From SHH with Love: The Relationship Thread

[Nave 'Torment']

I'm glad things are going alright but remember this.....

while there is probably someone out there better suited for her, that doesn't mean that he is better than you and honestly, there are probably better women for you out there than her...

Just have a little self respect in terms of dating her and don't let your confidence in yourself be indicative on how she sees you but on how you see yourself.

Thanks.. and yes. Absolutely. Yes. I will remember that.

I know exactly what you mean. My fiancé is pretty short with everyone except me. I'm hoping he'll be the same if we have kids, because normally he hates kids (well, the noisy unruly ones, which frankly is 90% of them ) but I've heard from multiple parents that it's different when it's your own.

Well yeah you'd be surprised! Children are unruly -- I have this 3 year old cousin of mine and it's usually us who end up taking care of her, she's adorable and will be starting school this summer -- if you see her with anyone else she's what you would call unruly and noisy, but when she's with us? When "it's one of your own" you tend to see that they actually stop being unruly around you; or even if they are a bit chaotic, at the end of it all they do listen to you and maybe only you when you tell em to eat those veggies.

And... so you end up spoiling them even more. Vicious cycle. Beautiful but... vicious.

Keep working on that self-confidence, Nave. Just because someone is better than you on paper (remember, ON PAPER), doesn't mean that they'd be a better partner for her.

You'd think that every woman would jump for a millionaire husband with a Wall St job and who wines and dines you on a regular basis and takes you out to concerts and resorts and stuff. I'd consider that one of the circles of hell.

I know........... it's just.... damn it parents have a very different view of Hell. Especially when it comes to their precious younger daughter. They really wouldn't mind taking Shia LaBeouf from Wall St 2 as their ideal son-in-law.

But then again, yeah, I'm not dating the parents.

 

[Nave 'Torment']

Avoid.

Too many emotional issues, AND can bring an incredible amount of drama into a relationship.

The worst part about these situations is that these girls often crave abusive men.

Often they have learned how to Abuse as well, as a form of survival. They can often seem cute, but in reality are manipulative liars, who have learned to get what they want, end's justify means types. Don't be fooled by her plea of wanting a "Nice guy for once". That is like a Great White Shark wanting to take home a nice sea-lion for dinner.

These girls often know only two roles. Abuse or be Abused.

If you're a nice guy, sweet and caring, your relationship will be a severe emotional, perhaps literal, stomping of the testicles.

I'm actually going to consider what you said here but... isn't that the same "fear" that we label with every woman?

If you're a physical and emotionally abusive criminal, the kind who deals drugs and stuff, well then she will fit into your lifestyle nicely, and maybe even bring in some extra income from stripping or ****ing johns on the side.

Since I'm assuming you don't want either situation, AVOID the abused girls. If you care about her, keep it plutonic, and her at a distance. Don't get any hero-complex confused with your love life. I know this is a Superhero website, and everyone wants to be a hero, but keep in mind that some of the people who need the most help are NOT the ones you want to get into a serious relationship with.

Platonic. Well it's way too late for that right now. And no I don't have any hero-complexes working on me, but if there are people who need help with their own personalities it's essential that they help themselves first.

No SuperMike, tell me what I can do other than avoiding her. And y'know, other than being a physically-abusive drug-dealer who pimps out his girl.

 

[Anita18]

I know........... it's just.... damn it parents have a very different view of Hell. Especially when it comes to their precious younger daughter. They really wouldn't mind taking Shia LaBeouf from Wall St 2 as their ideal son-in-law.

But then again, yeah, I'm not dating the parents.

Depends on if the parents are actually concerned about her well-being (rich husband means she'll always be provided for), vs being concerned about how they look to their friends. Having a Wall St broker for a son-in-law can matter in certain circles.

Type 1 actually has a chance of coming around. Type 2 means it's probably best to avoid them for as long as you two are together.

Avoid.

Too many emotional issues, AND can bring an incredible amount of drama into a relationship.

The worst part about these situations is that these girls often crave abusive men.

Often they have learned how to Abuse as well, as a form of survival. They can often seem cute, but in reality are manipulative liars, who have learned to get what they want, end's justify means types. Don't be fooled by her plea of wanting a "Nice guy for once". That is like a Great White Shark wanting to take home a nice sea-lion for dinner.

These girls often know only two roles. Abuse or be Abused.

If you're a nice guy, sweet and caring, your relationship will be a severe emotional, perhaps literal, stomping of the testicles.

If you're a physical and emotionally abusive criminal, the kind who deals drugs and stuff, well then she will fit into your lifestyle nicely, and maybe even bring in some extra income from stripping or ****ing johns on the side.

Since I'm assuming you don't want either situation, AVOID the abused girls. If you care about her, keep it plutonic, and her at a distance. Don't get any hero-complex confused with your love life. I know this is a Superhero website, and everyone wants to be a hero, but keep in mind that some of the people who need the most help are NOT the ones you want to get into a serious relationship with.

There's a lot of assumptions here. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a gamut of ways someone could grow up after being sexually abused. It doesn't always end up as "turns into drug-addicted streetwalker dying from an overdose."

 

[SuperMike335!!]

There's a lot of assumptions here. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a gamut of ways someone could grow up after being sexually abused. It doesn't always end up as "turns into drug-addicted streetwalker dying from an overdose."

Sure, there ARE ways that someone can grow up after being abused.

Getting the right boyfriend is NOT one of them.

 

[Anita18]

Sure, there ARE ways that someone can grow up after being abused.

Getting the right boyfriend is NOT one of them.

Not 100%. It depends on the person, obviously, and their situation.

 

[Nave 'Torment']

Whoever said getting the right boyfriend will get anyone to grow up? You grow up on your own terms. I was asking what I should do about it, if anything, now that I know this bit about her past.

And heck, I have a lot of growing up to do on my own so there's that too.

 

[Nave 'Torment']

Type 1 actually has a chance of coming around. Type 2 means it's probably best to avoid them for as long as you two are together.

umm... what do you mean, exactly? as in I should be careful about her meeting up with type 2?

I can't do that to her -- she has all the right to consider other men and see if she finds someone better off than me, we're not married yet. I mean sure I want to. But fact is we're not married. My only concern is that if she doesn't stand up for herself to her parents they'll sort of choose a guy for her whom she won't be happy with, but at the end of the day she's still her own person so regarding potential partners -- I can't really do anything about it can I?

She has all the right to consider other people, but if I tell her that right now she'll think that I'm telling her to move on. If I tell her not to consider other men she'll think I'm this very needy person who doesn't want to let her go...

And well, the latter is actually true

But hell, we're dating. I'm not going to tell her to go ahead and meet up with potential suitors and have a good time.......... right

Back to the two types -- no what her folks want is someone who'll provide for her and be a respectable member of a capitalist bourgeoisie society from the upper part of the hierarchy; that isn't uncommon. And since I'm still just in college, that isn't altogether impossible on my end either.

(hey can celebrity comic-book artists be type 2? No?... well maybe a little after the Disney takeover of the global economy?)

 

[Lily Adler]

So my hiatus on men is coming to a timely end. I was wondering if anyone has any pick up tips. I have been eyeing this guy who hangs out at a coffee shop I frequent and would like to ask him out. He's a musician and is currently getting his Masters in Music, or something like that. I've talked to him a little bit and he's quite charming, however I get the feeling he has a girlfriend. I'm trying to ask him in a subtle way, but even if I figure out he's single I don't know how to pursue.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

So my hiatus on men is coming to a timely end. I was wondering if anyone has any pick up tips. I have been eyeing this guy who hangs out at a coffee shop I frequent and would like to ask him out. He's a musician and is currently getting his Masters in Music, or something like that. I've talked to him a little bit and he's quite charming, however I get the feeling he has a girlfriend. I'm trying to ask him in a subtle way, but even if I figure out he's single I don't know how to pursue.

Say "I'd like to touch your weaner". That should get him interested enough.

 

[lixdexia]

pretty much.

 

[jaymes_e06]

So my hiatus on men is coming to a timely end. I was wondering if anyone has any pick up tips. I have been eyeing this guy who hangs out at a coffee shop I frequent and would like to ask him out. He's a musician and is currently getting his Masters in Music, or something like that. I've talked to him a little bit and he's quite charming, however I get the feeling he has a girlfriend. I'm trying to ask him in a subtle way, but even if I figure out he's single I don't know how to pursue.

Stab him....

 

[hopefuldreamer]

So my hiatus on men is coming to a timely end. I was wondering if anyone has any pick up tips. I have been eyeing this guy who hangs out at a coffee shop I frequent and would like to ask him out. He's a musician and is currently getting his Masters in Music, or something like that. I've talked to him a little bit and he's quite charming, however I get the feeling he has a girlfriend. I'm trying to ask him in a subtle way, but even if I figure out he's single I don't know how to pursue.

Get drunk. Get him drunk.

Works for me

 

[Erzengel]

.....just ask him out?

 

[Anita18]

umm... what do you mean, exactly? as in I should be careful about her meeting up with type 2?

I can't do that to her -- she has all the right to consider other men and see if she finds someone better off than me, we're not married yet. I mean sure I want to. But fact is we're not married. My only concern is that if she doesn't stand up for herself to her parents they'll sort of choose a guy for her whom she won't be happy with, but at the end of the day she's still her own person so regarding potential partners -- I can't really do anything about it can I?

She has all the right to consider other people, but if I tell her that right now she'll think that I'm telling her to move on. If I tell her not to consider other men she'll think I'm this very needy person who doesn't want to let her go...

And well, the latter is actually true

But hell, we're dating. I'm not going to tell her to go ahead and meet up with potential suitors and have a good time.......... right

Back to the two types -- no what her folks want is someone who'll provide for her and be a respectable member of a capitalist bourgeoisie society from the upper part of the hierarchy; that isn't uncommon. And since I'm still just in college, that isn't altogether impossible on my end either.

(hey can celebrity comic-book artists be type 2? No?... well maybe a little after the Disney takeover of the global economy?)

No, I mean if her parents are the second type, they'll just be a thorn in your side forever and ever. Some couples still work out that way, but you just have to be aware that if you never win them over, it's not your fault.

This has nothing to do with you and her.

So my hiatus on men is coming to a timely end. I was wondering if anyone has any pick up tips. I have been eyeing this guy who hangs out at a coffee shop I frequent and would like to ask him out. He's a musician and is currently getting his Masters in Music, or something like that. I've talked to him a little bit and he's quite charming, however I get the feeling he has a girlfriend. I'm trying to ask him in a subtle way, but even if I figure out he's single I don't know how to pursue.

Second Erz. Just ask him out. If he's got a girlfriend, he'll either let you know then or he'll drop other hints in conversation if you get heavily flirty. Ask to go to one of his recitals or something.

 

[NickNitro]

So my hiatus on men is coming to a timely end. I was wondering if anyone has any pick up tips. I have been eyeing this guy who hangs out at a coffee shop I frequent and would like to ask him out. He's a musician and is currently getting his Masters in Music, or something like that. I've talked to him a little bit and he's quite charming, however I get the feeling he has a girlfriend. I'm trying to ask him in a subtle way, but even if I figure out he's single I don't know how to pursue.

Its hard, especially for a women to confront a guy. Guys are used to being shut down, I don't think girls are emotionally stable enough for it lol.

I always felt honesty and being bold is the best way to go. One day if you run into him just say "hey, you seem like a really nice guy, I don't know if you're taken or not, but if not I was hoping we could go out for a drink or something sometime?"

It may end well, it may not. All I know is its better an outcome than trying to get advice from a bunch of Hype nerds

 

[Erzengel]

From one family, I got "Yellow babies!!!"

Another, not necessarily because of who I was but more along the lines of I was taking their baby away.

Not sure how it is where Nave is, but most often times than not the suitor wins.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

"Would you like to get a drink later/sometime?" is usually what girls say to me when they ask me out. Grabbing a drink is good, not too suggestive, but leaves your options open for it to become suggestive what with the alcohol, the potential for flirting and it being in the evening.

 

[Nave 'Torment']

So my hiatus on men is coming to a timely end. I was wondering if anyone has any pick up tips. I have been eyeing this guy who hangs out at a coffee shop I frequent and would like to ask him out. He's a musician and is currently getting his Masters in Music, or something like that. I've talked to him a little bit and he's quite charming, however I get the feeling he has a girlfriend. I'm trying to ask him in a subtle way, but even if I figure out he's single I don't know how to pursue.

Talk about music. Get to know him a little more. Ask him if he made any pieces of his own. Then ask him out.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

Talk about music. Get to know him a little more. Ask him if he made any pieces of his own. Then ask him out.

Please don't.

I mean a little conversation fine (maybe get some basics like "are you a serial killer? no, okay good, I was worried about that"). But if you're gonna ask them out, you don't need to be more than a few sentences in to be like "you wanna grab a drink later". Then use the later to talk about him/you. If you start some engaged conversation right away they're going to think you want to be friends. If you make them go somewhere, like a date, to talk to you and get to know you more then you actually set a bar for them to pass/meet and hopefully they'll rise to the occasion. Otherwise, enjoy your 'friend zone'.

 

[Anubis]

I never understood that whole bulls**t urban legend about how a woman knows whether or not she wants to sleep with somebody within 5 minutes of meeting them. I've always thought that was kinda, I don't know, slow. Like ridiculously slow. It only takes your average guy like, milliseconds.

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

I never understood that whole bulls**t urban legend about how a woman knows whether or not she wants to sleep with somebody within 5 minutes of meeting them. I've always thought that was kinda, I don't know, slow. Like ridiculously slow. It only takes your average guy like, milliseconds.

I don't really buy into that bullsh** either.

I mean I've slept with women after knowing them for a while, even being just friends, and then one day booze...night out...comes back somewhere...we're both horny and it happens. I mean because seriously most people don't surround themselves with a bunch of people they find completely unattractive. Most friendships, I like even ones between the same sex where sex isn't involved, have that same undertone of "would I want to be seen with this person".

 

[NickNitro]

For both sexes it goes: look, evaluate, yes or no. Move on...or not

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

For both sexes it goes: look, evaluate, yes or no. Move on...or not

I've found with age the mystique of looks fade, and sometimes you catch yourself thinking "well, a hole is a hole I guess...f*** it"







Okay, the fat one

 

[NickNitro]

That thought usually only enters my mind after 5-6 whiskeys

 

[Anubis]

I'm already there.