The Relationship Thread: Because Superhero Forums are Full of Sexperts! - - - - - - - - Part 27

[Erzengel]

How much more effort are most of you putting into someone who's wishy washy or doesn't call you back?

I mean those who would rather a girl just be honest, unless she's manipulative, how long are you going to hang around anyways if she's not giving you the time of day?

For example, if I had a date, wasn't sure about how it went. I would call like twice, if she never answers/texts, I'd move on.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

Yeah, so many people get strung along here. I've been strung along too. But I always wise up after the first or second date if that happens. Some of you stay fixed on people who are playing you, for months or years it seems. Stop being saps. Wise up.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

And no, a date that went well never ends in a hand-shake, Nell. It's a date, not a board meeting.

 

[enterthemadness]

Yeah, so many people get strung along here. I've been strung along too. But I always wise up after the first or second date if that happens. Some of you stay fixed on people who are playing you, for months or years it seems. Stop being saps. Wise up.

Yeah, I'm guilty of this, in terms of one-sided love.

And no, a date that went well never ends in a hand-shake, Nell. It's a date, not a board meeting.

Well, oh snap.

 

[Anita18]

Ah. Thought it was still considered common courtesy, but yeah, a pity hug and peck would be easy to suss out.

Was that with the Chinese girl? If it was, even if she did harbour some liking for you, it's probably too soon for most Chinese. Kissing, hugging, touching, even standing close, are all considered very intimate gestures.

First post explains the second post.

I hugged my husband in greeting when I first met him, then he got a hug at the end of the first date. We did not kiss until like, 5 dates in, which was about 5 months at the rate we were going.

And yeah, I'm wary of physical affection because I'm Chinese and that's how I was raised - to give everybody lots of breathing room. My husband is the ONLY person I feel comfortable in physically touching whenever I like.

I don't know whether I should encourage you but Chinese girls, at least the conservative ones, like persistence in a suitor. It shows their 'sincerity' or something. Like an effort has to be made to win them over.

Well, that or they're too lazy to tell you no and if they have nothing else going on. (I like to describe my husband as the most persistent and least annoying guy I met online dating. But he was quite literally the only person who wanted to keep dating me, so.)

At the same time, I don't think you should stand for a woman who plays games or tries to test you or any of that immature bullcrap. If there's going to be that much miscommunication early on, it doesn't bode well for the future.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

Details?

About what? Communication?

Not much to tell. She sent me a random text the other day to start conversation. I replied, but got nothing back.

Out of curiosity, I texted her a few days later. She replied, but didn't give me anything back when I texted her again. So... *shrug*

I don't know whether I should encourage you but Chinese girls, at least the conservative ones, like persistence in a suitor. It shows their 'sincerity' or something. Like an effort has to be made to win them over.

Persistence is one thing. But persisting with someone who is less than minimally responsive is another.

And no, a date that went well never ends in a hand-shake, Nell. It's a date, not a board meeting.

Please don't respond to me in this thread, or any other. I have nothing left to say to you. Please put me on ignore and don't interact with me any longer.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

About what? Communication?

Not much to tell. She sent me a random text the other day to start conversation. I replied, but got nothing back.

Out of curiosity, I texted her a few days later. She replied, but didn't give me anything back when I texted her again. So... *shrug*



Persistence is one thing. But persisting with someone who is less than minimally responsive is another.



Please don't respond to me in this thread, or any other. I have nothing left to say to you. Please put me on ignore and don't interact with me any longer.

No, I don't think I'll be doing that. I won't put you on ignore and I'll continue to reply to whatever posts I choose, thanks.

If you want to ignore me, you actually have your own 'ignore' button (yes, it's true!). But I have a feeling you won't. You can't help yourself. Sorry, my honesty hurt you, but continue with your handshake dates. I'm sure they're going great for you.

 

[Nell2ThaIzzay]

You wanna trash talk me in the other thread and then come here and butt in my conversations with another poster like you have anything of value to say to me.

Please.

Stop replying to me. I no longer wish to interact with you on this site. It will make you and I both much happier. This is the last time I will be addressing you on this forum.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

Well, I can't force you to take my advice, but I will still give it when I want. Like I said before there's an ignore button you can use if you want. But just because you have total dominion over the relationship thread, I'm not going to stop visiting it. Perhaps if you stopped monopolizing the conversation here, I'd reply to less of your posts. *shrug*

 

[Erzengel]

Uh, I have total dominion over this relationship thread.

 

[RetrogradeOrbit]

No, I do...

By that I mean I have no understanding or success with women at all of course, and I very rarely post about it.

 

[PacificBoy]

First post explains the second post.

I hugged my husband in greeting when I first met him, then he got a hug at the end of the first date. We did not kiss until like, 5 dates in, which was about 5 months at the rate we were going.

And yeah, I'm wary of physical affection because I'm Chinese and that's how I was raised - to give everybody lots of breathing room. My husband is the ONLY person I feel comfortable in physically touching whenever I like.

Know what you mean. I'm highly conscious of my personal space and hence, conscious of other people's space as well. I wouldn't go close unless I'm given clear signs, until, as you said, the other person feels comfortable enough for me to do so.

Well, that or they're too lazy to tell you no and if they have nothing else going on. (I like to describe my husband as the most persistent and least annoying guy I met online dating. But he was quite literally the only person who wanted to keep dating me, so.)

At the same time, I don't think you should stand for a woman who plays games or tries to test you or any of that immature bullcrap. If there's going to be that much miscommunication early on, it doesn't bode well for the future.

Persistence is one thing. But persisting with someone who is less than minimally responsive is another.

Yeah, the guy has to determine his own 'tolerance' level. Chinese guys here tend to be tolerable of such stuff. To a degree.

Maybe for that Chinese girl just keep in loose contact but don't have any expectations about it.

 

[enterthemadness]

So, her friend is having her 21st birthday this weekend and she can't go Sunday to the movies. Replied back asking if it's the entire weekend or something. yeah, I asked if she's busy for the entire weekend.

 

[JJJ's Ulcer]

So, her friend is having a her 21st birthday this weekend and she can't go Sunday to the movies replied back asking if it's the entire weekend or something.

Etm, I know the first instinct is to be passive-aggressive or snarky (it'd be mine too), but if you are that will just drive her further way. On the other hand, if it's a lost cause anyway, then by all means let her know how you feel. It could be a cathartic release.

 

[enterthemadness]

Etm, I know the first instinct is to be passive-aggressive or snarky (it'd be mine too), but if you are that will just drive her further way. On the other hand, if it's a lost cause anyway, then by all means let her know how you feel. It could be a cathartic release.

I sent "Ok, so you're busy the entire weekend? "

 

[Erzengel]

If it's someone 21st birthday and you go out Sat night, you might not be in the best of shape on Sunday.

 

[enterthemadness]

OK. So..... Does this look like a one and done?

 

[PacificBoy]

Don't think so. She just isn't free this weekend. Maybe wait for her to suggest an alternative date. If she doesn't, try asking her one more time. If she declines for whatever reason again, then call it quits.

 

[Erzengel]

Not necessarily. I usually have a 2 strike rule. If she didn't give an alternate date, then I'd ask her again for some other time. If she says she's busy, I'd say let me know the next time you're free and then we can do something. But honestly, it's just being polite as you really don't expect her to contact you.

 

[Mandon Knight]

Blimey, I'm glad I don't post in this thread...

 

[PacificBoy]

Not necessarily. I usually have a 2 strike rule. If she didn't give an alternate date, then I'd ask her again for some other time. If she says she's busy, I'd say let me know the next time you're free and then we can do something. But honestly, it's just being polite as you really don't expect her to contact you.

Agree. I think it's about finding your own groove or rule about this. How many strikes is your out.

 

[Erzengel]

When I was younger? Like 15.

I mean now, I think about 2 - 3 tops. It usually depends on the person. If I was meeting someone from some sort of online dating service, probably 2 because I would feel we are both looking for someone. If it was someone I just met, I think I'd do 3 because you may not know what they are looking for.

 

[PacificBoy]

I think when I was 15 there was no number of strikes -- it's L.O.V.E.

 

[enterthemadness]

What if I say I don't feel like pursuing this any further?

 

[Erzengel]

Because you didn't feel anything? It's a little premature considering you only went out once. If you're doing because of some sort of insecurity then I don't know what you are looking for.