Raiders of the Official Relationship Thread

[amazingfantasy15]

Yeah, I think this is a big reason why I've been more selective with girls now lately, as opposed to immediately going after a girl just because she seemed to show some interest in me. I've gotten more comfortable being alone and finding ways to enjoy myself because after that last girl, I realized I was getting a bit desperate, and that's where the trouble will start.

I also see my mom who I mentioned broke up with her boyfriend 3 years ago and still hasn't moved on mainly because she knows she's old and will mostly likely end up alone, especially since she doesn't even make an effort to go out or meet people.

Are you talking about the girl your friend tried to set you up with? If that's who you're talking about, you didn't even try.

 

[SpideyVille]

Are you talking about the girl your friend tried to set you up with? If that's who you're talking about, you didn't even try.

No I mean the one I tried with last year. She was well below my standards, but I didn't really have any other options so she appealed to me more than she should have.

Ironically I met a girl who reminded me of her and the way that friendship started, but instead of falling for her right away, I kept her at arms length because I saw it ending the same way, and for the most part it has. We used to talk frequently and now we no longer do, mostly because of her and I'm fine with that because I wasn't attracted to her to begin with.

 

[Erzengel]

I was working 40 hours a week, had a full case load of school work and trying to meet girls. Don't really understand why one can only do one thing at a time.

 

[SuperMike335!!]

I was working 40 hours a week, had a full case load of school work and trying to meet girls. Don't really understand why one can only do one thing at a time.

I think the difference is getting into a relationship that becomes the focus of your life, where the main accomplishment in success should be the primary goal. Relationships can easily take over the focus.

As far as setting some time aside to go out and get laid and have a few friends with benefits who understand you don’t want to get tied down…Well nothing wrong with that, just be honest with the girls that you are really trying to avoid getting knee deep into a relationship.

 

[bullets]

I think people put a lot of effort into the dating aspect while I just rely on chance encounters.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

I was working 40 hours a week, had a full case load of school work and trying to meet girls. Don't really understand why one can only do one thing at a time.

This.

I've been a more than full time student (15-18 hours the past 3 semesters), working approx. 30 hours a week on top of that, and then theatrical productions that are a huge time commitment on top of that (my play last semester had me committing to 4 hour rehearsals 6 days a week, so that's what, another 24 hours a week?) and somehow, someway, there was still room for social life / potential girlfriends if I had one (girlfriend that is, not social life. I do have a fairly healthy social life )

-Oh, and to the other subject, the confidence issue - I guess I get what everyone is saying. I do know that there are still areas of my life where I am not 100% confident. I'm confident in myself - I.E.: I'm confident in who I am as a person - my values, my beliefs, my direction in life (and when I mentioned "plan" earlier, I wasn't talking so much about planning how to talk to girls, but rather, a plan for my life - graduating college, finding a career, and being self successful and being able to detach myself from some of the financial dependencies as well as pay back those that have helped me get to where I am today and will be tomorrow). Like, even though I've talked about how my brother has treated me, and the poor relationship we've had of late, that bad relationship we've had has gone a long way towards me becoming more confident in myself, because it has made my values, and my beliefs, and my belief in myself stronger than ever. One of my good friends always told me how the first time my brother cut me out of his life, how he says it was the most he's ever seen me grow as a person. It was a process of me cutting off ties of dependency, and relying on other people's approval to justify my beliefs or decisions. Now, I simply do what I know in my heart to be the right thing to do, and if someone doesn't like it, that is there problem to deal with, not mine (as is the case with my brother).

That said, no, I don't have the most confidence when it comes to other people. And I think I'm learning - it's not even just women. I've had this conversation with friends before that I'm timid to even just call up a friend to hang out. I always feel like, I don't want to invite myself where I'm not wanted, if people wanted me around, they would invite me. So I wait for invites from people to hang out, or go and do something. My friend that I spoke to about this basically told me I just need to get over myself, and if I want to hang out, I need to call people and see what's going on. It's one of those things where, I know I shouldn't feel nervous about it, but I do.

And with women, it's the same thing. And the confidence in that area is even more shaken, just because my romantic success has been slim to none. I've had two "girlfriends" (one was a high school "relationship", that wasn't really a relationship, we just simply called each other "boyfriend / girlfriend" for a couple weeks, but there was never any actual relationship, and the other was more of an affair on her part than an actual "relationship" - she already had a boyfriend, who she didn't really love, but didn't want to break up with him, but wanted to fool around with me on the side), I've only had 2 sexual experiences (one with the above mentioned girl that had a boyfriend but was fooling around with me on the side, the other when I was 18, and I got caught up in my best friend's girlfriend's games and ended up fooling around with her once) neither of which involved actual sex, I can count on both hands the number of girls I've actually kissed (unless you count drunken "spin the bottle" type of party games), and I've only actually been out on dates with probably even less. I've only had one girl (that I know of) that I was actually attracted to that was interested in me (unless you count Courtney last year as "interested", even if it didn't work out), all the other girls that have been into me were, well, I wasn't attracted to in the least bit. Like, I know that physical attraction isn't everything, but yea, I'm talking no redeeming qualities here.

That's not an emo-rant or anything, I have come a long long way in learning not to base my self worth off of what random women think of me, but it does tend to shake the confidence a little bit when I'm interested in a girl and wanting to ask her out. Oddly enough, though, most of the (very minimal) experiences I have had have come within the last couple years during my own personal growth, and if you were to talk to many of the people that I associate with on a somewhat regular basis, you'd probably hear a higher opinion of me than I often times give myself credit for.

That's one of the things that I'm trying to work on, however. I'm trying to work on changing my whole entire mindset about women (and social interactions in general) to boost my confidence, further removing my self-worth's dependency on other people's thoughts, and just in general better myself as a person. I feel that I've come a long way, but I also see that there's further that I need to go. So that's my current objective, eliminate what's left of the "putting the p---- on a pedestal" mindset, and stop building everything up in my head as such a huge deal when in reality, it's not.

 

[Anita18]

I was working 40 hours a week, had a full case load of school work and trying to meet girls. Don't really understand why one can only do one thing at a time.

Just because you can (and my sister is similarly overachieving) doesn't mean I can. Everyone's needs are different. I nearly went insane when I posted a personals ad on Craigslist because I got about 1000 messages and it just felt overwhelming. I was just emailing people back at that stage. And only had work to worry about.

I'm an introvert and I really need a lot of downtime in order to function well. Everyone functions at their own speed - if they want to do things one at a time, that's their prerogative.

 

[SpideyVille]

For me, finding a way to balance my time and priorities has always been hard. It's like i'll focus more on the thing that's important to me, while bs-ing my way through everything else. When I started college, I was getting straight A's. But halfway through after meeting a girl and spending time with her and talking online, it became harder to focus on class (which was the exact reason why I was reluctant to talk to her on the first day).

Then once I got more involved in church, school was put on the backburner and I ended up having some bad semesters even though I was taking less classes during some of them. It wasn't until I left that I had my best semesters. I remember trying to balance school church and the idea of getting a part time job, but I already saw myself struggling with a little and knew it was going to be really hard to add more.

It's always been a problem for me to balance my time and thoughts to focus on what's important at the moment. I've never been the kind of person that can travel back and forth between places and be fully present there.

 

[Erzengel]

I think the difference is getting into a relationship that becomes the focus of your life, where the main accomplishment in success should be the primary goal. Relationships can easily take over the focus.

As far as setting some time aside to go out and get laid and have a few friends with benefits who understand you don’t want to get tied down…Well nothing wrong with that, just be honest with the girls that you are really trying to avoid getting knee deep into a relationship.

The I'm too busy to pursue women because of school is one of the most popular excuses I find on here. And yes, people studying for the bar, or to get into medical school, or even myself to become a licensed Engineer, I understand that being the most important thing as it involves your future.

But here, more often times than not, it's just an excuse they use to fool themselves. And time and again I see it. A few months later, they meet someone and now there's time.

Just because you can (and my sister is similarly overachieving) doesn't mean I can. Everyone's needs are different. I nearly went insane when I posted a personals ad on Craigslist because I got about 1000 messages and it just felt overwhelming. I was just emailing people back at that stage. And only had work to worry about.

I'm an introvert and I really need a lot of downtime in order to function well. Everyone functions at their own speed - if they want to do things one at a time, that's their prerogative.

Wait you're in introvert? t:

Well, I was really good at multitasking, I was at a college job, that wasn't my occupation. I was smart enough that I could get by with limited studying. And all my friends were going out and having fun.

Could I do that now? No.

Like I said before, you'd be surprised some of the excuses we tell ourselves instead of facing our fears.

 

[Frodo]

Lol, I'm gonna b studying for the LSAT for most of the year so that is gonna keep my off the skirt chasing circuit for a while. In my case it would b a wise thing to slow down a bit. Everyone is telling Mr to keep my powder dry anyway . We can always use work as an excuse when it few to dating, however,if someone is worth the effort you make time .

 

[SuperMike335!!]

The I'm too busy to pursue women because of school is one of the most popular excuses I find on here. And yes, people studying for the bar, or to get into medical school, or even myself to become a licensed Engineer, I understand that being the most important thing as it involves your future.

But here, more often times than not, it's just an excuse they use to fool themselves. And time and again I see it. A few months later, they meet someone and now there's time.

Ah, very astute observation.

Basic example of someone trying to convince themselves they actually didn’t want what they cannot have. Sour Grapes.

 

[SuperMike335!!]

Lol, I'm gonna b studying for the LSAT for most of the year so that is gonna keep my off the skirt chasing circuit for a while. In my case it would b a wise thing to slow down a bit. Everyone is telling Mr to keep my powder dry anyway . We can always use work as an excuse when it few to dating, however,if someone is worth the effort you make time .

You can also make her come to you on your terms.

 

[SuperSoldier985]

I'm starting to think that I have chronic depression..

It's the only explanation..

 

[Anita18]

I'm starting to think that I have chronic depression..

It's the only explanation..

Explanation of what?

 

[steintym]

The I'm too busy to pursue women because of school is one of the most popular excuses I find on here. And yes, people studying for the bar, or to get into medical school, or even myself to become a licensed Engineer, I understand that being the most important thing as it involves your future.

But here, more often times than not, it's just an excuse they use to fool themselves. And time and again I see it. A few months later, they meet someone and now there's time.

Exactly!

There are a couple people in my life that fit this description perfectly (not exactly school related, though). "I don't want to be tied down in a relationship" "Who needs a man" "I just want to be single and have fun" ... Meanwhile, a relationship is all they're pursuing and when they manage to hook up with someone ... miraculously ... they want to be in a relationship.

I know not everyone is like this, but there are a couple of people in my life that act this way and it is nothing but bitterness because they haven't found "the one".

 

[SuperSoldier985]

Explanation of what?

Everything.

 

[Anita18]

Everything.

Well if it's really that serious, you should go to a doctor to get it checked out. I've had nothing worse than a day or two of malaise where I don't feel like doing anything - I can't imagine what it's like having depression and feeling like that weeks or months at a time.

But the fact that you're posting this in a relationship advice thread makes me think you think you have chronic depression because you can't get a girl. It's really more serious than that. It affects EVERYTHING. Like, you don't want to get out of bed in the morning, you're convinced it'll be that futile.

I have a friend who's pregnant. The hormones are doing a number on her and her previously manageable depression has gotten a lot worse. It sounds like a terrible thing to have to go through, and I'm just someone on the sidelines wishing she could feel better.

 

[LOBO3315a]

There's a funny video of a guy ranting about not getting responses on POF called "plenty of fish rant grrrrrrrrrr!!!". What's funny is that he seems to be putting no effort into making himself more appealing. I don't think you have to change who you are but you should at least make an effort not to look like a bum .

Look, I live in a van down by the river, and I can't help it if I looked bad when I made that video....

 

[SuperSoldier985]

Well if it's really that serious, you should go to a doctor to get it checked out. I've had nothing worse than a day or two of malaise where I don't feel like doing anything - I can't imagine what it's like having depression and feeling like that weeks or months at a time.

But the fact that you're posting this in a relationship advice thread makes me think you think you have chronic depression because you can't get a girl. It's really more serious than that. It affects EVERYTHING. Like, you don't want to get out of bed in the morning, you're convinced it'll be that futile. .

God damn right.

I've been feeling like this for years I'd say...I've just been finding ways to deal with it.

I think it runs in the family because my sister's had bad depression problems for most of her life and my mother too. I haven't done much about it "clinically" other than the occasional pop of 5-HTP...

and it goes far beyond "not getting a girl"....I don't like leaving the house, I don't like getting up for work, I don't like talking to people, I have trouble sleeping, I avoid family members,..etc.

 

[steintym]

Look, I live in a van down by the river, and I can't help it if I looked bad when I made that video....

Van dwelling gets such a bad rap ...

 

[bullets]

Its ok to live in a van , unless you living in a van down by the river.

Look, I live in a van down by the river, and I can't help it if I looked bad when I made that video....

Hey buddy , next time you make a video blog at least try to cover the belly fat . I applaud the decision to have Joe Bob Briggs do the interview though.

 

[steintym]

Its ok to live in a van , unless you living in a van down by the river.




Hey buddy , next time you make a video blog at least try to cover the belly fat . I applaud the decision to have Joe Bob Briggs do the interview though.

Van dwelling down by a river gets such a bad rap ...

 

[Figs]

I'm starting to think that I have chronic depression..

It's the only explanation..

I had the same problem and my doctor put me on that drug Abilify. It works great for depression, but the downside is it shut off my mind for the most part. That's why I don't write anymore let alone post much on message boards as often as I used to. It's like my creativity and imagination died. So I'm basically getting off the damn drug and I've been working out lately which definitely helps with depression since exercising releases endorphins.

Not sure if you work out at all, but if you don't give it a try it can help big time. At least the depression I had were I was getting depressed for no reason and it would hit at random times.

 

[WillardNation]

This thread is hard to keep up with.

 

[ComicChick]

For me, the things like I like are my me time. I like watching Transformers The Movie (1986), I like watching Muppet Movies, occasionally seeing what's up in comic books, and especially, especially, especially watching Football. I must watch Football. When I'm watching Football, specifically the Patriots, I don't want a girl around distracting me. Asking me questions.

Any girl will have their own interests, and you're gonna have yours.

what if the girl likes the Pats?