Raiders of the Official Relationship Thread

[hopefuldreamer]

So much of my free time is spent -

Playing video games.
Watching films (good films)
Reading comics and books
Watching science fiction shows, or good dramas (like Breaking Bad)
Among a lot of other little hobbies.

I want to share that with a partner, quite frankly. I think she'd probably get bored being around me if she wasn't at least open to new things.

When's there gonna be someone who sees that actually, these interests require intelligence... intelligence I put to use when I make short films...

Okay, this is where I'm different to some.

I love movies and comics and watching good tv shows and posting on this forum... But I don't want to share those things with anyone.

That's my me time.

I want a guy who I can go out with, who I can have 'we' time with, but it kind of needs to be seperate. I need my space.

Hah! I just caught that. Yeah, I guess 'Hopeful' is not what my brain thinks of when it has to type the word 'suicide'

yeah it is kind of an oxymoron.

 

[SuperSoldier985]

That's good I look younger than my age but beware of girls lying about their age. Happens all the time. Also they post older photos of when they were younger or 100 pounds skinnier as I once found out.

 

[bullets]

Dear god this. A thousand times this.

I've had a number of girlfriends who didn't understand this. They constantly suffocated me. I'm the type of person who desperately NEEDS "me time" for many reasons. Its my time to recharge my batteries, contemplate things, and pursue my interests (art and writing music). If I don't get enough of that, I become very irritable. That's not to say I never spent time with them - I usually spent most to all of my time with them. But WHENEVER I would try to get that me time, it was always a fight. "Why don't you want to hang out?" "Is there someone else?" "Do you not like spending time with me?"

I'm sorry, but if you're going to ruin my time, my ability to pursue the things that are important to me, to not allow me to breath and reacquaint myself with "true north", you don't deserve my time at all.

I don't understand why girls have to be clingy sometimes. My brother's girlfriend is constantly with him to the point you can see he get's a little irritated. He'll tell her she can hang out with friends but she'll come up with excuse not to. I can't even have a conversation with him unless she's at work , even then she's constantly texting him.
I'm not saying I don't like to spend time with the gf's. Somedays I prefer it to be just me and them but time away makes it more meaningful.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

That's good I look younger than my age but beware of girls lying about their age. Happens all the time. Also they post older photos of when they were younger or 100 pounds skinnier as I once found out.

It's not just after they've gained weight.

I can't tell you how many girls I know whose photo on facebook makes them look quite slim, when in fact they are HUGE!

That's why I prefer profiles with more than one picture, and why I try to keep my own up to date with pictures of me NOW and from angles that aren't perfect - because I want people to see what I really look like.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I don't understand why girls have to be clingy sometimes. My brother's girlfriend is constantly with him to the point you can see he get's a little irritated. He'll tell her she can hang out with friends but she'll come up with excuse not to. I can't even have a conversation with him unless she's at work , even then she's constantly texting him.
I'm not saying I don't like to spend time with the gf's. Somedays I prefer it to be just me and them but time away makes it more meaningful.

God yeah... I find it incredibly annoying when couples merge into one blob of a person. Because when you loose your individuality, the truth is you often become less fun and less interesting.

All you have to talk about is each other, because all you ever do is spend time together.

And everyone around you will get bored of that.

 

[The Squirrel]

I guess a lot of you don't look forward to being married, lol.

 

[Nave 'Torment']

Don't worry man, you're not alone in this. Sometimes you put a lot of care into one person that when they let you down or hurt you, it hurts you to the point where it affects how you look at others in the future. I know I've been there and spent about 2 years pretty much depressed and unable to look at another girl without the fear of being hurt again. Just don't make the same mistake I made and hold things in so that you become bitter for no reason. Consider it a new lesson and experience that builds your character and maturity level. I know its cliche but things will get better, unless you don't allow them to, meaning only you can control how you respond to this disappointment.

indeed. no harm in being careful - no harm in focusing on other things.

Okay, this is where I'm different to some.

I love movies and comics and watching good tv shows and posting on this forum... But I don't want to share those things with anyone.

That's my me time.

I want a guy who I can go out with, who I can have 'we' time with, but it kind of needs to be seperate. I need my space.

damn im the EXACT OPPOSITE of this -- i'll be sharing whatever it is that i find interesting, especially things like movies and comics and other entertainment -- and share it with whomever happens to be around. Really. if i hadnt, most of my friends wouldnt have been more privy to literary classics at ALL. and thats saying something.

if im with a girl, you can bet that me time becomes we time.

not that im doing that right now with the girl i wanted to do it with. but thats BESIDES the point.

 

[Anita18]

You can be the most confident person in the world, but if your not good at reading people, your still going to be wrong if you think they like you and they don't, no matter how confidently you approach them.

Confident to the point of not listening to the other person = arrogant. And arrogance is one my #1 turnoff.

This is a common mistake that people make, including myself at one point. They think about what they like and how they hope their ideal partner is also into it. But what they don't think about is what about their partner's hobbies? You want them to be into yours, but are you willing to be into theirs? Its this kind of selfish mentality that makes it so that people hurt their own chances of finding someone special. Its a two way street of give and take and sometimes people need to be more open to what they will accept.

You are learning, my young padawan!

Playing Portal, Zelda games, Metroid Prime, requires intelligence.

Being able to spot and talk extensively about artistic themes in Ico and Silent Hill requires intelligence.

A video game is a collective creative work, just like a film, and can be as deep and as clever as a film.

It's unintelligent, to dismiss video games as not as valid as other mediums.

It's precisely that closed-mindedness that turns me off in a partner.

It's not just that, but making a good game requires a lot of design knowledge - knowing what other people would like and how to gauge people's likely reactions when approaching a new challenge. How hard is too hard? What would most people try and when would they give up if it doesn't work? I don't play video games but such issues and how they're balanced in a great game (even the TDK ARG) interest me.

My bf doesn't play video games either, but he makes iPhone apps and many of the same rules apply. He asks my expertise on game and information design even though I'm not well-versed in the programming aspect of it like he is.

I hopped on the POF bandwagon for kicks. Lots of uhgos on there. Uhgos and sleazers.

Are you calling me and my bf uhgos?

Actually we probably are. That's okay, we'll be uhgos together!

I don't understand why girls have to be clingy sometimes. My brother's girlfriend is constantly with him to the point you can see he get's a little irritated. He'll tell her she can hang out with friends but she'll come up with excuse not to. I can't even have a conversation with him unless she's at work , even then she's constantly texting him.
I'm not saying I don't like to spend time with the gf's. Somedays I prefer it to be just me and them but time away makes it more meaningful.

I was totally "that girl" in my first relationship, and it was just an issue of trust and low self-esteem. If he didn't hang out with me that meant he didn't like me and that he wanted to leave me. Stupid, but everyone's stupid when they're 19.

That's good I look younger than my age but beware of girls lying about their age. Happens all the time. Also they post older photos of when they were younger or 100 pounds skinnier as I once found out.

When I was on POF I posted like, 4-year-old photos of myself. To be fair I hadn't changed much (I probably actually lost weight if anything) and I doubt anyone noticed.

 

[Anita18]

I guess a lot of you don't look forward to being married, lol.

Depends on the couple. When I was in middle and HS my dad was away a lot on business trips, to the point where my mom was worried that he'd drive her crazy being at home 24/7 once he retired.

And you can always have an honest discussion (like ya know, married couples are supposed to do) about having "me time" or not being in a tiny married-couple bubble.

 

[Lily Adler]

Sometimes I think I'm just better off being a bachelor.

There's no shame in being single for the remainder of life.

 

[Spider-Who?]

I guess a lot of you don't look forward to being married, lol.

Lol. See, i look at that in a different light. There is a huge difference between the expectations of a dating relationship and a marriage. But even in a marriage, the ability to get personal time is quite important and can go a long way in keeping a relationship healthy.

 

[Nave 'Torment']

hmm reading people isnt exactly the easiest thing in the world. but i seriously doubt thats all what it takes to attract people. confidence is good, but groundless confidence is arrogance. and yes, not the wisest attitude to adopt under any circumstance.

i'll read the entire world but you can only do so if hte other person allows herself (or himself) to be read in the first place. superficial 'readings' arent exactly the most romantic activity for the observed. just saying.

 

[DBryan]

There's no shame in being single for the remainder of life.

I agree.

The problem is I can't switch off my sex drive or my emotional longing for women.

I wanna switch that stuff off so I can be a happy bachelor.

 

[Spider-Who?]

Are you calling me and my bf uhgos?

Of course not.

 

[Nave 'Torment']

see, i dont think married life is worth **** if it isnt with the right person. so it comes back to finding that right person. and being the right person for her/him.

is it that wrong to yknow, let the hypothetical other person take the first step next time?

 

[bullets]

It's not just after they've gained weight.

I can't tell you how many girls I know whose photo on facebook makes them look quite slim, when in fact they are HUGE!

That's why I prefer profiles with more than one picture, and why I try to keep my own up to date with pictures of me NOW and from angles that aren't perfect - because I want people to see what I really look like.

Yeah , I won't respond to someone who posts all angle pictures. Unless they look really good at an angle , lol.

 

[Spider-Who?]

see, i dont think married life is worth **** if it isnt with the right person. so it comes back to finding that right person. and being the right person for her/him.

Exactly. But finding the right person (or being the right person) doesn't mean there won't be issues.

 

[SpideyVille]

I guess a lot of you don't look forward to being married, lol.

I can't wait to become a single blob with someone.

indeed. no harm in being careful - no harm in focusing on other things.

Yeah, just remember there are other things in life that need your attention, so don't completely push it all to the side because of one little issue.

You are learning, my young padawan!

 

[Optimus_Prime_]

I guess a lot of you don't look forward to being married, lol.

Hell no!

damn im the EXACT OPPOSITE of this -- i'll be sharing whatever it is that i find interesting, especially things like movies and comics and other entertainment -- and share it with whomever happens to be around. Really. if i hadnt, most of my friends wouldnt have been more privy to literary classics at ALL. and thats saying something.

if im with a girl, you can bet that me time becomes we time.

not that im doing that right now with the girl i wanted to do it with. but thats BESIDES the point.

There's a word for this. Sadly, it's the word "annoying". Your friends will certainly put up with this for a while, but eventually they'll grow and if their interests change this may become a point of friction.

For me, the things like I like are my me time. I like watching Transformers The Movie (1986), I like watching Muppet Movies, occasionally seeing what's up in comic books, and especially, especially, especially watching Football. I must watch Football. When I'm watching Football, specifically the Patriots, I don't want a girl around distracting me. Asking me questions.

Any girl will have their own interests, and you're gonna have yours.

 

[Nave 'Torment']

at first i thought it was just a sexual attraction -- but it isnt just that. im not ashamed to say that i actually have an emotional need for hypothetical other person. hypothetical other person really, really needs to stop being hypothetical and reflective of my unconscious mind and start to, yknow, friggin exist in the real world.

i have that emotional need to be with someone else, someone i can love and grow with. i thought i found her and i was wrong, again. i have that emotional need, and experience tells me to suppress it until the other person starts sharing it. for now, there's none of that.

 

[Anita18]

Lol. See, i look at that in a different light. There is a huge difference between the expectations of a dating relationship and a marriage. But even in a marriage, the ability to get personal time is quite important and can go a long way in keeping a relationship healthy.

Right, and who says you always have to be doing things together even when you are together?

I live in a tiny studio and more often than not, when my bf's here we can be in the same room but doing completely different things. It just feels comforting when I can walk over and muss my bf's hair.

hmm reading people isnt exactly the easiest thing in the world. but i seriously doubt thats all what it takes to attract people. confidence is good, but groundless confidence is arrogance. and yes, not the wisest attitude to adopt under any circumstance.

i'll read the entire world but you can only do so if hte other person allows herself (or himself) to be read in the first place. superficial 'readings' arent exactly the most romantic activity for the observed. just saying.

Well, I think many people would agree, being able to read people WOULD make it a lot easier for people to be attracted to you. But no, of course it isn't required. You could come across someone you just click with.

 

[SpideyVille]

see, i dont think married life is worth **** if it isnt with the right person. so it comes back to finding that right person. and being the right person for her/him.

is it that wrong to yknow, let the hypothetical other person take the first step next time?

It's not wrong, but it depends on the case. I used to be one of those people that would want the girl to clearly express interest, and that would often get me confused when I would mistake kindness for affection. I think that's why the best advice is always don't worry and just put yourself out there, that way you don't waste time waiting for something that may never happen. Heck, a girl might like you and wait for you to make a move while you're waiting for her, and then it'll never happen because no one made a move.

Yeah , I won't respond to someone who posts all angle pictures. Unless they look really good at an angle , lol.

There are certain types of picture angle and poses that I feel tempted to stay away from when I look at their profiles. Like I really hate the kissy face pose because I just don't get a good vibe about the girls that do that. It reminds me of the myspace days.

 

[bullets]

i have that emotional need to be with someone else, someone i can love and grow with. i thought i found her and i was wrong, again. i have that emotional need, and experience tells me to suppress it until the other person starts sharing it. for now, there's none of that.

I crave both. I think I could handle being single more if there wasn't a need for companionship though.

 

[Nave 'Torment']

Hell no!

There's a word for this. Sadly, it's the word "annoying". Your friends will certainly put up with this for a while, but eventually they'll grow and if their interests change this may become a point of friction.

For me, the things like I like are my me time. I like watching Transformers The Movie (1986), I like watching Muppet Movies, occasionally seeing what's up in comic books, and especially, especially, especially watching Football. I must watch Football. When I'm watching Football, specifically the Patriots, I don't want a girl around distracting me. Asking me questions.

Any girl will have their own interests, and you're gonna have yours.

not one bit. its not like my interests (or any one else's) is so bizarre and strange to the point of obsession or anything like that. i certainly dont expect others to share my OBSESSIONS. but interests? things i find to be intriguing? i'll always share that with those around me. and so far theres been very little that was disliked by others. it isnt all that strange to share your hobbies.

case in point: i'm really into ancient mythology right now, but the otherwise 'annoying' references or mythical models that i see around me when im with people doesnt really upset them.

as for girls, i'm actually open to new things so yeah, i'd be open to her interests no matter how strange they can be. would i dislike it? i could, so could she. it doesnt have to be all that perfect, that's just too extreme and unrealistic to expect, bordering on a certain extremity that really would be unhealthy.

 

[SuperMike335!!]

Oh I don't have time for that.

But it does point out a fact that women can sometimes be much more superficial than men..

I actually don’t agree with that.

This is going to sound strange coming from me, but I think MEN are FAR and away more superficial than women. I’m very guilty of it myself.

Women on the other hand are FAR more interested in your attitude and personality body language etc... That displays confidence, especially confidence with women.

Good looking men with poor self-esteem will always lose out to an ugly man with a lot of self confidence.

When it comes to appearance women are more interested in how well groomed you are, the clothes and shoes you wear, as they are all signs of status in the human pack order.

Women are looking for the very things that you DO have a lot of control over to change.

Men on the other hand are far more interested in the parts of her appearance she cannot change, or that take a ton of work and effort to change. That is her face, and her body. Men with options absolutely judge women harshly on these things, women on the other hand are way more forgiving of an out of shape looking body and less than perfect facial features.