you back from achieving that. Exhibit A: moi!

But you'll definitely be happier overall, which is always a good thing. My self-esteem took a major hit in college because I wasn't very successful in the only gauge school has to gauge people - grades and popularity. But out in the real world, I've done pretty well for myself. I know my strengths and am very proud of them, so my confidence has gone way up and I'm a lot happier now than I was back then.

 

[S.A.A.D.]

I don't know if that's necessarily a good thing.

I don't know if it's a good thing either. Actually, I can see it being a bad thing, but only if I wanted to feel something.

 

[S.A.A.D.]

Neutral still doesn't mean appreciating yourself. I'd say that I was the same, actually. It's not like I hated myself, more like I didn't fulfill my potential/didn't bother with various things because I didn't recognize basic things that I deserved.

I already knew that neutral doesn't mean appreciating yourself.

 

[SpideyVille]

Neutral still doesn't mean appreciating yourself. I'd say that I was the same, actually. It's not like I hated myself, more like I didn't fulfill my potential/didn't bother with various things because I didn't recognize basic things that I deserved.

This pretty much describes how I felt about myself for a long time, and still sort of do to some extent. Like I know if I put my mind to something, I can definitely accomplish it, but I just don't bother to do so for whatever reason.

And even if you become more confident in yourself, that doesn't automatically mean you're gonna attract a ton of people of the opposite sex (or whichever sex you're interested in). Personality quirks, like being an introverted hermit, will still hold you back from achieving that. Exhibit A: moi!

Yup. I've been more confident and happier with myself in the past month or so, but at the same time, I still haven't gone out as much so I'm still a bit introverted in that sense, and that's part of the reason why I haven't met people outside of school. I mean I'm more confident now that I could attract a bunch of girls, but I don't put it into action.

 

[WillardNation]

Me: So we're watching a movie together later, yeah?
Girl I just started seeing: I picked up Captain America.
Me:

 

[Charlie Boy]

Do couples normally have sex while their female partners are on their periods?

 

[Anubis]

Some do......I wouldn't recommend it.

 

[DoomsdayApex]

Yeah... no thanks.

That's just eerie.

 

[Charlie Boy]

Well, I only ask because my roommate asked if I was one of those guys who don't have sex with girls while they're on their period... Which took me by surprise because I thought ALL guys were those guys.

 

[Anita18]

Well, I only ask because my roommate asked if I was one of those guys who don't have sex with girls while they're on their period... Which took me by surprise because I thought ALL guys were those guys.

Some girls are those guys too. I just feel kind of gross and it would be rather messy and I wouldn't like to clean up after that.

I mean, if I'm on my last day it's fine, but not like, during the worst of it.

 

[Cuyan]

I thought ALL guys were those guys.

Not all, most are wary because of the imagery.

 

[Anita18]

Not all, most are wary because of the imagery.

Ha, and back in the old days it was thought if a girl bled during sex, it meant you just deflowered her. Which was a good thing! (Although, you could get the same effect during that time of month anyway and most girls don't bleed profusely their first time either. )

 

[Cuyan]

Most modern males are of waning stock. Squeamishness among males is on the rise in recent years, a sad truth.

 

[Hound55]

I haven't gone anywhere just for that reason.

Being myself doesn't work. Being respectful doesn't work, and as for approaching women who like playing hard to get? They can kiss my hairy behind. I'm not going to put up with that sexist and offensive crap.

Well of course it doesn't. In your case, being yourself is the last thing you should be doing. You're a colossal nob.

And being respectful only works if you're actually capable of being respectful... or of having tact...

Personally, in your case I'd recommend *********ion as Anubis has, if for no other reason than to attempt to preserve the gene pool.

 

[AndThePickles]

Well, I only ask because my roommate asked if I was one of those guys who don't have sex with girls while they're on their period... Which took me by surprise because I thought ALL guys were those guys.

Lol plenty of people have sex while the female is on her period.

I think that the reason he said that is because a lot of people generalize that any guy who won't is a *****/not a true man/immature, etc.

 

[Hound55]

Lol plenty of people have sex while the female is on her period.

I think that the reason he said that is because a lot of people generalize that any guy who won't is a *****/not a true man/immature, etc.

*Raises hand*

 

[Erzengel]

Um...showers?

Showers always wash the shame any other bodily fluid away.

 

[Hound55]

Not all of it... Some of that shame stays with you.

But blood is soluble so it's not an issue...