The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - - - - - - - Part 27

[hopefuldreamer]

Did you use protection this last time?

Nope.

But we've given him a hard time about it for two pages so you're a bit late to the game!

 

[Anita18]

You're one up on a lot of posters that you go on dates with women. A lot of posters here would love that opportunity. Unfortunately, for someone who's slept with women and been on dates and been in relationships albeit brief, you do a LOT of self sabotage.

I know you have a drinking problem, I know you don't like a lot of things in your life that you aren't happy about. I think you need to make steps to improve your life. Go to school or maybe pick up a trade then get a better job, move out of your parents house and get your own place.

Maybe it's not the best thing to introduce a woman into your world until you clear some of these things up.

Right. TLS, it's almost like you're wasting your chances every time you go out and do this.

Give each potential relationship a fighting chance. Take care of yourself first.

 

[-Arya-]

I normally don't post in here at all but I'm very pleased to see a lot of people giving very helpful and compassionate advice. Alcohol abuse and depression is nothing to take lightly and it's manageable with a steady combination of anti-depressants and cognitive behavioral therapy.

TLS, I know you're already on medication, but take the initiative to seek some therapy as well. It will help you tremendously, and once you're condition has improved, then you should consider being in a serious relationship, imo.

 

[enterthemadness]

Soooo...


Today was the last day there (2 weeks notice) And...


On Monday, I guess I was being a smart ass to her, cause on Wed I was told by another co-worker I was on her '**** list' and so I kept asking what was wrong and was taking guesses and eventually she cooled off and was giving me a hand with my work area and was finding it amusing I was stressing out over it, considering she said it's fine, don't worry about it. So, I asked her if it's not because of Facebook...or because I like you...and she told me it was because I said something smart to her. I was like 'About not buying you a gift for your b-day soon, the you getting me Pizza on my last day, a cookie?' and she laughed.


So I told her that I had planned on telling her since it was my last day Friday, before she got mad at me...if we could still talk and stay in contact...and that I had feelings for her. And she said yea, but she has a boyfriend, whose a co-worker's brother. But that I could give her my number...on my last day. I was like 'Seriously, I can still give you my number?' And she was like '...yea.' When I left and said bye to her out on the floor, she didn't seem happy though.


Thursday, she didn't seem happy with me and we briefly talked towards end of my shift...and she said, when I asked her, that she was getting Pizza for the backroom on my last day. She usually gets Pizza anyway, but last week she told me she would get some cause it's my last day. Asked if she was fine and said she yea.


So, today...well, while I was upfront, I overheard a conversation that someone couldn't come in...cause couldn't find a babysitter. Later on, found out she called out and wasn't there on my last day. No Pizza, no goodbye...but I get my last paycheck on my b-day...and if she's there somehow, I plan on giving her my number, so we can still talk as friends. I talked to friends on facebook, and the guy friend was like 'No, get her number instead, more likely to stay in contact' and the woman friend was like 'Maybe it be different for you and she will contact you'.


Oh and um, the kicker is, on my day off Tuesday, I discovered her Facebook got deleted or removed.


As for me, job wise I had a interview at Bed Bath & Beyond on Monday, but I guess I blew it. And I of course will do apps for places. Likely volunteer Tuesday at a thift store and I can now do 2 miles of jogging/running, when I jog/run.


And the true kicker is...I guess this whole experience...is what it took for me to want to write again. I just feel like I need to write down my feelings into a story as therapy.

I had a few good byes today at work, including one older lady giving me a McD's gift card and a hug. People wishing me luck.


I haven't been active in weeks...and I don't plan on returning...as a everyday poster, but I be around for those Hype Awards in December.

 

[Erzengel]

I don't know why you gave 2 weeks notice without having something lined up.

I don't know why you are investing all this time and effort into that woman you worked with. It's like you're obsessed with talking to her outside of work. Friendships work both ways and I think you think too much of her than she thinks of you.

And again, stop thinking of part time minimum wage jobs and think of a career.

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Sorry Erz, but it sounds like she blocked you on facebook and avoided your last day so she didn't have to deal with the akward goodbye and exchange of phone numbers she never intends to use/respond too... Definitely wouldn't bother pursuing a friendship with someone who was that on/off with me...

Friends shouldn't be that hard. If your forcing it, it's because it's NOT friends, your interested in her.

So let it go!

 

[hopefuldreamer]

I think my situation is over btw.

I didn't hear from him from Monday morning until Thurs late night. I spent every night this week catching up with different people, and each time telling them about that conversation. So I spent a lot of time going over it in my head.

But it didn't really click for me until last night.

So Thurs night he messaged me saying good luck for the interview (had a job interview friday). Was totally out of the blue, and as we hadn't spoken in days I was happily surprised to see he was not only thinking about me, but remembering something important to me and making sure to let me know he was thinking about me.

Meant a lot. Thought maybe there is a glimmer of hope! Maybe he does care for me more than he's letting on.

So I started really looking forward to him cooking for me on my birthday, and thinking maybe if that went well, it'd bring up some deeper feelings anyway (cause romantic stuff often does).

But last night he said he now can't get friday night off (my birthday) and has a friends leaving do after he finishes at 10pm... So no more cooking me a meal on my birthday. Won't even see him on my actual birthday.

And the weird thing was... When that was gone, my brain sort of switched back into thinking of him as a friend.

With that one last 'boyfriendy' thing off the table, all I could see from our relationship was hanging out and having sex.

And it feels like a relief. Cause I think he makes a much better friend anyway. I think there was a lot about him that wasn't right for me. And I think the feelings I was having were, in my opinion, not even really about him... They were just me, missing a relationship, and trying to make this into one!

So yeah... I'm just gonna settle into this mind set and stop trying to twist and bend the situation into something more.

He's right. We are friends with a connection and benefits.

And just because I'm sad it's NOT more than that, doesn't mean I actually feel more than that myself. It's just dissapointing that he wasn't more right for me!

Oh well, just gonna have fun with him as a mate from now on (which may still include sex) and I think it'll take so much of the pressure off for me, especially with trying to fit him in twice a week even when I'm busy. I don't need to worry about that if we're just friends.

P.S. Anita - would you tell Nell he may just win that bet yet

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

^^^
Sorry to hear that HD...

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

Sorry Erz ETM, but it sounds like she blocked you on facebook and avoided your last day so she didn't have to deal with the akward goodbye and exchange of phone numbers she never intends to use/respond too... Definitely wouldn't bother pursuing a friendship with someone who was that on/off with me...

Friends shouldn't be that hard. If your forcing it, it's because it's NOT friends, your interested in her.

So let it go!

Agree with this so much... There is almost nothing worse than wasting your time with someone who won't or can't reciprocate.

Oh, and fixed!

 

[hopefuldreamer]

Haha thanks for the auto correction!

And there is no need to be sorry, I'm actually not upset.

I just needed that to snap me out of it, and now I'm fine

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

Always happy to make corrections!

Glad to hear you're okay. I think you are made of stronger material than me... t:

 

[Anita18]

I don't know why you gave 2 weeks notice without having something lined up.

I don't know why you are investing all this time and effort into that woman you worked with. It's like you're obsessed with talking to her outside of work. Friendships work both ways and I think you think too much of her than she thinks of you.

And again, stop thinking of part time minimum wage jobs and think of a career.

Bingo.

Hopeful is right too. If you have to work that hard to be friends, you're not really friends.

I think my situation is over btw.

.....

And the weird thing was... When that was gone, my brain sort of switched back into thinking of him as a friend.

With that one last 'boyfriendy' thing off the table, all I could see from our relationship was hanging out and having sex.

And it feels like a relief. Cause I think he makes a much better friend anyway. I think there was a lot about him that wasn't right for me. And I think the feelings I was having were, in my opinion, not even really about him... They were just me, missing a relationship, and trying to make this into one!

So yeah... I'm just gonna settle into this mind set and stop trying to twist and bend the situation into something more.

He's right. We are friends with a connection and benefits.

And just because I'm sad it's NOT more than that, doesn't mean I actually feel more than that myself. It's just dissapointing that he wasn't more right for me!

Oh well, just gonna have fun with him as a mate from now on (which may still include sex) and I think it'll take so much of the pressure off for me, especially with trying to fit him in twice a week even when I'm busy. I don't need to worry about that if we're just friends.

P.S. Anita - would you tell Nell he may just win that bet yet

I'm glad you got an answer and that you're okay with it. Sometimes things just don't work out, but that's okay.

Also, Nell is busy self-sabotaging himself by vowing never to ask a woman out again, so you're probably way more the likely. The perfect woman would literally have to fall into his lap at this rate...

 

[Erzengel]

What do you think Nell's issue is really between us girls?

 

[the last son]

Second date tonight with the girl I like. It ended messy with the woman I didn't, but I took one poster's advice and went with the woman I liked more. I really am trying to learn from my mistakes. Going 26 years without a date I'm still learning. This is year one of dating for me. I admit I'm doing horrible from a moral standard, but there are always learning curves to new things.

 

[the last son]

date went pretty well. We went to the beach, walked around for about 2 hours, and the day ended with the little make out session.

 

[Anita18]

What do you think Nell's issue is really between us girls?

 

[Erzengel]

What do you think Nell's problem is?

 

[Anubis]

He and Erzette are doing a roll play thing and he's the woman tonight. Panties and everything. What fun.

 

[Anita18]

What do you think Nell's problem is?

I believe that he believes, deep down, that being in a relationship means that you're a better person than someone who's single. There's a lot of layers to that that I still don't get (nor do I ever hope to get...maybe he doesn't even understand it himself), but I think that's basically it.

That's why every single rejection hurts so much for him. Whenever he gets rejected, that's just one more data point that proves he's a loser. I mean, anyone would give up if they had that mindset.

I mean for me, I value what I have with my husband very highly. I don't think I'm as blase about my relationship as he thinks I am. BUT when I was dating and got rejected left and right, I didn't interpret it as meaning there was something wrong with me. I just hadn't met the right person yet. I just had to keep looking, and eventually I would meet him.

Whenever I point this out to him, he always says that I didn't have to wait until I was 31 to meet my husband, and I'm like, "So what? It's luck and timing, that's all" but nope, that's not the approach he has.

I've said all that to him before, but until he decides to change his mindset, the self-sabotage will probably make it infinitely more difficult for him. Unless literally, the perfect woman falls into his lap and asks HIM out first. I suppose that can happen - I messaged my husband first on POF, after all.

He and Erzette are doing a roll play thing and he's the woman tonight. Panties and everything. What fun.

That was exactly my reaction when I first read that post too.

 

[Erzengel]

I believe that he believes, deep down, that being in a relationship means that you're a better person than someone who's single. There's a lot of layers to that that I still don't get (nor do I ever hope to get...maybe he doesn't even understand it himself), but I think that's basically it.

That's why every single rejection hurts so much for him. Whenever he gets rejected, that's just one more data point that proves he's a loser. I mean, anyone would give up if they had that mindset.

I mean for me, I value what I have with my husband very highly. I don't think I'm as blase about my relationship as he thinks I am. BUT when I was dating and got rejected left and right, I didn't interpret it as meaning there was something wrong with me. I just hadn't met the right person yet. I just had to keep looking, and eventually I would meet him.

Whenever I point this out to him, he always says that I didn't have to wait until I was 31 to meet my husband, and I'm like, "So what? It's luck and timing, that's all" but nope, that's not the approach he has.

I've said all that to him before, but until he decides to change his mindset, the self-sabotage will probably make it infinitely more difficult for him. Unless literally, the perfect woman falls into his lap and asks HIM out first. I suppose that can happen - I messaged my husband first on POF, after all.

I've always thought that Nell just has a bad taste in women and possibly friends as well. But I do agree he does seem to take every disappointment to heart. Is he still on Eharmony?

That was exactly my reaction when I first read that post too.

Well, I thought I was being a bit gossipy.

 

[Anita18]

I've always thought that Nell just has a bad taste in women and possibly friends as well. But I do agree he does seem to take every disappointment to heart. Is he still on Eharmony?

Nope. He gave Eharmony an ultimatum and the last rejection was too much.

And when I point out that it took me 3 years to find my husband on POF, he pulls the "Well you still didn't have to wait until you were 31" card, which is a completely different argument...

Having bad taste in women doesn't explain why he takes every single rejection so personally. I've noticed a similarity with another friend of mine, who's female and never been in a relationship or even had really good friends into her mid-30s. Neither of them trust themselves. They listen to the detailed "advice" of others and get upset when it doesn't "work." I tell them both, you have to trust yourself, that what you're doing is right even though it might take time. I suppose that's advice too, but on a really general level.

At least my other friend is willing to listen. Nell is all like, "I've tried everything and nothing works!" completely ignoring the fact that what works for one person/woman may not work for another. Not to mention timing as well.

Also, he doesn't have what hopeful and I have, which is optimism. Just because you haven't met the right person yet, doesn't mean that you never will. That's why I stayed on POF for years even though I didn't get past a second date with anybody until I met my husband.

 

[Charlie Boy]

Holy **** Nell is 31?! With the way he posted I was sure he was in his late teens/early twenties and just hadn't lived much.

 

[Anita18]

Holy **** Nell is 31?! With the way he posted I was sure he was in his late teens/early twenties and just hadn't lived much.

He has, he just lacks perspective and doesn't trust himself, which is a hallmark of teens.

He also still believes that there are "rules" to relationships, which makes me think he has crap taste in friends too, if they keep feeding him this stuff.

 

[Charlie Boy]

This all reinforces Age=/=Maturity.

 

[Anita18]

This all reinforces Age=/=Maturity.

I had a 48-y-o lady freak out on me on Facebook for some petty high-school miscommunication crap. Nell isn't that bad, really.